Gay Jews
Mehler, Barry Alan
ONE MAN'S JOURNEY FROM CLOSET TO COMMUNITY GAY JEWS BARRY ALAN MEHLER Part I At the beginning of 1972—I was then twenty-five—I was leading a perfectly normal life. I had been married for four...
...In May, the New Congregations Committee of the Pacific Southwest UAHC, with no negative votes and one abstention, admitted BCC to the UAHC...
...Homosexuality and other sexual variations are equivalent to murder— maybe worse...
...their blood shall be upon them...
...And finally, "Homosexuals deserve our compassion for the terrible plight under which they labor and should be given every possible assistance to overcome or at least curb the perversion with which they are afflicted...
...In short, homophobia is built into Jewish, tradition: homosexuality is unnatural, an abomination to God and nature...
...Thus "sacred sodomy" penetrated Judea in the times of the early kings...
...Not all, to be sure, punished by stoning...
...I say this in all seriousness...
...Under the rabbinic courts, in the Middle Ages, various punishments, including fines and excommunication, were used to compel bachelors to marry...
...Rabbi Solomon Freehof of Miami's Temple Israel, in a more serious reply, said, "There is no way these people can be admitted...
...I Kings, 14:24...
...No warts, no hair on my palms, no dissipation or degeneration...
...And none of these applied to me...
...Unlike mitzvot based on divine revelation or the special covenant between God and Israel, these laws apply to all humanity, not just to Jews...
...Finally, it urged Jewish lay and religious bodies to support gay rights legislation...
...yet, not to expose themselves would be to perpetuate the lie which accompanies their living in a 'straight' world...
...The blow to family intimacy is often devastating...
...There are over a dozen gay Jewish groups in the United States, Canada, Australia, England, and Israel...
...Married Jewish women either hide their true identity or leave their husbands...
...20:13 and 18:22...
...Rabbi Erwin L. Herman, then director of S.W...
...Maybe gay husbands are more accommodating...
...1 refer those interested to Homosexuality: An Annotated Bibliography by Martin Weinberg and Alan Bell of the Institute for Sex Research founded by Alfred Kin-sey (N.Y., 1972...
...They go on, commonly, to point out that the penis is "by nature" designed to enter the vagina, that the sperm are clearly intended to impregnate the female ova...
...At the same time, "special care should be exercised lest homosexuals be placed in positions where they might influence or seduce others to indulge in homosexual practices...
...On a rainy Friday evening in 1973,1 visited Beth Simchat To-rah, New York's gay synagogue, for the first time...
...and left...
...Frank Kameny, a founder of gay liberation in the U.S...
...As a general rule, Jewish children were guarded against being secluded with heathens...
...The gay synagogues have helped enormously...
...The room was too small and there weren't enough chairs, which gave it a kind of High Holiday spirit...
...By the time I reached my parents' house, several hours later, I was much calmer...
...In the words of Dr...
...Homosexuality, as of old, is a form of idol worship—in American society, "pleasure is idolized...
...Homosexual Jews...
...In the words of New York's gay rabbi, "We are witnessing a redemption no less wonderful than the deliverance of our ancestors from the Egyptian bondage...
...Jewish women rarely do.3 But the Jewish family still exhibits enormous resiliancy...
...But they cannot bring their own lifestyle into that setting, for they know that the moment they grasp the hand of their partner or express Shabbat joy with a post-benediction kiss, they will be ostracized or, at the very least, will become the target of vulgar jokes...
...Dazed by her remark, I sat down and waited until the commercial, and then burst out, "No, this can't wait," and shut the TV off...
...Male sacred prostitutes known to the Hebrews as Kede-shim ministered to worshippers...
...What does it mean then to say that homosexuality is "unnatural...
...What does it mean to say that homosexuality is "unnatural...
...It is a form of idol worship...
...At the regional assembly meeting later that year the delegate vote was nine to one in favor of acceptance...
...Louis...
...7,4: San...
...Yet hiding my true feelings is destroying me...
...Still, the fundamentalists argue, statistical frequency is not a measure of naturalness...
...It is not a result of the evil influence of the Canaanites, or of anyone else...
...I had suspected as much years earlier, during my freshman year at Ye-shiva University, when I had suddenly realized that my feelings for Lisa—the woman I loved back then—were no different from my feelings for Moshe, with whom I had attended yeshi-va as a youngster, and who had loved me with a passion I had never experienced before...
...When it was further explained to him what the term gay meant, his mouth fell open...
