Growing a Soul
Williams, Tamara
Dissent Spring 2010:Dissent, rev.qxd 3/4/2010 11:08 AM Page 37 Growing a Soul PARTY OF THE FUTURE TAMARA WILLIAMS Growing up in the Bronx, I realized early on that this wasn’t a place...
...Life is just a chance to grow your soul, and in college I’ve started to grow mine...
...I went through issues there, like one of my close guy friends committing suicide and my family going through major financial difficulties at home...
...TW was born in the Bronx, New York, in 1989...
...The work was a big shock...
...In the Bronx you witness many things you shouldn’t have to see...
...They just stood there and looked...
...To my surprise, I ended up with a white roommate, one of only five in the program...
...I had to choose everything, from what I wanted to eat to whom I wanted to room with...
...To this day we are close friends...
...I got very scared...
...In Syracuse, it seemed to be okay “because everyone does it...
...I realized that I had a lot in common with the Jewish students—I feel that we share a strong sense of family and an ability to handle setbacks...
...When I entered my teens, many of the boys I grew up with joined gangs and started to be in the street...
...I am a quiet person who likes to observe the situation before acting or speaking...
...Just like my taste with friends, I am attracted to all different shades of guys...
...You grow up knowing racism exists, but you don’t think people will be racist to you until they are...
...Another time, some drunken white guy called my friends and me “niggers...
...A couple might get into a fight about something that happened earlier that day...
...When the school year began I still hung out with the people I knew from Summerstart, but I realized quickly that I was a minority...
...SPRING 2010 DISSENT 39...
...My sister and I are best friends, but I didn’t feel that I had an identity separate from hers, so we agreed to go to different schools...
...Coming from New York City, I have the tendency to say what I want and be as truthful as possible...
...Picking friends was tough as well...
...I was used to being around minorities, but when I started hanging out with my Jewish friends, I realized I like Jewish boys too...
...I came into Syracuse as a premed/psychology major, but I changed soon after because I hated biology...
...Syracuse is 80 percent white, and I was a small fish is a big pond...
...Now, senior year is right around the corner, and I realize how much I’ve learned...
...With meeting new friends comes meeting new boys...
...In high school it was easy to put work over friends, because doing well, and getting out of the Bronx, was my number one priority...
...It’s part of the Higher Education Opportunity Program, which helps lowincome students to attend college...
...Going away from home allowed me to know more about myself than I would have ever known if I had stayed in the Bronx...
...I ended up at Syracuse, a school five hours and light years away from her, from my SPRING 2010 DISSENT 37 Dissent Spring 2010:Dissent, rev.qxd 3/4/2010 11:08 AM Page 38 PARTY OF THE FUTURE friends, and from the Bronx...
...these are traits you have to pick up just to survive, and to this day, I still don’t think I have learned them all...
...I’m scared to go out at night...
...The sidewalks were so clean, and everything seemed to move more slowly...
...For once in my life I felt really safe...
...When I came to college, I suddenly had so much more responsibility than before...
...My race played a big part in social difficulties at school...
...I chose to be an English major because writing is something I really enjoy...
...My neighborhood isn’t for people whose personality is like mine...
...Some people make jokes, and others say things that are intentionally offensive...
...Then your whole perception of the world changes...
...When I went to one of the white fraternity parties with one of my other black friends, none of the white people got on the dance floor with us...
...My neighborhood is very rowdy...
...I might not have the best of grades, but I got something better: I found me...
...People hold their tongues here and are less confrontational...
...The buildings were oldlooking, like something you would see in a movie...
...I came to Syracuse in the summer of 2007, and I was amazed by how pretty it was...
...If the gangs aren’t enough to keep me inside at night, the disputes are...
...Every decision was mine, and it took a while to get used to that...
...Once I got to Syracuse I realized that’s not how other kids work...
...But our relationship quickly stopped being a challenge and started being fun...
...there are many days when I know I have a paper due, but I’d rather go out...
