Riot Journal: Sri Lanka
Selvadurai, Shyam
Shyam Selvadurai 's first novel, Funny Boy, was published in the United States this past spring, having received widespread acclaim when it initially appeared two years ago in England, India, and...
...I was struck by how uniform and characterless the rooms looked, with their debris of furniture and charred walls...
...Of course this means that Sena Uncle won't be able to pick us up...
...Sena Uncle stood by watching helplessly...
...I observed all this with not a trace of remorse, not a touch of sorrow for the loss and destruction around me...
...They, too, must have been stolen...
...Otherwise, how could the mobs get electoral lists so quickly...
...I don't think that we ever imagined we would go abroad under these circumstances, as penniless refugees...
...Chithra Aunty was free to cry...
...Once Chithra Aunty and Sena Uncle had left, Amma called us into the dining room...
...I sat on the steps that led out from the French windows into the garden and listened to them...
...AUGUST 2. So many things have happened over the last four days, I have not felt like writing until now...
...Yet there was nothing to buy...
...I have to see what happened...
...We went to meet them...
...I am using my torch to write this...
...She seemed to be climbing very slowly...
...How can the government be doing this...
...She tries not to let us see her crying and goes to the bathroom...
...I have tried to read, but that is impossible, too...
...This means that we have no chance of escaping if the mob comes down our road...
...I wish the mob would come so that this dreadful waiting would end...
...After all, we Tamils helped vote them in...
...The family in the car were simply staring out at the thugs as if they didn't realize what was going on...
...Legs, posts, and arms of well-known furniture, once polished smooth and rich brown in hue, now that they had cracked open revealed the whiteness of common wood...
...Wait till morning...
...6:00 P.M...
...Just when we thought everything was going back to normal...
...Appa told us to get our knapsacks...
...Appa looked stern and serious, Amma was very gentle...
...Everyone is supposed to be asleep, but I don't think anyone is...
...My father nodded and stood up...
...So once again we have an escape plan...
...The first noise we heard was a crash and the shattering of glass...
...Not long after my last entry, Sena Uncle returned...
...The riots have begun again...
...From the top of the ladder I could see the glow of the mob's flares as they drew near...
...The police and army just stood by, watching, and some of them even cheered the mobs and joined in the looting and burning...
...Appa was silent for a while, then he said, "I must go...
...Like me, they are certain that the mob will come...
...The men had gone away, he told us...
...So how did this story start...
...9:30 A.M...
...I had to go into the drawing room and join them...
...Amma asked what they would want the petrol for, and Appa told the clerk to tell his story again...
...He was trying to cheer me up, and as I listened to him talk, something occurred to me that I had never really been conscious of before—Shehan was Sinhalese and I was not...
...Sena Uncle has gone looking for them...
...Fortunately there were no tourists there at the time...
...11:00 P.M...
...Everything that was not burned had been stolen...
...I couldn't bear to go into the drawing room and see Amma crying...
...Ammachi andAppachi are the latest visitors...
...She said it so gently that for a moment I thought it was time to get up for school...
...I felt hot, angry tears begin to well up in me as I saw this final violation...
...By the time I had turned onto our road, I could already feel a few drops of rain on my arms...
...From the dining room, I can hear the murmur of Neliya Aunty's and Amma's voices and the clatter of plates and spoons...
...Appa sat in a chair, his SUMMER • 1996 • 157 Riot Journal legs sprawled out...
...Sena Uncle is going to return with his van...
...Then they jumped down...
...Chithra Aunty started to say something more, but Sena Uncle stopped her and nodded towards us children...
...It is obvious that something odd is going on, but what it is we don't know...
...Then we went into the dining room...
...Appa looked very thoughtful...
...Sena Uncle said something, and Amma drew in her breath...
...I was lying on my bed, reading, and then I must have fallen asleep...
...He had got on his bicycle and ridden away as fast as he could...
...When they came out, Amma and Neliya Aunty looked frightened...
...I didn't bother to close the gate as I left...
...I thought I would go into the garden and sit on the swing for a little, but when I got there I didn't feel like it...
...The mob had set the car on fire with Ammachi and Appachi inside it...
...Perera Uncle shook his head...
...We had been in the library an hour when Sena Uncle came to fetch us...
...For some strange reason we could no longer hear the chants of the mob...
...We are going, not with the idea that something delightful awaits us, but rather with the knowledge that great difficulties lie ahead...
...It's SUMMER • 1996 • 149 Riot Journal safer this way...
...It was Sena Uncle and Chithra Aunty...
...I just stood where I was, not knowing what to do...
...Amma said that we can only take a knapsack, otherwise it would look suspicious...
...It is their attempt to provide some normalcy to the day...
