Our Readers Speak: Ritual and Observance
Our Readers Speak: Ritual of Observance Reading through the responses to our May poll on Jewish ritual and observance has been a fascinating experience. We received many hundreds of responses, and...
...Instead of bobbing their noses and changing their names, they give their children Hebrew names and send them to day schools...
...It is always the fanciest meal of the week...
...I use Shabbat for sanctifying and renewing the covenant of marriage and family (e.g., writing or selecting poetry or prose expressing commitment to my wife...
...But ritual without doubt and explanation is no longer acceptable...
...I guess it also comes down to this: I don't see a divine sanction behind these rituals, but see them as a human means of expressing the divine and bringing it, at least, into my life...
...Whenever, and however, possible, we perform observances with joy and enthusiasm, a factor no way indicated in your questionnaire...
...garden...
...His enthusiasm and excitement in being a part of building and decorating our sukkah or holding the candle for Havdalah, and his being so thrilled when his dad taught him the Sh'ma to say before bed have just been beautiful to watch...
...As a member of a Reform congregation, our Saturdays are spent at Sabbath School...
...And the search appears to be most vigorously undertaken by the younger of our respondents, those under the age of 35...
...The children change clothes after school, before lighting candles, and put on their holiday clothes...
...And these are products of Reform and Conservative homes...
...I am proud to be a Jewess, proud of my poor relatives who raised their children in Jewish homes to be professionals...
...I believe that many falsely call themselves Jews when they don't observe any of the laws of our religion...
...After the day of Yizkor, I make it a practice to donate to a variety of charities and causes, both strictly Jewish (UJA, Zionist youth groups, et cetera) and universal (farm workers, famine relief, black groups, et cetera...
...We are grateful to all those who shared their thoughts with us, and, through us, with the entire moment family...
...I can study for years and know thoroughly the religious/philosophical aspects of Judaism (I don't know them thoroughly yet, of course) but how does one start a tradition, or borrow one that is as old as man...
...I'll never forget the "at peace" feeling we have been so lucky to be able to create...
...Sabbath candles were never lit, for example, in our parents' homes...
...We may not be observant Jews but we are committed Jews—and pray that our children will never forget what they are and what it means to be a Jew...
...The question of ritual and observance without Halacha is the practical philosophical problem of the decade...
...I consider myself a Reform Jew, but one who is fairly observant...
...Our rabbi is part-time...
...I do not believe in "Torah mi-Sinai," and do not consider myself bound by the Halacha...
...I am a television producer, and am usually the first observant Jew my acquaintances have ever met—or at least the first who's not already collecting Social Security...
...I commend it to Jews everywhere searching for meaningful liturgy...
...Tradition is wonderful if it tries to express the spirit—but if it is tradition for just "tradition's sake," I will respect it for others—but for myself, it just does not register...
...We are what is now being called "Classical Reform," what some used to call "ultra Reform," what I prefer to call Reform (sans qualification...
...I respect if other people are observant...
...More and more we all appreciate the laws governing the observance of Shabbat...
...The knowledge of the meanings behind the rituals is what we were not exposed to in our youth...
...the same time I feel an obligation to do as much as I can if it has the meaning for me as a Jew/person...
...walk...
...Because the comments are so interesting, we have chosen to expand this report beyond the length we normally allocate to our poll results, and to omit the statistical summary...
...Jewish family life was fun, but for us it is over and we miss it...
...At A couple of years ago I was ashamed to be called a Jew...
...My wife and I met through Hillel, and started Sabbath evening observances from the time we married...
...There is usually a guest at the table, often someone with limited Jewish background...
...I am only Reform in ideology—traditions and observance are very important to me...
...Yet, I am not Orthodox because I cannot accept the basic premises, and see an evolution in Judaism...
...Being Reform does not mean being "pseudo-Jewish...
...enjoy friends...
...Why Jews who are proud of being Jewish and want their children to feel the same way think they can beat those odds—is beyond me...
...I believe that the traditions have kept us alive...
...While our preference is to be observant, we find that the social pressures, particularly among our four children, make it difficult to be fully observant...
...that daily prayer is practiced by a very large number of people (including 36 percent of the Reform respondents in the under-35 category...
...I have not plunged fully into strict observances because I think that this is the easiest way to over-expose oneself and end up feeling alienated again...
...This may be, at least in part, a hangover from certain reductionist attitudes I learned as a child...
