ANYONE FOR A LOVELY LITTLE WAR?
Rozen, Marvin E.
"it's just not fair," said Prendergast to his fellow movers-and-shakers at lunch in the White House Mess. "Margaret Thatcher makes more mistakes and botches the economy even worse than our boss,...
...The old man might have a soft spot in his heart for that one...
...and we can really tap deeply into that broad middle of the voter spectrum with a peace offensive...
...But don't forget the old man isn't Nixon...
...As he turned his alarm clock off, Roberts pinched himself to make sure he was awake...
...Roberts, that is really far-out...
...Maybe, but two strikes against it...
...Cuba...
...And, as I said, the Middle East is too unpredictable...
...if anything, they lost...
...We have some sonar soundings, and some confused eye-witness reports, but the President is fighting mad...
...Suddenly there was a great commotion outside Crawford's office...
...This is a pretty sad state of affairs," Roberts said in a wistful voice...
...It will have to be an isolated area where we have secure control over communications...
...it's all jargon —maybe, perhaps, and it all depends...
...The worst is over...
...Angola, Mozambique, Ethiopia...
...Someone claims to have heard him say that this time, it will be different...
...Second, it can't be too bloody...
...it would look too artificial...
...In any case, I don't think the American public would allow him such flexibility...
...Sufficiently evil to be a credible heavy—like !di Amin, Qaddafi, the kind of guy you love to hate...
...Also, he said to himself, better keep a closer watch on Crawford...
...Some casualties are necessary to heighten the drama and impart realism, but we sure as hell don't want to 418 dredge up Vietnam-type memories of interminable stalemate and lots of American boys getting their guts spilled out...
...No, it's been too quiet there since the Treaty...
...And you can't make that much of a switch without stirring up a massive reaction...
...Margaret Thatcher makes more mistakes and botches the economy even worse than our boss, and because she is lucky enough to fall into a Falklands victory, she is guaranteed to win the next election...
...No place in the world to start a splendid little war, easily worth 20 points in the polls...
...Isn't that our best bet...
...Nothing would give me greater pleasure, but it would be too dangerous...
...Maybe," said Crawford...
...Crawford warmed up to a favorite subject: "Anybody who would believe what economists say is ready for the psycho ward...
...He was shivering, in a cold sweat...
...At the next break in the conversation, Crawford mumbled something about a pile of work and left the Mess...
...Nothing like a splendid little war to get the patriotic juices flowing...
...Ronald Reagan, the Peacemaker —that resonates...
...The economy is getting better...
...You can never get a definite answer from them...
...A little jingoism can rouse flagging spirits and divert attention from our economic miseries...
...He really believes in what he says...
...They have a pretty tough little army, and hell, they use our tactics and our weapons better than we do...
...and we're still bound by our 1962 pledge not to invade...
...The President, flanked by Clark, Meese, Shultz, Weinberger, and Baker, had just left the NSC meeting room...
...You know," Crawford mused, "Prendy can be an impossible ass, but maybe he's hit on something...
...Remember that Tricky Dicky's integrity was discounted anyway, so a pragmatic standard could be applied...
...419...
...They got together immediately in Crawford's office...
...We could argue that the hard line has brought the Soviets around...
...Last night, two Vietnamese patrol boats tried to torpedo our destroyer escorts on patrol in the open seas near Tonkin Gulf...
...How about Panama and the Canal...
...output will be rising, unemployment falling, and prices stabilizing at a relatively low inflation rate...
...Too close to the Russkies, and the Middle East is explosive stuff, our control factors are pretty weak there...
...This is going to sound a little wild, but why can't we provoke an incident with the Israelis in Lebanon...
...the Russkies might feel compelled to respond...
...Doable, but pretty backwater stuff...
...You can't say every red-blooded American wouldn't clap for that...
...But why look for trouble...
...they're mostly Democrats anyway...
...Roberts, his face a little flushed now, said, "Sounds exciting...
...Finally, we have to be sure to pick the right target...
...Isn't there a message for the old man...
...After all, look how Nixon manipulated détente and China-recognition for his 1972 victory...
...I've got it—let's topple Khomeini...
...Anyway, it might stir up a hornet's nest among American blacks...
...Crawford shifted to his more professional mode of discourse...
...He's got his principles...
...The homefolks don't get aroused about Africa...
...I'm not going to argue for Carterizing Reagan...
...I'll have to think long and hard on that one...
...The reply came in even, measured tones...
...First and foremost, we have to control media access...
...Anyway, wouldn't we do better moving in the opposite direction...
...Ford and Carter didn't get many points for their efforts...
...Third, timing is essential...
...Crawford sidled up to his boss and asked, "What's up...
...It might be just the thing...
...Could our guys handle them...
...For November 1984, it has to start soon enough to be fresh in people's minds and end late enough not to allow time for second thoughts or the inevitable foreign reaction or domestic backlash...
...our people may fume but they have nowhere else to go...
...We can score a lot of points with the Arabs, and the Israelis have nowhere else to turn, so they'll have to kiss and make up...
...Wheels began to spin in Crawford's head as he exchanged significant glances with his NSC sidekick, Roberts...
...but our guy's forte is straightshooter sincerity...
...You might as well toss a coin...
...In the shower, he decided he would do his jogging at noon today, and brown-bag it alone in his office...
...his heart was pounding...
...We'd have to show him how the new twist logically flows from his basic outlook, and that won't be easy...
...Roberts also excused himself...
...A lot of the boys are still pissed about their blowing up the Liberty in the '73 war, and also have had it with Begin and Sharon—they're so goddamned pushy...
...You and I know that manufacturing incidents is risky—look at the Mayaguez and the Iranian hostage rescue attempt...
...Domestically, the Jewish lobby will grumble, but it will be more noise than substance...
...Besides, we owe them one for helping us with the Shah, and we're having enough difficulties with the rest of Central America not to open up another can of worms there...
...They're a pack—with a few exceptions—of knee-jerk liberals anyway...
...Roberts was pessimistic...
...O.K.," Roberts said, "I get the point...
...Those economists— ours as well as theirs—give me the creeps...
...Those bastards are always nosing around...
...Our chicken European friends would never understand...
...We can't have them roaming freely about...
Vol. 30 • September 1983 • No. 4
