Getting a Get: How Some Husbands Are Blackmailing Their Wives-And Getting Away with It
RACKMAX, HONEY
Getting a Get HONEY RACKMAN Margaret's Orthodox upbringing had made her respectful of rabbis. She was a regular at Sabbath services. She quite naturally regarded her rabbi as a father figure,...
...She had retained an expensive lawyer...
...This is true of all legal systems and of the halacha as well...
...The New York Board of Rabbis, which has Orthodox, Conservative, Reform and Recon-structionist members, has overcome the inertia with a resolution urging sanctions against any divorced person who refuses to cooperate with the giving or receiving of a get...
...mail his wife before giving her the get" says Letfman...
...July 25, 1985 Dear Mr.--: The--Court has again received a request from your wife,--, to summon you for an appearance before the Bet Din...
...In short, Rabbi Haut has examined the abused body of Jewish divorce law, and his diagnosis is that the patient is curable if only the qualified doctors would administer the medicine at their disposal...
...In this precedent-setting decision, he reasoned that the aggrieved wife would not have entered into the marriage had she been apprised of certain facts about her husband which he had concealed prior to their marriage.8 In reaching his decision, Rabbi Feinstein cited authorities that supported his ruling and rejected those whose interpretation of law differed from his.9 Although this halachic precedent was handed down in 1961, and despite the venerated position of the rabbi who decided it, no attempt has been made in religious courts to use it in cases where a husband wrongfully refuses his wife a get...
...Since the child carries the lineage of the mother, the child is gentile rather than a mamzer, and if the child is then converted to Judaism, he or she would acquire the status of a legitimate proselyte...
...Some couples find the inclusion of such language, contemplating divorce at the time of marriage, offensive...
...In one widely known case, however, G.E.T...
...Since it is only the husband who is empowered to give it4, he has tremendous leverage...
...Unfortunately, the pressure G.E.T...
...An agunah must accept her fate—a life of bitter despair, unable to remarry...
...Ibid., p. 153...
...Therefore, disregard all previous correspondence on the issue and contact our office to arrange for such an appearance...
...A mamaer shaJI not enter the congregation of the Lord" (Deuteronomy A ketubth...
...They maintain that they are dealing satisfactorily with the individual cases that come before them...
...The business belongs to the family of Velvel Fisher, a recalcitrant husband who defied the direction of the bet din that he grant his wife a get The protesters handed out fliers to passersby urging them to boycott the store so that Velvet's family would pressure him to give his wife, Esther, a get The Committee to Free Esther Fisher was founded by Pearl Herman, Esther's mother...
...Although the picketing was successsful, it was a humiliating experience for everyone, including the community itself...
...Not only is such behavior unethical, it may prove counterproductive if courts continue to overturn inequitable financial settlements obtained as a ransom for a get...
...She fails to please him because he finds something obnoxious about her and he writes her a bill of divorcement, hands it to her and sends her away from his house...
...This ruling sends a signal to lawyers who would counsel their male' clients to withhold a get for extortionate demands...
...p. 222, 223...
...8 Iggerot Moshe, Even Ha'ezer, 1961...
...organization issued a community brief, substantiating its view that such action was justified halachically and explaining why community action was a "good" rather than an "evil...
...One such palliative is the prenuptial agreement mentioned above, in which both partners in the marriage agree to abide by the ruling of a bet din...
...The annulment process fell into disuse when Jews were dispersed and it was feared that batei din (religious courts, singular, bet din) in different cities would not recognize or be aware of one another's rulings, especially rulings in distant jurisdictions...
...The family finally settled on a six-digit figure as the price for their daughter's freedom...
...is located in Brooklyn, N.Y...
...The civil divorce freed her from the harassment...
...Unlike other women, observant Jewish women like Margaret are not free to remarry with only a civil divorce...
...She is supporting herself and her three daughters on a teacher's salary with no help from her affluent husband...
...The latter freeze the halacha against further development by ignoring the dialectic which is the very essence of the halachic process...
...Rabbenu Ger-shom's takanot did not, however, address the problem of the husband who refuses to give his wife a get, but they do reflect the kind of legislation permissible within the bounds of halacha...
...The total absence of structure or consistency leaves the petitioner with the feeling that she is, indeed, Alice in Wonderland...