...Although raised in a Reform home, I more and more feel that Reform and Conservative Judaism are absolute failures at producing committed Jews, and that only Orthodox Judaism seems to command the loyalty and enthusiasm of its adherents on a daily basis...
...we feel bound to add only that those we print here are a very small selection from the total, chosen because they reflect especially well what the larger group seemed to be trying to say...
...I have been struggling with questions of observance for several years...
...Unfortunately, six months ago we left the town where we belonged to the synagogue and since that time have had very little contact with any Jews...
...Shabbat has become a very special event in our home and something that evolved so very slowly...
...In comparison to our "Conservative" acquaintances who attend services three times a year, but feel that Reform Judaism is goyish, we feel that we are both observant and dedicated Jews...
...Perhaps that is a cop-out since we know several people who are strictly observant, but we don't think we could do it...
...I find that the Reform movement, while it articulates the essence of Jewish intellectual and moral religious thought and values, fails to provide a...
...We own no buildings...
...And those of our readers who chose to fill out and return the poll are a still more selective group...
...I love it...
...All the purpose and meaning seems to have gone out of our observance since we are only two...
...Our home is full of Jewish art, symbols, music and literature...
...Our children are in a Jewish day school...
...Our observance of traditions maintains our identity and our Jewishness...
...Reform Judaism is icky," says one twelve-year-old in the wisdom born of her religious school teachers...
...if not, I am desolated...
...While those who chose to answer were heavily Conservative in orientation, very many of our Reform respondents took pains to stress their commitment to tradition—and, quite often, added that this commitment was of relatively recent origin, and was still developing...
...Being Reform does not mean being "pseudo-Jewish...
...I come from an Orthodox-Conservative background...
...Now, the idea of not doing certain things (writing, spending, organizing my time, worrying about or doing work, cleaning the apartment, et cetera) is a fantastic release from the endless round of tasks we are all involved in...
...I am only Reform in ideology...
...Through the encouragement of our children, we began to keep kosher on the Sabbath, to fast on Yom Kippur and to learn Hebrew in order to participate more fully in prayers...
...There is some evidence that many young Jews are re-embracing their heritage, but a revitalization of a collective commitment to Judaism can only be secured if we make ritual an ongoing and pleasant part of our daily lives...
...Having been brought up in a home where my father was quite a liberal and a radical it is no wonder that I am totally without a belief in a God...
...As a family, we dislike late Friday evening services (the 8:30, after-dinner type popularized by the Conservative and Reform movements) because Shabbat is the time to be together as a family...
...So it would be wrong to conclude from the results that there has been a revolution in the Jewish condition...
...When I return to the fleshpots of New York my secular self quickly reasserts itself...
...When this magnificent marriage of modernity and tradition has stood the test of time so well, why is it so criticized, so ignored, so victimized by many who want something new all the time but don't know what...
...After school, we come home for lunch and the rest of the day is spent relaxing...
...Both my wife and I are much more observant than either of our families...
...Perhaps through the medium of your polls and articles some of the prejudice Jews are teaching about other Jews can be countered...
...the years, our interest and participation grew through synagogue and study groups...
...The Conservative movement, on the other hand, fails to make essential reforms thereby precluding meaningful prayer by my entire family...
...To assess Shabbat observance solely on the basis of candle lighting is like painting a rainbow using only one color...
...The world never needed Shabbat more than now...
...if it is "good for the Jews" it is a happy day for me...
...My wife learned to chant the Torah...
...First, the personal value of the Shabbat is underscored by a very large number of people, of very diverse "denominational" affiliation...
...That's hard in communities this size in Upstate New York (Schenectady...
...When I moved out of my parents' home and took my own apartment in Manhattan, most people assumed it was because I no longer planned to observe Kashrut and Shabbos...
...I would like for my children to...
...Through encounters with chavurah groups, attending a Reconstructionist synagogue, reading The Jewish Catalogue, Saul Bellow and moment, I began to understand my place within the Jewish lifestyle and began to immerse myself once more in its traditions...
...This is, of course, very frustrating, and I hope that some time soon I will make some long-term decisions and stick to them...
...All this is to indicate our continued deeper involvement in Judaism...
...and has done so in synagogue on several occasions...
...This awareness has come through education at the University of Judaism, Los Angeles...
...and Mrs...
...Not a new thought to many Jews—just a newly-found insight to us...
...Baruch Ha-shem—the Torah has vindicated itself...
...thus I no longer know if what I observe is a motley of ingrained habit, compromise or comfort...
...I'm not sure I could explain everything I do or why/how it's important to me, but I know (think I know) that I need to do these things...
