Mrs. Ponsonby-Porter
Laing, N. Hammersley
614 T H E C O M M O N W E A L October 16, 1929 MRS. PONSONBY-PORTER By N. HAMMERSLEY LAING Y EXPERIENCE with Mrs. Ponsonby-Porter was an unusual one. I met her on the mez- zanine...
...Yes," I said solemnly, hoping to sound a warning note...
...I had spent the morning feverishly trying to make her room as presentable as possible...
...I met her on the mezzanine floor of one of the most fashionable hotels of Phoenix...
...How did you pay your way to New York and Phoenix ?" "That part of it was rather unpleasant," she admitted...
...Waiting to interview a woman who had answered my advertisement for a general houseworker, my eye was caught by a striking looking woman...
...You see, he has private means and refused to settle down to his practice...
...Two, raised entirely on the desertmprimitive mand suffering from no inhibitions whatsoever...
...There are some things," I replied, "that even writers of short stories bar...
...Can she cook...
...And so I engaged Mrs...
...At the last moment one of my friends was unable to come...
...Laing's general servant, and, if I may say itma damned good one...
...But I had a topping time in your kitchen...
...Ponsonby-Porter, what possessed you to spend six months in my kitchen scrubbing floors and washing dishes...
...I led the way into her room, anxiously watching her expression as she saw its barrenness...
...Well, she appears to me like a duchess, evading the law and traveling incognito...
...But what about the sandwiches...
...One of my guests is ill...
...Like a losing man in a desperate gamble, I played my final card...
...PONSONBY-PORTER By N. HAMMERSLEY LAING Y EXPERIENCE with Mrs...
...With delightful nonchalance, she was gracefully sauntering down to the gulch, puffing on her inevitable cigarette and swinging the pail with the appearance of one about to attend the Ascot races...
...The thought of this elegant creature washing my dishes filled me with alarm...
...As we sat in the club lounge, intimate over our liqueurs, coffee and cigarettes, I plucked up my courage and asked : "Mrs...
...he asked when we were alone...
...PonsonbyPorter, and in a gown of Paquin's most successful design she created quite a stir among my guests...
...Surely it isn't customary for the maids in this country to have meals with the family...
...Which would you prefer...
...The disappointment of her clear, frank eyes really touched me...
...I am Mrs...
...To my surprise the elegant lady, with outstretched hand, as though welcoming an expected guest, swept graciously toward me...
...My husband and I had a bet...
...Stayed with her...
...Rotl" Mrs...
...She gave me a look curiously direct...
...I looked after two children on the ~,oyage out, horrible, ill-mannered little blighters, but their mother paid my fare...
...Oh, well, I suppose I can manage the work while I'm dummy, How shall I come, as your cook, or merely an out-of-town guest...
...She had developed a genuine affection for our great Southwest, also we had become excellent friends...
...Do tell me why you did it...
...A month later I happened to be giving a bridge party...
...She clasped a pair of hands, large, soft and beautifully formed...
...Take a hand at bridge this afternoon...
...Then, in New York, I sold some jewelry to get to the West--and well--you know what happened after that...
...Your home sounds top-hole...
...He looked dubious...
...she inquired...
...Ponsonby-Porter," she explained courteously, at the same time waving me to a seat...
...He's a doctor," she explained...
...Do me a favor...
...She smiled...
...Wandering disconsolately to the window, my eyes fell on the figure of my maid out to empty the garbage pail...
...That's what I want, general housework...
...Instead, he insisted upon careering round the country looking for spots where he could get good shooting and fishing...
...Were you...
...An expression of panic crossed his features...
...The following winter, however, I made an unexpected trip to London, and almost on arrival I received a letter from Mrs...
...Ponsonby-Porter as general houseworker...
...The new maid," he echoed...
...I've been so curious...
...Laing...
...And, what was more, I would not return until he had bought me a home...
...Naturally, I got fed up with living in hotels and tagging after him, so I said that unless he built me a permanent home, I'd travel on my own...
...Ponsonby-Porter was an unusual one...
...She seemed sorry to go...
...Whenever she happened to be dummy she would silently disappear into the recesses of the kitchen and I visualized her with white, soft hands, buttering scones or icing cakes...
...614 T H E C O M M O N W E A L October 16, 1929 MRS...
...I bet him there and then that I'd travel from the East to the West of the United States without accepting a penny from him...
...Ponsonby-Porter," I began...
...I smiled bravely but called nervously: "Mrs...
...Another desert ship, sailing away I thought regretfully, as I waved good-by to her from the station...
...Come in," I called sleepily...
...What a topping name...
...Ponsonby-Porter must not be allowed to do this again...
...Arrayed in a neat row were the family's high shoes, blackened, polishedBglistening like a crystal stream...
...It's often done in the West...
...She looks more like a visiting notable...
...We have no electricity, we cook with an oil stove...