...A strategy committee weighs other available options if obstinacy continues...
...With their best handwringing gesture, they gently shoo from their presence "feminist" troublemakers, with the condescending assurances that they too are deeply troubled and suffer sleepless nights but cannot change the law...
...Moreover, New York state passed legislation in 1983 that requires parties suing for a civil divorce to sign statements saying they have taken or will take steps to remove any barrier to remarriage...
...This pariah designation carries a far greater stigma than simple bastardy, a term that applies to children bom out of wedlock...
...After three hazmanot have been issued, a seruv (contempt citation which means, literally, "refusal") is supposed to be issued stating that the spouse summoned has refused to come before the bet din...
...150-159...
...The get then becomes a critical bargaining chip in divorce negotiations...
...She cannot afford the lifestyle she once enjoyed (which her husband continues to enjoy), but she is at least free of the intolerable harassment she suffered during her marriage, and she is also free to remarry and have children if she wishes...
...7 Some rabbinic groups would like us to believe that halachic solutions to get blackmail are unavailable...
...Drawing on volumes of texts and supporting responsa, modern Orthodox authorities like Berkovits, Alon and Rackman urge the reintroduction of the annulment process under the aegis of Israel's chief rabbinate...
...a pretense that flies in the face of extensive talmudic research done by several eminent scholars besides Rackman, such as Justice Menachem Alon of Israel's Supreme Court, author of HaMishpat Ha'Ivri, "Jewish law" (1973) and Rabbi Eliezer Berkovits, author of Tnai B'Nisuin If Get, "stipulative marriage and divorce contracts" (1967...
...The former ignore the overwhelming evidence to be found in thousands of talmudic folios which deal with the obligations of a husband to a wife...
...Rabbi Irving Greenberg, president of CLAL, the Rational Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, has estimated that as many as 15,000 mantZfnm are born each year in the United Stales...
...They know this isn't true, but perhaps they say it because they feel that this in itself creates a value: that people should not get used to the idea that Jewish law can be changed...
...The result was that Gloria Greenman, a retired teacher who was a friend of the family, channeled the community's outrage into the establishment of G.E.T.* G.E.T...
...Rabbi Emanuel Rackman, chancellor of Bar-Han University in Israel, has called for a "demythologizing" oihalacha: "By demythologizing, what do we mean...
...and the Israel Women's Network, in concert with an organization called Mitzvah, which attempts to confront the Israeli rabbinic establishment on several legal issues involving women, focusing mainly on the inequities in the Jewish divorce laws...
...In the future, you may contact Rabbi-, chairman of our Halacha Commission, for any action on the get...
...But this law only helps if the husband sues or countersues for divorce...
...As is often the case, its formation was prompted by a particular incident...
...Recalcitrant husbands are not being denied honors in synagogues and in some cases they are even asked to give classes in Jewish law...
...But this is only a partial solution...
...But the case of a woman whose husband deliberately and wrongfully refuses to give her a get is especially egregious, not only because it is by far the most common kind of agunah, but also because it involves deliberate malice...
...Should a mamzer marry a xvm-mamzer despite the prohibition, the mamzer passes on the trait of mamzerut to all offspring since ' 'mamzerim are forbidden and forbidden for all time, whether they are males or females"1...
...telephone (718) 871-3407...
...Legal action in civil courts may also continued on page 58 Getting a Get continued from page 41 be effective in some cases...
...The ex-wife defended herself on the ground that the agreement had been obtained by coercion and under duress and was therefore unenforceable because, as the court stated, "The husband, knowing that his wife was of the Orthodox Jewish faith and could never remarry or bear children without a get, and aware that only he, under Jewish law, could permit such an instrument to issue, used this knowledge to crush the wife's resistance to his extortionate financial demands and that she, because of her desperation to be free to remarry, bear children and live a normal life, simply capitulated...
...The same kinds of ethical and moral considerations are involved when a husband wrongly refuses to give his wife a get...
...One agreement reads as follows: "We, the undersigned, agree that if after we wed we, God forbid, separate, then each of us shall obey the order of a designated bet din regarding the giving or accepting of a get...
...The ultimate source of the Jewish law of marriage and divorce is, of course, biblical: "A man takes a wife and lives with her...
