Got religion? Click here.
Gallicho, Grant
NOTEBOOK GOT RELIGION? Click here As any issue of Cosmopolitan shows, taking selfdiagnostic quizzes is something of a national pastime. This fact is not lost on...
...Is it through an amorphous supreme being...
...I scan the list furtively for my religion, the one in which I was born, raised, and educated, past Unitarian Universalism, Sikhism, Baha'i, Liberal Protestant, Conservative Protestant, Reform Judaism, Orthodox Judaism, something they call New Thought (I have no idea), and finally, coming in at a staggeringly low number twenty, Roman Catholicism (59 percent)—a disturbing fourteen percentage points above Scientology...
...In practice...
...Out of harmony with what...
...Was it the sex...
...The natural order...
...I'm a "spiritual dabbler," apparently...
...Quickly, I plow through them: Divorce: bad, but forgivable...
...Nor do I think that suffering is an illusion...
...What are the origins of the physical universe and life on earth...
...I see that I have just four questions to answer before the Belief-O-Matic tells me what I believe...
...Karma doesn't do it for me, either, so I go for "None of the above" again (as if that isn't a cop-out, too...
...One of the most popular links is "Quizzes...
...Turns out I'm Joseph [Mary's husband...
...But the most entertaining is the Belief-O-Matic—"Answer 20 questions about your concept of God, the afterlife, human nature, and more, and the Belief-O-Matic will tell you what religion (if any) you practice...
...This fact is not lost on Beliefnet (www.beliefnet.com), the popular Web site that has quickly established itself as the center for religious and spiritual inquiry on the Internet...
...Next question: "Are there human incarnation(s) of God (or of gods/goddesses...
...The requisite references to Adam and Eve follow, none of which I consider helpful or true...
...I can't bring myself to click "None of the above," so One incorporeal God it is, I think to myself, and click accordingly...
...Must have been one of them...
...Satan's presence in the world results in much suffering...
...Easy enough for a Catholic...
...Abortion: bad...
...There's no compromise answer offered, so I skip it...
...In ascending order are twenty-seven of the religions with which my beliefs most closely fit...
...And finally, just on the heels of President Bush's drill-to-China energy policy, "Revering nature or the environment should be fundamental...
...Homosexual behavior should be regarded as immoral or out of harmony...
...In general, yes, to be sought...
...Is Baptism required...
...I assume that by "Satan" they mean a personal supernatural force of evil...
...Should roles for men and women be "prescribed," the Belief-O-Matic asks...
...They each include something I can't agree with...
...You have seven answers to choose from (one is "None of the above...
...I didn't see this one coming...
...Choose all that apply...
...From its homepage, visitors can click links to everything from finding houses of worship (under "Spiritual Tools") to religious advice columns to analyses of morality and culture...
...Survey over...
...Grant Gallicho Commonweal 7 August 17,2001...
...Thank God this is multiple choice...
...Now come the heavier ideas—soteriology: How are we saved...
...I may be more of a situationalist than I previously thought...
...While "How to Be a Better Lover" isn't among them, the quizzes offered are surprisingly eclectic...
...Which Bible hero are you...
...I select one of the "Only one God" choices—one comes with a corporeal body, one without...
...Just one God, or a triune God...
...Morality is next...
...Each of the eight possible answers is several sentences long...
...Social betterment programs: Yes, good...
...but I want both...
...so I click "Disagree...
...That does it...
...Where did I go wrong...
...That seems like a cop-out (What about human culpability...
...It usually is...
...What's your spiritual type...
...So on to the next question: "What happens to humans after death...
...The results...
...The questions aren't easy...
...Round two: Satan...
...Free will—there's something I can get into...
...Doing good works (deeds) and acting compassionately is:" Necessary, I say, clicking with certainty—the only certainty I've had throughout this survey...
...That's quite a claim, though it comes with a warning: "Belief-O-Matic assumes no legal liability for the ultimate fate of your soul...
...Big no there...
...Satan...
...How does confession contribute to salvation...
...Why is there so much suffering in the world...
...One incarnation...
...In worship...
...I click the "Submit" button (grinning at the religious implications) and nervously await my assessment...
...Nonviolence...
...Not sure" seems the closest to my thoughts on the subject...
...That's a little vague, but I go with "no...
...What is the number and nature of the deity (God, gods, higher power...
...I skip this one and move on to, "Why is there terrible wrongdoing in the world...
...They vary, but aren't precise enough to win my allegiance...
...But the rest...
...Not being a fan of natural law theory, I click "Disagree...
...Wholeheartedly, I agree...
...Who designed this quiz, Mother Angelica...
...Should prayer and spiritual healing exercises "be favored to the exclusion of conventional health treatment...
...At the top of the list: "Liberal Quaker (100 percent...
...I rule out reincarnation...
Vol. 128 • August 2001 • No. 14
