Neighbors need neighbors
McCloskey, Liz Leibold
OF SEVERAL WINDS Liz Leibold McCloskey NEIGHBORS NEED NEIGHBORS AND VICE VERSA Walking home from the park one day with Brian, my son, and his cousins, Kate and Jack, I had a troubling...
...I know he jealously guards his privacy, and I should honor that...
...or respectfully leave you alone...
...If the dominant neighborhood ethic is every kid for himself, that is barren ground for any sense of neighborliness and community values to take root...
...There, neither are rights protected nor responsibilities embraced...
...but I see him as a crusty uncle, connected to me and the rest of the neighbors whether he likes it or not...
...I live on this side of the street, the park is on the other, 1 haven't yet figured out how to get home without crossing the street...
...I live in a real neighborhood, one with a little park and grocery stores (and a video store...
...When I was growing up, the whole neighborhood was our playground...
...Now don't take all this to mean that I will be expecting my curmudgeonly neighbor to join me for tea and muffins in the afternoon...
...from our back porch we can see the home of my parents-in-law...
...For some people, daily struggles are so depleting that there is no room for taking responsibility for others...
...Commonweal 22 April 1994:9...
...But I dohopcoureonvcrsation enlightened both of us about the ways we can do our own part to make the neigh borhood a comfortable place in which we can all thrive...
...Three doors down are my sister, brother-in-law, and their three kids...
...My neighbor may see himself as a lone advocate for his rightful due...
...In some neighborhoods, a person does not have the simple right to walk down the street...
...Many of the houses have front porches, where you see little trikes and strollers scattered...
...OF SEVERAL WINDS Liz Leibold McCloskey NEIGHBORS NEED NEIGHBORS AND VICE VERSA Walking home from the park one day with Brian, my son, and his cousins, Kate and Jack, I had a troubling conversation with a neighbor of mine...
...What became clear as we had our first and only conversation in two years was that he viewed his relationships with other neighbors strictly in terms of rights, and clearly his were being violated...
...one neighbor left a plant on our porch...
...Our most recent neighborhood news reported many "random acts of kindness" by neighbors who helped other neighbors shovel walkways and sidewalks and dig cars out of the snow...
...What is striking is that, for the most part, people do take care of one another...
...As a man prosperous enough to afford a large lot and sizable house, he made it clear to me that we should not have had children if we could not afford a house big enough for them to play in...
...There are young families recently arrived as well as those who have lived in the same 8. house since the early part of this century...
...If everyone is looking out only for his or her own rights in a neighborhood, it does not bode well for the development of civic responsibilities that go beyond the home and neighborhood...
...can living in a benevolent neigh borhood anchor a sound ethic of rcspon sibility toward others beyond one's community...
...across the street are my second cousin and her husband: down the street is my best friend: and further down the street are my brother-in-law's brother and his wife...
...In fact, many neighborhoods have...
...And just as growing up in a loving family yields a secure foundation for loving others beyond one's kin...
...We even went out of our neighborhood and explored the woods and the creeks and the ponds...
...That is why the commandment to lo\e your neighbor is so basic...
...He knows we want our children to play happily and safely in the neighborhood, and he should respect that—not because he has a right to his privacy or our children have a right to ride bikes on the street, but because as neighbors we are responsible for one another's well-being...
...Hence the "values void" that leads to one teen-ager shooting another teen-ager for pushing him in the hall at school...
...We played at one another's houses...
...you can walk to...
...As a homeowner on our dead-end street he has a right to some peace and quiet and privacy, and he shouldn't have to endure the daily sound of kids' squeals and tire wheels...
...As I remember it the other families in the neighborhood all felt some responsibility for all the children...
...That is why the deterioration of urban neighborhoods is so tragic...
...I suppose county citizenship and home ownership confer certain rights, but a neighborhood that is built solely on that foundation is sure to crumble...
...Once as I was walking home from the store, pregnant with Collin...
...When I First moved in...
...I mentioned to one neighbor that I needed to get to the store and get my son a decent winter coat...
...If it is true that families provide the most basic setting for learning values, neighborhoods tie schools for a close second...
...As the little ones and I were crossing our street laden with a Fisher Price scooter, a double stroller, and countless toys, my neighbor turned the corner in his car, scowled at us without slowing down, and mouthed, 'This is a street...
...For Christmas, the French chef next door makes exquisite candies and delivers them to the surrounding houses...
...His back porch sits sideways to the street, and he viewed the amount of time Peter and I spend on our front porch in the summer playing Scrabble with friends or eating dinner as an abuse of our privileges as homeowners and an invasion of his privacy...
...As a taxpaying Arlington County resident he has a right to free ingress and egress to his driveway, without encountering children and bicycles...
...a neighbor invited me in to raid her closet lor maternity clothes...
...We have a summer picnic, an Octoberfest, Christmas caroling, a neighborhood-wide yard sale in the spring...
...He had never before spoken lo me, so when he pulled into his driveway, I took the opportunity to initiate a conversation (which, admittedly, I began with a hint of sarcasm) by saying, "Help me out with my dilemma here...
...The next time I walked by her house, she ran out with two snowsuits that her twins had worn...
...The warm glow I feel about my neighborhood is also helped by the fact that we have gathered many a family member around us...
...Yes, we played in the street...
...We have a neighborhood park where parents, babysitters, and kids gather daily (weather permitting) and play together...
...As we've begun the task of raising our two sons, my experience is that it takes all these other people to help them flourish (and to help us survive...
...On our block live a carpenter, a gay couple, a young single mom, two Indian families, a French family, a few intergenerational and unique family arrangements, and plenty of young professional couples and their children...
...Whether one has children or not, there is no debating that it is good to have nice neighbors who will smile, help you out...
...It is that element of responsibility for each other that seems so diluted in communities today...
...Last winter, walking down the street with Brian...
...I could go on...
Vol. 121 • April 1994 • No. 8
