Moy Moy seals the bargain
McGowan, Jo
MOY MOY SEALS THE BARGAIN Jo McGowan A doption in India is still a very strange concept for most people. The most positive response I get from strangers who learn that our third child is adopted...
...She glanced at Moy Moy often, usually when she thought I wasn't looking, but she made no attempt to talk either to her or to me...
...Moy Moy put her arms right around the grandmother's neck and nestled into an embrace so tight that it looked as if she had been waiting all her life to be where she was just then...
...What if I said the wrong thing...
...Graver than his doubts, however, were those of his mother, with whom they shared a home...
...When we arrived at their home, I was nervous, but Moy Moy was at her best...
...Whatever was happening between them was so powerful that the rest of us stopped talking to watch...
...Only the grandmother kept her distance...
...I stared at Moy Moy as I tried to frame my answer...
...When the grandmother made no move to take her, Moy leaned so insistently forward that it was clear she would soon land head-first on the floor...
...How had my other children reacted...
...She asked me if I would come and talk to all of them, with Moy Moy as Exhibit A. I agreed, but as the evening approached, my own misgivings increased...
...When she handed Moy Moy back to me, the grandmother's eyes were full of tears...
...My dinner with them suddenly took on portentous overtones and my own role now seemed too close to God's...
...Moy Moy was in my arms by then, a little sleepy and very clingy...
...I spoke in English and so far I had only heard her speak Hindi...
...A week later my friend called to say that they had adopted the baby...
...Did the grandmother hear me...
...But while she was very eager, her husband still had misgivings...
...The idea of taking on an absolute genetic unknown is too much to consider...
...Without taking her eyes off the grandmother's face, Moy Moy stretched her arms out to her...
...When the grandmother appeared, however, Moy Moy lifted her head from my shoulder and looked intently into the grandmother's eyes...
...When Moy Moy, our adopted daughter, was fifteen months old, a friend of mine called to invite me for dinner...
...She was an adorable baby and that night she seemed even more so...
...Reluctantly, the grandmother reached out and gathered her in...
...She kept coming into the room for one reason or another-to offer drinks and snacks and later, during dinner, to bring fresh, hot chappatties one at a time as they were produced-but she never joined the conversation...
...Still, some brave couples do adopt, and every year more people are taking the chance...
...The man's brother and sister-in-law were also there (theirs was a traditional joint family), along with their two teen-age children...
...The most positive response I get from strangers who learn that our third child is adopted is surprise...
...Even as they spoke, however, I kept getting the sense that the real question remained unasked...
...She had had a stillborn baby a year earlier, and she told me on the phone that she and her husband were now seriously considering adoption...
...Just because adoption was right for us didn't mean it would work for everyone...
...What was Moy like when we first got her...
...Little did I know then that three years later she would be diagnosed with a form of cerebral palsy which would severely limit her intellectual abilities, but perhaps I had some inkling, some mother's deep intuition that all was not well...
...When we got ready to leave, she came to the door to say good-by...
...It was over in less than a minute...
...They wanted to know whether I had felt any differently toward Moy as compared to the way I had felt with my two homemade children...
...In fact, my friend felt sure that if the mother could be persuaded, her husband's fears would vanish...
...She is five now and the joy of their lives...
...What I told them was that the whole business of having children, homemade or adopted, was sheer madness and that the only sensible way to do it was with both eyes firmly closed: a leap of faith into absolute darkness...
...People here worry seriously about blood lines and the caste system...
...I sat with my friends in the living room and Moy Moy played contentedly on the floor near my feet...
...She was also, for some reason, unusually well-behaved for the occasion...
...Had there been problems with my in-laws...
...Incredulity is more common, with a vague desire to warn me of the near-certain calamities awaiting us as she grows older...
...Maybe she understood, maybe she didn't...
...Finally there was a long pause and then the man came to the point: Was there any way to be reasonably sure (he knew, he said hurriedly, that nothing could be 100 percent) that the baby would be "normal...
...And Moy Moy is six and the joy of ours...
...A baby's fate hung in the balance, it was true, but so did a family's happiness...
...My friends, on the other hand, were full of questions...
...Just before hanging up, my friend had mentioned almost casually that a baby was actually available right then and they were to make up their minds and give the agency a definite answer by the end of the week...
Vol. 124 • May 1997 • No. 9
