Let a smile be your ontology
Callahan, Sidney
OF SEVERAL MINDS SIDNEY CALLAHAN LET A SMILE BE YOUR ONTOLOGY So sue me At last, the final liberation. I no longer have to be "emotionally correct." I'm old enough now to reclaim all those...
...How I wish I could've known then that African-American Womanists would come to defend the color purple...
...they can soothe any man, woman, or child that strays across their path...
...Sober up...
...the glum shall lie down with the glad...
...And they can obtain holiness...
...Gay is fine as a sexual orientation but not as a temperamental style...
...Well, so what...
...I'm old enough now to reclaim all those unfashionable emotional responses that are frowned upon by the establishment...
...Soon there will be Pollyanna Anonymous groups mandated for the glad-hearted...
...Eruptions of volcanic rage run amok, a la Camille Paglia, may sometimes be admired, but the deck is definitely stacked against the cheerful...
...Pour oil on troubled waters, charm the birds off the trees...
...Every immigrant eventually learns to decode the rules and conform...
...The iron law rules...
...Forget that Baron Von Hugel was so disturbed by Newman's sadness of spirit that he questioned his sanctity...
...I'm not trying to trample on the tragic view of life...
...Indulging in a high-spirited bender again...
...Freedom is just another word for "nothing left to lose...
...If I'm coming out of the closet and accepting myself as I truly am, I can give up the shadow life of pseudo-personas...
...Women who can assume command have learned to sound mighty serious, as well as look the part...
...I'm addicted to making the best of every situation- powerless to resist the urge to direct my feet to the sunny side of the street...
...Hell's Bells, I was brought up at Southern cocktail parties, adored June Allyson, and spent a goodly part of my formative years twirling and curtseying through army-navy dos...
...It helps to be tall and/or solid-like Barbara Jordan or Bella Abzug-weightiness from weight, and so on...
...In the present system you have to learn to play the game around the conference table...
...Well, you get the message...
...Ah well, good-by to all that...
...Take deep breaths...
...Can the excessively polite people of the world help it if there is a mismatch between cultures...
...Surely when the saints go marching in, every beat and pace in the book will be represented, from the stately stride to the dancing two-step...
...When pressed to the wall by deeply serious pessimists, don't retreat...
...Make everyone feel good...
...Briskly organize your presentation into three parts, each having three subheadings...
...I learned these lessons my first week at Bryn Mawr where I'd arrived with flowered taffeta party dresses, purple sweater sets, and bouncing curls...
...Be excessively kind and gracious as you inform the grumpy Eeyores and Billy-Goat-Gruff "realists" of your acquaintance (mostly male), that we must let a thousand flowers bloom...
...Please, no playful verbal pirouettes or embarrassing personal asides...
...There's room for every temperament on God's holy mountain...
...Stop trying to work up fits of indignation if it just isn't you...
...If I'm naturally "bouncy," "perky," or even, God help me, "sweet," it's O.K...
...Gravitas and high seriousness signal "meaningful" intellectual discourse...
...Go ahead, be eager, breathless, and hopeful as you want...
...Once you're conscious of the ups and downs of the emotional weather, different temperaments can coexist...
...In graduate school before crucial encounters with my mentor I used to go into the bathroom, throw cold water on my face, and work at lowering my temperature...
...the lighthearted are assumed to be lightheaded...
...Why must the tenderhearted be considered softheaded...
...In Pollyanna deprogramming, I'd also be forced to publicly confess to regular bouts of bubbling chitchat...
...Who has ordained that women, Southerners, and other exuberant simpatico tribes must live by the temperamental laws of white Anglo-Yankee males...
...Hi, my name is Sidney and I'm an enthusiastic optimist...
...A requiem, however, it's not going to be...
...Away with these confining emotional corsets...
...Even if he did have a su-persensitive, touchy temperament, he overcame it...
...As an optimist, I of course believe this good news to be true...
...Please, no loud colors or clinking jewelry...
...Well, in the circles I frequent you're thought to be stupid if you're too enthusiastic or too happy...
...Even I have mastered professional "seriousspeak": Deepen your voice, enunciate loud and clear, turn passionate convictions into tentative hypothet-icals...
...They, or those leaders who counted, wore grey wool, sleek straight hairdos, and simple circle pins...
...Retell the story of "The Little Engine that Could": She (obviously a female) pulled that impossible load up the long, long hill by repeating, "I think I can, I think I can...
...Pessimism trumps optimism, detached-cool trumps hot, and tough-minded cynicism takes every trick on the table...
...As long as we all don't have to be cool and freeze to death...
...Spreading sunshine is not appropriate behavior among solemn analytic types, nor will it endear you to certain feminists...
...I understand that mildly depressed persons can churn out work and achieve like crazy...
...Don't cry, don't laugh...
...If friendly colleagues drop references to hypomanic states, counter with new theories that show that historically man-ics have served the species well...
...My kind of womenfolk aim to please...
...Then there were those first encounters with Ivy League philosophical gatherings, where solemn male persons sat around in silence (!), smoking pipes and waiting for the emergence of a topic worth dissecting-at length and in detail...
...Remember to slow down and be restrained: appear to be surprised by nothing and mildly interested in everything...
...Whatever natural endowments you receive in the genetic throw, and whatever the imprinted style passed on from your kith and kin, you can be appreciated and improved...
...Look at what Newman had to put up with...
...Like what for instance...
Vol. 122 • October 1995 • No. 17
