Singular
Wolf, Anne Marie
THE LAST WORD SINGULAR Anne Marie Wolf If married, ordained, and professed people witness to something through their commitments, what do vowless singles in their thirties and forties reveal to...
...Unlike my married friends, when I am stricken with a sudden flu in the middle of the night and discover that all the meds in the bathroom cupboard expired during the last Bush administration, there is no one else to make a run to the all-night pharmacy...
...Now they have become incapable of discussing anything other than diaper sales and car seat studies, closely followed by Little League...
...It seems just possible that, while a select few may be called to something specific, most of us are charged with nothing more (but nothing less) than using our talents wisely and being salt and light for the world...
...Precisely because there is no one "built in" to accompany singles along the way, friendships are all the more precious...
...To what are they called...
...If anything, singles sometimes feel like leftovers, like the last ones chosen by the team captains for their grade school gym class...
...When married friends offer me a place to stay between moves, or rides when my car is in the shop, they probably don't know just how much it means...
...After all, so many couples do not seem as if they should be married, or at least not to each other...
...Everyone is more than someone's parent or local priest...
...There we face constant announcements about the family Christmas Mass, the family Lenten fast program, the Mother's Day carnation sale, the summer family picnic, the Father's Day barbecue, the family hayride outing, and family photo shoots for the parish directory...
...No wonder career roles seem so important...
...flight, and usually no one offers outright...
...Everyone wants to feel called, and it's hard to sense a call to something you are by default...
...It is a gift...
...Maybe that is the witness that single people offer: a reminder that no one else is on exactly the same path, that fundamentally we all experience life distinct from one another, even when blessed with good company, even lifelong company...
...No one simply assumes they will be my ride to the airport for a 7 a.m...
...So many priests or members of religious communities do not appear to be happy and thriving...
...Anne Marie Wolf is a doctoral candidate in medieval history at the University of Minnesota.of Minnesota...
...There is no one to go to the supermarket just before dinner guests arrive to procure the pine nuts I forgot...
...Thirty- and fortysomething singles are out of step, and they know it...
...If you are spotted too often at Bible study or justice committee meetings and seem especially interested, you can be sure that a couple times a year someone will hand you a brochure about some order of nuns...
...Even in mundane details, their lives are different...
...THE LAST WORD SINGULAR Anne Marie Wolf If married, ordained, and professed people witness to something through their commitments, what do vowless singles in their thirties and forties reveal to the world...
...Like that annoying relative who keeps asking when she can expect a wedding invitation, the clear message is that you should not be single, that you are really pre-something and simply need a nudge...
...They must wonder if their state is permanent and what their role in the world is...
...Singles remind the rest that each person's real identity is not the same as his or her social role...
...So singles sometimes take special pride in being a company's promising sales manager, a dedicated teacher, a town's most beloved pediatrician, the world's expert on fishing techniques in Ming China...
...We need a niche...
...No one around to hug me after a hard day...
...So in the end, we singles move through life alone, grateful for others who share some of it with us...
...Admittedly, there is comfort in having a clear identity...
...Maybe God's plans for most of us are no more specific than a charge to leaven the loaves we are in...
...But even good friends do not go along when one of them gets a new job and moves elsewhere, and friendships rarely survive several relocations...
...But why all the talk about "calling" in the first place...
...They have mourned the loss of numerous college friends, with whom they once shared favorite novelists and painters...
...Were their commitments really God's doing...
...We are not the only ones to allow career interests a large role in giving life meaning, but we may be more susceptible to this than most...
...In a parish it is particularly hard for us to find such a place...
...It's never about a graduate degree for lay ministers...
Vol. 129 • February 2002 • No. 4