...It sounds perfectly delightful...
...What a priceless hornet" When my husband arrived, Mrs...
...Ponsonby-Porter was laying the supper table...
...The following day she arrived in a taxicab...
...Ponsonby-Porter, who, who--" I faltered and then went on briskly, "stayed with me last winter...
...Dreamy Drawl" she interrupted...
...There must be some misunderstanding," I said, at the same time tugging at my skirt, hoping to hide the fact that my stockings were not silk all the way up...
...Do you mind if I smoke...
...That made him angry and he said how could I ? After all, I was dependent on him...
...There's nothing very much to tell," she said simply...
...N-no, I mean, you'd better...
...And your home...
...He bought it...
...The next day, I awoke to the sound of a firm knock upon the panel of our door...
...I introduced him casually...
...I stared at her wondering whether I were the victim of a practical joke...
...I was Mrs...
...Later, I strolled into the kitchen where she was busy with sandwiches and Scotch scones...
...Ring the bell," I suggested...
...I turned to introduce my hostess...
...There was a sound of furious chipping, a smothered "damn" as some ice apparently fell to the floor, and then she reappeared with the words, "I say, how ripping the water tastes here...
...Would you mind--I'm sorry to trouble youmbut will you please crack us some ice...
...I thought of those velvety hands and shuddered...
...What an amusing idea...
...She exhaled slowly, flicking her cigarette ash onto the hotel's most valuable rug with careless nonchalance, and ejaculated: "How perfectly topping...
...It's been a perfectly ripping drive out," she began, "top-holel Isn't the color of these hills too amusing for words...
...Some wealthy tourist, I reflected, probably from New York...
...Ponsonby-Porter 1" She appeared smoking a cigarette...
...Secret...
...You must come down and stay a week-end with us...
...That's all...
...At the end of April she returned to England...
...Why didn't you ask me...
...I understand you are wanting a general servant...
...Feeling like a neglected orphan beside this brilliant bird of plumage, I nodded...
...I hope so...
...I asked, the piquancy of the situation amusing me...
...We were interrupted by an acquaintance of mine touching me on the arm...
...I crushed a baby scorpion which had suddenly appeared from behind the settee and replied: "Oh, she's the new maid...
...In a gown of exquisite simplicity she looked like a race horse that had accidentally strayed into a pasture of sturdy, healthy cart horses...
...Stayed with her--nothing of the kind...
...I didn't want to pry into your secret...
...And so I introduced her simply as Mrs...
...Living up to the standards of our new maid was somewhat of a trial...
...Your boots," came back the reply...
...She gave an infectious chuckle...
...I sprang out of bed, shook my husband, who was still asleep and went to the door...
...And, as we are so far out of town," I went on, ignoring the interruption, "things are still very primitive...
...I am the woman who advertised for a position...
...At the conclusion of the first course my husband leaned across the table and asked in a husky whisper: "I say, do you think I should have changed into my tuxedo...
...Ponsonby-Porter inviting me to lunch at a most exclusive women's club...
...I had offered to help her but she replied so brusquely as to be almost rude: "Nonsense, I'm being paid to do the work, and by jingo l I'm going to do it...
...Then," I said eagerly, scenting some excellent material for my next short story...
...All l It hasn't begun yet...
...I live ten miles out of town," I said desperately, "in the heart of the desert, at a place called Dreamy Draw...
...I'm not afraid of work," she said shortly, and I noticed the determined set of a square, slightly heavy jaw...
...You would not expect to have meals with us, I suppose ?" "Certainly not...
...Suffering catsl Who's that...
...Ponsonby-Porter contradicted brusquely...
...As usual, she was exquisitely gowned, and met me with her customary ease and graciousness of manner...
...Unfortunately, yes...
...I had even gone so far in my enthusiasm as to cover her bed with my most treasured counterpane of Irish linen...
...It never occurred to me to talk about it...
...An idea suddenly seized me...
...I do hope you've got children...
...She shrugged her shoulders and replied lightly: "N'importe qui...
...However, she made straight for the window and peered out into the desert...
...You would find the work too hard," I said sternly, at the same time deliberately allowing my eyes to travel from the rich black furs that encircled her neck to the toe of a Paris-shod foot...
...October I6, I929 THE COMMONWEAL 6i 5 He took a sip of water, set down the glass hurriedly and said: "We need ice...
...Why, yes," I stammered, failing to recognize the name as one given through the telephone, which I had understood as merely "Porter...
...There was no secret...
...Ecstatically, she inquired, "And do you still use candles...
...I never heard of such an odious idea...
...Rather not," she replied emphatically, with the accent on the rather, and I realized that she was English...
...How perfectly pricelessl" I felt myself becoming hysterical at the humor of the situation, but I was determined she should be saved despite herself...
Vol. 10 • October 1929 • No. 24