...Hebrews, who otherwise were "above such suspicions," succumbed to homosexuality in religious form...
...A lifetime of hiding one's deepest feelings from one's closest family members, and often from oneself, leads to a sense of isolation hard to match, even in our alienated society...
...Synagogue is the place where they want to feel the warmth of life, of love, of sharing with their fellow Jews...
...and a Jew, "One does not propose to a solve the problem of anti-Semitism by conversion of Jews to Christianity, much as this might improve the life of many individual Jews...
...The point is that homosexuality is a naturally occurring phenomenon among Jews...
...Scapegoating will not solve our problems, it will simply drive talented and dedicated gay Jews out of the community...
...Celibacy in the ag-gadic way of thinking is akin to bloodshed...
...The homosexual has a right to remain a homosexual, and in fact a moral obligation to do so, in order to resist immoral prejudice and discrimination...
...socially, and for many economically, they would be committing suicide if they exposed themselves as homosexuals...
...it is a part of the basically "hedonistic socio-cultural setting" (a euphemism for the Canaanites...
...And things are improving in the community as well...
...Relations with parents, children, and siblings is the most common topic of discussion when gays get together...
...Even louder and with greater passion, I answered, "I'll talk as I please...
...On November 7, 1974, the Commission on Synagogue Relations of the Federation of Jewish Philanthropies of New York sent a letter to a select group of people inviting them to discuss a draft of a position paper on homosexuality written by the "Ad-Hoc Task Force on Homosexuality...
...The representatives of the new synagogue came to the UAHC *Merle Miller, a well known author and gay Jew, wrote an article on this for Redbook...
...And Jews, as might have been expected, have been in the forefront of the gay liberation movement since Magnus Hirschfeld, a German Jew, began the Scientific Humanitarian Committee for the liberalization of the anti-gay laws in Germany in 1895...
...century, wanted to prohibit unmarried boys from sheparding, his colleagues protested, "Israelites are above such suspicions...
...Celibacy is prohibited in Jewish law and an unmarried man "surely is no man of achievement or blessing or happiness or peace...
...Fortunately, by 1972 gay liberation was in full bloom all over New York City...
...I exploded...
...It had been my childhood nightmare: waking in the middle of the night, pursued by a dreadful dream, I run to my mother...
...It became apparent that he did not know the nature of the congregation...
...I was preparing to become a rabbi or a professional teacher...
...The Bible looks upon homosexuality as an 'abomination.' These people should be accepted as members of existing congregations...
...Homosexuality is unnatural...
...I began to understand what had happened...
...Rabbis Warn of Creating Another Sodom...
...Again, this evil is not indigenous to the Jewish people...
...I had come for comfort, and there was none...
...People attended services but didn't join...
...1,14...
...A sequel, After Year One, is also very good...
...The debate sparked some interesting dialogue...
...In my own case, after a period of disbelief and incomprehension, the bonds became stronger than ever...
...Homosexual Husbands: What Wives Must Know," April, 1975...
...In some cases, parents refuse to accept the truth even when told...
...Perhaps the Jewish wife is more tolerant or less threatened...
...Some liberal fundamentalists allow for a small compromise: sex and sexual experimentation are acceptable, so long as they take place within the marital context, so long as babies get made along the way...
...Please, please don't fight...
...Their desire for a synagogue of their own would affirm this...
...Homophobia, not homosexuality, weakens the family by alienating children from their parents and community...
...Lev...
...If two adult males engage in consensual sex the punishment is stoning...
...They needed better quarters...
...I am a homosexual...
...I am a homosexual...
...My parents lived 40 miles outside the city, on Long Island, and I called home to tell my mother that I had to see her—that I was a homosexual and had to see her...
...There are gay Jewish groups in Los Angeles, New York, Philadelphia, Washington-Baltimore, Boston, Chicago, London, Montreal, Sydney, Perth, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, Tel Aviv, Haifa, and one being formed in Jerusalem...
...The service was quite traditional with the usual Kabbalat Shabbat songs, candle lighting, Kiddush and motzi...
...At that time they were meeting in a church on Tenth Avenue and 21st Street...
...They operate on a yearly budget of $25,000 and publish, for worldwide distribution, an informative newsletter on gay groups around the world...
...Murder, too, occurs in all cultures, but it remains abhorrent...
...Don't tell me what I am or what my problem is...
...Barry Alan Mehler is a research associate in biology and Instructor in Jewish studies at Washington University, St...
...Kid...