...I was in Sanath's room and the door was open...
...The moment we saw their faces we knew that the situation was serious...
...We couldn't, for if we started we would never stop...
...He had to abandon the van on Galle Road because some thugs stole all the petrol from it...
...AUGUST 27...
...They only bring dismal and depressing news with them...
...When we were in the garden, Shehan told me he had gone to our house looking for me and was horrified when he saw the burnt remains...
...Then I become angry and frustrated, because I can't have them...
...We followed Perera Aunty into the house, going down a dark corridor to the kitchen...
...We have gone to bed completely dressed, even with our shoes on...
...Before leaving, Amma, Neliya Aunty, and Sonali collected whatever had not been destroyed...
...So I went and stood under the study window...
...Until then, I'll go and keep watch over the car...
...When the pavement had cleared he had seen a terrible sight...
...But I wish I had not found out...
...I find it impossible to imagine that the world will ever be normal again...
...Only one visit brought me pleasure, for this afternoon Shehan came to see me...
...A whole cycle of life seems to have passed since the last time we met and lay on his bed, talking about what subjects we would take if we passed our 0 levels next year...
...They, too, seemed to have shrunk in size...
...We ask you to consider one of the following options: 1.You can leave a specific amount or a particular asset...
...They had been to the area around Kanaththa...
...If not, why aren't they declaring curfew, and why aren't the police and army stopping the mobs...
...When Appa had finished the telephone call, he was silent for a moment...
...Despite the phones being dead yesterday, news seems to have got around about what happened to us...
...Our lives have completely changed...
...I couldn't cry for my own house, but it was easy to grieve for my grandparents' house...
...Amma had smudges on her face...
...They had finally been able to get some petrol and secure a curfew pass...
...We are not using our own car because it is too small for all of us...
...The sound was so loud in the stillness that all the neighborhood dogs began to bark...
...2. You can leave a specific percentage of your estate...
...Chithra Aunty shuddered when he said this...
...I am so relieved, because this must mean that the government is not behind the rioting and that Sena Uncle and Chithra Aunty's story was wrong...
...Everyone there was looking very serious...
...that in two days we will be in a strange country...
...Amma asked...
...The mob had left by now, and there was a terrible silence, broken only by the sound of wooden beams giving way with a groan and crashing to the ground...
...After Sena Uncle left, we all remained as we were, not knowing what to do...
...Neliya Aunty was the next to come up the ladder, and then Amma...
...Be careful," Amma whispered up at me...
...I can't decide which thing to take...
...All I can do is write in this book...
...In my room, I had thought to do the same but then left everything as it was...
...Then Chithra Aunty began to cry...
...JULY 12:30 P.M...
...Sena Uncle and Chithra Aunty came to visit an hour ago...
...The doorbell rang again...
...Cracking and banging and the dragging of heavy objects across the floor...
...After a slight pause, she jumped Now it was my turn...
...Soon the darkness of the night was broken by a golden light, as if the sun were rising...
...Amma and Appa called us into the drawing room a few minutes ago...
...It wasn't right...
...Even from where he stood, he could smell petrol...
...Anima refused to take anything, because they have families to feed as well, but they were insistent...
...When I reached it, I pushed open the gate...
...Sena Uncle's mother lives next door, and there is a door in the side-garden wall between the two houses...
...When he had finally made it to Galle Road, it was crowded with traffic going in all directions...
...This surprised me, because it was the first time that Anima had shown she was aware of Diggy's hostility towards Shehan whenever he visited me...
...I sat on the wall and, after looking fearfully at the distance between myself and the ground, I closed my eyes and jumped...
...But how can we hope for the best after hearing such a story...
...About an hour ago we heard a bicycle bell outside...
...I long to be with Shehan, and I am thinking of slipping out this afternoon to see him...
...Sonali asked...
...she asked...
...Then I heard the chants of the mob...
...AUGUST 25...
...But I haven't been able to sleep...
...Appa shook his head...
...You even warned me, but I refused to believe you...
...3. You can leave the remainder of your estate...
...Sena Uncle tried to dismiss the call, saying that it was probably some crank, yet, all the same, he looked very worried...
...I had dreaded our parting so much that, for fear of the pain, I had withdrawn from him I suppose he had done the same thing...
...Morrow Co...
...1:00 P.M...
...A little while ago, Amma and Appa asked us children to come into the dining room...
...Finally Amma yelled at him, "You have children to think of...
...I should have seen it, I should have known things would come to this...
...I try to remind myself that the house is destroyed, that we will never live in it again, but my heart refuses to understand this...
...She asked us to follow her onto the back verandah...
...Since the mobs have electoral lists, they know which houses are Tamil and which houses aren't...
