The Continuing Crisis
The Continuing Crisis • ^ March 1976, and it is a gorgeous time for being alive, a fact neither gainsaid nor maculated in any way by the idiotic suicide of Dr. William Grodsky, the Los Angeles...
...Perhaps the most amusing moment came early in March when Senator Birch Bayh, who for years has been awing the Senate with cartwheels and handstands confident that they would assure his eventual Presidential election, was flattened by a crowd of virtual John Does, including a retired one-term governor of a remote Southern province, Mr...
...with the nation on "her knees before God...
...Betty Ford...
...Apparently an odd alliance of atheists and highway safety fanatics has dealt a serious setback to Texas evangelist Hans Mulliken's effort to crawl along the median of Interstate 20 in a protest pilgrimage that was eventually to end in Washington, D.C...
...Sargent Shriver quit, sagely admonishing that "narcoticism is a disservice to Democracy...
...Evidence that the Postal Service is still having difficulty with its billion-dollar bulk mail processing system came on March 27 when it was reported that the Post Office had lost the cremated remains of Capt...
...Carter (art/ fr) loomed as a man to conjure with, having won the Florida and Illinois primaries with a blitzkrieg of vaporings and toothy grins reminiscent of old Franklin Delano under a full head of martinis...
...Heard adjudges "tasteless.' ^ The Bill of Rights was left a battered hul in Salt Lake City when the City Commissio clamped down on that metropolis' most prom ising cultural stirring, topless and bottomles shoe shine parlors, where customers had bee paying up to $100 for the talents of scantil clad shoeshine ladies...
...Andre Homere were awarded $42,500 in damages because the mayhem inflicted upon Mrs...
...The sepulchral package was being sent to Arlington National Cemetery for burial...
...Joseph (Yellow Kid) Weil, whose death on February 26 leaves Mr...
...Louisiana state troopers turned Mulliken back at the border after he had crept 181 miles from Marshall, Texas...
...Two days later he retired...
...The catastrophe befell Senator Bayh at the March 2 Massachusetts primary where he could gull only five percent of the electorate...
...And the toe-kissing bandit of New Orleans is finally in custody...
...Finally, salutations the Midwest Breeders' Cooperative of Sh wano, Wisconsin for the most moronic Bice tennial commemorative yet, its Bicentenni Semen Sate featuring pictures of Geor Washington on every semen container...
...Bo Blake...
...Colin Heard, the porn tycoon, has re neged on his promise to sell culture-starvec Englishmen calendars showing Mrs...
...Ronald Reagan finally beat Mr...
...S worse was the abomination committed in L Angeles where an imaginative exhibition "conceptual" art was put down and artist Kim Jones arrested shortly after locking hi self in a cage, dousing three rats with ke sene, and setting them afire—a creation of comparable majesty, utterly beyond the ken millions of Americans who simply will not low themselves to sit back and experience even when it is caged...
...drinker consume more than triple the national average of 1.3 fifths per month, South Dakota's Senatc James Abourezk declared that it was "grossl unfair" for the Washington Post to report th his son lives on an Indian reservation whet he collects food stamps...
...Homere "the consortium of his wife for three months...
...His favorite targets were lawyers, but then in his day public relations blatherskites and social workers were not so numerous...
...By the end of the month Mr...
...He turns out to be Arthur L. Ford, 21, who police say burglarized homes of small amounts of money and then insisted on sucking his victims' toes...
...In later years he attempted to bring his vast experience to bear in the public interest, and upon observing President Lyndon Johnson's "Great Society," he warned, "He's doing the same thing I did—taking from the rich and giving to the poor...
...Ford is no relation to President Ford...
...He was years ahead of his time, and if, in days of yore, society sniffed at him for his bogus stocks, his "talking dogs," and that wonderful and worthless cave he salted with a gold-dust-filled shotgun, certainly contemporary America, taken as it is with rogues like Daniel Ellsberg and Ralph Nader, would celebrate him fondly...
...Mrs...
...Poor fish began exiting...
...Apparently his handsome photograph is now appearing in a brochure for Blueboy, a homosexual art publication, and poor Mr...
...Linda Taylor, known to Chicagoans as the "Welfare Queen," has had her Cadillac limousine seized by police...
