A JERUSALEM MOTHER
WAYSMAN, DVORA
A JERUSALEM MOTHER DVORA WAYSMAN Napoleon was well-known for his sayings, many of which were highly quotable. One of them was: "The future destiny of the child is always the work of the mother."...
...what if...
...But even while you talk, you know it is useless...
...terrifying when I watched Him make his first parachute jump...
...Unfortunately, what he wrote two centuries ago does not apply in modern Israel, where the mother—and of course the father—carry a secret burden in the heart from the day the child is born...
...When she came home for her first Shabbat, in her uniform, so many emotions fought for supremacy...
...But now it is my older daughter's turn, and that is a special kind of pain...
...But the main one was pride...
...In a way, you re-live your own girlhood as you see her blossom...
...more feminine...
...When she plays her first stumbling notes on the piano, you predict a musical genius...
...We—the mothers and fathers—were crying...
...In Israel, at 18, a girl is really a woman...
...She was excited, stimulated, laughing with her friends...
...Will this be the one to take her away from you...
...It is preceded with trauma by you and your husband...
...Then I walked into her sister Tammy's room—she is 16...
...a nightmare when he was fighting in the Litani operation in Lebanon...
...You are barred from their confidence—they know it will alarm you...
...Men serve their country—but daughters...
...When we came on aliya with our four children, they were then too young (7-13) for us fully to appreciate the reality...
...This would be the last destiny any mother would willingly choose for her child, but Israel's mothers are forced to face it bravely—they have no option...
...Had we stayed in Australia, Elana—at 18—would probably now be concerned with starting University, using her first cosmetics—her biggest problem what to wear on Saturday night...
...At 17, a girl first receives the ominous card from the Lishkat Hagius (Army recruitment) telling her to report for medical and psychological tests...
...The sadness begins—already the cord is starting to break...
...Don't join the Army...
...When she bakes her first cake, you already envisage her wedding day...
...try to persuade them to serve near home, maybe even to find a way whereby they can live at home...
...Every mother knows the joy a little girl brings...
...Now, thank God, he is almost at the end of his 3'/2 years of duty, although he will be subject to miluim (reserve duty) for many years to come...
...It was very traumatic when our son joined, Nahal...
...So I stood that terrible morning among the parents and watched her climb aboard the bus taking her and 200 other girls to Tel Hashomer, the military hospital where they would be vaccinated, immunized and sent to camps for Basic Training...
...In Israel, it is a different pattern...
...When the first boys start calling, you are proud—but a bit alarmed...
...and each time you look at her you feel proud to be part of such a miracle...
...I have passed my own test as an Israeli mother...
...Tammy has a poster in her room—it says: "When you love something, set it free...
...It began: "Elana—her very name is music...
...more delightful...
...They know that when the child turns eighteen years of age, whether boy or girl, it must leave the shelter and protection of home to serve in the army...
...Legally, she does riot need your permission...
...She has passed the test as a soldier...
...We tried not to, but a daughter is a special gift...
...Even while she is absorbed in completing her matriculation, you know that behind her closed door, she and her girlfriends are discussing in what area they will enlist...
...Sometimes, even in absence, you can draw closer...
...what if...
...Back home, I looked at her empty room—so much a reflection of her taste, with its gay orange bedspread, the delicate miniatures on her windowsill, the pretty dresses in the wardrobe that she would not be needing...
...Somehow she is always prettier than you were...
...If it doesn't, it never was...
...Going through an old scrap-book, I came across a poem I wrote at the time of her bat mitzvah, six years ago...
...you will want to influence their decision...
...If it comes back, it is yours...
...Not because she will face the same danger—Israel is closer now to an uneasy kind of peace than we have been before—but simply because there is no way we have been conditioned to accept this...
...It would have been fun just to watch the girl blossom into the lovely young woman...
...The 18th birthday looms as a symbol of separation—you await it with dread...
...I feel better...
...There is nothing to do...
...Even while you are pleading, you know you are proud of her — you wouldn't really have it otherwise...
...She had an exemption on religious grounds, but nevertheless you are secretly glad she didn't use it...
...Dvora Waysman is a teacher and freelance writer living in Israel...
...This week I will be attending her tekas—graduation ceremony from basic training...
...How does one learn to accept it...
...Two more years—I will have her for two more years...
Vol. 5 • April 1980 • No. 4