...From the top of it, I could see our house, its black walls and beams visible above the other houses...
...The house looked even more bare, even more desolate than before...
...But I only get irritated and lethargic...
...The government has now declared curfew...
...Now we were all alone...
...Then I heard Amma begin to weep, a long cry of despair...
...As I examined the charred things on the floor, I was suddenly aware that records were not music but plastic, which had now melted into black puddles...
...Today I watched a beggar woman running from car to car at the traffic lights, her hand held out, and I wondered if this would be our plight in Canada...
...he asked...
...There was a car in the middle of the road with a family inside it...
...We're not one hundred percent sure that they are behind the rioting," my father said...
...In the back garden, I saw that our ladder has been placed against the side wall...
...The fire had completely died down by now...
...I had reached the top of the ladder now...
...It has been planned in advance...
...JULY 25, 1983, 6:00 A.M...
...When I heard this I thought about childhood spend-the-days and all the good times we had there...
...Still, we know what she is doing in there and that makes us feel terrible...
...By then, the other neighbors had come to see the devastation...
...I was in such a hurry to get to the top that I missed a rung and nearly fell down the ladder...
...I must have been crying, because I remember her saying to me, "Don't cry, child...
...Never mind why," Amma said...
...Everybody stared at me as I entered the drawing room, but I avoided looking at any of them Amma turned to Sena Uncle...
...It, too, has been destroyed...
...We have finally learned why Sena Uncle did not come for us...
...For more specifics on this or other information on gift planning, feel free to phone or write Dissent, 521 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y...
...They just stood there looking at us, not knowing what to say...
...Sena Uncle thinks that the phone call was made by the same men and that they have no intention of burning the house, it's simply a way of extorting money...
...3:00 P.M...
...The thought of not having Appa around is frightening Amma didn't want to go without him, but he said that it was too dangerous for us to stay here, because we don't know when the next riot will break out...
...Appa motioned to us and we followed him onto the back verandah...
...Oh God, they are setting the house on fire...
...The clerk called out to him, and he saw him and came to the pavement...
...Diggy, who was also in the drawing room, looked as if he was about to follow us, but Amma called out to him to leave us alone...
...There was a high window in the storeroom and we all looked up at it, as if through it we hoped to see what was happening...
...I began to ride up the road, and the rain suddenly started, falling in great torrents, as it does during the monsoon season...
...I was in the garden trying to read when I heard the sound of Amma's and Appa's voices...
...But my family and some visitors SUMMER • 1996 • 155 Riot Journal were in the drawing room, so I shook his hand instead and asked him to follow me into the side garden, where we could be alone...
...Today I received my passport...
...EDS...
...She left the lamp on a shelf and went out of the storeroom, closing the door behind her...
...I can still smell his particular odor on my body, which always lingers on me after we make love...
...We have listened to the broadcasts at 6:00, 7:30, and 8:45, but there is still no mention of the trouble...
...This was not something we had expected...
...Appa is in his study reading the newspaper and waiting for the next news bulletin...
...We had an unending stream of visitors today...
...Then, through the storeroom window, we saw a spiral of smoke...
...Finally Amma moved in her chair and said, "We should inform the rest of the family...
...My parents want him to take us to one of the refugee camps that have been set up for victims of the riots, but he and Chithra Aunty will not hear of it...
...We looked at each other, not knowing what to do...
...The next thing I knew, Neliya Aunty was shaking my shoulder...
...We heard people running down our road, shouting that the Tigers had landed in Colombo, that they had come to avenge the Tamil people...
...Amma comforting Chithra Aunty...
...How were you able to see it...
...Appa tried to dismiss the whole thing...
...I noticed that Amma has removed her thali and gold bangles...
...All the adults, too, have torches...
...Then, not far in the distance, he had heard a sound like a gunshot...
...Then Appa said, "It is very clear that we no longer belong in this country...
...Yet nobody made an attempt to get up and go to the phone...
...Curfew was lifted for a few hours so people could buy food...
...He indicated for Sonali to go up first, and he shone his light along the ladder...
...Come and have some tea," Perera A LEGACY OF IDEAS A bequest of any size can be of lasting benefit to Dissent and help ensure that the ideas and beliefs you hold dear will continue to have a public forum...
...11:30 P.M...
...Amma told us to wear jeans or something that was easy to move around in...
...I have asked the others what they are taking...
...Appa waved his hand and said,"They might as well 150 • DISSENT Riot Journal know...
...She lives in Colombo Seven, and so far that area has not been affected at all...
...From the silence in the drawing room, I knew what had happened...
...My father nodded...
...First, Appa won't be coming for a while...
...Neliya Aunty, who always wears a sari, has borrowed a pair of Amma's pants...