...Is Gay Good?: Ethics, Theology and Homosexuality by Dwight Ober-holtzer (Phila., 1971) contains much material on biblical and religious attitudes...
...The best general paperback is Out of the Closet: Voices of Gay Liberation (N.Y.,1972...
...Jewish food, by contrast, frequently causes my body to respond angrily...
...1 shall not be able to 'bless' a homosexual 'marriage' nor vote for admitting homosexuals into the UAHC---- Let them have their lifestyle, but let us, for their sake, as well as ours, be true to the classic and enduring character of the synagogue and its teachings...
...Calm down, both of you...
...My parents were in their bedroom watching Marcus Welby...
...It often takes years for parents to make even minimal adjustment to gay children...
...The belief that Jews are not prone to homosexuality, or that there are no homosexual Jews, results from abysmal ignorance.2 'There is today an abundance of material on homosexuality...
...The rejection and failure to understand them have not seemed to embitter this group towards the synagogue or Judaism...
...Petrified, I flee into the darkness, from which there is no escape...
...When a dear friend of the family lost his job, had a nervous breakdown, and finally left his wife, I was held responsible because we had an affair years before...
...Homosexuality is not responsible for the disintegration of Jewish family values...
...Here were people who not only could help, but who wanted very much to help...
...When I came in my mother asked if we could talk after the show was over...
...it is one of the essential differences between the Jew and the non-Jew and is associated with idol worship...
...Nevertheless, this position must "not lead to the exclusion of homosexuals from the Jewish community____They must be treated as individuals who have violated fundamental Jewish ethical and religious norms...
...An article written in Israel recently was headlined, "Homosexual Movement Gains Momentum...
...they shall surely be put to death, their blood shall be upon them...
...As it turned out, one of these men lived in the neighborhood...
...Homosexuality exists in all animals and increases in frequency the higher up the evolutionary scale one goes...
...I was driving a cab, and could imagine no future beyond that...
...The Jewish family rarely can accommodate a lesbian mother...
...The document declares these values rooted in "a transcendental source" and therefore possessing "objective validity...
...One gay parent, a well known community leader, and father of four children, expressed the hopelessness of his situation— "for me there is.no exit...
...But it was only years later that I faced the full-blown fact, and it was then that my life came unglued...
...The fact seems to be that gay men often remain with their families, in many cases comfortably...
...The resolution stated that gay Jews had been persecuted and openly discriminated against by the Jewish community...
...for assistance...
...Rabbi Isaac Klein, a noted Talmudic scholar who lives in Buffalo, said on television that until modern times (the last fifty years), there were no homosexual Jews...
...Kaimon was impressed and, in the courageous and progressive spirit of the Reform movement, he decided to help in any way he could...
...Don't talk to me that way," he shouted back...
...Not enough people were taking responsibility for running the temple...
...The death penalty is by stoning, provided neither of the parties is below the age of nine and a day...
...I simply needed to find a woman who could satisfy me...
...UAHC, explained the need for a gay synagogue in the journal of the Central Conference of American Rabbis...
...A young gay Jew, at the funeral of his father, is confronted by his brother, "You did this...
...On the one hand, "Homosexuals should be given every opportunity for meaningful participation in Jewish life," and on the other, "Our responsibility is to protect the community at large against the spread of homosexuality...
...If a man lie with a man as one lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination...
...My father, extremely agitated, responded by telling me that I was mistaken, that I was not a homosexual...
...You killed him...
...In many cases even the closest family members do not know...
...The discussion went on for several hours...
...The Orthodox rabbinate of the City joined hands with the Catholic Church and the Fireman's Association in opposition to legal protection against discrimination for gay people in the city...
...A woman with two children, a beautiful home, and a successful husband must choose between these and the desire to satisfy needs which will not go away...
...1 (Lev...
...Eighteen months later, my marriage was at an end, my family had rejected me, my career plans were a shambles, my aspirations were dead...
...And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death...
...The Task Force calls for "uncompromising and all out opposition to any legitimization of homosexuality" and declares the establishment of "'gay synagogues' or any other institution designed to place the mantle of acceptability upon homosexuality" as an act of "spiritual self-destruction...
...At a cha-vurah gathering a few years ago a gay couple announced their engagement...
...I had been married for four years...
...I had found myself weeping uncontrollably, desperately wanting my mother—no, my mommy—wanting her to take me in her arms and reassure me, tell me that everything would be all right...
