How the females put an end to male oppression
Cort, John C.
JOHN C. CORT '' What I find oppressive is the fact that a faction of this family is doing the bulk of the domestic work and a few individuals have removed .themselves completely from this domestic...
...This is a big subject and is not going to be exhausted in this article, but it might be interesting to relate how one family tried an experiment in democratic process and what came of it...
...One, method of votingPAUL: No, no, no, no, no, no...
...And learned to accept it and live with it, and manage not to get stuck with it on feast days...
...We're not going to have any votes...
...Alice had to intervene a few times...
...MARY LIZ: Shut up...
...Three people are talking at once...
...Nevertheless: MOTHER: Papa's financial contribution being so overwhelmingly large at this point sort of backs up his reluctance to take onBARBARA: Only if you have that horrible attitude that your whole life is experienced in terms of building up your earning power, and this completely relieves you of any responsibility in your personal relationships at home...
...It didn't actually get into each one's financial contribution to the family...
...PAUL: You haven't established that...
...After all, they outnumbered us 2-to-l...
...DAD: Yes, I think that's necessary...
...Right now...
...BARBARA: I object...
...The point is that you can attach a monetary value to the work that is doneMARY LIZ: It would be very hard to place a value or price on the work that is being done in this family...
...The meeting got sidetracked in a long discussion of the family budget and economizing (PAUL: This family is spending too much on food, nick: I'm losing weight) and how much electricity TVs use up and Mary Liz's suggestion that all food eaten between meals be contributed by people out of their own pockets (BARBARA: I don't like it-it makes everybody uptight and individualistic) and whether David, a high school senior who was very quiet all afternoon, rated an allowance of $5 a week...
...ALICE: (Radcliffe freshman home for the weekend): I think I'm the least involved and I would like . . . uh . . . BARBARA: Yes, I think it's a very good idea...
...Part of the problem was that nobody thought to remove the parakeets, who tended to get very stimulated when there was lively conversation, and between the people and the parakeets interrupting each other it was difficult to keep the discussion on an even keel...
...BARBARA: The word "and" is very important...
...BARBARA: I disagree...
...Becky, Lydia and Susan were absent, and Julia was too young to care...
...BARBARA: It's good to contribute both financially and in terms of work...
...And I knew it...
...Four of the older kids-Barbara, Nick, Paul and Mary Liz-were all working and living at home...
...This is a consensus gathering...
...Alice assumed "the chair...
...Ditto for washing dishes and doing laundry, also more or less passable...
...The result was that I cooked my first family dinner in over twenty-six years of married life and have been turning them out ever since, more or less edible...
...I'm the chairman...
...If you have a voting system, people are not going to be willing to negotiate or compromise, figuring they can win by voting...
...A consensus developed that consensus should be tried first, but a wrangle followed immediately on setting the agenda...
...Mary Liz Cort IT HAS SOMETIMES been said that the patriarchal structure of the family has a crippling effect on the development of democratic structures at other levels of life...
...Let's get down to some real distribution of jobs...
...What if it doesn't work...
...Here I am back to Square One...
...They clean their rooms, for one thing...
...MARY LIZ: I'd like to suggest a system of recognizing the speaker...
...PAUL: (unaware meeting is being taped): I just want to be sure those words appear in the record...
...He thought he was going to get off that easy, the poor shnook.] MARY LIZ (smelling victory): Okay, we've agreed about that...
...A few months later, when Helen went fulltime and I left my work at Model Cities and started writing, it was further agreed that everybody, including the oldest and the youngest (excepting only Doc, the grandfather) would take turns cooking dinner, cleaning up after dinner, and doing the daily laundry, plus an equitable split of the remaining maintenance chores...
...PAUL: Who voted you the chairman...
...I prefer voting...
...MARY LIZ: I'm talking about the daily upkeep of this house...
...JOHN C. CORT '' What I find oppressive is the fact that a faction of this family is doing the bulk of the domestic work and a few individuals have removed .themselves completely from this domestic work, which has to be done daily...
...I assume you're speaking of the boys...
...DAD: I'm recognizing...
...Laughter from those in the know...
...If people feel oppressed by having to pay a lot or do a lot of work, then that's very bad...
...SCHILLEBEECKX ON MINISTRY...
...I reject that...
...All I said was that I think Daddy should subscribe to the ideal that for a pleasant home relationship it is important to have people committed to helping at home however they can...
...that the females simply outvoted the males...
...SCHILLEBEECKX ON MINISTRYnage not to get stuck with it on feast days...
...BARBARA: Who's recognizing...
...This is a very aggressive group...
...And a few individuals have removed themselves completely from this domestic work, which has to be done daily...