...The road was deserted...
...Amma asked...
...When we came to the gate, Appa was already talking to a man on a bicycle...
...The rumors are true...
...He called Sena Uncle a traitor for sheltering Tamils and said that he and other "patriots" were coming tonight to kill us and burn down Sena Uncle's house...
...Yesterday, we buried Ammachi andAppachi...
...does, this everyday sound, is make me realize how frighteningly different this day has been so far...
...She began to climb to the top...
...Then someone banged on our gate...
...So many houses have been destroyed that from the top of the road you can see clear to the railway lines and the sea...
...When we were leaving in the van, Mrs...
...A lot of the grocery stores are owned by Tamils, and they have all been destroyed...
...It was peculiar to see her standing near the coffin during the service, her head thrown back in the way Ammachi used to do when she was upset about something and didn't want anybody to see it...
...We all crowded inside...
...He got the number from Kanthi Aunty, and he said that he had been trying to get through since Monday...
...After breakfast, my parents, Neliya Aunty, Sena Uncle, and Chithra Aunty went into Appa's study and closed the door behind them...
...Someone has to look out for"—he moved uncomfortably in his chair—"stray dogs and crows...
...Amma andAppa have phoned the other aunts and uncles...
...What's the damage...
...Even though this is awful, I hope he is right...
...It's not safe...
...Should we do it...
...Without turning on any of the lights in the house, we must go into the dining room with our bags...
...I am also beginning to feel claustrophobic, because with so many people in the house it is impossible to have any peace and quiet...
...By the time I got to my door, Sonali, Diggy, and Neliya Aunty had already come out into the hall...
...I noticed that some of the other neighbors were watching from behind their gates...
...A year seems to have passed since that time...
...I leaned back on one of the verandah posts, exhausted, and stared out at the garden...
...152 • DISSENT Riot Journal Finally she reached the top and sat on the wall...
...Sena Uncle said that Ramanaygam Road looks as if someone has dropped a bomb on it...
...If there is any 154 • DISSENT Riot Journal trouble, we are to go over to his mother's house and she will hide us in the library, a room that is easy to miss unless you know the house well...
...they had all been removed to the airport...
...Ammachi and Appachi's area is particularly bad...
...He has to settle many things over here...
...It's the little things, the comforts and luxuries, that I miss...
...She must have sent them next door with her jewelry box...
...No," Amma said, alarmed...
...They've gone," Perera Uncle finally said...
...How quickly everything happened...
...The first thing that struck me was how much smaller the house seemed, now that most of the roof had caved in...
...The phones are dead, and for the first time I'm really frightened...
...Appa also sent our birth certificates and bankbooks...
...I knew that I couldn't stay in Sanath's room anymore...
...Once the sky had got lighter, we went to look at our house...
...I looked around me now...
...The araliya tree was bare of its flowers...
...While we were searching through the house, we heard a van stop...
...Appa has just finished talking to Kanthi Aunty on the phone again...
...It's too dangerous...
...Why, Amma...
...I'm going to shut the door now," Perera Aunty said apologetically...
...Before he left, the clerk had taken one last look at the car...
...She has cried a lot this morning...
...The thugs were syphoning petrol out of it and pouring the petrol on the car...
...All the Tamil houses near the Kanaththa Cemetery had been burnt...
...Appa cautioned us to stay in the dining room...
...Why didn't I see this coming...
...She and Appa have worked out an escape plan...
...But you saw it...
...Appa was on the phone, and from the expression on his face, we knew that something had happened...
...Finally he put the phone down...
...After he heard the news, Appa sat in the front garden, staring ahead of him...
...I had borrowed Sanath's bicycle for the afternoon, and as I cycled along Galle Road towards Sena Uncle's house, I had the nagging sense that there was something I needed to do but I couldn't remember what...
...They stared at the house for a long time...
...As he cycled towards Galle Road he saw that all the Tamil shops had been set on fire and the mobs were looting everything...
...I stared at her, unable to move...
...The funeral was held last night and the mob at the cemetery went on a rampage...
...It's difficult to see clearly when you're in the middle of something...
...Appa can't take his money out of the country because of government regulations...
...He told us to go to bed, that it was only a rumor, that there was probably some gang fight in a slum around Kanaththa which people were calling a communal riot...
...As we closed the door, I heard Chithra Aunty and their son, Sanath, dragging the dog kennel in front of the door...
...Perera Aunty beckoned to me urgently...
...Many thoughts went through my mind as I stood there...
...The light even came into the storeroom, illuminating our upturned faces...
...The chants of the mob were getting louder...
...The caller knows that we are here...
...Radha Aunty flew back from America for the funeral...