...Living with friends makes it even harder to stay on task...
...Even now, in my junior year, I still have problems completing all my assignments...
...At first I thought all these kids were being fake...
...I switched to English, though I still take courses that use psychology to analyze literature...
...When sophomore year came, I branched out in my friendships and started meeting different guys...
...Once I stepped out of the minority social group, I found myself in the role of “the token hot black girl...
...When my Summerstart group started to seem too small, I began branching out to the greater population of the school...
...In Summerstart, I wasn’t really thinking of having girlfriends because one of my goals in college was to find a husband...
...Choosing my major was one of the hardest decisions I ever made, because everyone in my family wanted me to pick a “preprofessional” major...
...You have to find out which ones are good for you and viceversa...
...She is currently a junior at Syracuse University, where she is majoring in English...
...Dissent Spring 2010:Dissent, rev.qxd 3/4/2010 11:08 AM Page 37 Growing a Soul PARTY OF THE FUTURE TAMARA WILLIAMS Growing up in the Bronx, I realized early on that this wasn’t a place for me...
...I love it for how upbeat it is, and how there’s always something going on, but I hate it for that same reason...
...In the summer, when I first came to college, I assumed I would do it all, but once I made friends, I wanted to spend time with them instead of doing my homework...
...I sometimes have trouble with the boys who are outside—they won’t leave you alone...
...She went to St...
...I don’t need to be reminded a hundred times a day...
...When I decided I wanted to go away for college, it was for two reasons: I wanted to get away from New York City and see the world, and I wanted to see who I was without my identical twin sister, Tara...
...I managed to keep myself somewhat stable in tough situations...
...She grabbed whatever was around to put on...
...In this program, there were mostly minority students...
...Then I realized that, to them avoiding drama and having people to party and network with was more important than having true friends...
...When I arrived in the summer, I did a program called Summerstart...
...I have one more year left, and I get to go through it with confidence in myself—and that’s more than most people can say...
...This was just the first of my many surprises...
...When this happens, I have to remind myself what’s more important...
...It was very peaceful and so different from the Bronx...
...John’s, in Queens...
...I met people who are different from me, and we learned about each other’s views on life...
...I’m also getting a double minor in drama and dance...
...Going to a different school so far from home was not a walk in the park...
...I try to do it both ways: I have my real friends, and then just people I talk to in order to make networking connections...
...Soon the people I used to call my friends were people I was scared of...
...She did things so differently: for example, I would wake up two hours before class to get dressed...
...Now that I am a junior, I have all different shades of friends, and I’ve realized friendship is about who your personality agrees with...
...I now know who I am...
...We rubbed off on each other—I even helped her match her clothes...
...It wasn’t that it was much harder—it was the amount...
...It seems like every night two girls will fight over a guy, and sometimes it’s the adults doing the fighting...
...At home, when people talked behind my back, I didn’t want to 38 DISSENT SPRING 2010 Dissent Spring 2010:Dissent, rev.qxd 3/4/2010 11:08 AM Page 39 PARTY OF THE FUTURE be their friend anymore...
...I get it, I’m African American...
...After a couple of crushes didn’t work out, my goal of finding a husband changed, and I was very content being by myself...
...One time this boy took my keys and told me he wasn’t going to give them back until I gave him my phone number...
...My family’s difficulties weren’t different from any other black household, but not being with my sister and my family in their time of need was very painful for me...
...I don’t know what I am going to do after I graduate, but I believe that I made the best decision for me...
...As a result, many of my friends are Jewish...
...Being in a place you have never been, you realize no one’s going to look after you...
...There are fights every day and police on every corner...
...Summerstart made it easier to come from an urban environment to college because almost everyone in the program was either Latino or African American like me...
...You have to be street smart and quick on your feet so you know how to react to any and all situations...
...In college, I’d rather socialize and make personal connections than do work...
Vol. 57 • March 2010 • No. 2