...set personal and family goals through discussion...
...Do you know that there is a Conference of Secular Jewish Organizations and Schools who are extremely active in the American and Canadian Jewish communities...
...For a long time, I'd seen it as a restriction, a limit...
...While in spirit I feel very observant, and would like to observe as many rituals as possible, I'm partially too ignorant and probably at least temporarily too lazy/busy to know how...
...listen to music...
...This inconsistency, however, I find much preferable to the indifference, complete lack of practice and assimilation which is endemic in American Judaism...
...The comments also point to two other interesting phenomena...
...Unfortunately, it is only a small segment of Jews who are even grappling with Jewish identity and practice...
...And I sometimes don't know what to do with myself on Shabbat, especially in the late afternoon, and yet if I disturb my habits (don't light candles on Friday, or cook something) I feel as if I've lost something, that sense of difference that Shabbat has and gives...
...It is the comments that offered the fascination...
...I still have two problems with Shabbat, though: the first is, I find it difficult to pray regularly, but can't seem to ignore the activity completely...
...We] read Jewishly...
...If we are truly one, all Jews must grow in knowledge of, and respect for, other ways of "doing and being Jewish...
...refuse to shop...
...We rent the town's schools for Sunday school and Holy Day celebrations, et cetera...
...It is difficult to be religious without a support system...
...I am choosing those traditions and practices which best fit in with my daily life pattern and my inner beliefs...
...We therefore are growing in our Judaism, adding new skills, customs, ritual, et cetera, as they become meaningful and enriching to our family...
...It has been a struggle, but I have made my family aware of their identity and proud of their heritage...
...We participate with our children at Sunday school, either by teaching or attending adult ed simultaneously...
...Somewhat off the subject but related, my only real difficulty in converting has been a terrible lack of knowledge of tradition and home ritual...
...I would classify myself a dissatisfied synagogue Jew who would prefer to be part of a spiritual Chavurah if I could find enough people with similar interests...
...I love the serenity that Shabbat can impose on me yet I do not feel that God requests its observance of us...
...Jewish family life was fun, but for us it's over and we miss it...
...We may not celebrate the festivals and Shabbat according to Halachah, but we celebrate and rejoice on the occasions...
...Over "Reform Judaism is icky," says one twelve-year-old...
...I am not used to praying, and I find the words difficult to utter...
...that 76 percent of the respondents have been to Israel at least once...
...So my observance and my family's consists of performing those mitzvot in a traditional manner which we find meaningful in our lives...
...Saying a blessing before each meal, for example, was his idea...
...Americanization and assimilation are powerful forces, but these are not acceptable excuses for the loss of faith and identity among so many Jews...
...But to me ritual does not mean anything...
...Mordecai Kaplan's ideas have long formed the rationale of my life as a Jew...
...We are only two...
...We are cooperative...
...Over the past six years we have found ourselves becoming more religious, more conscious, more observant, and happier...
...I wish that more Jews would take this freedom seriously, and not just "do nothing" because they "don't have to follow the law...
...As to the comments, they speak for themselves...
...In our congregation, we^neet usually every other Friday night in someone's home...
...It is difficult to be religious without a support system...
...Although I was in the middle of the noise and mania of Herald Square at rush hour, I felt myself to be riding on a different kind of stream, and as I looked into the face of the bearded Lubavitcher who led me in prayers I had never spoken before, I thought of the United Jewish Appeal slogan "We Are One," and it struck me as an eminent truth...
...My Shabbat observance varies...
...Ten years ago, we'd have had fewer "yeses"—ten years hence, we hope to check off more than we did today...
...I resent it when people call me "Conservative" because I am very committed to Reform ideology and the freedom it gives one to question and explore within Judaism...
...We maintain ties to our synagogue but are not often satisfied with communal observance...
...We have gradually moved from a less traditional way of life to a more traditional Jewish life...
...For what we find in this self-selected sample is an extraordinary amount of energy that simply has no resemblance at all to the conventional gloom that settles on discussion of the current Jewish condition, moment's readers, as we are all aware, are not, for all their diversity, a representative sample of America's Jews...
...First it was just eating in the dining room, then it was adding the good dishes, silver and glasses...
...I guess a good way to sum up would be to say that I feel good about but unsettled by my own level of practice...
...Although my loving parents worked 18 hours a day, seven days a week, we had a good Jewish home...
...I am struggling to find a satisfactory set and setting for meaningful ritual and prayer...
