Singing the Cordon Bleus
Bell, Robert H.
NSignng the Cordon Bleus ow that ray wife and I have two full-time jobs and two kids, I have to learn how to cook. I've been postponing cooking for a long time. I pleaded for an exemption on...
...nana: It's the wrong kind of doctor* Another result is that I feel a little unsure of myself whenever mixing, stirring, and cooking things I cia barely boil UtQ, I did follow my grandmother's adviee in me way «* by looking for a Sweet Old-FashJoned Girl...
...Nor will any two Hungarians hi a room start to argue, or any tase start a revolution, lot they all love good food...
...Nor was it pure theory fiiat persuaded me feat skills are innate...
...To this day I bear on my thumb the crater caused by the explosion...
...A guy can grow and change in fifteen years...
...Samplings: "I egg, lA egg shell of water, walnut-sized lump of lard, and enough flour," Hungarians love confectionary concoctions...
...As a result of mis debacle, I disappointed my grand* mother by becoming an English professor...
...I should tell you about Hungarians, since mostly they " stay close to Budapest or Third Avenue, People who say Hungarians can be easily categorized are simplifying matters...
...13 February 1987: 71...
...I'm not a mechanic, I'm a scienttstf' With my innate tendency to become discorabubulated, I began having accidents...
...Have another slice," offers Grammy, "it's only air-" Making cakes out of air is ancient Magyar magic...
...A slice of nut-cake contains a pound of butter and sugar and two pounds of walnuts...
...In chem lab I got off on the wroag foot, The lab assistant was a senior chem major with a straight A average...
...Since I generally steer clear of woltesreas, I can't say exactly what all she's got in there, I know for a fact there are sharp implements, some of them electric...
...According to Hungarian mythology, the blissful soui becomes achicken, eternally luxuriating in paprika and sour cream...
...Come on over and join us for spaghetti some night...
...Are you kidding...
...Gee, Cedric," I lick-spittled, "with that kind of GPA, what n*ed school will you go to...
...Nobody wanted to be my lab partner...
...GRANDSON: Well, Nana, you've got another doctor in the family...
...But Moooo...
...Worse, my wife (nee Sweet Old-Fashioned Girl, now gourmet cook) often asked for items I hadn't heard of aad couldn't recognize, Like ginger root...
...I'm a new man...
...Despite the numbered aisles, Grand Union is mighty confusing...
...Therefore, when it came time to marry, at age fifteen, I found a terrific cook, My wife seemed to fit the bill: from her father she had inherited a Yankee work*ethie...
...He contributed "Summer Breakdown" to the September 12, 1986 Commonweal...
...I pleaded for an exemption on religious grounds: If the good Lord wanted men mucking around in the kitchen, I'd say, he wouldn't have given women little eaik«ed fmgertips to handle hot food and cutlery...
...I once did the shopping, b»t shopping requires cooking-related know-how...
...My wife ran the kitchen and tended the garden while I hunted elephants...
...You bring the sauce...
...Sample recipe...
...In this way we maintained mutual respect and had the satisfaction of knowing that each of w was a credit to his or her fender...
...Bell replies:' 'Being an English Umher, the dangling modifier is terribly embarrassing...
...With this Hungarian heritage, my wife instinctively designed an elaborate kitchen...
...AH summer I train for a marathon, just so I can blimp out at Thanksgiving...
...But all that is in the past...
...Or capers...
...I'd say thai people of all political persuasions, creeds, and ilks should agree that the sexual division of labor made good sense...
...Not all Hungarian men are distinguished scientists, composers, and philanderers...
...not all the women are sex pots and great cooks...
...ROBERT H BELL (Robert H. Bell teaches English at Williams College, ami airs his humor on National Public Radio...
...You can head off a revoiutios by serving chicken paprika's...
...I argued on pragmatic grounds...
...7b readers grieved by the slip in that &Hkh, "Bitch-hiking back to the beach house, a little light bulb went on in my head,'' Mr...
...Or Belgian endive...
...I would inevitably buy the most obsolete produce ("Here he conges, fellas, bring out the rotten fruit and limp veggiesf...
...I never could remember the difference between iceberg and Boston lettuce* or between watercress and parsley...
...Say my wife plans a simple supper...
...Finally, following instructions to "add sulfuric acid and mix/' I put my thumb over Che test tube and shook...
...She has a Cuisinart big enough to propel the Queen Elizabeth II (I consider it disrespectful to call the ship the QB2 on the sante grounds that I disapprove of those who refer to His Holiness as Pope J2P2...
...I seemed to drop my thermometer every twenty minutes...
...I upset the bunsen burner and started a small holocaust, I flushed the substance we were supposed to be precipitating, or provoking, or fudging, and passed in the residue...
...I realized i wasn't going to be much help in the kitchen...
...It was also experience — especially the trauma of organic chemistry...
...I made understandable mistakes...
...I argued in terms of genetic inheritance...
...1 naturally expected the tomato sauce, tomato paste, and canned tomatoes to be together...
...from her mother, brown eyes and Hungarian cuisine...
...With undisguised disdain he replied, MMed school...
...I set a modern-day Dartmouth record for the lowest score oil a final examination by a non-football player...
...To me It seemed evident, despite fashionable opinions to the coatrary, that people inherit interest and skills, I myself had aot been born to be an outstanding cook, There ate always too many things to remember and I become confused underpressure...
...she shopped twice a week and I rotated fl» automobile tires bi^annually...
...70: Commonweal My wife's mother is the best cook in the western hemisphere, witti the possible exception of her mother, from whom my mother-in-law received the oral tradition, which she transcribed and passed on to her daughter...
Vol. 114 • February 1987 • No. 3
