Family Purity-A Fresh Look At the Mikvah

Gold, Michael

Family Purity A Fresh Look at the Mikvah MICHAEL GOLD Once a month, after nightfall, my wife keeps a secret appointment. Neither our neighbors, our friends, nor our children know where she goes,...

...The symbolic meaning of the mikvah was pointed out in a beautiful essay by Rachel Adler in The Jewish Catalog (Jewish Publication Society, 1973...
...However, one law has remained part of Jewish practice until this day...
...Yet, I have found that the traditions that cause the greatest struggle can become the most precious to us...
...She is like a psychologist with whom they can share family problems and discuss community matters...
...Actually, tahor means in a state of ritual purity permitting one to enter the holy Temple...
...The hedonistic view, reacting to this, sees pleasure as the ideal, condoning any activity between consenting adults...
...For a week and a half before mikvah night, we avoid marital relations...
...Ifs so much a part of our marriage at this point that I don't think I could give it up...
...I remember when I was about 8 years old, asking my mother to keep kosher...
...Why did the Torah teach that a woman was in a period of niddah for seven days...
...On mikvah night we come back together as sexual partners...
...Yad, Mikva'ot 9:8) keep their heads covered in public with a scarf, hat or wig...
...Nobody expects the great majority of Jews to return to using the mikvah...
...In fact, we are Conservative Jews of a liberal bent...
...The other two are lighting Shabbat candles and separating some dough from the challah.*) Many women are searching for ways to actively express their Judaism...
...It teaches that sex is God's gift to humans and is therefore holy...
...It is one of three classical women's mitzvot...
...During part of the month sex becomes off-limits, and there must be other ways for husband and wife to relate to one another...
...The attendant's job is to insure that the immersion is total, so that even the hair goes under water...
...One of the things we've tried to do through the years is for Michael to drive me, to share the evening together as much as possible...
...The ritual bath itself looks like a Jacuzzi at a health club...
...Usually my wife drives herself, but sometimes I drive her there...
...My wife has noticed that the mikvah attendant plays another role for many of these women...
...What makes the laws of family purity so difficult for modern Jews are two religious restrictions developed by the rabbis in the talmudic period and observed by most Orthodox Jews today...
...When I do, I never park and wait for her...
...I tried to think what would happen if Michael walked in one day and said, "I've decided I don't care if we keep this anymore...
...There is another Torah law that states: "If a woman has a discharge of blood for many days not at the time of her period . . . when she becomes clean, she shall count seven days" (Leviticus 15:25-28...
...My wife and I have found a number of reasons for observing the laws of mikvah—philosophical, symbolic, feminist and traditional...
...My wife and I are not Orthodox Jews...
...The most important reason my wife and I observe these laws is that they are a tradition...
...Yet a small group of Jewish men and women of all levels of observance are beginning to look seriously at these laws...
...On mikvah night my wife carefully bathes, washes her hair, removes all makeup, trims her nails, takes off her jewelry and prepares for the immersion...
...So that she will be beloved by her husband as on the day she entered the chuppah [wedding canopy]" (Babylonian Talmud, "Mikvah Revolves Around The Biology of My Body" moment asked Evelyn Gold, the author's wife, to share her perspective about observing the laws of family purity...
...Many Jews can understand the possible benefit of a one-week separation each month, beginning with the women's menstrual period...
...I didn't have any real frame of reference—no friends or family who went to the mikvah—other than distant [forebears...
...It is noteworthy that when one is tamei, ritually impure, one must avoid two holy experiences: entering the Temple and having marital relations...
...The mikvah attendant observes each woman as she immerses herself and as she says the traditional blessing and immerses herself twice more...
...The Torah teaches, "Do not come near a women when she is tamei with her menstrual flow to uncover her nakedness" (Leviticus 18:19...
...Moses Maimonides (Book of Cleanness, p. 526...
...Yet with the destruction of the Second Temple, most of the laws fell by the wayside...
...They claimed, among other things, that a mikvah in their neighborhood would cause traffic jams and other disruptions...
...Sometimes those traditions are a struggle...
...today it is burned in the oven...
...They therefore ruled that in every case a woman must wait a full seven clean days before going to the mikvah...