...Continued on page 55 GAY JEWS Continued from page 24 There are a great many gays— both men and women—in the Jewish community- Most of them, like the Marranos they so much resemble, live hidden lives...
...With or without community support, the gay synagogue movement will grow...
...Last year they raised over $35,000 for their first building fund...
...This means, of course, despite claims to the contrary, maintaining the criminal status and legal disabilities against gays...
...22:18...
...I am a homosexual, and it was in 1972 that I "came out...
...Sodomy between males is specifically proscribed in the Bible as an 'abomination' punishable by stringent penalties" (a euphemism for stoning...
...This is not true with the men...
...There is no biblical prohibition of lesbianism...
...Thus an adult male who rapes a six year old is punished by flagellation...
...They wanted everyone to know that they were living as a gay Jewish couple...
...The resolution passed by an overwhelming majority...
...Yet I have tried most of these, with no ill effect...
...During the oneg that followed the service, a lively discussion, including a good bit of bickering and complaints, ensued about the temple's goals and direction...
...It is "inconceivable" that any Jewish agency could condone such behavior...
...The modern gay rights movement was started by Jews, and Jews are conspicuous throughout the leadership of the gay liberation movement...
...I can't stand to see you argue like that...
...Deut...
...finally, it does not lead to procreation which is a prime directive for males (women were not commanded to procreate...
...Perry shared the belief in the need for a gay synagogue, having noticed the number of Jews attending church social functions...
...As a result of this contact, the Pacific Southwest Council of the UAHC championed the cause of the gay synagogue...
...The Task Force went on to reaffirm all the ancient strains of homophobia...
...20:15-16...
...Don't tell me what I am or what my problem is...
...As late as 1745, a communal ordinance in Jerusalem ordered all unmarried men between 20 and 60 either to find a wife or move out of the city...
...it has its origins in the fall of humanity through the serpent in the Garden of Eden...
...Thus Beth Chaim Cha-dashim—The House of New Life—became the 658th affiliate of the Reform movement in America...
...After two dozen men and women responded to a call in the gay press to establish a gay synagogue, they were offered free space to meet by the Reverend Troy Perry, minister and founder of the MCC...
...The service was attended by more than 60 people...
...The rabbis were not completely consistent, though, and did promulgate a law forbidding a widow to have a dog...
...At the same time, there was a strong prohibition against giving a male child to a heathen for instruction or vocational training...
...It is not indigenous to the Jewish people...
...Nevertheless, Jews could be tempted...
...On May 20th, in the midst of a hot political debate over intro 2, New York's gay rights bill, the AJC issued a public statement to the New York City Council urging passage of the bill...
...Thus the Committee joined hands with the ACLU and other humanitarian groups in support of the bill...
...Part H Jewish tradition is clear...
...Is this an invitation for gays to join straight temples...
...Their inability or unwillingness to join existing synagogues stems from several facts, as they understand them...
...Breaking through the isolation and fear has been an exhilarating experience...
...Therefore," the statement read, "let it be resolved" that "we recognize the historical persecution of homosexuals...
...City College was running an experimental course called "The Gay Experience," which met for six hours of discussion and sharing every week...
...61b-64a...
...Freud postulated that homosexuality occurred normally in the development of all people...
...It seemed that everything but spirit was in short supply...
...But the basic perspective remains: "normal" sex is procreative...
...This became the most important educational experience of my life...
...However, the punishment for others is milder—death by the sword...
...There are only three things that can make a person a homosexual, he said: either you're born one, or you have a bad upbringing, or there's a chemical imbalance...
...The statement begins, "The Jewish tradition treats homosexual relations not merely as a deviation from the normal sexual practices but as a serious offense...
...It has existed, as far as we know, in all human cultures, throughout history...
...The statement is riddled with contradictions and paradoxes...
...My religious convictions were stable, and my life was well-ordered...
...The first gay liberation movement began in Auschwitz, where 250,000 homosexuals died...
...Alfred Kinsey's studies of sexual behavior among American men and women in the late 1940's confirmed this thesis by showing that completely heterosexual adults are almost as rare as completely homosexual adults...
...I remember the evening I told my parents...
...Below that age a child has no sexual identity...
...He had noticed that a minyan had started and decided to attend...
...The Task Force had met over a period of a year with rabbis, sociologists and psychiatrists...
...As I approached, I noticed a small group of elderly men waiting for the service to begin...
...As such they are entitled to "the same sympathetic consideration and compassion which is extended" to other individuals who fail to live up to the "stringent" demands of Judaism...