...And one week after th St...
...Kissinger without peer in the art of flimming the flam...
...Ford, and the unorthodox Senator Frank Church entered the race for the Democratic nomination by comparing himself to a turtle...
...Grodsky's note revealed him as a humorless fellow, and such sour pusses would not appreciate the grandeur that this spring promises, with its furious political campaigning, its Bicentennial high jinks, and the continued capers of Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, perhaps the most imaginative and inveterate liar to grace America since Mr...
...Mulliken but not godless Louisiana...
...And, after enthusiastically contending that his campaign had been a "remarkable success," Mr...
...Homere by a berserk New York City subway rider left her kissing ability impaired, thus denying Mr...
...I shall miss the Yellow Kid, but I take heart in knowing that Mr...
...Pennsylvania's Governor Milton J. Shapp retired after the Florida primary, where he finished slightly behind "no preference...
...Kissinger has ever given before the Senate...
...and Mrs...
...William Grodsky, the Los Angeles manic depressive, who during the evening news solemnly rose from a hot bath, hugged his portable television to his bosom, and departed this vale of tears in a 110-volt spectacular somewhat reminiscent of Mardi Gras...
...Bertram E. Williams, USN Ret...
...Tynes...
...Kissinger will carry on at least until the next election...
...Louis Globe-Democrat reported that th average Washington, D.C...
...Mulliken was tormented by doubts as to whether he should accept a ride to Mississippi, where theology takes precedence over politics, or simply return to Marshall...
...Memory of Yellow Kid Wei/ has dimmed with time, for the distinguished con artist did not turn up his toes until he had reached the advanced age of 100, but during his salad days he brought in nearly eight million dollars, without having ever spent more than brief sabbaticals in the calaboose...
...Jimmy Carter...
...I never took anyone who didn't already have larceny in his heart...
...William Cashman, the beautiful fireman whose undraped body was the centerfold for a women's magazine, is suing...
...Those seal-hunt protesters, who set out early in the month tc protect the sorely pressed Halichoerus grypu_ from seal hunters in Newfoundland, were res cued from a barren island on March 17 after being endangered by a blizzard...
...Rice, 19, when he attempted to ma the presentation of a skinned goat's head Mrs...
...Cashman has been "embarrassed, ridiculed, held up to public scorn and shame and [he has] suffered a loss of income and loss of earning capacity, because of the Blue boy brochures...
...The only difference is that he became President and I got sent up...
...Jacque line Onassis buck naked, because the Ameri can-printed calendars include captions tha the decorous Mr...
...Alas, the burden of corporea splendor...
...At the age of 74 the Yellow Kid successfully maintained his innocence against charges that he had swindled The Little Sisters of the Poor out of a three-dollar contribution, a feat that compares handsomely with any testimony Mr...
...It seemed to be the fifties over again as Secret Service agent Chest Miller primly pronounced, "That's not t kind of thing you should present a lady...
...Texas had exempted the Rev...
...By the end of the month the Rev...
...He received his sobriquet from the respected Chicago political theorist Bathhouse John Coughlin and gained international esteem not only through his prowess in the arts but also through his sartorial breakthroughs—canary-yellow gloves, yellow cravats, silk shirts, yellow suits, yellow shoes, and yellowish-red hair atop golden whiskers...
...There's a federal statute that covers stuff like that on interstates," said state trooper W.H...
...Alas, March also witnessed two exampl of the terrible philistinism afflicting Americ In San Francisco, the Secret Service harass and detained the young dadaist, Mr...
...And in Eng land Mr...
...The primaries preceding that election have_ been enormously entertaining, as a mob of the rankest mediocrities light out in hot pursuit of poor .1 erry...
...R 2 The Alternative: An American Spectator May 191...
...His ethical system was modernity itself: "Any con man knows you can't cheat an honest man," he remarked...
...Significant decisions were handed down by our illustrious judicial system...
...And in Miami, Mr...
...In Detroit, $12,000 was awarded to Miss Krystal Thomas, the 17-year-old former champion majorette, who claimed her career as a baton twirler was hopelessly destroyed when she was attacked by a rampaging goose at the Detroit Race Course...
Vol. 9 • May 1976 • No. 8