...BARBARA: I find it extremely oppressive to live in any situation where I feel dominated by either money or work, where I'm either paying all the money or doing all the work and somebody else is paying all the money...
...MOTHER: I sort of reject it too, but in Daddy's case- considering the extreme pressure in his job and the number of evening meetings, the long hours, plus the health problemMARY LIZ: I agree with Mother...
...We're talking about injustice, not about ideal family life...
...There were no sisters, so the boys had to share the housework and largely, I think, as a result of Father's example, we hated and resented it as a symbol of our lack of manhood...
...MARY LIZ: As I see it...
...Looking back on The Meeting, my unaided recollection was...
...I was one of five boys and I don't remember ever seeing my father do a thing inside the house other than fix or paint something...
...PAUL: I vote for Alice...
...It ain't right...
...CHORUS: NO...
...DAD: Well, do we have a consensus that I'm the chairman...
...BARBARA: We're talking about the ideal family life as well as injustice . . . MARY LIZ (addressing Paul): You're talking about a situation that doesn't apply here...
...MARY LIZ: They will...
...MOTHER: I don't think he should be forced to take on a daily job like cooking or dishes...
...I vote for Alice for chairman...
...Eventually, long after the tape ran out and partly as the result of exhaustion but mostly, I think, as the result of the triumph of reason over self-interest, and justice over the inertia of history, it was agreed by consensus that there would be a more equitable distribution of household work...
...That's the word you used...
...We should subscribe to the idea that (a) it is good to support the family financially as long as you're living here, and (b) it's good to help with household work as long as you're living here...
...MARY LIZ: What I find oppressive is the fact that a faction of this familyPAUL: "Oppressive" now...
...ALICE: I think that's what you're arguing more about-the price...
...There followed a rundown of each working person's take-home pay...
...NICK: I suggest that we substitute the words "and/or" for the word "and" between (a) and (b...
...DAD: Let's try consensus first...
...Note how the males stick together...
...Unknown to most of us, Mary Liz taped the meeting-at least the first forty-five minutes or so...
...PAUL: But if some people want to pay instead of work, what's wrong with that...
...A faction of this family is doing the bulk of the workPAUL: As you see it...
...The most interesting part of the tape revolved around the following: BARBARA: I want to throw something out for consideration on a basic statement of goals and policies of the family...
...All the males were present, so actually the count was even, four against four...
...I've lost nearly fifty years of hard-earned ground...
...The significance of The Meeting...
...It was further agreed that people need not raise their hands to be recognized, but that there would be "a free exchange unless it comes to a donny-brook," in which case Alice would intervene...
...PAUL: Why is it important...
...I can remember few more depressing times of my entire life than the moments I spent, aged about ten, slumped in a kitchen chair, crippled with self-pity, staring at a table and sink piled high with dirty dishes, bowls, platters, glasses, forks, knives, spoons, pots, pans and garbage, the greasy remnants of some Thanksgiving or Christmas feast, while the sound of distant laughter floated in from the living room, where the rest of the family and guests had repaired for conversation, music, fun, and games...
...We did...
...BARBARA: I didn't say that...
...It was the first time in our family that we had really faced up to the fact that the conditions of modern life have profoundly altered the relationship between men and women living together in the same household...
...DAD: What do we want to put on the agenda...
...PAUL: What you said is obviously not true...
...It's a very healthy way to relate in a household...
...In matters of importance we want to achieve consensus...
...DAD: I'm willing to agree that maybe I could do a little more about dishes and things like that...
...The year was 1973...
...But my recollection was wrong...
...DAD: Do we have a consensus that Alice should be chairman...
...And some of the boys discovered that they were pretty good gourmet cooks...
...MARY LIZ: Paul's running scared already...
...You're not going to find people who are willing to share the entire workload of this house, and to discuss that is ridiculous...
...PAUL: But he does help in many ways...
...PAUL: So who is paying all the money or doing all the work...
...But it was right...
...nick: He's helping all he can...
...Exactly, exactly...
...JOHN C. CORT, the editor o/Religious Socialism, aquarterly newsletter of the Religion and Socialism Committee of the Democratic Socialist Organizing Committee, has worked for labor groups and anti-poverty agencies for most of his life and has just completed work on an autobiography...
...But Paul was able to put off the awful hour for a while yet...
...BARBARA and MARY LIZ (simultaneously): No...
...Where is the injustice...
...And eight years ago, aged fifty-nine, I found myself at the sink again and I thought to myself, "What the hell is happening...
...Most of them were contributing money to the family exchequer, but virtually all of the household work (cooking meals, washing dishes, laundry, cleaning) was being done by the females, and most of that by my wife Helen, who at that point was also working at an outside job halftime...
Vol. 108 • July 1981 • No. 13
