MY DOEZHER
Roane, Stephen
Having time on my hands, I sent away to the FBI for my dossier to which I am entitled under the Freedom of Information Act. I was sure I had a dossier (pronounced doezher by the FBI), because...
...To my great surprise and flattery, the postman delivered a weighty tome of 293 pages-293 pages and all mine...
...Finally the less drastic step of noting the incident in his next salary review was decided upon...
...Why was it taking up space in my doezher...
...Can you imagine how many man hours and how much expense a 293-page doezher represents...
...They sent back another steamy letter...
...Let's stick to basics...
...The FBI somehow conceived of the SWP as a great menace to the Republic, in spite of the fact that outside of the party membership and the FBI few people even knew of our existence, and the majority of those who did know thought we were a brand of paint...
...STEPHEN ROANE 64...
...We were dumb in those days, but not so dumb that we would throw membership applications into the garbage intact...
...I thought that my doezher would be a slim modest thing...
...All anybody would have had to do was cross-check doezhers to spot the error...
...except for a couple of spots where the blanking out was done imperfectly, and the names were partially revealed...
...Of course, most of the interesting stuff, where you get to find out who the stoolies were, was blanked out...
...The FBI is much more akin to the secret service of the old Austro-Hungarian Empire...
...Should the incident be reported in his doezher...
...But what did all this have to do with me...
...Among my "aliases" they had listed the name of an entirely different guy...
...Before I saw my doezher I used to compare the dread FBI with the dread Gestapo or NKVD...
...But the Boston office had to send out special agents on investigations before they could be convinced of this fact...
...After all, Leon Trotsky I wasn't...
...Which means that special agents were constantly going out to question informants about my whereabouts and activity...
...Now you had access to all my records, military, birth, etc...
...All through my doezher you had my eye color as brown...
...Having a baby is no excuse...
...New York defended the SA in charge of transmitting the evidence...
...They must have got the application by burglary...
...It appears he was nervous because his wife was having a baby, and he was in a hurry to rush off to the hospital...
...They claimed they found it in the garbage can...
...I do confess, however, that I felt a little sorry for the Special Agent who fouled up...
...Of more import is the fact that during all the years of my serious and devoted activity—when I was a walking Little Lenin Library—during all those years I did not even have a card in the Security Index file...
...Washington was not appeased...
...They are grey now, and they were grey then...
...All Special Agents are to be instruccted in the importance of care in handling of evidence...
...That is an untranslatable word, but bungling, inept, sloppy, and inefficient pretty well encompass it...
...The budget balancers in our midst would be shocked...
...Instead, they sent a highly paid SA to question their informers...
...Then there was the time they got hold of my membership application to the SWP...
...I hope he had a fine healthy baby who grew up to join the Anti-Vietnam War movement...
...I was sure I had a dossier (pronounced doezher by the FBI), because many years ago I had been a member of the dread Socialist Workers party...
...But a lot could be learned of the workings of the FBI from the doezher...
...Anyhow, in sending the evidence to Washington an error was made...
...I felt like writing them a letter: "Look fellows, I won't get into ideology, because that would only confuse you...
...Now I see that that was an injustice—to the Gestapo and NKVD...
...It couldn't even have to be a Special Agent...
...I have never taught school, and never worked in Boston...
...My political opinions may have changed in 30 years, but the color of my eyes has not...
...Only in 1957, many years after I was completely inactive politically and when I did not even much like the SWP, did I make the SI file...
...At one point they somehow got the idea I was teaching school in Boston...
...The enclosure was sent back but the evidence omitted...
...Only in 1962 did they finally get bored and take me off SI...
...A whole correspondence then ensued as to how to punish the Special Agent...
...Did Washington send New York a steamy letter...
...Any clerk could have done it...
...It used to be said of the Austro-Hungarian Empire that it was a tyranny mitigated by Schlamperei...
...He must have had a doezher too...
...They could have found my address in the telephone directory, for God's sake...
Vol. 27 • January 1980 • No. 1