...It is distressing to think that Jews must apply to the civil courts for relief on issues of halacha...
...If, after months of trying, we can't convince the husband to relent we gather a special court together and listen to the woman, and if ifs clear that we have tried for months to get the get, then we grant a hafka'at kiddushin" "There are cases where a man will try to blackof prenuptial agreements in which the husband agrees that he would give his wife a get in accordance with a ruling of a bet din...
...Some prominent Orthodox rabbis have proposed halachic solutions to the problem...
...Why the hurry to give her a gef...
...Gittin 33a...
...Ostrich-like, some Orthodox rabbis have even suggested that there is no problem...
...These takanot were based on ethical considerations— the abuse of Jewish women to which Torah law has always responded...
...caseworkers, volunteers from all professions, attempt to encourage divorcing couples to go to a bet din * G.E.T...
...Thus do I tat free, release thee, and put thee aside in order that thou may have permission and the authority over thyself to go and marry any man thou may desire...
...For women there can be no such release from stigmatizing their descendants...
...such considerations, Rackman says, obviously weighed heavily with Rabbenu Gershom in formulating his takanot: "There are three factors that play a part in all legal development: One is logic, the second is the sense of justice, and the third concerns the needs of society...
...The bonds of Jewish marriages must be undone by the formal act of the husband having a get (plural, gittin) written for his wife, which she must then accept if she wants to be freed from the marriage...
...Even though at the time of her divorce, a woman may have no plan to remarry, she naturally wants that option and the possibility of having children...
...If you want the get [a Jewish bill of divorce], you'll have to pay him," he said...
...organizers went so far as to picket the offending husband...
...The following series of letters reveal, by way of example, part of a seven-year get battle waged by a young mother of two who attempted to support her family and maintain a semblance of normal life while under litigious siege from her lawyer-husband:* April 17, 1985 Dear Mr.--: The Jewish Ecclesiastical Court of--has again received a request from your wife,-- to summon you for an appearance before the Bet Din, regarding a claim against you...
...But the get gave her the freedom to remarry and have children...
...She quite naturally regarded her rabbi as a father figure, despite the fact that he was at most a few years older than she...
...8' 1 Babylonian Talmud (B.T...
...Changes are often requested by people whose motivation is simply selfish...
...The fact that the father was a mamzer would be irrelevant3...
...Kayama, an outreach group that educates the unaware as to the need for a get...
...Translation: On the--day of the week, the——day of the month of--, in the year--horn the creation of the world according to the inlander reckoning we are accustomed to count here, in the city--(which is also known as — —), which it located on the river--(and on the river— —i, and situated near wells of water, I,--(also known as--), the ton of--(alio known as--), who today am present in the city--(which is also known as--), which is located on the river--(and also on the river— —i, and situated near wees of water, do willingly consent, being under no restraint to release, to set free, and put aside thee, my wife.--(also known at-daughter of--(also known as--1, who art today in the city of--(which it alto known at--), which is located on the river--(and on the river--1, and situated near welts of water, who has been my wife from before...
...The rabbi urged his congregation to join a picket line in front of a store owned by the family of a recalcitrant husband to force the husband to give his wife a get as decreed by a legitimate bet din...
...6 According to Rackman, social considerations may properly be given weight in the interpretation of halacha...
...she was willing to accept a get since they had already been divorced in civil court I was curious...
...April 25, 1985 Dear Mr.---: Although we have written to you previously that it is the policy of the--Rabbinic Council not to proceed with a get until after a Civil Decree has been issued, your case has to be an exception to the general rule because of its unusual circumstances...
...siege), none of the rabbis before whom they pleaded their case could suggest anything but payment...
...The essence of the recommendations in these legal analyses is to restore the annulment process used in the days when there was a centralized rabbinic authority...
...Rabbis are not stampeding to utilize even the limited arsenal that is available to them in the battle for a get...
...And where was the anguished outcry she had expected from her rabbi over her husband's unconscionable demands...
...They chanted similar sentiments as bewildered shoppers bypassed the store because they agreed with the chants, or were astonished at the pickets, or both...
...Therefore, please discount the recent hazmanah sent to you...
...With best wishes for the upcoming year, I remain Sincerely yours, This correspondence is not unusual and reflects the often flippant treatment women receive before the batei din...
