Feminist homemaker confesses It's okay to be happy
McCloskey, Liz
LIZ McCLOSKEY FEMINIST HOMEMAKER CONFESSES Taking the irony out of housework It was one of the first days of a most welcome spring when my planned afternoon run turned into a long, ambling walk...
...Listen to him"you may have a dozen things to tell him but the moment of his arrival is not the time...
...Be happy to see her...
...Much of what was there was oppressive...
...I am a grownup...
...When I posted a question on the Internet: "Is it possible to be a feminist homemaker...
...The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax in body and spirit...
...I would also apply the same advice to a husband coming home from work: "Prepare yourself before walking in the door...
...Brian stopped so often to admire the flowers (especially the dandelions) that he could have been a poster child for wonderment...
...and she stands at the kitchen sink a good part of her day...
...Get dinner on the table...
...Of course I would edit some of the tips...
...Clear away the clutter in your mind...
...The signs of middle-class adulthood"marriage, children, mortgages, pension plans, lawnmowers"had already been deconstructed when I hit graduate school in the mideighties...
...She may have a part-time job...
...on a work project...
...But overall, that 1950s counsel was not hilariously off the mark in describing my actual day-to-day living, or at least my daily aspirations...
...And ironically, it does not feel so funny after all...
...and the wisdom underlying them, should suffer the same fate...
...Have dinner ready" (well, at least I see it as a worthy goal...
...Putting the received wisdom of wellworn adages in quotes did a lot of good...
...I am not troubled by it...
...The marigold, planted completely from scratch, was beginning to droop, so I added more soil and now it has had a noticeable growing spurt, with a tiny but promising bud appearing...
...But, hey, let's not throw the baby out with the bath water...
...No quote marks...
...The reality of this began to become clear to me when I saw an excerpt from a 1950s high-school home economics textbook that had been circulated, as a joke, around the corporate headquarters of a major company, giving tips about how to greet your husband when he arrives home...
...It is why I can embrace, with sincerity, the importance of taking time to smell the roses (and the dandelions, too...
...she sacrifices herself for her children...
...the overwhelming response from women working outside the home was "Of course...
...she may stay up until 1 a.m...
...It forced us to look inside the quotes and see what was really there...
...When I stand at my kitchen sink, I look at my window sill and I see two fledgling plants, marigold and impatiens, lovingly potted in plastic cups by my sons...
...he may put the kids to bed at night...
...But there is no getting around the realities of this scenario...
...At least in my circles, any genuine aspiration for the "trappings" was met with inevitable gibing, even scorn...
...In a climate of viewing entire lives as cliches, it is only natural that certain common expressions ("take time...
...Our moderate discomfiture and our gradual acceptance of the cliche-like nature of our days are phenomena that have not been fully processed by the feminist movement...
...Every day I check to see if they need water, and when the sun streams through the window I can't help but smile contentedly...
...LIZ McCLOSKEY FEMINIST HOMEMAKER CONFESSES Taking the irony out of housework It was one of the first days of a most welcome spring when my planned afternoon run turned into a long, ambling walk with my four-year-old son...
...A friend distinctly recalls telling her mother that she never wanted to have a conversation about the price of cabbage...
...It shook up our assumptions and presumptions...
...And I would amend the overall goal to include wife and husband as homemaking partners in creating a place of peace and order where the whole family can relax in body and spirit...
...her career is secondary to her family...
...I'm at the tail end of the baby boomers who entered adulthood chuckling at the irony of doing so...
...he may be a full partner in the household chores of laundry, cleaning, and shopping...
...The woman is economically dependent on her husband...
...But what is not talked about is that the daily life and sacrifices of a homemaker, even a feminist one, resemble the picture of domesticity that feminists have tried so hard to cross out...
...I am a home-maker...
...What makes that noteworthy is that I am of the ironic generation...
...As a feminist, I was prepared to read it and laugh (or scream)"but found that many of its recommendations were already parts of my daily routine...
...Be happy to see him...
...I live in the suburbs...
...This is my life...
...What's valuable in these muddy waters is precisely that baby...
...Certainly there are differences...
...Listen to her...," etc...
...Prepare the children...
...Watching, pruning, feeding, admiring, hoping...
...The husband of a feminist homeaker may make the evening's meal before he leaves for work in the morning...
...Clear away the clutter...
...Now I am almost to the point of not being embarrassed by it...
...The impatiens, planted later, has great and obvious potential and is blossoming beautifully...
...A feminist homemaker stays home because she wants to be with her children, not because she believes it to be her designated place...
...And now my confession...
...I am happy...
...I actually said to myself, "Take time to smell the roses," and this with only the barest trace of sarcasm...
...Such phrases as "grownup," "the house in the suburbs," "happy homemaker" automatically grew quotation marks that challenged their authenticity...
...she may plan to resume her career when her kids are in school...
...This same friend, speaking only on the condition of anonymity, found herself sitting in her backyard a few weeks ago knitting with her mother as they watched the children play...
...because the choice is our own...
...Prepare yourself...
...I have started thinking in cliches...
...If someone had predicted ten years ago that one day I would stand in the doorway every morning, joining the syrupy hands of two little boys in a daily good-by wave to my husband, I would have resented it...
Vol. 123 • June 1996 • No. 12
