CONVERSION ON THE JOB A correction officer for fifteen years, he's redeeming the time
Bauman, Eric
CONVERSION ON THE JOB Grace leaps the wall Eric Bauman What most Americans know, or think they know, about this country's penal system is largely based on imaginative paperback novels and...
...The biblical account I find most relevant to my own calling tells of Jesus sharing a meal with people thought to be unworthy...
...Violence can erupt at any moment inside a prison...
...I could provide them with extra portions of food for conforming to the rules, or punish any who showed contempt for me by cutting their contact visits short...
...And I had control over them...
...Seeing this, the Pharisees asked his disciples why he would associate with such people...
...I was now steering inmates into drug and alcohol programs inside the jail, scheduling appointments for them with vocational counselors, listening to them tell about their past lives...
...they were aware of the presence of "back-up" officers and of the severe penalties an inmate would incur for attacking an officer...
...Without saying a word, she pulled from her pocket a small gold crucifix and gently placed it in the palm of my hand...
...Perhaps because of this I also began to be aware of my loneliness, a distinct sense of isolation that was totally unfamiliar to me...
...Most of them were young black males...
...It was a salutary feeling, I now realize, but at the time it was hard to bear...
...He, his wife, and I decided to attend a weekend evening Mass together in the church from which we both had strayed...
...After some time it became obvious that I would not hesitate to use force in any given situation, and I began to rely on this notoriety more and more...
...Not so much by direct instruction as by a sort of absorption, I learned and adopted the us-vs.-them approach of my peers in uniform...
...I passed instant judgment: These men-all of them-were morally depraved, and my natural enemies...
...I could administer either verbal or physical discipline whenever I felt it was necessary, at my own discretion...
...I acted on the advice I had been given by completing my undergraduate degree in human services and continued on to become a credentialed alcoholism counselor...
...There is now a genuine sense of mission with regard to my life as a correction officer, so that this job I once loathed I now see as a blessing and a grace...
...Though that's still not easy to take, my academic studies seem to have grounded me and given me confidence in the possibility of reaching those I am responsible for...
...Work in a correctional center as a corrections officer is not the ideal setting for a religious conversion...
...Why would they do that...
...I gave little if any consideration to life histories, family backgrounds, economic status, education, chemical dependency...
...It has not been easy for me to confront my own prejudices and weaknesses while at the same time questioning established and comfortable ways of dealing with the stresses of this work...
...These were not persons, but inmates...
...As the door opened, I tried to hide my face in shame from the correction captain who entered...
...Depending on my mood for the day, I Eric Bauman is a corrections officer and alcoholism counselor...
...But when I encountered a friend from the old neighborhood, we exchanged confidences about feelings of loneliness we were both experiencing...
...A second grace came to me around this time...
...could allow additional television time or curtail time on the telephone...
...In leisure time I began to read about the church and about its past and present-day saints...
...Because of the time I had been away and the guilt that seemed to consume me, it was an uncomfortable experience...
...It's been a bumpy ride, emotionally, intellectually, and-surprise- spiritually...
...Though I had been raised in a faithful Catholic family, I had long ago chosen to distance myself from the church and a God I viewed as absent rather than present...
...But, from the story of the prodigal son to the dialogue between Christ and the thief on Calvary, I believe all people are constantly being called to conversion and challenged by that call...
...I've also counseled fellow officers afflicted with the disease of chemical dependency and with job-related problems...
...guards are authorized to respond in kind, theoretically according to rules but actually at their own discretion...
...These were positive steps, and yet it was a difficult and puzzling time...
...By that standard, I'm in the right place at the right time, and I'm grateful...
...But to this day, six years later, I am still being confronted by skeptical/cynical peers who have nothing but scorn for my newfound attitudes toward the poor, the diseased, and the imprisoned...
...Jesus overheard them and replied, "People who are well do not need a doctor, but only those who are sick....I come to call not respectable people, but outcasts...
...CONVERSION ON THE JOB Grace leaps the wall Eric Bauman What most Americans know, or think they know, about this country's penal system is largely based on imaginative paperback novels and sensationalized Hollywood film accounts...
...My doubts were reinforced by my estrangement from other officers, some of whom ridiculed my new attitudes toward inmates and portrayed me as someone not to be trusted...
...At work, I began to set a distance between myself and those fellow workers I had once emulated and trusted...
...I earned a reputation among both inmates and fellow officers as one not to be messed with...
...Moreover, I could use force...
...I went to an isolated area where I could be alone, and sat staring down at this figure, sobbing uncontrollably...
...For fifteen years, a substantial part of my life, I've worked as an officer in one of the nation's largest county correctional centers: a caretaker for society's outcasts, rebels, and predators...
...a frequent phenomenon among those charged with law enforcement...
...My only friends were those fellow officers whom I trusted...
...I recall feeling just this way, but in spades, one afternoon while riding alone on a prison elevator...
...Internally, I constantly questioned this need to become something different...
...Over time, as I now realize, my outward behavior began to affect my inner self...
...Knowing my reputation and sensing my embarrassment, she said nothing...
...My wife and I attend Mass together with our newborn son, Eric Joseph, sometimes on a daily basis...
...He lives in Westbury, Long Island, New York...
...Fortunately, or providentially, I was introduced to a sympathetic priest who offered encouragement, and helped me to understand that anyone who decides to follow Christ in a serious way will encounter harassment from those made uncomfortable by that commitment...
...Thus began a process...
...That helped, all through the years that followed...
...My own knowledge is firsthand...
...The only things that registered with me were the color of their skin and the rage they seemed to exhibit so freely...
...At first I was uncomfortable using physical force in the line of duty, but with each incident it became easier and finally it became a routine way of dealing with inmate disturbances, whether or not it was justified...
...I was twenty-four years old when I was given a badge and a uniform and, along with them, what I failed to see then, tremendous power over other human beings in a controlled environment...
...Any thought of counterattack by the inmates died quickly...
...My family has stood in support of me, and I am indebted to them for their understanding...
...Because of my dark moods and sharpness, even my parents became distant from me...
...But I found relief that evening in the celebrant's homily on reconciliation, and, eventually, in the encounter with those in the church community whom I came to know...
...And, of course, I brought with me into the job a full share of ignorance and bias...
...In small steps, I began to offer the inmates in my charge the same pardon and reconciliation I was receiving from the church...
...I could reward or punish inmates for whatever reason I deemed fit...
...A friendly parish priest encouraged me to continue attending Mass, and to consider returning to school...
...My initial experience came at an impressionable moment in my life...
...I was on the verge of tears when the elevator stopped to pick up someone...
...I recall my first experience with inmates as they lounged around inside a recreation room, watched television, and smoked cigarettes...
...I yearned to be accepted and trusted by them and struggled with the stigma of being a rookie...
...I felt an immediate tension...
...The socialization process leads elsewhere...
...they seemed to stare right through me as I patrolled the area...
...I remember wanting to run, to escape from that place...
...After several years on the job, I found myself becoming abrupt and harsh with all those around me, analyzing situations cynically, cutting people apart with sarcasm...
...but when the elevator stopped at her floor, she made one simple gesture that began the transformation that has led me to writing this account...
...As anyone who has followed this story can see, others have been occasions of grace for me, so that it does not seem presumptuous that I can hope by my behavior to teach something about human dignity and the meaning of the gospel...
...He introduced me to others with similar experiences in their lives and jobs...
Vol. 122 • September 1995 • No. 15