...It is used for conversions of men and women, by brides before their wedding night, by some Orthodox men before Shabbat and festivals, and by some observant families who immerse their new dishes...
...The laws also make a statement about the relationship of a man and a woman...
...Neither our neighbors, our friends, nor our children know where she goes, although our children sometimes wonder why she returns an hour or so later with her hair wet...
...ifs up to you...
...So they ruled that for a nearly two-week period, husband and wife should have no physical contact nor sleep in the same bed...
...It is a brush with death...
...the waters are called living waters...
...I've had my moments through the years where I've felt that the burden was on me...
...tamei means ritually impure and unable to enter the Temple...
...Judaism rejects both these extremes...
...Often there' are women in jeans...
...Each monthly period became a time of mourning and sadness...
...I don't have difficulty with the issue of "clean" versus "unclean...
...A woman's monthly period is a nexus point between life and death...
...We can relate as friends, partners and confidants, but not as lovers...
...We pray in a synagogue where women participate equally with men...
...In a suburb of a major Jewish metropolitan area, a group of observant Jews recently wanted to build a mikvah...
...a potential child will not be born...
...A rediscovery of the laws of the mikvah can be seen as part of the feminist agenda...
...The mikvah itself is in a modest building that contains a room for bathing and changing and a waiting room with several hair dryers...
...Nevertheless, in our marital life, we have chosen to observe the ancient laws of mikvah, known euphemistically as taharat hamishpacha, "family purity...
...In the second century C.E., Rabbi Meir attempted to give an explanation for this law...
...Rachel Adler (The Jewish Catalog, p. 170) Niddah 31b...
...These terms are usually mistranslated as "clean" and "unclean," giving the false impression that they refer to something physical...
...Ifs not always easy...
...There is comfort and spirituality in being part of a chain...
...She told me what I would have to do...
...Maybe I would if we kept the laws in the strictest sense...
...Ritual impurity could be caused by contact with a dead body or with various animals, by some skin diseases, and by either "natural" or "unnatural" flows from the body...
...Most are Orthodox...
...Once a month, my wife goes to the mikvah...
...On any one night, a variety of women will be at the mikvah...
...If I felt so separated that we couldn't touch or pass something to one another, it would make me uncomfortable...
...Because these laws are so strict, so private and so easy to misunderstand, it is no wonder that they fell out of practice among the overwhelming majority of Jews...
...She prefers to do her preparations at home, although many women do them at the mikvah building...
...My mother was supportive...
...I've never considered giving it up...
...The miracle is that so many Jews have continued to maintain them...
...I understand the mikvah laws in a spiritual way...
...Actually, every major Jewish population center and many minor centers have a mikvah...
...Perhaps their observance can make sex more holy, perhaps it can strengthen marriages, perhaps it can be a path back to tradition...
...For these reasons alone, the laws of family purity deserve a second look by all serious Jews...
...My wife and I felt this most strongly when we struggled with infertility...
...The rules are part of a group of laws dealing with the concepts of tahor and tamei...
...On the other hand, the mikvah night became a time of hope...
...In the days of the Temple, this portion was given to the priests...
...This served to nearly double the time of separation...
...Holiness is achieved by separation and self-discipline...
...Both men and women could become either tahor or tamei...
...When she immerses herself in the mikvah, nothing must come between the water and her body...
...The period of being tamei from a menstrual period lasted seven days (Leviticus 15:19...
...They know she will never tell, for secrecy, modesty and discretion are absolute requirements of the job...
...The result of being tamei was to be separated from certain holy activities such as worship in the Temple...
...The rabbis ruled that one had to count a minimum of five days for menstruation before starting to count the seven clean days, adding up to a minimum separation of 12 days...
...These laws make a philosophical statement about sexual relations that needs to be made today...
...It is interesting to note that Judaism outlaws sexual relations during mourning...
...In a telephone interview, she offered the comments that follow...
...Twin beds became the norm in Jewish homes...
...The mikvah is a sign of life...
