THE WISDOM OF THE COLUMNIST
Steinfels, Peter
THE WISDOM OF THE COLUMNIST PETER STEINFELS Having decided to return to the business of writing a column, I im-mediately began to break out in scru-ples. Was I qualified for such a weighty public...
...Look at Britain...
...Ford is an honest pro-duct of Middle America, but whether he is big enough for the job only time will tell...
...The Middle East...
...The fate of modern man is inter-dependence-don't ever forget that, young man...
...The Democrats have a very good chance," surmised Allpufft, "but re-member, young man"-he looked at me shrewdly-"you can't beat somebody with nobody...
...But the great divide today is no longer between East and West...
...Exactly," said Allpufft...
...Yes," I whispered...
...I couldn't agree more," I said, "Why even ancient institutions like the Church of Rome are showing the marks of change...
...It is between North and South...
...Sir," said I, "Am I ready...
...He quickly knitted his brows once more...
...We cannot stand by while half the world starves...
...Above all we must beware of simple-minded so-lutions...
...You mean the CIA...
...Alexander Solzhenitsyn, who is a modern Dos-toyevsky, has pointed that out...
...You mean they often appear in many shades of grey," I interjected...
...An encouraging smile flitted across All-pufft's lined features...
...He brightened...
...We might as well look at the Soviet Union while we're at it...
...but knowing that my own duties would require an insight into the future, I brought up 1976...
...Why we couldn't even have this conversa-tion if we were in Moscow...
...It's a lonely place, the Oval Office...
...The Middle East is a tinderbox," replied Allpufft without a moment's pause...
...We are suffering from an unusual combination of inflation and unemployment which has stumped the best economic minds in the world...
...Oil is the lifeblood of modern industrial society...
...The world is full of terribles simplificatures...
...Jacob Burckhardt, the pessimistic and prophetic Swiss historian, pointed that out over a century ago...
...Allpufft, "but don't forget that those who neglect the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them...
...That's right...
...There's something masochistic about all this washing of dirty linen in public...
...Was I qualified for such a weighty public trust...
...With give and take on both sides, I suppose...
...The astro-nauts tell us the globe looks very small from out in space...
...Indeed," I said...
...Roosevelt, Stalin, Churchill, De Gaulle, Adenauer -they're all gone, you know...
...The world is complicated," he said, "things are never black and white...
...and I went away, my spirit elated, my heart filled with confidence.elated, my heart filled with confidence...
...And Franco...
...Mao's still around," he mused...
...Slipping a jacket (as best I could) over shoulders already slumped beneath the burden of responsibility, I betook myself to the chief, elder, high em-inence, and doyen of periodical ora-cles, thousand-words-or-under divi-sion-Richard Allpufft...
...Allpufft knit his brows...
...It's a tinderbox," I said...
...They are tired of intellectuals who keep harping on the nation's faults...
...Don't worry, my boy," declared Allpufft...
...He greeted me with the firm handclasp which had greeted so many world leaders...
...For a moment Allpufft appeared dis-concerted...
...Absolutely," said Allpufft...
...True, the war in Vietnam was a great tragedy, but we should not forget that the U.S...
...Stan-dards, like prices, have gone up...
...True enough," replied...
...Will I measure up...
...Look at Germany, look at Japan, look at Korea...
...You'll do fine" He clasped my hand, unknit his brows...
...Yes," said Allpufft...
...Look at Britain...
...I asked hesi-tantly...
...It left me breathless...
...Allpufft sud-denly looked tired, lonely...
...After all, when I last wrote regularly, Nixon was president...
...Allpufft looked grave...
...Can I do it...
...I wondered if I had said the wrong thing...
...The economic situation is the big question mark...
...We must have detente, of course, but detente must be meaning-ful...
...I also spent two summers working in a Wis-consin fish hatchery, and the last fourteen years reading every issue of Time, Newsweek, the Saturday Review, and the New York Times Sunday Magazine...
...This is hardball, and the other side doesn't follow the Marquis of Queensberry...
...We must all live together or we will all hang together...
...became involved out of the best motives...
...In other words," I added, "while the rich get richer and the poor poorer...
...Well," I said, knitting my own brows, "these are certainly unprece-dented times in which we are living...
...Or was it Alexis de Tocqueville, the pessimistic and prophetic French political thinker...
...But he plunged on: "Watergate shook the confidence of the American people in their leaders but not in their basic institutions...
...The CIA, the FBI"-I had never seen brows knit so magnificently- "we/re not playing patty-cake, you know...
...Four years of high school, sir, two of college...
...De-tente, you know, must be meaningful...
...With give and take on both sides...
...No nation has been more benevolent than ours, and we have nothing to be ashamed of...
...There was something about the way he put that question which struck me as paternal...
...Besides, without a superior intelligence service, America would be a blind and deaf giant...
...The American people are taking a beating, but they aren't whining...
...A remarkable image," I murmured...
...And they don't want tampering with their free enterprise economic system...
...I peeked under his green eyeshade at the brows which had knit over so many world problems...
...The era of great world leaders is over," continued Allpufft...
...Look at Portugal...
...On the other hand, we cannot allow a small group of na-tions to blackmail us over energy sup-plies...
...That's a paradox," I said admir-ingly...
...Look at Italy, too, and Bahgladesh...
...I awaited eagerly the forceful insights distilled from long years of observing the affairs of nations...
...Couldn't decide whether to major in business administration or art history, so I dropped out and in-herited the family fortune...
...Look at the Middle East...
...Writing a column is not easy," he began...
...Obviously this string of disappoint-ments had been almost too much for Allpufft...
...You have talent, lad, talent...
...Yr know, runaway technology has created many of our problems, but we cam ot hope to solve them without more technology...
...Tell me, son," answered Allpufft, "what is your education...
...Perfect, my son, perfect...
...Nixon was a real professional, but he allowed himself to be carried away with pettiness...
...Now Ken-nedy might have been a statesman of stature, but his promise was cut short...
...Johnson w.as a genuine populist, but the country wasn't ready for a Southerner...
...This is a spaceship earth...
Vol. 102 • September 1975 • No. 14
