Revivals & new arrivals
Donnelly, Daria
ATTENTION DEFICIT Katharine Byrne On the annals of family photography, snapshot division, children were likely to be lined up, all of them urged to stand still and smile at their father's camera....
...I have my own needs, and I am no more concerned with theirs than this beagle is...
...She is trying to report an episode of significance, worthy of attention and response...
...How to manage this is every mother's problem, and at this hour of the evening the chances for solving it don't look good...
...Pay attention" is the message she is trying to convey to the distracted cook...
...deadline, at which time the father will appear and all the children will be gathered from sandbox, yard swing, alley, or empty lot at the end of the block, and directed to wash their hands...
...Having survived her childhood, "Peggy" is now a criminal defense lawyer...
...But right now the dinner must be dug out of cartons picked up at a Thai restaurant on the way home...
...She is alone with her mother and father, and they are sitting down...
...Who could have taken this picture...
...the mother may even be wearing an apron...
...She tugs at her mother's skirt...
...From a mental photo gallery this same Peggy can call up a scene in a kitchen at countdown time in her family, an hour before 6 p.m...
...Give her the assurance you'd grant any other important client...
...And—along with dinner—there is the prospect of the Other Child's game that starts one hour from now...
...This child knows that in the raucous dinner scene ahead her voice will never be heard above those of older children or the cries of littler members perched on telephone books or harnessed into high chairs...
...Recorded in this photo is a rare moment of time-out, leisure, respite, in hectic lives: both parents sitting down together, looking at and apparently listening to one child...
...or the noncommittal "Uh-huh," as her mother searches the refrigerator for a green pepper...
...The circumstances are different, but also the same...
...Now, a generation later, the family living in that house is smaller, the kitchen furnishings have been updated, the mother has just exchanged her office tweeds for jeans and a sweatshirt, but her immediate concerns and those of a child who is following her around are similarly in conflict...
...Why has she rescued it from a desk drawer, smoothed its curled corners, and honored it with a little frame...
...Neither of them distracted, neither required to divide this precious moment with others or with some task they were doing at the same time...
...a boss who clearly wonders why she must leave at precisely 5 o'clock...
...A serious little girl, intent on telling a story and having it listened to...
...Tell her, "I'm sorry," and, "I'll get back to you as soon as I can...
...As each became old enough to find his or her spot in the lineup, there were few one-child-at-a-time pictures...
...Well, no...
...This is her chance, and she is determined to seize it...
...And this mother too has her mind elsewhere: a client's last-minute complaint still hanging over her head and unsolved...
...The mother is there acting out a familiar, frantic household scene: striding from sink to refrigerator to stove, purposefully putting together one more evening meal, aiming at a 6 p.m...
...There is this mean boy, this crabby teacher, this bus driver who hollers at the passengers...
...Needs to be looked at and listened to...
...There's an unspoken, not-quite-conscious subtext: "It doesn't matter to me that you need to keep moving toward an immediate goal that involves all those other people...
...Yes, attention must be paid...
...I am trying to report to you a serious infringement on my rights, a power struggle with a child who won't share the sifter in the sandbox, and you aren't really listening...
...This was a long time ago...
...Fewer children and more time-saving technology have not mitigated the problem of harried distractibility...
...Yet here is an uncommon shot a middle child in what would today be thought of as a large family, taken when she was about five years old, at a rented cottage beside a lake...
...In today's world of smaller families, one might hope that there would be more time to divide among fewer children, but it does not follow...
...Peggy is not satisfied with "Really...
...she wants a mother able and willing to listen and sympathize...
...and all the tablespoons are still in the dishwasher...
...But every child who has been put off with an inappropriate "Really...
...Why is this her favorite snapshot...
...or a distracted "Uh-huh" knows that this is not enough...
...For many hours each day, a job based elsewhere eats into the mother's time and energy...
...And here is the child who earlier appeared at the side of the lake with both parents...
...But time is still crucial, and here is Commonweal 16 November 5,1999 another Peggy, her desire for undivided attention strong, her report of the day's trials or triumphs crying to be told...
...Every child's desire for a responsive ear has not diminished...
...Put your eye on Peggy," she urges, wisely making the connection between listening and looking...
...As she tells her story, however, she is aware of an inattentive audience, with other things on its mind...
...Does this writer have a formula for balancing the corporate needs of the family against one child's legitimate demands...
...The resident beagle is also present, watching with interest as leftovers from a Sunday roast beef are trimmed and tailored for a reappearance in tonight's dinner...
...Every child craves attention...
...The current kitchen scene may consist mostly of ladled foods produced elsewhere and carried home...
...So, put your eye on Peggy...
...He is anxiously underfoot, hoping that a piece of meat will fall to the floor and knowing that, at least, the empty refrigerator dish will soon be available for licking...
...The tale may be rambling, the plot confused and hard to follow, but not to her...
...For women who work away from home, who struggle through traffic to return to the base they may have left ten hours earlier, it doesn't matter whether there is one child or five...
...a salad must be assembled...
...D Katharine Byrne, a frequent contributor to Commonweal and other publications, lives in Chicago...
Vol. 126 • November 1999 • No. 19