...The announcement of the curfew has not stopped the riots, and in fact the fighting has got worse...
...Appa became silent...
...I'm tired of everything...
...Tonight we must sleep in our shoes again...
...There was something ironic about that...
...But he got there too late...
...Ever since I heard this story, I have not been able to stop thinking about that family in the car...
...At first I didn't comprehend the reason for the electoral lists, but now I have thought about it and I understand...
...I have so many assets here...
...Amma, Neliya Aunty, and Sonali were in the garden, tending to the rose bushes and SUMMER • 1996 • 151 Riot Journal anthuriums...
...Even though Appa didn't think it was necessary, Amma made each of us go up the ladder so that we could get a feel for it...
...SUMMER • 1996 • 153 Riot Journal Aunty said...
...It was a bright, sunny day, so different from what a funeral day should be like...
...We heard the rattling of teacups in the dining room...
...We are supposed to bring a few clothes and one other thing that is important to us...
...Even the verandah seemed alien...
...After the last broadcast, Appa looked at Amma significantly and said, "No curfew...
...I had come home from being with him, and I was so nervous that others would detect it that, after putting my bicycle away at the back, I rushed to the shower...
...From the way he said it, I assume that this has something to do with what Sena Uncle told him...
...Then other sounds started...
...What shall we do now...
...Perera Aunty and Perera Uncle came in...
...It was a small room, and it smelled of raw rice and Maldive fish and other dry provisions...
...He turned to her...
...JULY 27, 7:00 P.M...
...The traffic in front of him was too congested and, fearing the worst, he had got out of his car and hurried along the pavement...
...Two hours ago the phone rang in the hall, waking us all...
...I sat on the verandah steps and wept for the loss of my home, for the loss of everything that I held to be precious...
...We're going to spend a few days at Chithra Aunty and Sena Uncle's house," she said...
...I have just returned from seeing Shehan...
...When I left his house, the sky had darkened and I could feel the moisture in the air...
...Amma shone her torch on the steps so we would not fall as we were going down into the garden...
...This day has been a terrible one for Appa...
...Now that I look back, it was obvious this was going to happen...
...At first I thought that I was dreaming, but then I heard Amma and Appa's door open and I knew that I was awake...
...I stood at the gate, staring at the devastation in front of me...
...The only thing for me to do is write...
...All the Tamil houses there are burnt, and the trouble has begun to spread to other parts of Colombo as well...
...Neliya Aunty is praying in the drawing room with Amma...
...The back garden looked menacing, and the trees and bushes seemed strange and unfamiliar...
...Then he told us that there was trouble in Colombo...
...12:30P.M...
...Sonali crept close to me, and I put my arm around her...
...The excitement of the riots is wearing off, and what happened to us has become dull from being told so many times...
...If not for the gate, which was still intact, I would never have been able to say that this had been our house...
...I could see Perera Aunty and Uncle waiting for us on the other side...
...Perera Aunty and Perera Uncle will hide us in their storeroom...
...We have just heard the news about Ammachi and Appachi's house...
...Copyright 1994...
...The loss of our house is also beginning to hit Amma...
...Now Perera Aunty and Uncle, our next-door neighbors, came out of their gate and joined us...
...Chithra Aunty beckoned to us to follow her, and we went out into the side garden...
...Even now I feel no sorrow...
...Sena Uncle came back and said that there was a group of men outside...
...If the mob comes, we are to climb up the ladder and jump over the wall into the Pereras' back garden...
...It was so dark outside that we could barely see ahead of us...
...Neliya Aunty says that there is nothing to do now but to trust in God and pray that we will be saved...
...I felt joyful at the thought of getting out of this country, and I could see hope in Diggy's and Sonali's faces too...
...I don't want to just up and go like that...
...The morning has hardly begun and already the visitors have started to 156 • DISSENT Riot Journal arrive...
...Later, however, I heard Appa telling Amma that as soon as things quietened down, they would apply for passports for Diggy, Sonali, and me...
...When Diggy came to the top, he sat on the wall and waited for Appa...
...Has something happened to him...
...For a moment our eyes met, then I turned away and continued getting dressed...
...Second, we will have to live with Lakshman Uncle...
...If not for the phone call and Sena Uncle and Chithra Aunty's visit, we would think that nothing was going on in Colombo...
...I nodded, not really wanting to talk about it...
...I try and try to make sense of it, but it just won't work...
...Then, gradually, the light subsided and the darkness returned...
...Selvadurai, who was born in Colombo, Sri Lanka, in 1965, now lives in Toronto...
...Was it merely a rumor to cause more trouble...
...Reprinted by permission of Wm...
...The reality of losing our house is slowly beginning to sink in, but what I feel is nothing like what I imagined...
