The Jerusalem Roast
Rosenblatt, Gary
Iyar 4. 5808 May 14,2048 ute on the occasion of Israel's THE JERUSALEM ROAST 100th anniversary, is the editor of the weekly Baltimore Jewish Times. His work last appeared in MOMENT'S...
...pres-the Yarkon...
...However, expected, no breakthroughs tary attorneys, anticipate no unanimously deplored the But after the Israel-Arab at that moment Israel discov-were announced, the two lead-difficulty in fulfilling Canada's poor showing as Professor peace agreement of 1979, ered a vast oil reservoir under ers pledged their commitment need for barristers...
...U.S.-Israel Peace Talks A disappointingly small crowd advocating "Drop the gunk "about twenty minutes...
...The council could not agree on whether to extend recogni tion to allegedly Jewish com munities on Mercury, Venus, and Mars...
...The report continues, "Unless Jews confront the threat of traditional Judaism which is attracting so many of our young people, no one will be left in future generations to concern him/herself with such major concerns as boycotting celery, tuna and marmalade, playing a bad game of tennis, or fostering participation in Ivy League language ulpanim, to name only a few potentially disastrous possibilities...
...They are our brethren, after all, and we should treat them with compassion," a member of the Breira party said...
...Washington still insists increasing pressure from Nova the question of what to do the population of Israel...
...Israel has sought The Canadian Prime Minis class citizens" of the West Bank...
...London—The Royal Military Society gave this year's post humous award for military genius to the late Ariel Sharon, in a ceremony held in Albert Hall...
...On Mars the Jews are divided between those who observe the lunar calendar keyed to Phobos, and those who follow a version based on Demos...
...The chief discrepancy' found between the Venutian Torah and the Earth version is that rather than a great flood, the aquatic planet suffered a great drying-up, and the Venutian Noah is said to have con structed an enormous aquar ium for the preservation of two of every Venutian species...
...about the so-called "second-The West Bank has of "There are simply too many maneuver...
...The Rebbe issued an urgent plea for extra t'fillin, noting that Plutonians have three heads and eleven ten tacles each...
...The Arabs felt they had George Barnett and Israeli army from the Bronx...
...Israel has also bowing to Canadian lox presTreatment of Formed been aiding Canada...
...Dynamic young Rabbi Gordon Glanz, author of Chavurot in Space and Federation-Synagogue Tension on Uranus, A Case Study, (continued on page 19...
...Liberal rabbis argued that a Jewish Earth woman may marry a non-Jewish alien as long as the couple agrees to raise their children as human Jews (although some rabbis held out for the phrase "Jew ish humans...
...President if it will agree to withdraw its turned out at Hebrew Univer-back where it came from...
...Remember the Arabs...
...But a member of the Sternstein party countered that the West Bank inhabit ants are "different from us and not to be trusted—they are security risks, even if they do News Briefs Cannes, France—The Secre tary-General of Histadrut issued another statement today praising the high level of Histadrut employee morale...
...A Forwards staffer deplored the fact that the Yiddish lan guage is dying and cited as proof the fact that 42 books, 67 magazine articles and 2,800 doctoral dissertations have been published this year alone on the tragic theme that Yid dish is a forgotten language...
...historic homeland...
...possibility of reassessment...
...ily for depositing oil-spills in the Mid-East for a short Argentina, where many are sure for concessions, the need He rejected an American (with the Arabs no longer time...
...toward the Canadians in the momentum for a campaign Schwartz, checking his notes, But the Jerusalem govern-dispute...
...He explained that the new department's predecessor, the original Aliyah Depart ment, had been so successful over the years through its smoothly run, professionally staffed operation that Israel was filled to capacity...
...New York—An 800 page task force report issued today con cluded that "Unless the pres ent deplorable religious trend among American Jews is reversed, Judaism as we know it in America will cease to exist...
...and Canada are unable of her lox from Canada, the to resolve their bitter territo-Jerusalem government was Department rial dispute...
...The Jews of Mer cury say they received a Pen tateuch that includes among its Ten Commandments, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's air-conditioner...
...Des Moines, Iowa—The Iowa chapter of Gush Emunim has set up civilian settlements in Des Moines, Cedar Rapids, and Ames as part of its plan to liberate "Biblical Iowa...
...Schwartz declaimed detail when under strong U.S...
...The largesized caption reads: "This year in Babylonia—Renew Our Days As Of Old...
...Beersheva—Menachem Be gin's great-grandson today obtained a long-sought ruling in probate court changing his name to Menachem Conclu sion...
...We're simply going to point to Jew ish history and tell people, 'look, the Diaspora was our home for thousands of years and now it can be yours.' " He displayed a huge poster to be used in advertising campaigns which shows a crowded room of Talmudic scholars hovering over their texts...