...They want to justify what they want to do . . . "Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik suggests that instead of saying halacha does not change, we should perhaps speak in terms of innovation in halacha, or of creativity in an immutable halacha...
...Kiddushin 67a, Rashi...
...for the writing of the bill of divorcement...
...Kiddushin 66b...
...Permits for the picketing were obtained and people who usually spend their Sundays playing tennis or watching football carried signs that read: "Give a Get" and "Free Your Wife...
...Those who resist change rest their case on numerous maxims which make one dread any tampering with the sanctity of the marital status...
...Almost 35 years ago, the Rabbinical Assembly and the JTS established a joint bet din...
...Conservative rabbis have incorporated such qualifying addenda into their standard ketubah (marriage contract...
...In the eyes of Jewish law the latter are considered legitimate if the woman is unmarried...
...The girl's parents grew frantic as it became apparent that the rabbinic solutions they had hoped for were chimeras...
...You realize, of course, that according to Jewish law it is incumbent upon you to respond to this second hazmanah [summons...
...Margaret did, in fact, ransom her get by relinquishing everything the court had awarded her...
...Except for covert suggestions that the parents hire some mafioso types to make their son-in-law "an offer he can't refuse" (from which the beleaguered mother recoiled even under Some get disputes have gotten into the newspapers, as in the examples to the right One 1985 story reports how members of the Jewish community, led by the Committee to Free Esther Fisher, picketed in front of the Fisher Quilt Company on Coney Island Avenue in New York...
...The husband gave the get and the ex-wife then dishonored post-dated checks and promissory notes given to him in the settlement...
...But they have met with formidable opposition from the Orthodox establishment...
...The court ruled that if the wife could prove these claims, it would not enforce the settlement agreement...
...This classification also applies to a woman whose husband has disappeared, or become insane (and therefore is incapable of giving a get) or even if he has died without proof of death (Jewish divorce law does not recognize presumptive evidence of death...
...Ibid...
...In the absence of satisfactory Orthodox rabbinical response to the problem, several lay organizations have been formed to combat get abuses and to aid victims of get blackmail...
...that it is fixed}' immutable...
...One solution lies in the creative development oihalacha (Jewish religious law...
...Although the use of such agreements was officially sanctioned years ago by the Orthodox establishment, to date there has been no uniform agreement among Orthodox authorities on the wording of such agreements, nor are they in widespread use...
...July 29, 1985 Dear Mr.--: After receiving your phone call I have decided that since I am leaving the--office next month, I can no longer be involved with the Din Torah that your wife requested...
...She was also confident, as she sat in his study pouring out her misery, that he would be able to solve them...
...In approving the legislation, Governor Mario Cuomo noted that "the requirement of a. get is used by unscrupulous spouses who avail themselves of our civil courts and simultaneously use their denial of a get vindictively or as a form of economic coercion...
...A woman whose husband refuses to give her a get is called an agunah, a chained woman...
...Marriage is not simply a civil agreement—it involves two people, the tradition, and God...
...The Board of Rabbis also urged their constituents to dissolve a marriage by obtaining a get whenever there has been a civil divorce...
...But she had won...
...If you refuse to proceed with a get at this time, please consider this letter as the third and final * Because these were sent to me privately, I have deleted all identifying names...
...In the landmark case of Perl v. Perl, the wife claimed that she had agreed to give up virtually all marital property in order to obtain a get from her husband...
...The late Rabbi Moshe Feinstein issued such an annulment in a case of fraud...
...Bet din procedures are unfortunately labyrinthine, to say the least...
...As anger mounted among the family's friends, all agreed that something must be done...
...Those who clamor for change make it appear that the halacha is unfair to women...
...Unfortunately, the resolution has no binding force on its members and there is no mechanism to monitor compliance »with its terms...
...In addition, protracted and expensive litigation, in civil as well as in religious courts, may be necessary to enforce these agreements...
...Please contact our office to arrange for the Din Torah [hearing] on a day and at a time convenient to you...
...But many will not sign a prenuptial agreement, and so the other alternative, according to Leifman, is hafka'at kiddushin, an annulment The actual practice comes from the Talmud...
...Furthermore, since the case is still pending in civil court, the Bet Din is not in a position to intervene at the present time...
...Where there is resistance, the G.E.T...