...We had just finished dinner when the doorbell rang...
...I bequeath % of my estate to the Foundation for the Study of Independent Social Ideas...
...Now one of the thugs began to ask around for a match...
...The situation must be very bad, for she has sentAnula away to stay with her aunt...
...Appa explained that it was because of the thirteen soldiers who were killed by the Tigers two days ago...
...It is bad enough living off Chithra Aunty and Sena Uncle, whom we know so well...
...They were saddened by it, and a few of them said that when they looked at the house they were ashamed to say they were Sinhalese...
...She held out her hand so that he could lick it...
...Then I wanted more than anything else to hold him...
...The servant was waiting in there, and Perera Aunty told her to hold open the door that led into the storeroom...
...Amma invited them to have breakfast with us...
...The pavements were no better, he said...
...Although I am grateful that so many people care about us, at the same time I wish they wouldn't come...
...They know that there is going to be trouble...
...It was time for me to leave...
...Then he signaled to us that it was all right...
...The clerk began to repeat his story...
...When he saw us, he stopped talking and looked at Appa, as if uncertain whether he should continue...
...It was dangerous to go into the house, but we couldn't stop ourselves...
...Bandara from next door brought us some raw provisions...
...After the president's address, Appa went into the garden again and Amma followed him...
...The radio news is beginning again...
...Anyone caught on the road without a curfew pass will be shot on sight...
...Sena Uncle has received an anonymous phone call...
...Yet we knew she was lying...
...It tells the story of Arjie, a young, gay Tamil, who grows up in the midst of the conflicts between the Sinhalese majority and the Tamil minority in Sri Lanka...
...That can't be...
...So far, they are okay...
...After distributing the specific bequests listed above (to others in your will), I leave the remainder of my estate to the Foundation for the Study of Independent Social Ideas...
...They say they have come to see how we are, but all Ammachi has done since she got here is moan about the loss of their house...
...Appa was standing by the ladder...
...Sena Uncle tried to calm him down but he wouldn't listen...
...Even while they were lowering the coffins into the grave, I found it hard to believe that it wasAmmachi andAppachi we were burying...
...In case of any trouble, one of them will wake us up...
...I was struck then by a bitter irony...
...He had set out for Kanthi Aunty's house, following the route Ammachi and Appachi had likely taken...
...Our legal name is the Foundation for the Study of Independent Social Ideas...
...The other neighbors saw her doing this and they started bringing things too...
...I could tell that they, too, were trying not to think about what the clerk had said...
...He didn't really want to leave the house in the first place, and since the government has declared curfew, the situation will soon be under control...
...Then we would be put out of this misery...
...That was when Sena Uncle had asked him to take the message to us...
...Diggy, Sonali, and I crowded around the door, trying to hear what was happening, but they were speaking very softly...
...In "Riot Journal," the novel's epilogue, Arjie and his upper-middle-class family are besieged by the communal violence of mid-summer 1983...
...I am tired of these escape plans...
...No," she said...
...At this point the clerk had left...
...Bindi, the dog, started to whine when he saw Chithra Aunty...
...Some motorists had abandoned their cars in the middle of the road and started to make the rest of the journey on foot...
...JULY 29, 10:00 A.M...
...Now the pedestrians began to scatter...
...I should be praying too, but I can't...
...Why...
...My hands were sweating as I went towards the door...
...The president expressed no sympathy for what we Tamils have suffered, nor did he condemn the actions of the thugs...
...It's only a question of when...
...You can't go...
...Yet I understood it...
...He stared at the floor and his jaw muscles tightened every now and then...
...I opened my eyes and her torch was shining in my face...
...Darling," she said, "it's time...
...Fire," Neliya Aunty said in a panicked voice...
...We simply stood around the grave, watching the coffins disappear under the clods of earth that were thrown on them...
...It's my parents who are being burnt...
...Throughout the whole exercise, Amma kept saying that we were only doing this in case the mob came and that it was all a big "if...
...Where is Sena Uncle...
...The phones are working again, and Lakshman Uncle called from Canada to find out how we were...
...Diggy is doing his exercises, and I can hear the sound of the dumbbells every time he puts them down on the ground...
...When I passed Hullers Road, I 158 • DISSENT knew what it was...
...Amma didn't agree...
...After a while we heard the storeroom door open...
...There was no reason to protect it against the outside world anymore...
...Faster," my father hissed at Sonali...
...Aroma did not answer...
...When this is all over, we'll start to make plans for Canada...
...My father didn't respond...
...When I reached the top of the road, I couldn't prevent myself from turning back to look at the house one last time...
...You can't really spot this door because it is hidden behind the dog kennel...
