Reaching In, Reaching Out

...It is time for us to stop relating to the new Jews as if they were curiosities, or as if they were superficial people whose conversion to Judaism reflected a lack of principles on their part, a way of accommodating to their partners-to-be...

...Is there anywhere a more striking metaphor for our time...

...More important still, we do not really embrace them, enable them to feel a close kinship with our people...

...On the contrary: If the truth be told, we often alienate them...

...At the very least, we will dramatically increase the probability that the children of such marriages will be reared as Jews...

...Isaiah enjoined us to be a "light unto the nations" and insisted that God's house be a "house of prayer for all peoples...

...The death penalty was fixed for the gentile who became a Jew and also for the Jew who welcomed him...

...They add strength to us only if they are more than a scattering of individuals who happen to share our beliefs, only if they are participating members of our community of faith...

...We are opposed to intermarriage, but we cannot reject the intermarried...

...The prophet Amos spoke of such a hunger when he said, Behold, the Day cometh, saith the Lord God, that I will send a famine into the land...

...Judaism has an enormous wealth of wisdom and experience to offer in and to this anguished world, and we Jews ought to be proud to speak about it, to speak frankly and freely, with enthusiasm and with dignity...

...I shall continue to grow and to search as a Jew...

...Why are we so hesitant...

...What, for example, is to be done where a convert is more enthusiastic than his/her Jewish-born partner...

...The halachah permits a non-Jew to be in the synagogue, to sing in the choir, to recite the blessing over the Sabbath and festival candles, and even to handle the Torah...

...My soul is a Jewish soul though I am distinctly aware of my original background and birthright...

...But we know also that Jewish education is not "wasted" even on those who do intermarry...

...No, I do not have in mind some kind of traveling religious circus...

...Most often, Jewish education— more of it, and better—is put forward as the surest remedy to intermarriage...

...My "conversion process" was just that—a process which ended with the ceremony...

...But this is America and it is 1979...

...Nor can we neglect to pay attention to the Jewish partners of such marriages...

...Such data as we have suggest that two out of every three intermarriages involve a Jewish husband and a non-Jewish wife, and in these cases, one out of four wives converts to Judaism...

...There is no earthly—and surely no heavenly— reason why we cannot reassume our ancient vocation and open our arms wide to all newcomers...

...let us recapture our self-esteem...

...they want to find a way that makes sense, and matters, and they are determined to succeed...

...As important as Jewish education is, in this context, I believe that there are other steps we can—and must—take if we are to deal realistically with the threat which intermarriage presents to our survival...

...In fact, a case can be made that there is substantial support within our tradition for the validity of Jewish lineage through the paternal line, and it is this kind of possibility which we should begin energetically to explore...

...They may feel guilty, they may feel resentful, they are almost sure to feel some confusion and ambivalence towards active involvement in the community...

...As a case in point, why should a movement which from its very birth-hour insisted on the full equality of men and women in religious life unquestioningly accept the principle that Jewish lineage is valid through the maternal line alone...

...This does not alter my identity as a Jew...

...As the Mishnah long ago averred, "Not every knowledgeable Jew is pious...

...I envisage instead the development of a dignified and responsible approach...

...They may feel inhibited out of a sense of regard for their partners' sensibilities, or out of embarrassment in the face of a community they think will be hostile to their partners...

...Many were actually burned at the stake, and the heat of the flames cooled our conversionist ardor...

...The phenomenon of Jewish drift teaches us that we ought to be undertaking more intensive Jewish programs which will build on and build up these existing ties, this fledgling sense of Jewish identification...

...May this not sometimes seem overwhelming to the new Jew...

...How much the more so within Reform, which has insisted on the creative unfolding of halachah...

...It may well be that when we have done that, our collective wisdom and our concern for Jewish unity will lead us to conclude that there are certain privileges which simply cannot be extended to nonJews...

...But we also know that in very many cases of intermarriage without conversion, there is a "Jewish drift...

...Let us shuck our insecurities...

...We operate summer camps and Israel tours and youth retreats, college weekends and kallahs and teacher training institutes...

...We question their motivations (since only a madman would choose to be a Jew, the convert is either neurotic or hypocritical...

...A colleague of mine recently received a letter from one who elected to become a Jew: Dear_: I know that I personally resent being referred to as a convert—a word that by now is alien to my heart...

...I do not suggest that we strive to wean people from the religions of their choice, with or without the boast that ours is the only true and valid faith...

...The fear of persecution no longer inhibits us...

...There is tension in the air...

...not every educated Jew is a committed Jew...

...And what of the past of the new Jew...

...It teaches free will, not the surrender of body and soul to another human being...

...And we cannot but be aware that in our current behavior, we communicate rejection...

...Most of the non-Jewish partners to intermarriage do not convert to Judaism...

...From then on I was a Jew...

...The first of these has to do with the conversion of the non-Jewish partner-to-be...

...The richer the background and the stronger the commitment of the Jewish partner, the less likely is the absolute loss...