...And though she considered herself a very private person, it seemed natural to take her personal problems to the rabbi...
...Neither group does justice to the halacha...
...9 Emanuel Rackman, One Man's Judaism, 1970, p. 242...
...Since it is a civil contract it holds civil consequences, and often my office pursued recalcitrant spouses and tried to adjudicate, threatening a civil case...
...A proper solution should come from the Orthodox rabbinate...
...The trial, the court said, was to "focus upon the diminished capacity of the alleged victim-wife brought about by the husband's stance and the objective unfairness of the bargain...
...With Orthodox rabbinic acceptance of halachic reform seemingly light years away, poultices are being applied to the potential sufferers of get wounds...
...The talmudic law of divorce is an extrapolation from this verse...
...Summarizing the tension between the need for and the resistance to change, Rackman states: Rabbis are not stampeding to utilize even the limited arsenal that is available to them in the battle for a get...
...We don't annul a marriage lightly...
...or traditional Jewish marriage contract, torn apart frames a get or Jewish bill at divorce...
...And, while we try hard to convince the husband to cooperate, we will not allow a woman to be blackmailed Again, the halacha is concerned with the well-being of both the man and the woman...
...One could fill as many volumes as there are books of the Talmud (20, and they are massive) with tearful sagas of Jewish women waiting for gittin from tormenting husbands who dangle the get on a string of preposterous demands, as a cat might toy with a mouse before devouring it...
...Emanuel Rackman, "Jewish Values in Bioethics," in Jewish Values in Bioethics, edited by Rabbi Levi Meier (New York: Human Sciences Press, 1986), pp...
...People respond to stationary that says 'National Bet Din...
...But it is rarely issued...
...Was she now going to be required to forfeit her victories in civil court in exchange for the precious gel...
...Later, Rabbenu Gershom outlawed polygamy as well (known as the cherem d'Rabbenu Gershom), although it was permitted in the Bible...
...Rabbenu Gershom came to their rescue: "When he [Rabbenu Gershom] saw how the generation was abusive of Jewish daughters insofar as divorcing them under compulsion, he enacted a takanah [a directive with the force of law] that the rights of women be equal to those of men, and just as a man divorces only from his own will, so too, a woman might henceforth be divorced only willingly...
...The get becomes a critical bargaining chip in divorce negotiations, giving the husband tremendous leverage...
...2 B.T...
...organizers went so far as to picket the offending husband...
...5 S. Eidelberg, "Teshuvot Rabbenu Gershom Meor Hagolah," pp...
...3 B.T...
...A manner is forever forbidden to many a legitimate Jew...
...In any event, the solution is only partial, for several reasons...
...Maimonides Yad Hachazakah, Issurei Bi'ah 15:3...
...The only escape for the descendants occurs if a male mamzer marries a gentile and has a child with her...
...The punishment for the sins of the parents is inflicted on all succeeding generations...
...You have responsibilities to your Jewish wife stilt Go fulfill them, and then come back' So he went at once to get the get" 'Most of the cases are tragic, but we have had tremendous successes," says Leifman "Now, if we can't succeed through fear and trembling, we will do the annulment' hazmanah for a Din Torah as requested by your wife...
...The ex-husband sued to enforce the settlement agreement...
...10 In a more recent study entitled "Divorce in Jewish Law and Life," attorney and rabbi Irwin H. Haut fortifies the ranks of those seeking to cure get blackmail with halachic surgery...
...4 B.T...
...She's not planning to remarry.' It turned out that he was about to remarry a Cathode woman Being a Catholic, she wanted to be married in church, but when he met with the priest the priest asked, Were you ever married before-* 'I was,' the man told him, tut we're divorced now.' The priest then asked him if he had given his ex-wife a get When the man admitted that he hadn't, the priest said...
...can apply is limited...
...All three elements play a part in Jewish law that there's no escaping...
...Without a ftf, a Jewish wife is considered an ayshel is/i (a married woman...
...Is there no answer...
...It is with regard to divorce law that there is presently the greatest need for halachic creativity...
...G.E.T...
...The rule is that in the case of a prohibited union, the child follows the status of the "defective" parent2...
...While a seruv carries no penalties whatsoever, it has a certain moral force...
...My files are fascinating...