...As the gay synagogue movement grows, so does support from the most progressive elements of the Jewish community...
...The resolution urged the Jewish community to "acknowledge" and "accept" its gay members and open the doors "to their full participation...
...Although tragedies abound, there is also acceptance...
...The Jewish tradition opposes "any form of unnatural sexual practices...
...it is at least arguable, on the basis of my body's evidence, that nature did not "intend" stuffed derma to enter the digestive tract...
...The rabbis claim these laws are based on an abhorrence of "unnatural acts...
...Gen...
...Thus the ancient perceptions have remained intact over the millennia...
...1:28...
...The American Jewish Committee needed little prodding...
...By this logic, masturbation is unnatural, and sex is permissible only when procreation is its goal...
...Above all, our children must be protected from them...
...27:22...
...He then went on to say "although I will not judge them or condemn them...
...In April of 1974, at the National Conference of Jewish Women and Men, a conference called to examine changing sex roles and their effect on Jewish tradition, a caucus of gay Jews drew up a resolution to present to the conference...
...departure from them is unnatural, a violation...
...That the rabbis took these ideas seriously is reflected in several early laws...
...homosexuality, masturbation, oral and anal sex, sex with animals, and celibacy, are abnormal, deviations...
...The Task Force emphasizes that "the Jewish community cannot yield to these pressures without undermining the very foundation of its value structure...
...But on the day of the meeting a spokesperson for the Federation said the meeting had been cancelled and the committee had disbanded...
...When R. Judah b. Illai, a tanna of the second lThe basic material in this section is taken from Louis Epstein's Sex Laws and Customs in Judaism (New York, 1967...
...My parents were as frightened and baffled as I was...
...They hardly looked gay...
...But by this logic, the mouth, which is "by nature" intended for speaking and for eating, is abused when used to play a clarinet—or for oral sex...
...Anthropological studies, historical research and modern sociological surveys have shown an extraordinary range of human sexual behavior...
...On the one hand, "All the resources of the Jewish community" should be placed at their disposal to help them "live a Jew-ishly meaningful life," while on the other, this is all being done "in the hope that this will help them practice self control and restrain their impulses which cannot be legitimately satisfied...
...At the 87th Annual Convention of the Central Conference of American Rabbis, a resolution was introduced to "encourage legislation decriminalizing homosexuality, protecting the civil rights of homosexuals and prohibiting discrimination against them because of their sexual preference...
...We were thinking about having children...
...When one of the men explained that this was a gay synagogue, he replied, "I don't care what kind it is...
...Their services are generally attended by more than a hundred people: men, women and children...
...I told them everything...
...Rabbi Arnold Kai-mon, then Assistant Director of the Southwest Regional Division of the UAHC, went to visit the MCC and met and talked with Perry and the synagogue members...
...Epstein, p. 141...
...But with or without community support, the gay synagogue movement will grow...
...The report, however, exists...
...The resolution has not yet been voted upon...
...In the summer of 1973 BCC applied for membership in the UAHC...
...Part ni I must preface these next remarks by saying that I am not trying to "undermine the foundation of Jewish values," endanger the survival of the Jewish people or destroy the State of Israel...
...To come out publicly would cost me my job and bring disaster to my family...
...Yad, LB...
...Under such conditions, considerable pressure has been brought to bear upon the Jewish community to align itself with 'enlightened' progressive opinion and to sanction all kinds of sexual practices as long as they yield gratification to the individual involved...
...She turns to me, her hair in hideous rollers, a tortured expression on her face...
...As soon as we announced this, all the people got up and started dancing around us, singing 'siman tov v'mazel tov, mazel tov v'siman tov...
...Today the synagogue has more than 200 members, who form the largest and one of the oldest of the gay synagogues...
...He suffered a nervous breakdown as a result...
...They declared that the "problem" was a matter of growing concern and "it is evident that we need to know a great deal" about "the nature of homosexuals" and "their fitness for employment in sensitive educational areas...
...There wasn't enough money...
...The oldest gay synagogue, Los Angeles' Beth Chayim Cha-dashim, was organized in March 1972 with the help of the Union of American Hebrew Congregations (official body of the Reform Movement) and the Metropolitan Community Church, a gay Protestant church...
...The final major homophobic strain in Jewish tradition stems from the precept, "Be fruitful and multiply...
...In shock and amazement, he said, "I never heard of such a thing...
...Yeb...
...These are natural functions...
Vol. 2 • February 1977 • No. 5
