No Laughing Matter
Steinfels, Peter
Capitalism is dead. Dead, finished, kaput/ You may like this, you may not. But there's no use in denying the news. The news was revealed on page 3 of the Business Section of the June 5 New York...
...I don't...
...Well, maybe it sounds better than it reads...
...He has inflation jokes...
...Not a bang, not a whimper...
...As the lady remarked to the vicar about his sermons, every one is better than the next...
...Orben's latest thigh-slapper...
...They buy it, in particular, from a man named Robert Orben...
...When was wit already displayed, they he can dip the last time you were hired by somebody poor...
...You see what the old Orben arsenal can do...
...They need it to lighten after-dinner speeches...
...He has Concorde jokes...
...But the end's in sight...
...He was finishing his best defense of price-/~ing before a group of college students, and was about to explain why oil companies need to pay less taxes...
...Orben gives him something to say, something like this: "Before I begin, I want you to know that I have always been a firm believer in preserving America's wildlife...
...You have to feel a certain sympathy for the Concorde...
...He advises his anxious business leaders to share their anxiety with the audience --but "with the urbanity [sic] of a Bob Hope...
...It's the audience that scares the beck out of me...
...Don't knock the rich," B. quipped...
...up to $2,000 for a single speechmaking assignment...
...They need it to overcome their nervousness in public meetings...
...8 July 1977:4J4...
...Let me take this opportunity to predict a decline in congressional hearings...
...Sir," said B. firmly, "to have an open mind doesn't mean you have to have an open mouth...
...A peculiar look crept across the student's face, and he sat there thoughtfully for the rest of the talk...
...Poor Schumpeter...
...An acquaintance of mine, call him Mr...
...Actually these comebacks work...
...The news was revealed on page 3 of the Business Section of the June 5 New York Times...
...A student loudly suggested that B. had dealt loosely with the evidence...
...Corporate executives need humor...
...You never imagined it would be quite this ignominious...
...Poor Marx...
...Robert Orben operates "the world's only humor service for business...
...Orben researches the audience's background, analyzes his client's personality, studies position papers, writes the entire speech, rehearses the client--~bviously you can't tell those jokes just any old way --and keeps it all secret...
...Should an executive encounter hecklers, and it is hard to imagine souls so surly and brash as not to be calmed or cowed by the formidable wit already displayed, then he can dip into what the Times calls "the Orben arsenal": "Sir, to have an open mind doesn't mean you have to have an open mouth...
...In fact, at this very moment I'm standing here with a few dozen butterflies in my stomach...
...Business knows a winner when it sees one...
...No, it wasn't a story on the declining rate of profit, the capital shortage, or the energy crisis...
...lust a bad joke...
...Here is an example: "Some people suffer from stage NO LAUG G MATTER PETER STEINFEI~ fright...
...The stage doesn't frighten me...
...Capitalism's dead and busted...
...Public speaking, it turns out, is not the forte of many executives...
...That reminds me of a friend who attended an evening course he called his "comedy workshop...
...He calls himself a "comedy consultant...
...but I can't find it...
...As the Times puts it, "He feels that maybe every interoffice memo more than two paragraphs long should have a witty comment or two edited into the copy by a comedy clearance officer...
...Robert Orben looks forward to the day of "corporate jesters...
...Orben's newsletter...
...I have a terrible time finding parking space in New York too...
...They need it to clinch deals...
...Orben is also topical...
...Take the nervous executive who has to open up a sticky stockholders' meeting...
...They say kids don't know the value of a dollar...
...I'd like to get on the right side of you...
...And yet, as the Times Business Section tells us, "with the visibility of business leadership in the media increasing, executives often have to appear at public forums, before congressional hearings and at conventions...
...Even the Socialist Labor Party may have funnier lines than these...
...But the young man tried to interject another word...
...This is where Mr...
...A comedy clearance officerl You see what I mean...
...They need it to loosen up stockholders' meetings...
...Heck" is a particularly deft touch...
...It was a story about humor...
...They certainly do know the value of a dollar...
...Orben, the Times reports, "was a star of Gerald R. Ford's speech-writing staff...
...In fact the whole group became extraordinarily quiet and well behaved...
...That's why they ask for five...
...His wife called it a "joke class...
...Well, the student was stunned, B. could see that...
...Oh, it may stand around for a few years forcing a chuckle at Mr...
...They buy it...
...B., tested them...
...When was the last time you were hired by somebody poor...
...Orben comes in...
...Where do executives get their humor...
...Business pays for this: $250,000 a year for Mr...
...That did it...
...And afterwards the very student who had been interrupting came up and helped my acquaintance with his coat, and all the students solicitously guided B. to his car...
...Don't knock the rich...
...Of course...
...I'd like to bend your ear for a moment----43end it with a baseball bat...
Vol. 104 • July 1977 • No. 14
