Foul ball
Gallicho, Grant
THE LAST WORD FOUL BALL Grant Gallicho October has passed. The 2003 World Series is over. Some team from Florida won. Like millions of other Chicago Cubs fans, I'm still in a daze. Worse, I've...
...The wider media tried to temper the anger spreading across the city, suggesting that anyone would have gone for that ball...
...Got my extra cheese...
...Let me explain...
...Battled the Cheesy-Fries Lady again...
...I didn't think she was that angry...
...Suddenly, it all made sense...
...Just before I made it to the register, some kid behind me bumped my tray, and before I could turn around, my fries were gone...
...He stole my homecoming date tonight...
...If I had acted early very early, as it turns out maybe I could have prevented this tragedy...
...He and his girlfriend (my homecoming date) bounded up the stage and snatched my diploma from Fr...
...Even in high school, Steve was known for his grabbing proclivities...
...When I read the culprit's name, Steve Bartman, in the paper the next day, my stomach sank...
...Kill him...
...Sure, I'm no corsage-pinning expert, but at least I had the presence of mind to bring a Band-Aid...
...Before a cop had to be posted outside his house should crazed fans make good on their threats...
...The Fox TV announcers waxed empathetic, expressing their concern for the man's safety...
...September 17,1991 1:14 p.m...
...November 21,1991 12:57 p.m...
...Days later, he made what he called his final statement on the Cubs incident, promising to funnel all proceeds from his grabhanding he's received several lucrative offers to tell his story to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation to honor former Cubs third baseman Ron Santo...
...June 28,1994 1:38 p.m...
...Worse, I've discovered that I was implicated, sort of, in the Cubs' loss of the pennant...
...October 10,1992 9:27 p.m...
...I know the whole story...
...Got the cheese stealer's name from one of his lame friends...
...Ken just as he was about to hand it to me...
...Before Florida governor Jeb Bush offered him asylum...
...I don't know where this guy gets off...
...If I hadn't been balancing four oversized Progresso soup cans on top of those stubby Del Monte corn cans, I could have caught him...
...It was just a pinprick...
...I guess Bartman got his diploma...
...But I look away for one minute while we're slow dancing so I can see A.J.'s copy of the latest Mad Magazine, and suddenly she's slow dancing with him...
...Barthoff or something...
...If he still has it, I'd settle for my homecoming date's phone number...
...How could he take it from me at the graduation ceremony...
...I can't get the image out of my head: that Cubs fan reaching out for a foul ball in the sixth game of the National League Championship Series, swatting it away from Cubs left fielder Moises Alou...
...We even called him Steve "The Grabber" Bartman...
...But I can't ignore this...
...But I know different...
...Shaken by the revelation of his part in the Cubs' demise, I consulted my scrupulously detailed high school journal, and found some eerily prescient entries about what the future held in store...
...Others threw beer a precious commodity in the eighth inning of a ball game...
...There are those in need greater than I am," Bartman said...
...I never knew how much I had gotten into the Thanksgiving canned food drive until that Bartman guy grabbed three of my cans on the way into homeroom today...
...I've never seen such quick hands...
...Nobody even made a move to stop them...
...I knew the guy...
...Grant Gallicho is an associate editor of Commonweal...
...While the value alone of the beer dumped on Bartman that fateful night probably exceeded my earnings during my diplomaless summer of '94,1 think I might qualify for some restitution...
...After all, he was able to afford tickets to the NLCS game...
...What's his problem, anyway...
...I swore I wouldn't write any more about him after that eighteen-page ramble on how Bartman filched my learner's permit application from my back pocket as I was waiting in line at the DMV...
...But he's quick I'll give him that...
...They still haven't sent me a replacement diploma...
...some screamed...
...Went to Notre Dame High School with him...
...Should have seen him coming...
...How will I ever get a job without a diploma...
...I'd be happy to accept almost anything as compensation for the months of lost employment...
...I knew the truth about Bartman long before he became the scourge of Chicago...
...And I thought we had something...
...At that point, I shared the indignation on Alou's face along with the rage of Cubs faithful who berated the overeager fan as he was escorted out of Wrigley...
Vol. 130 • December 2003 • No. 21
