Better late than...
Andreassi, Anthony D.
THE LAST WORD BETTER LATE THAN • . . Anthony D. Andreassi I taught religion in an all- male Catholic high school in New York City for several years. And I have the scars to prove it. My first...
...John said that he did not feel slighted by me and matter-of-factly began to speak about the difficulty of coming out as gay in an all-boys school...
...1 did not have the courage to speak to John directly and ask him how he wanted me to deal with the harassment...
...John" was a bright and hardworking student, and he often asked thoughtful questions in class...
...I felt intensely guilty about my failure to act...
...John rarely seemed to mix with the other students and had only a couple of friends...
...John was also quite effeminate and the object of much ridicule...
...After speaking to other teachers, 1 learned that the dean of students would punish boys who harassed John if he turned them in...
...I will remember the lessons John taught me...
...1 doubt John will remember our conversation years from now, and he may remember little of the religious education from my class...
...I also learned something else...
...My own problems paled in comparison to his struggles...
...But there were probably twenty boys participating in the derision, while more laughed and urged them on...
...Early in my second year, some faculty members volunteered to participate in a sensitivity awareness workshop...
...So 1 did nothing...
...Yet in the face of all this derision, John kept his composure and kept trudging along...
...John confirmed me in my conviction that compassion, the willingness to live with ambiguity, and the centrality of the needs of the individual person are the keys to the teaching of Christian ethics to teenagers—or to anyone, for that matter...
...One cold November afternoon after school, 1 was standing outside talking to a few students...
...I was a new teacher who was trying to prove myself...
...John and another boy (who often was ridiculed for the same reasons) walked by on their way to the subway...
...Would they begin to question my sexuality...
...In the hall during the general chaos between classes, the comments directed at him could be quite vicious...
...A short while into my first term 1 came upon a situation that I had never anticipated...
...How could I reprimand thirty boys...
...I met with John and apologized for not having dealt properly with the teasing he had received in my presence...
...But for the most part, 1 figured out how to run a classroom and how to deal with students...
...If I came out strongly and publicly in defense of John and the other student, would the students then turn on me...
...His essays were always well-written and skillfully argued...
...I found that if I presented the material in a doctrinaire and uncompromising style, the boys would ignore me as quickly as they tuned out most authoritarian pronouncements...
...Although most of his classmates simply ignored John, a few would taunt him in my presence...
...This guilt stayed with me, and whenever possible, as if to make up for my inaction, I would be extra kind and friendly toward John...
...Anthony D. Andreassi lives in Washington, D.C...
...However, I thought that this might serve only to draw more attention to his plight...
...But life seemed to improve for him...
...He told me how his father had promised to throw him out of the house as soon as he turned eighteen, and how severe the taunting had been since he had started high school...
...In our discussions, homophobia emerged as a prejudice that was clearly present in our school...
...Yet when this plan was put to the test, I failed miserably...
...These swimmers were the popular jocks of the school...
...As they passed the bus, a group of swimmers began shouting vicious comments at them...
...I had my own situation to think about...
...He suggested that I speak to John privately about what had happened...
...Sometimes the roles of student and teacher get reversed...
...At first I sometimes reprimanded boys who made inappropriate remarks to John...
...Nearby the swim team was filling up a school bus on their way to a meet...
...Was 1 ready to alienate myself from them...
...Only if the harassment was particularly severe would I step in...
...But maybe he just wanted to be treated like any other kid...
...As the year progressed, I felt the taunting had subsided, but maybe 1 (like John) had just grown accustomed to it...
...He responded that he considered himself a good Catholic, went to church, and yet still felt that he had a right to live an openly gay life...
...The other students seemed either to accept him or simply to have grown bored with teasing him...
...Commonweal 3 1 February 26, 1999...
...1 asked John how he felt about the church's teaching on homosexuality...
...In teaching religion I had often grappled with how to present the church's moral teachings...
...The team's actions certainly met the criteria I had set for when I should step in...
...Obviously this put John in a difficult situation, and I wondered if he wanted help from me as another authority figure...
...After much consideration, I decided to ignore the uncharitable remarks...
...I did not know that John was openly gay, but he seemed quite comfortable speaking about it...
...After that meeting, John and I did not have occasion to speak much...
...His courage and perseverance amazed me...
...During a coffee break I casually discussed John's situation with the principal and explained how poorly I had dealt with it during the previous year...
...My first few weeks were predictably difficult, and I soon realized why so many veteran teachers warned me not to smile until Christmas...
Vol. 126 • February 1999 • No. 4