...I keep a kosher home...
...Second, the much-discussed return of Reform Jews to more traditional expressions is very powerfully confirmed by our respondents...
...I grew up in an Orthodox home...
...The more we learn about Jewish history, culture, and philosophy, the more we appreciate the ritual...
...I find this point of view the only satisfying one for one who had a strong traditional education (Hebrew and Zionist orientation) and also had a strong interest from childhood in the physical world around us (scientific and literary interests...
...We have diverse beliefs but agree that whether one believes in God is not as important as what kind of person/Jew one is...
...We sing songs, listen to Israeli and other Jewish records, show slides of trips we have taken, and review our lives and plans...
...I salute The Union Prayer Book...
...On Chanukah each child has his own menorah, and on Purim we bake hamantaschen together, et cetera...
...But I do believe in Jews...
...Since the Yom Kippur War...
...The world never needed Shabbat more than now...
...Much of what we do in our home has been initiated by our five-year old son and his J.C.C...
...A year and a half ago I converted to Judaism...
...we have felt the need to go back to some of the old customs, not so much for the sake of religious belief as for the need to re-establish our own sense of total belonging...
...Yet we do have here some hundreds of people who are manifestly and purposefully in search of a tradition...
...Our preference—our strong preference—would have been the Orthodox way...
...The more we learn about Jewish history, culture, and philosophy, the more we appreciate the ritual that symbolizes so beautifully the lessons our people have learned...
...In our house, we have gradually over the past few years become more and more interested in Jewish ritual...
...setting conducive to meaningful meditative or transcendent prayer...
...drive to the country...
...We moved from the Friday evening service as the prime Sabbath service to Saturday morning...
...We consider ourselves to be traditional Jews (Orthodox) and we attend our Orthodox synagogue, but we are, in fact, not strictly observant...
...And so I do them...
...in fact, each week I decide I what will or will not do...
...We find, for example, that 40 percent of our respondents report that they attend worship services at least once a week—a figure that corresponds to no known reality...
...Our children all live far away, our own brothers and sisters are dispersed, and our close friends do not share our religious views...
...No one can say one is more pious or meaningful than another, and such labels become tight boxes holding one in, rather than allowing one to explore all the beautiful ramifications of Judaism...
...Otherwise Judaism would never survive...
...Now I rejoice in the sound of the word...
...As my answers must show, my observance of the rituals of Judaism is a bundle of contradictions...
...Unfortunately, it is only a small segment of Jews who are even grappling with Jewish identity and Jewish practice...
...My family is Sephardic and we observe a mixture of customs received over the years...
...I think it has stood the test of time, 'though it has plainly influenced Conservative, Reform and even Orthodox Judaism...
...I try to live up to the spirit of religion...
...My husband is an ethnically, culturally, JUF'ally committed Jew who doesn't believe in G-d...
...Yet and yet...
...We have consciously encouraged our four children to be "readers" so that even while young they could find pleasure in the Shab-bat...
...Shabbat for me is an opportunity to resuscitate my spiritual and emotional reservoir as well as my physical body...
...pointedly insist we all eat together as a family or make contact with one another if we are out of town, by phone or card...
...Much of what we do in our home has been initiated by our five-year-old son...
...clubs and eternal donor dinners...
...A couple of years ago I was ashamed to be called a Jew...
...We are uncomfortable with kashrut and other strict regulations, but we are finding new satisfactions in rituals we haven't done before...
...School is a family affair as are all our celebrations...
...But believe me, they exist and thank G-d for them...
...I am completely Jewish and committed to many Jewish causes, and love Israel with all my heart...
...The comments, however, suggest that the former is the more likely truth...
...Yet in the same breath I will stand by the Kotel, touch the warm stones, feel their texture deep inside me and cry out to a God whose very existence I am not sure of...
...This is the first year of my journey back into Judaism...
...Now I rejoice in the sound of the word...
...We have many, many friends who fit into this category, who, instead of bobbing their noses and changing their names, give their children Hebrew names and send them to Jewish day schools...
...On the other hand, Orthodoxy could learn much from our struggles—perhaps their observance could become less automatic and more meaningful...
...We find that our lifestyle is such that it would be difficult for us to be strictly observant...
...From a purely statistical standpoint, this is one of our major findings: concern for ritual and observance increases as age declines...
...I am surprised that you do not recognize the large body of non-religious but committed Jews in your survey...
...Although I do not keep kosher, I have "koshered" my recipes, eliminating traif combinations of ingredients as well as eliminating the non-kosher ingredients themselves...
