MR DOOLEY AND SHUTTLING SOCIALISM
Steinfels, Peter
MR. DOOLEY & SHUTTLING SOCIALISM PETER STEINFELS "Well, I see be th' pa-apers," said my friend Martin Dooley imitating his great-granduncle and namesake back in the Sixth Ward, "that Yale...
...Ask Dean Donaldson up at Yale...
...Dooley, "especially with all this Affirmative Action stuff...
...It's to be known as the Graduate School of Organization and Management, but it's all the same anyway, and you won't hear a peep from Mr...
...Half a billion to the ship owners...
...Bill Buckley's vocabulary up is creeping socialism...
...These are subtle distinctions, Hennessy, and it's no wonder Yale wants to start a school to study them...
...No, what gets Mr...
...Donaldson is the new dean of socialism at Yale...
...Capitalism means taking risks,' they admonish...
...There's a whole other aspect to this shuttling business...
...William F. Buckley, Jr., Yale '50...
...He's a man who has seen the future, Hennessy, and it pays...
...It couldn't carry on without some new bank loans...
...Maybe he should head the new school.' 'And here's an outstanding woman teacher of red spectrum physics,' says someone else...
...You mean he wasn't a professor already...
...Dooley lifted a rather ungenerous beer stein from the soapy water, dipped it into the rinse, twisted it hard with his towel, and deposited it in some unknown place beneath the bar...
...to help a private one is only the shuttling variety...
...Where would we be without the market economy?' they ask...
...Forty-seven cents on the bushel to the grain exporters...
...Oh, they won't be calling it that," replied Mr...
...Thank God and man for that," said Hennessy...
...A telling point,' says the committee...
...Why here's a perfectly good Puerto Rican professor of mechanical engineering from Saratoga Community College,' says someone on the Yale committee...
...Socialism...
...You have to get up early in the morning to see shuttling socialism committed, Hennessy...
...Now what Yale has in mind is not creeping socialism...
...Well, please yourself," said Mr...
...Seven billion to the railroads...
...asked Hennessy with a squint that did not bespeak cordiality...
...Oh, didn't I tell you...
...Can you spare a $250 million loan guarantee?' asks Mr...
...asked Hennessy suspiciously...
...no scholarly book is worth more than half a million anyway.' So they put Donaldson down for twenty scholarly books, and the next day Kingman crowned him a professer of public and private management...
...That's shuttling socialism...
...The cost of fuel is going up, you know.' 'Don't you dare nationalize the railroads!' shouts Mr...
...Not at all," said Mr...
...That's the way Mr...
...Don't you think the federal government can do something?' And Jerry plops down a $40 million loan guarantee and the day is saved and so are the jobs and everyone is happy especially the banks which collect several million a year in interest without taking any risk...
...says...
...You can also call it blurring socialism or interfacing socialism...
...Dooley, "this is a new age, the age of shuttling socialism...
...William Henry Donaldson explained it in the Times: 'I think,' says Mr...
...However, it is the government's patriotic duty to take over all the passenger lines that aren't making money, to fix up the tracks, scrub the lavatories, and guarantee us a five percent profit.' 'We're strangling in government regulations,' says Mr...
...Preserve private initiative,' they insist...
...Hennessy leaned further over the bar and looked doubtful...
...Why just consider what Dean Donaldson told the New York Times: Yale, he says, is attempting 'to define a whole new kind of manager,' he says, the kind of manager that is coming up rapidly in this generation,' he says, 'people who want to make a lot of money,' he says, 'and still have diversity in their careers,' he says...
...The best possible leader,' said Kingman Brewster, Jr., when he made Dean Donaldson a professor the other day...
...Take the recent case of a New York shipbuilding outfit...
...It's just a fact of life,' he says, 'and not necessarily bad.'" "And who is this Donaldson fellow...
...A hundred billion to private industry in loan guarantees!' "But don't think it's an easy business, this shuttling socialism," said Mr...
...Mind you, however, Hennessy, when New York City itself can't carry on without loans and the banks won't cough up because they say default is looming like the World Trade Center, then Senator Jim and President Jerry can't do a thing...
...A bit frisky this evening, eh Hennessy...
