'Stud muffins,' Mormon style
Ringle, Judy
THE LAST WORD 'STUD MUFFINS,' MORMON STYLE Judy Ringle hen I was riding my bike to W campus I saw two guys headed my way, walking down the sidewalk in a...
...And I found myself recalling a day in late autumn, some years ago, when our two oldest daughters were teen-agers They were at home alone, and two elders came to the door...
...Now, I don't know if this is true or not, but our daughters told us several things...
...Our daughters engaged them in conversation for a considerable time...
...All I know is, it was a lovely episode, and when I saw those two guys on the sidewalk, I really meant it: "Good morning, Elders, great good morning...
...Nobody ever tells the elders about the test houses...
...The poor guys aren't supposed to listen to pop music...
...Well-balanced youths, those...
...What...
...But, said our teen angels, they apparently were not refraining from playing footsie under the dinner table...
...What...
...This was the first of several visits and sharing of table, and always, either before or after dinner, the elders went into the family room to counsel with our teen-aged daughters...
...I hailed them warmly: "Good morning, Elders...
...Mormons are famous for their good-neighborliness, hearty energy, and general all-around, clean-cut demeanor...
...D Judy Ringle lives in Corvallis, Oregon...
...When Christmas came around, we invited the elders to have Christmas dinner with our family, and our daughters—knowing full well the mischief they were making—gave them a Christmas present: Billy Joel's recording of "Uptown Girl...
...boom boom...
...To do otherwise, explained the elders soberly, would be to dishonor their hostesses...
...Turns out that the elders had expressed concern that our kids might have spent their hard-earned allowances on a record that was defective, and to be sure that it was not, it would only be prudent to test it...
...Bad, bad girls...
...you are very wicked...
...When the elders come upstairs, just agree with everything they say...
...Of course, as elders, they had serious business, and they withdrew with our kids downstairs into the family room to discuss their faith...
...Wow," they said when they left, still laughing, "wow...
...Well, the guys said that they had been wondering for a long time why we were all nice to them, and we told them that actually, we are Mormons...
...Commonweal 3 1 June 18,1999...
...According to them, while the elders were on a mission, they were refraining from certain things, like, they didn't listen to rock records...
...A couple of years later, one of the two hunks returned with pictures of his wife and baby...
...Then one night, the session in the family room was going on longer than usual and the voices were muffled...
...I like 'em...
...Before we could gather our wits, our other daughter and the two elders romped into the kitchen, laughing hysterically "Wow, the elders said, wow, wow, wow...
...They pumped my husband's hand energetically, beaming, and before they left, we shook hands all around, saying things like "So, how about that...
...Suddenly, our eldest daughter whooshed up the stairs and came leaping into the kitchen, "Mom...
...and "Well, well, well...
...and "Oh, my...
...Hunks...
...Just watch out for those test houses with the very bad girls...
...The elders opened their present in the family room, and shortly after we were surprised to hear Billy Joel: "Uptown girl...
...I have always liked these guys...
...And the nicest guys you'd ever hope to meet...
...They were most grateful for the free food...
...Bad girls, we said...
...This article first appeared in the Oregon State University Daily Barometer...
...The visits continued throughout their mission, with nothing more said about our being a test house, and we all hugged when it was time for them to leave Corvallis...
...THE LAST WORD 'STUD MUFFINS,' MORMON STYLE Judy Ringle hen I was riding my bike to W campus I saw two guys headed my way, walking down the sidewalk in a residential area...
...And with huge smiles and great gusto, they returned the greeting, "Good morning, good morning...
...They get the door slammed in their face, they get cussed out, and yet they remain endlessly courteous, with bounteous good humor...
...Yeah"—(breathless, fast)—"we told 'em that we are a Mormon 'Test House,' to be sure that the elders are behaving themselves on missions, and that this is a big secret...
...What...
...They were, of course, young men on mission with the Mormon church, visiting Corvallis for an extended period to go door-to-door spreading the word about their faith...
...They have radio and TV commercials that take a stand for decency and compassion, and they comb their hair...
...The elders said they would come into the house only when we, the parents, were at home, and indeed they did...
...That takes the kind of nerve I couldn't work up if I tried for a year...
...In the parlance of the girls at the time, these guys were "stud muffins...
...They tested it about twenty times, and— admit it—everybody danced...
...But I love people who are in the fires of a spiritual quest, so of course I smiled and waved...
...Dressed in tidy black slacks, immaculate white shirts, conservative neckties, each carrying a well-worn dark-bound book, even at half a block away, I recognized who they were and what they were up to...
...They make our nice Catholic kids look rather scruffy by comparison...
...It sounded to us a lot like kids just having fun, whooping it up...
...I didn't ask if they had really believed our very bad daughters...
...One visit ended about dinner time and we invited them to dine with the family...
Vol. 126 • June 1999 • No. 12