...Whether this suggests a "return to religion" among the young, or merely indicates that younger people are still not locked into a definitive lifestyle, we cannot say...
...With this All-American mishmash, I pray the boys get enough strength in their roots to permit them to form their own Jewish identities as adults...
...I am in my late twenties, and it was only about five or six years ago that I realized what a fantastic holiday for adults Shabbat is...
...I cannot be religious but I think it is a vital element in preserving Jewish unity...
...Obviously I did not grow up in a strong Jewish household...
...Yet I would wish it had wider direct influence...
...nursery-school experience...
...I have recently begun to observe the Sabbath and last week I was ushered into a Mitzvah mobile where I wore the tefillin for the first time in my life...
...We all attend services quite often, and the children feel quite at home at our Temple...
...the system .. .My observance is a bundle of contradictions...
...We recently became kosher, for a variety of reasons, but a most important one is the heightened sense of awareness of who we are, in relation to our people and our God, every day...
...It is a unique opportunity offered a Jew to express not only ritual, but a love for family and civilization, in concrete form to touch one another, our environment, and our inner hopes and aspirations—to say, "Hey, I see you, I feel you, and I can take time to interact, to unashamedly be awed" (a feeling we have almost lost) by our Prophets, our environment of nature, and the people-ness of others...
...almost automatically creates for us and for our friends a perfect island of peace and rest...
...Proud I am to live among retired Jewish folk who seek learning, are devout neighbors, and give their love to one and all...
...I study it...
...Each time we eat, and each time we prepare our meals, we are making a conscious decision to live in a certain, chosen way...
...The thing these early and middle teenagers find hardest to believe is that Reform Jews might keep kosher and observe the holidays...
...To assess Shabbat observance solely on the basis of candle lighting is like painting a rainbow using only one color...
...As a result of deep involvement with a temple and its study groups, we are moving closer each year to the "yes" answers in your poll...
...I am a Reform Jew, and strongly believe in the freedom of informed choice that is basic to Reform...
...Our parents' homes had a real Jewish consciousness but neither of their homes was traditional in an observant sense...
...Our sons go to a Solomon Schechter Day School...
...My observance is more of an affirmation of my Jewish identity than of religiosity...
...meditate...
...It took a long time to break out of the stereotypes that I had created within myself of Judaism as endless Mr...
...I attend synagogue on the High Holy Days and festivals...
...Actually, our Shabbat devotes considerable time to Torah-discussion and singing with our young children...
...It is only by keeping these customs that our people will stay alive and differentiated from the mainstream...
...Our religious practices are in the process of evolving...
...As a result, we find ourselves doing more and more with each passing holiday, with each succeeding year...
...Our eight-year-old boy voluntarily wears a tie every Erev Shabbat...
...We find ourselves doing more and more with each holiday, with each succeeding year...
...After all, I am much too rational to raise my voice to God within the confines of a synagogue's walls...
...The advent of the State of Israel has not necessitated any modification or rethinking of Reconstructionism...
...Thirty-five hundred years of historical precedent indicate that only Jews who observe mitz-vot survive as Jews...
...My children encounter a good deal of prejudice among their Conservative classmates...
...We received many hundreds of responses, and a majority of the respondents chose to add comments—sometimes quite extensive—to their more formal answers...
...Living in a small Jewish community where there is no rabbi on a yearly basis and no kosher meat market, it became necessary, over the years, to adjust to the more or less Conservative way of Jewish life...
...Time and again, people took the time to tell us, in considerable detail, how central an aspect of their lives the Shabbat is...
...There's a vast army of Sabbath observers out there who will not be included in this poll simply because they do not subscribe to your magazine...
...The traditional chicken was later joined with soup and, finally, homemade challah...
...that 23 percent of Reform Jews over the age of 50 observe some level of Kashrut, a figure that jumps to 41 percent in the under-35 category...
...This leads to an inconsistent set of religious practices where Kashrut is observed at home and not out, where Pesach or Succot are strictly observed but where the laws on marital relationships are ignored, where Friday night dinner is never missed but where Saturday involves very un-Shab-bat-like activities...
...That summary, in a nutshell, shows that the Pesach Seder continues to be the most honored observance in the Jewish calendar...
...bringing something special—an idea, a ritual object, a picture— for the children, or having them offer something special at Shabbat table...
...We feel that education— and precepts at home—are the spine of fostering strong commitment to Judaism...
Vol. 2 • September 1977 • No. 9