...Israel's sity last night to hear Professor Professor Schwartz revealed gotten a raw deal and they Prime Minister Shoshana expanding law schools, Chaim Schwartz discuss what that only 60 years ago more waged war to reclaim the river Vohu met here today regard-already turning out enough he called the "extinct but still than a hundred million Arabs area, which they said was the ing on-again off-again peace lawyers to maintain 700 intriguing Arab people...
...The Canadian governYesterday marked the ninth ment recently limited the The Jewish Agency has issued anniversary of America's semi-annual price increase to West Bank Inhabitants an urgent appeal to Jews from attack on her northern neigh-eighteen percent in spite of The Knesset today debated make up the vast majority of all over the world asking them bor...
...The charge, which ment asserted that it will con-first appeared in America's tinue to supply the U.S...
...to stay where they are...
...on the term "defensive Scotia separatists...
...Iyar 4. 5808 May 14,2048 ute on the occasion of Israel's THE JERUSALEM ROAST 100th anniversary, is the editor of the weekly Baltimore Jewish Times...
...overnight," an Israeli spokesquaint people who once all territory except for a sec-aid and together they defeated and Israel...
...sure...
...On Earth, the powerful Reconstructionist branch is reported near schism over the problem of how to apply the term "humanism" to aliens, while the Lubavitcher Rebbe told a hastily convened press conference at his Waikiki home that Mitzvah-mobiles have landed on Pluto and Astro-Chassidim have success fully introduced tallitot and t'fillin...
...The Demotic Jews persecute the Phobic sect as bitterly as both groups are persecuted by the Martian gentile majority...
...with most prestigious newspaper, the sophisticated weapons the National Inquirer, asserted Washington needs even if the that since Israel received most Knesset Debates Anti-Aliyah U.S...
...The Americans to the long-standing "special "We do not expect peace after detail concerning the sure Israel agreed to give up immediately came to Israel's relationship" between the U.S...
...His work last appeared in MOMENT'S November issue...
...Jerusalem—U.S...
...The Secretary-General has been in Cannes at his villa for the past sixty days, investi gating advanced health care concepts and studying new developments in actuarial theory...
...The spokesman said that the new department plans to send shlichim (emissaries) all over Israel to promote the benefits of life in the Diaspora...
...The Rabbin ical Council of Israel, meeting for thirty-nine hours last night, was no closer to resolving the question "What is a Jew...
...to act as an honest broker in ter is expected to follow Presithe dispute, offering arms to dent Barnett to Jerusalem in the U.S...
...Jews living in Israel now," said a spokesman for the newlyformed Anti-Aliyah Depart ment...
...if it will agree to hopes of reviving the stalled return Toronto to the Cana-Melbourne peace conference, dians, and lawyers to Canada and (continued on page 53) Milky Way Kashrut Questioned The religious controversy among Earth Jewry (Am HaAretz) continues to rage on numerous fronts...
...lived in some 21 Arab nations, exact spot of their true and negotiations and though, as battle-ready regiments of miliScholars who were present all hostile to the Jewish state...
...It was a hard fight," he said, "but I've finally shaken off this life-long embarrassment...
...course been the home for many years of Conservative and Reform Jews who have been critical of Israel's Ortho dox control, and though they make up 94 percent of the Israeli population, they are prohibited from a variety of activities such as marrying, dying, giving birth, or men tioning the word "Seminary" in a public place...
...Jerusalem—The Minister of Finance refused again today to float the pound on the open market against the German Mark or the Japanese Yen...
...Perhaps someday we shall float the pound against the mark," he said in an exclusive interview, "but never a yen...
...Yiddish Still Dying New York—An urgent appeal has gone out to Jews all over the world to save the daily Yiddish newspaper, The For wards, now in its 200th year of continuous publication...
...Actually, only a very still thought to be living under for secure borders, and the charge that Israel was tilting there, it was easy to gather short time," said Professor assumed names...
...The topic of interplanetary Yiddishkeit will be addressed at a Symposium here next week entitled, "Is the Milky Way Kosher...
...Previous winners of the award have been Gen eral George S. Patton and Attila the Hun...
...at meeting's end...
...Committees have invited Martian Jews to emigrate to Earth, but many who escape are making their homes on more attractive spheres such as Jupiter and Saturn, where the streets are allegedly lined with uranium...
...man said, "but we are talking inhabited the vast area of the tion of Tel Aviv known as the the Arabs, whose survivors Talks focused on the role of to both sides and will remain Middle East now used primar-Yarkon River, there was peace reportedly moved en masse to an objective mediator, pres-even-handed...
...Conclusion refused to reveal where he plans to take up residence, stating only that he will remain as anonymous as pos sible...
Vol. 3 • May 1978 • No. 6