...She went with me to the mikvah the night before our wedding along with the wife of the rabbi who officiated at our wedding Michael had predicted, when we went to meet with the rabbi before our wedding "His wife will probably find a way to take you aside and talk to you about mikvah,"and sure enough, she did...
...we intend to give our daughter the same Jewish education as our son and look forward to her reading from the Torah someday...
...The laws of mikvah as described in the Torah refer to a time when Jewish worship involved offering sacrifices...
...That these laws were integral to living Judaism in Temple times is dramatically shown by the kosher (properly built) mikvaot archaeologists have found at Masada, near the Temple Mount, and at other sites from those days...
...The first concern of the rabbis was the possibility of confusion in counting the days...
...Such naturally gathered water meets the religious requirement that a mikvah contain mayim chayim, "living waters...
...Would it were true...
...And when I met Michael, I knew it was part of the "package" of things we would observe I felt pretty positive about mikvah, even though I still knew very little about it...
...I have a hard time with it more in the winter, with going out when it's freezing cold—I hate to drive in the snow—getting totally undressed and doing everything getting dressed and coming back...
...Today, more communities are building mikvaot and the mikvaot are fancier than ever, perhaps reflecting the greater affluence of the Jewish community...
...Even if we do not quite understand the reasons, we observe them because we are Jews who want to maintain the traditions of our people...
...The rabbis were concerned that a woman might confuse such an "unnatural" flow of blood with her regular menstrual period and fail to count these seven "clean" days...
...Mikvah revolves around the biology of my body...
...Foi my wife and myself there is some truth to this teaching...
...it would be improper for a man to sit in the car outside...
...A couple is not permitted to treat each other as sexual objects...
...In this way, she and I observe one of the most ancient and most misunderstood traditions in Judaism...
...mikvah night has become a kind of monthly second honeymoon...
...I leave and return a half-hour later to pick her up...
...The second concern of the rabbis was that casual contact between husband and wife might lead to sexual intimacy during the forbidden period...
...I don't feel unclean...
...I was looking for an observant lifestyle...
...Some Jews are surprised that our city contains a mikvah...
...Such a woman is called a niddah...
...In the same way that the dietary laws contribute to making eating a form of holiness, I think that the mikvah laws make the whole sexual relationship holy...
...Family purity laws teach us that sexual relations are neither a weakness to be tolerated nor a pleasure to be indulged, but a holy activity and a way of serving God...
...Yet the most important purpose of the mikvah is to enable married women to observe the traditional laws of family purity...
...Jewish women have kept them alive for 4,000 years...
...Neither my husband nor I grew up in observant families, and we both came to observance on our own...
...Some are definitely not Orthodox...
...Michael has a whole realm of observance that I do not keep—his davening [praying]—and I am comfortable with the fact that we each have our own mitzvot...
...Our society wavers between ascetic and hedonistic views of sex...
...Many " Vncleanness' is not mud or filth which water can remove but is a matter of scriptural decree and dependent on the intention of the heart...
...The whole process leading up to mikvah night the preparations and everything—it's a spiritual observance, ifs a spiritual feeling, preparing us to connect together...
...Immersion in a mikvah was one way of becoming tahor...
...it's more difficult now with kids around...
...I also read the books with the strict, letter-of-the-law practices—I can't even remember, somewhere I still have them—but they lost relevance to me as we got into our marriage and established our pattern of observance, which is not strictly Orthodox...
...Another group of Jews tried to go to court to block the building...
...perhaps a child would be conceived this month...
...The ascetic view ties sex to sin and is embarrassed by sex...
...Regular tap water is piped in, but underneath the pool there is a connection to water that has been gathered naturally, either from a spring or a cistern containing rainwater...
...The mikvah simulates the original living water, the primal sea from which all life comes, the womb of the world, the amniotic tide on which the unborn child is rocked...
...And she answered, "When you grow up and have your own home, then you'll do it...
...The mikvah lady would say goodbye to my wife with the words, "see you in nine months...
...The potential begins anew for a baby to be born...
...Here is a classical mitzvah for women directly tied to the cycle of their bodies...

Vol. 14 • March 1989 • No. 2


 
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