...That's the kind which threatens to give stiffs like you and me some undeserved and corrupting benefit, such as free medicine, thereby undermining the foundations of liberty, religion and the local drug store...
...Dooley, "but it's even more complicated yet...
...Mobil...
...Dean Donaldson made $10 million in the go-go securities market of the '60s...
...We're way behind our quota on whiz kids...
...Restore free enterprise,' they say...
...Dean Donaldson was a 'whiz kid.' Robert McNamara was our last 'whiz kid.' He went on winning the war in Vietnam for years, and finally they promoted him to the World Bank so he can go on winning the war against hunger...
...The new graduate school, said the Times, 'is expected to combine the study of business administration and public management techniques-increasingly needed,' said the Times, 'by the growing corps of executives who shuttle between jobs in industry and government.'" "I'm not so sure I like the sound of shuttling socialism," said Hennessy...
...Perhaps," said Mr...
...You're hopelessly old-fashioned, Hennessy," said Mr...
...It's shuttling socialism...
...So Senator James Buckley, brother of Bill, Yale '50, and no less the fearless foe of creeping socialism, goes to the President...
...A subsidy of $180 million for me?' chimes in Mr...
...What's he done?' 'Well,' says Kingman, 'he just thought up an Energy Independence Authority for Rocky, which Rocky gave free of charge to Jerry,' says Kingman, 'and which would guarantee $100 billion in loans to the oil industry,' says Kingman, 'and that's not a bad job of interfacing.' "True,' says the committee, 'but it doesn't sound very academic.' 'Look,' says Kingman, who is a fast man on his feet, 'if we give student teachers academic credit for teaching in a ghetto,' he says, 'why can't we give a whiz kid academic credit for making $10 million in the securities market.' 'A telling point,' says the committee...
...Creeping socialism is what do-gooders, bleeding hearts, panty-waists, bureaucrats, and knife-between-the-teeth-red-radical-sex-and-drug-crazed nihilists are always trying to put over on the upstanding working people and the honest but dumb youth of the nation...
...Get rid of them, will you...
...Business,' he says, 'has to interface with government increasingly,' he says, 'and government is more and more involved with business,' he (Continued on page 510) Steinfels (Cont...
...Just make sure we don't have to pay taxes like everybody else.' "And, Hennessy, the government officials look stern and bang their gavels...
...Donaldson, the lines between the private and public sectors are blurring more and more," he says...
...There they line up...
...But what about a whiz kid?' says Kingman Brewster, Jr...
...Anyone in government charged with regulating business,' he says, 'or thinking of going into business,' he says, 'will be ahead or the game this way.' "No," said Mr...
...Down with creeping socialism!' they declare...
...Lockheed, removing the silver begging cup from his alligator hide attache case...
...It still sounds fishy to me," said Hennessy...
...Railroad Association...
...Twenty billion in federal research to the plane manufacturers, the nuclear power industry, AT&T, and agribusiness...
...A 'whiz kid' is someone who makes a fortune when he's very young...
...Doesn't sound very academic to me," said Hennessy...
...That would be creeping socialism...
...DOOLEY & SHUTTLING SOCIALISM PETER STEINFELS "Well, I see be th' pa-apers," said my friend Martin Dooley imitating his great-granduncle and namesake back in the Sixth Ward, "that Yale University has established a graduate school of socialism...
...Well, that was a bit sticky for a-while," said Mr...
...Perhaps," said Hennessy, "when New York City gets reorganized as a private corporation, with the bankers and industrialists in charge instead of the elected officials, and all the voting stock held by the people on Park Avenue and the better lanes in Connecticut, then maybe we can get some shuttling socialism...
...But the banks said it was a poor risk and in danger of default...
...That's when all the weary executives trudge to the airport in the backs of their limousines, and catch the shuttle flight to Washington...
...Listen to the way the New York Times announced the new game at Old Eli...
...Jerry,' says he, 'there is danger of default,' says he, 'and the banks won't cough up,' says he...
...To help a public body would be creeping socialism, they say...
...There are thousands of jobs which are going to be lost,' says he...
Vol. 102 • October 1975 • No. 16