...I tried to muffle the sound of my weeping, but my voice cried out loudly as if it were the only weapon I had against those who had destroyed my life...
...Then I realized what had happened, and I stared at our house in shock...
...I had not seen him since the riots began...
...Between the two of them, they pulled the ladder up the wall and threw it into the Pereras' back garden...
...Yet I know that this is not so...
...Of course they are...
...I should take a look," Appa said...
...The knot on the back of her neck had come partially undone and a strand of hair hung down...
...When the broadcast was over, he said that he wished he had stayed outside...
...As I looked at it, I finally realized that we are really leaving Sri Lanka...
...Afterwards, while we were putting on our clothes, I glanced up at the mirror and saw that he was watching me...
...She explained to us that we have to be prepared if the mob comes...
...I am glad he said that, because I long to be out of this country...
...I just want it all to end...
...Amma nodded...
...I don't feel at home in Sri Lanka any longer, will never feel safe again...
...We are only allowed five hundred pounds each...
...Like those afternoons when neither of us felt ardent, but, thinking that the other did, we would make our best effort...
...This awareness did not change my feelings for him, it was simply there, like a thin translucent screen through which I watched him...
...I have learned what Sena Uncle and Chithra Aunty told my parents...
...When I reached the top of the ladder, I saw that Perera Aunty and Uncle were watching us from the other side...
...We no longer have much to say to each other, but, as we followed the coffins towards the grave, she put her hand on my shoulder and kept it there...
...We stared at him, unable to believe what he was saying...
...Maybe, in the seven months I have known Shehan, Amma has come to accept him as a friend of mine...
...q SUMMER • 1996 • 159...
...Some of their neighbors have offered to hide them in their house if anything happens...
...While she was doing this, we went through the door into Sena Uncle's mother's garden...
...Ammachi and Appachi left forty-five minutes ago in their car and they still haven't arrived at Kanthi Aunty's house...
...All those Famous Five books, and then the Little Women and the Hardy Boys...
...But to be in a foreign country, living off the charity of somebody I hardly know, is terrible...
...10017 (212) 595-3084...
...They said that they were collecting funds for a sports meet, and he gave them a hundred rupees...
...Shhh," Neliya Aunty said...
...It was like a horrible dream...
...I have just read my last entry and it seems unbelievable that only thirteen hours ago I was sitting on my bed writing in this journal...
...Canadians have been watching the riots on TV, and they seem to know more about it than we do...
...Appa turned to us and said, "Sena sent him...
...Appa says that it is all right...
...Let's watch the situation for a little longer and then decide," he said...
...At first Sena Uncle didn't want to say anything but Appa pressed him until he finally told them what had happened...
...These thoughts made me cry...
...Ammachi and Appachi are all right, however, and they are going to drive to Kanthi Aunty's house...
...You never know whether they'll come back or not," Perera Uncle said...
...She had a kerosene lamp in her hand...
...that my books were mere paper that had browned and now came apart between my fingers...
...When I saw Shehan standing at Chithra Aunty's door, the reality of all that had happened hit me...
...Yet I know it's going to happen...
...I thought about how, when we were young, Diggy, Sonali, and I would sometimes imagine what foreign countries were like...
...Appa finally came inside to hear the president address the nation...
...They were packed with people hurrying home from work...
...We heard that the hotel was attacked yesterday...
...1:00 P.M...
...It was odd to see them standing at their gates and waving at us as we drove away...
...I expected to be sad and nostalgic for a part of my life that is now destroyed...
...I got up slowly and brushed the dirt from my trousers, then I went down the steps and picked up my bicycle...
...It looked so forlorn...
...The sheer normality of her offer took us aback, yet when we were seated at the table with the hot teacups in our hands, the familiar taste of tea was comforting...
...How many times must we repeat the same story...
...He had spoken to them through the window...
...That was Mala," he said...
...For a moment I saw it, then the rain fell faster and thicker, obscuring it from my sight...
...My father and Diggy, too, took nothing with them...
...I bequeath $ to the Foundation for the Study of Independent Social Ideas...
...No," Amma said in a panicked voice...
...And if they do, there will be no police to stop them...
...I remember the first time I noticed this...
...Then he told Amma that Lakshman Uncle wanted us to come over to Canada as refugees, that this would be a good time to claim refugee status...
...After the announcement I could see relief on my parents' faces too...
...Scared as I was, my body finally gave out...
...Amma says that the best thing is to keep busy and hope for the best...
...I wheeled it to the gate, staring straight ahead, not wanting to look at the house again...
...Neliya Aunty bent down and helped me up...
...Where can they be...
...Although I couldn't make out the words, just from the tone of Amma's voice I could tell that it was important...
...Finally I got up and went away to write in this journal...