...But if she is not, even Orthodox Judaism, provided the consent of the mother is obtained, permits the circumcision of the boy, his enrollment in religious school and his right to be called to the Torah on the occasion of his bar mitzvah—and everlastingly thereafter, to be considered a full Jew...

...The Jew prays directly to God, not through an intermediary who stands between him and his God...

...Well, Judaism offers life, not death...

...I deplore intermarriage, and I discourage it...

...It would be easy to tip-toe here, to use obfuscatory language and be satisfied to hint at my purpose...

...Rabbi Alexander Schindler is President of the Union of American Hebrew Congregations...

...And some 45,000 youngsters participate each and every year in the programs which we sponsor...

...It does not mean that we should prepare to sit shiva for the American Jewish community...

...Your prayers and your blessings should be the same as any other Jew...

...Properly addressed, responded to with sensitivity, the quest becomes an adventure of the spirit, the discovery a nourishment to a hunger that is growing day by day...

...I want to reach the unchurched, those reared in non-religious homes or those who have become disillusioned with their taught beliefs...

...let us, by all means, demonstrate our confidence in the values and the value of our faith...

...We may deplore it, we may lament it, we may struggle against it, but these are the facts, the tide is running against us, and we must deal with this threatening reality...

...For we need them to be part of our people...

...But the Talmud also says that while we are "to push converts away with the left hand" we ought to "draw them near with the right...

...I want to reach those seekers after truth who require a religion which tolerates—more than tolerates, encourages—all questions...

...During the Maccabean period, Jewish proselytizing activity reached its zenith: schools for missionaries were established, and by the beginning of the Christian era they had succeeded in converting ten percent of the population of the Roman Empire—roughly four million people...

...Pronounce all the prayers as they are written and do not change a word...

...Newcomers to Judaism, in short, must embark on a long-term naturalization process, and they require knowledgeable and sympathetic guides along the way, that they may feel themselves fully equal members of the synagogue family...

...Let there be no holding back...

...But there, by and large, our effort ends...

...I am not scholar enough to propose an instant revision in our standard practice, but I do think it is important that we seek ways to harmonize our tradition with our needs...

...I now come to the third and likely the most controversial aspect of the matter...

...Let no one misinterpret and infer that I am here endorsing intermarriage...

...If Jews-by-choice often feel alienated by our attitudes and behavior, how much more alienated do the non-Jewish spouses of our children feel...

...If that proves to be the case, then I am confident that the thoughtful non-Jew who is favorably disposed to Judaism will recognize and respect what we have concluded, and will understand that conversion remains the path of entry to the totality of what Judaism has to offer...

...Zechariah foresaw the time when men of every tongue would grasp a Jew by the corner of his garment and say, "Let us go with you, for we have heard that God is with you...

...After Christianity became the established religion of the Roman Empire, and later, again, when Islam conquered the world, Jews were forbidden to seek converts or to accept them...

...For we live in a time when millions of our fellow-Americans are in search of meaning...

...Tragically, many of the seekers go astray, and some fall prey to cultic enslavement...

...But I will not...

...All this is possible under Orthodoxy...

...And, indeed, there is some evidence that suggests that the more the Jewish education, the less the likelihood of intermarriage...

...This above all: do not think little of your origin...

...Ruth of Moab, a heathen by birth, became the ancestress of King David...

...I want to reach a different audience entirely...

...And have we not, we Jews, water to slake the thirst and bread to sate the great hunger...

...Judaism is a religion of hope, not despair...

...only then did our rabbis begin their systematic rejection of those who sought to join us...

...I believe that the time has come for the Reform movement—and others, if they are so disposed—to launch a carefully conceived outreach program aimed at all Americans who are unchurched and who are seeking religious meaning...

...if the mother is Jewish then the child is regarded as fully Jewish...

...We do not offer them help in establishing a Jewish home, in raising their children Jewishly, in grappling with their peculiar problem, in dealing with their special conflicts...

...If one is curious about whence I come or if indeed "am I really Jewish," the answer is categorically "Yes, I'm really Jewish—a Jew by choice...

...We can also remove those impediments to a fuller participation which still obtain in all too many of our congregations...

...Unabashedly and urgently, I propose that we resume our vocation as champions of Judaism, that we move from passive acceptance to affirmative action...

...We should do that for their sake, and also for our own...

...Frequently, they have felt the sting of rejection by the Jewish community, even by their own parents...

...And it is on three such steps that I want to focus my attention...

...Dealing with it does not, however, mean that we must learn to accept it...

...Unto the end of their days, we refer to them as converts...

...There is no law which forbids a non-Jew to be buried in a Jewish cemetery...

...Men and women are restless, in quest...

...But the restlessness is not born of despair, the quest is not the child of hopelessness...

...We think them less Jewish (ignoring that they often know more about Judaism than born Jews...

...It is true that the Talmud insists that we test the sincerity of the convert's motivations by discouraging him, by warning him of the hardships he will have to endure as a Jew...