...Haut's is a comprehensive and convincing analysis affirming the viability of Jewish law to end the agunah tragedy through traditional exegesis and/or takanot...
...if only the wife sues, it has no effect on the husband...
...Some Orthodox rabbis say that Jewish law never changes...
...Whether the rabbinate will offer one remains doubtful...
...The board also unanimously agreed to encourage the use Conservative Judaism's Approach "Jewish law should be used and seen as it always has been, concerned with the well-being of both the man and the woman," says Rabbi Morton Leifman, vice president of the Jewish Theological Seminary (JTS) and past coordinator of the bet din (religious court) for the Rabbinical Assembly and JTS...
...There was enthusiastic support from some and outrage from others...
...While most of the divorce cases with which he came in contact were tragic, or at least sad, Leif-man does have amusing stones...
...At that time, Rabbi Saul Lieberman advocated an addition to the ketubah which was to be signed at the point of marriage...
...tractate Yevamot 8:3...
...The court concluded: "Where either spouse has invoked the power of the state to effect a civil dissolution of a marriage, an oppressive misuse of the religious veto power by one of the spouses subjects the economic bargain which follows between them to review and potential revision...
...Despite the attention get blackmail has been given in the Jewish media and the waste of young women spending their childbearing years in ugly and often vicious conflict with recalcitrant husbands, the Orthodox establishment has not responded...
...caseworker begins with subtle urging, proceeding to more radical measures if resistance stiffens...
...That seemed to work, and even just getting a letter from our office was sometimes enough to pressure a spouse into appearing before the bet din...
...attempts to use community pressure to fight get abuses...
...Norman Tokayer, current president of G.E.T., admits that the group does not always get their get, but it is not for lack of trying...
...In one case, G.E.T...
...6 Dr...
...But it was the only way to secure a young woman's freedom after more than five years of tortuous battles before batei din...
...Most were won over, but not all...
...Please contact our office to arrange for the Din Torah on a day and at a time convenient to you...
...it had been a hard-fought divorce...
...His answer was not what she expected...
...A young man who was being divorced by the daughter of a well-to-do family decided he could obtain a fatter settlement by refusing his wife a get than by pleading the merits of his case in civil court...
...19-21...
...5 Rabbenu Gershom's takanah protected women from divorce against their will...
...Some batei din simply state, as does the Rabbinical Council of America, "We don't issue them...
...No person may hinder dree from this day onward, and thou art permitted to every man...
...The G.E.T...
...You realize, of course, that according to Jewish Law it is incumbent upon you to respond to this second [sic] hazmanah...
...This shall be for thee from me a bid of dismissal, a letter of release, and a document of freedom, in accordance with Use laws of Moses and Israel 23:3...
...They reasoned this way: People who marry do so with the consent and authority of the court Since the court granted it the court can withdraw it We prefer, of course, a clean break, a get We try very, very hard to convince the man to cooperate...
...Mamzerim, on the other hand, are illegitimate...
...Should she disregard this religious law and take a second husband without a get from the first husband, children from the second marriage will be (illegitimate...
...When she leaves his house, she may go and be another man's wife" (Deuteronomy 24:1-2...
...Other such organizations iqMude Agunah, Inc., which does not deal with individual cases, but attempts to arouse public opinion to force the hand of the Orthodox rabbinate to find a halachic solution...
...An entire tractate of the Talmud—Gittin How Some Husbands Are Blackmailing Their Wives—And Getting Away with It (Divorces)—is devoted to this subject and the minutiae <>l' its enforcement and ramifications...
...The property settlement agreement specifically provided that it was conditioned on the husband's granting the wife a get...
...It is a civil contract wherein both spouses agree that if there were a civil dissolution of the marriage, and one spouse requested that the other appear before a bet din, they both would do so, and would abide by its decision...
...Once, a man came to me and said 'I want to give my ex-wife a get I spoke with the ex-wife, and yes...
...The announcement from the pulpit on a Shabbat raised eyebrows...
...The best known is G.E.T., an acronym for Getting Equitable Treatment...
...As long ago as the 11th century, Rabbenu Gershom of Mainz recognized that a law giving a husband the unilateral right to divorce his wife, for reasons serious or cavalier, left women prey to arbitrary abandonment...
Vol. 13 • May 1988 • No. 3
