Santa's helper
Reidy, Maurice Timothy
Maurice Timothy Reidy SANTA'S HELPER Initiated into the conspiracy We took Santa Claus very seriously in my house, and in many ways I still do. This is an odd con-fession, I admit, coming from a...
...If my mother approached her job rather methodically (judging by her demeanor, we could have been taking out the garbage), then I carried out her orders in a state of awe—amazed not so much by the number of presents as by the fact that she had successfully hidden them from so many prying eyes...
...Maurice Timothy Reidy is an editorial assistant at Commonweal...
...Of course, I didn't tell him as much...
...he asked...
...The way things are going, it doesn't seem I'll be involved in any sexy, international intrigue anytime soon...
...Sure," I said, waiting for the official announcement of Santa's untimely demise...
...What if mall Santas were really just, well, mall Santas...
...As the reality about Santa became clear, I was simultaneously initiated into the vast conspiracy that keeps the truth hidden from the young...
...I suppose I am like that man I heard about somewhere who shovels deer-dung onto his roof every Christmas Eve...
...Then we went to the basement, where she produced twice as many gifts, hidden beneath boxes of old sweaters...
...When my youngest brothers go to bed on Christmas Eve, my mother and I go foraging through the house, retrieving presents...
...The Santa Conspiracy will have to do...
...I was pleased by the existence of such conspiracy and my involvement in it...
...Commonweal I O December 11,1999...
...Puzzled by my father's elusiveness, I followed my mother into the garage, where—to my amazement—she uncovered dozens of wrapped presents from behind our Chevy station wagon...
...I began concocting an elaborate schema to accommodate his multiple personalities...
...But that was it...
...He turned away and headed toward the kitchen...
...I began to realize that my Santa schema, while ultimately flawed, did have its merits...
...Despite my curious nature, I remained a firm believer in Santa...
...My suspicions were finally confirmed that Christmas when I received two presents with the same wrapping paper: one read, "From Grandmother," the other "From Santa...
...But as I grew older, I became puzzled by Santa's many manifestations...
...I was helping to perpetrate a fraud on my siblings, and, in spite of the urgings of the season, I was delighted...
...These days, I am quite a scrupulous Santa Claus...
...So when my friend David Fogler gave me the bad news about Saint Nick in sixth grade—his voice echoing off the tile bathroom floors like some schoolyard Grinch—I did not believe him...
...But I find solace in such trickery...
...But the news shook my faith, and I began looking for the cracks in my system...
...But I hope you will indulge me in a peculiar coming-of-age story...
...I routinely make sure that Santa's wrapping paper differs from Mom's wrapping paper...
...He cornered me by the Christmas tree, and as he bore down upon me, I smiled slightly, thinking I was one step ahead of him...
...Mall Santas, I concluded, were merely ambassadors carrying out orders, Santa-inspired movies the work of some northern PR machine looking to saturate the market, etc...
...Writers are told to avoid cliches like the plague (there I go again...
...Some may think that such childish pranks are beyond an educated man such as myself...
...I will not tolerate mistakes like those that shook my faith...
...As a young boy, I had an image of Santa Claus pieced together from children's stories, seasonal television shows, and holiday trips to Macy's...
...and I realize there is no more hackneyed a literary persona than poor Old Saint Nick...
...She handed them to me casually, asking me to bring them to the living room...
...This is an odd con-fession, I admit, coming from a twenty-four-year-old born and raised in New York City...
...I also always make sure to eat half of the cookies and drink some of the milk left on the dining room table and, when no one is looking, I toss half-eaten carrots in the driveway, and slyly point to them on the way to church on Christmas morning...
...Tim, could you help your mother put the presents out tonight...
...At first, the variety of these Santas did not bother me...
...What if all mail for Santa was just tossed into a backroom at the post office...
...For some reason, discrepancies between school Christmas pageants at Saint Gabriel School and the gospels didn't bother me as much...
...It was Christmas Eve and my father asked me to stay downstairs while my seven younger siblings went to bed...
...Why did that short, balding fellow in Miracle on 34th Street look nothing like that obnoxious Santa in A Christmas Story...
...Why would he whittle away his time at a mall when he clearly ought to be up north getting things done...
...My parents officially broke the news to me a year later, but not in the manner that I had expected...
Vol. 126 • December 1999 • No. 22