...Massarik informs us, for example, that "nearly fifty percent of non-Jewish husbands, although they do not formally embrace Judaism, by their own description nonetheless regard themselves as Jews...

...My conversion process was nearly ten years ago—I have been a Jew for a long time now...

...It is time for us to reform our behavior towards those who become Jews by choice, to increase our sensitivity towards them and, thereby, to encourage growth in their numbers...

...But we must look beyond conversion...

...There is a sting to the honey of freedom...

...If non-Jewish partners can be brought more actively into Jewish communal life, perhaps they themselves will initiate the process of conversion...

...Even the strictest halachic approach offers more than ample room to allow the non-Jewish partner to join in most of our ceremonial and life cycle events...

...Abraham was a convert, and our tradition lauds his missionary zeal...

...But alas, it is not always so...

...Study after study informs us that it is the Jewish partner of an intermarried couple who is most likely to determine whether or not there will be a conversion to Judaism, and whether or not the children of the couple will be raised as Jews...

...I believe that we must do everything possible to draw the non-Jewish spouse of a mixed marriage into Jewish life...

...Judaism insists that man and society are perfectible...

...there is trouble in our hearts...

...And as for the children born of such a marriage...

...But if all of our efforts do not suffice—and, manifestly, they do not—do we really mean to banish our children, to sit shiva over them...

...Searching for meaning, they find madness instead...

...It was Maimonides himself, answering a convert's query, who wrote: You ask whether you, being a proselyte, may speak the prayers: "God and God of our Fathers" and "Guardian of Israel who has brought us out of the land of Egypt," and the like...

...Nonetheless, we believe in Jewish education, for its own sake as well as because we believe it a powerful defense against the erosion of our people...

...No repressive laws restrain us...

...Are we ashamed...

...Even so, it was not until the 16th century that we abandoned all proselytizing efforts...

...The notion that Judaism is not a propagating faith is far from the truth...

...We may be descended from Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, but your descent is from the Almighty Himself...

...Between 1966 and 1972, 31.7 percent of all marriages involving a Jew were marriages between a Jew and a person born a non-Jew...

...Most simply stated, the fact of intermarriage does not in and of itself lead to a decline in the Jewish population...

...And what of the difficult process through which one learns that the adoption of Judaism implies the adoption of a people as well as a faith, of a history as well as a religion, of a way of life as well as a doctrine...

...In the one third of intermarriages which involve a Jewish wife and a non-Jewish husband, the incidence of conversion is much, much lower...

...Such Jews-by-choice have special needs and we need special guidance on how to meet those needs...

...I do not suggest that we enter into rivalry with all established churches...

...On the contrary, facing and dealing with reality means confronting it, coming to grips with it, determining to reshape it...

...The bulk of the resources and the energies of the Union of American Hebrew Congregations is invested in programs of formal and informal education of which we are justly proud...

...He may have broken with that past, but in human terms he cannot forget, nor should he be expected to, his non-Jewish parents or family, and, at special times of the year, say Christmas or Easter, he may well feel some ambivalence...

...It has been a practiced truth for the last four centuries, but it was not true for the forty centuries before...

...Let us establish information centers in many places, well-publicized courses in our synagogues, and the development of suitable publications to serve these facilities and purposes...

...And a recent survey shows that the acceptance of such marriages among Americans in general is on the rise, most dramatically, as we might expect, among Jews...

...We know that such programs are our first line of defense in the battle against intermarriage...

...People want meaning...

...We must remove the "not wanted" signs from our hearts...

...And having it, are we not obliged—for our own sake as well as for those who seek that which we have—to offer it freely and proudly...

...Do we really believe that one must be a madman to embrace Judaism...

...I struggle against it, as a rabbi and as the father of five children...

...History and Hebrew are taught, ideas explored, ceremonies described...

...Not a famine of bread nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of the Lord...

...Has the spirit of our age ever been more vividly captured...

...We generate curricula and texts and educational aids...

...I want especially to reach the rootless and the alienated who need the warmth and comfort of a people known for its close family ties, a people of ancient and noble lineage...

...Immediately after the marriage ceremony, we drop the couple and leave them to fend for themselves...

...I think, eat and breathe Judaism...

...As Fred Massarik, one of our leading demographers, has observed (moment, June 1978), "That decline—if a decline there be—depends on what the Jews who are involved in the intermarriage actually do...

...Our task then is to draw them even closer to our hearts, to do everything we can to make certain that our grandchildren will nonetheless be Jews, that they will be part of our community and share the destiny of our people...

...We know as well, however, that they are an imperfect defense, that even among those who are exposed to our most ambitious efforts, there are hundreds, if not thousands, who will intermarry...

...In short, I propose that we respond openly and positively to those God-seekers whose search leads them to our door, who voluntarily ask for our knowledge...

...In most communities, the UAHC offers "Introduction to Judaism" courses, and congregational rabbis spend countless hours providing instruction in Judaism...