...Then Chithra Aunty signalled to Sena Uncle to go and see who was at the door...
...I stopped my bicycle and wheeled it back along the pavement...
...I could hear the thunder in the skies now, and in the dust on the driveway I could see the speckled pattern of raindrops...
...Shyam Selvadurai 's first novel, Funny Boy, was published in the United States this past spring, having received widespread acclaim when it initially appeared two years ago in England, India, and Canada...
...We'll have to wait until the ambulance comes and takes the bodies away," he replied...
...Amma was saying bitterly...
...Something was different from the last time I was there...
...We would often discuss what fun it would be to go abroad, make snowmen, have snowball fights, and eat scones and blueberry jam...
...Front door," Amma whispered...
...3:00 P.M...
...Then, for the first time, I began to cry for our house...
...But then she felt a little sorry, for she said,"Don't worry, it's just a precaution...
...This waiting is terrible...
...Yet all it Excerpted from Funny Boy, by Shyam Selvadurai...
...The van should have been here an hour ago...
...How naked the house appeared without its door and windows, how hollow and barren with only scraps of paper and other debris in its rooms...
...He was a clerk from Appa's office...
...Now Appa began to shout, "It's my parents, for God's sake...
...It seems that there are demonstrations in Canada and England and India against the Sri Lankan government...
...He went quietly down the hall and looked out through the drawing-room window...
...Samarakoon and some of the staff tried to stop the mob, but it was useless...
...6:45 P.M...
...The others were already there...
...I went to my room and looked around...
...When we made love for the last time today, it was nothing like I imagined it would be—almost passionless, uncoordinated and tentative, lacking synchronization...
...The whole funeral had an unreal feeling to it...
...If anything happens to you, what will become of them...
...JULY 28, 8:00 P.M...
...The picture of my grandparents is missing from Neliya Aunty's dressing table, and Sonali is taking two of her dolls, even though she doesn't play with dolls anymore...
...The car was surrounded by thugs, and near it he saw Sena Uncle's van...
...It is the last thing I want...
...11:00 A.M...
...It was severely damaged and most of the rooms were burned...
...Amma went to her and tried to comfort her...
...Chithra Aunty said, "Shhh," and they spoke quietly again...
...A few minutes ago the radio denied that the Tigers have landed in Colombo...
...So wouldn't it be better if it happened sooner rather than later...
...A neighbor had informed him about what had happened and where we were...
...I sat up in bed, and I must have got up too fast, because I fell off it...
...Appa and Amma are adamant that we must go to a refugee camp tomorrow, but Sena Uncle and Chithra Aunty refuse to even consider it...
...She became silent...
...No, I don't wish that...
...They were silent for a while...
...His voice was strange...
...Perera Uncle and Aunty nodded in agreement...
...Whatever had remained intact, furniture, uncharred beams, doors, windows, even the hinges and the rain pipes, had been taken...
...Diggy says he's not taking anything, but I noticed that some of his Willard Price books are gone Amma is taking all the family albums She says that if anything happens they will remind us of happier days...
...I tried to push myself up, but my legs seemed to have lost all their feeling...
...This news makes me want to stay behind...
...There is no doubt in my mind...
...He told us that once he'd heard about the riots, he'd left the office...
...Amma went out to see if he was all right, and he said that he wanted to be left alone for a little while...
...She said she would prefer to go to Chithra Aunty's house for the night...
...My hand shakes even though it's two hours since we had the scare...
...Appa is doing the watch right now, and I can hear him clear his throat from time to time...
...Shehan must have sensed this, because he immediately began to tell me about a film that he wanted to see and how we could go for an afternoon matinee after school next week, if curfew is lifted...
...The yearning for things like my records or my books or even the mat by my bed gnaws at me until I think I must have them this moment or I will die...
...How could I have been so blind...
...I tried to place them, but it was impossible to tell where they were coming from...
...After that, both my parents were silent...
...Finally I could not cry any more...
...I smile to think about that, since now I am reluctant even to change my clothes for fear that I will lose this final memento...
...I couldn't see...
...Something awful has happened...
...I think that the other aunts and uncles felt the same way, for nobody cried at the funeral...
...Shortly after he left, however, he noticed a crowd up ahead on the road and smoke rising into the air...
...The grass had grown, but in uneven patches, and the roses had lost most of their petals...
...The situation must be serious, because the government has declared curfew again...
...Don't blame yourself," Amma said...
...The thought of being this poor scares me...
...These araliya flowers would probably be offered to some god as a pooja by the very people who had plucked them, in order to increase their chances of a better life in the next birth...
...By now the sounds of the mob had got even closer...
Vol. 43 • July 1996 • No. 3
