The Bootblack Stand
Plunkitt, George Washington
The Bootblack Stand by George Washington Plunkitt Dr. George Washington Plunkitt, our prize-winning political analyst, has accepted a staff position with the House Ethics Committee, but he has...
...You have struck a blow for personhood...
...Did you ever try talking dirty while sitting together in a hot tub with your rubber duck...
...Now the press has turned her against me...
...I met this girlie when she was just a poor dumb kid...
...GWP Dear Dr...
...What were the student demonstrations all about if by now we have not learned that it is O.K...
...Dear Dr...
...She always sent the vichyssoise back when it was cold...
...to goof off a little...
...I taught her how to be a lady...
...Hays: Cheer up...
...All the time she worked on my staff I never let her appear in the office wearing those house dresses what she bought from the Ben Franklin...
...People are laughing, but someday historians will look back on me, and I know they will have to say "Wayne Hays was a real gent...
...After all I am a 65-year-old Presbyterian, a 28-year stalwart of the most illustrious body of lawgivers in the world, an Elk, a Rotarian...
...George Washington Plunkitt, our prize-winning political analyst, has accepted a staff position with the House Ethics Committee, but he has graciously consented to continue advising American statesmen in these times of troubles...
...I took her to the finest Washington restaurants, too, to the taco place over on Connecticut Avenue and even to the Marriott...
...As to sex, all we ever did was talk dirty...
...Clark: With proposals like that I say that you cannot help but be nominated and elected as Senator if ever Manhattan becomes a state...
...Isn't it about time we wake up and learn from experience...
...Plunkitt: There is much madness in the air...
...Some women like dirty talk you know, and I'm understanding...
...Sincerely yours, Ramsey Clark U.S...
...GWP 32 The Alternative: An American Spectator August/ September 1976...
...What do you say...
...I takes all this philosophical, like Dreyfus...
...Here in New York State our governor is talking about getting tough with criminals even though there is overwhelming evidence that despite our elaborate system of criminal punishment the crime rate only increases...
...When a girlie works for Wayne Hays she wears shoes and never do I allow one to enter my office with hair in pin curlers...
...Dear Mr...
...Your friend, Wayne Hays, M.C...
...Plunkitt: As surely as there is a God Almighty in Heaven I am innocent of the squalor and licentiousness being imputed to me by people who know not of what they speak...
...Dirty talk is the ultimate aphrodisiac...
...I suggest that the government award cash prizes to convicted law-breakers for as long as they desist from committing crime...
...Admittedly I did share some intimacies with this troubled cutie, Elizabeth Ray, but it was hardly the sort of impropriety now being murmured about in the Republican press...
...I suggest we end all forms of criminal punishment and replace punitive measures with positive measures...
...As many as two-thirds of the law-breakers we send off to misery in our penitentiaries when released just go out and commit more crimes...
...Address all correspondence to The Bootblack Stand, c/o The Alternative...
...In my list of cultural revolutionaries you stand with such giants as Voltaire and Charles Manson—people who sacrificed much for a freer, more human world...
...I ain't no pervert...
...I used to talk very, very dirty to Lizzie, and sometimes, while in thrall to a passion which I now see as having been imprudent, I beat her around a little...
...but she never hit me...
...Sure I fell for this broad...
...Senate candidate Dear Mr...
...this is 1976 not 1776, isn't it...
...You are the Wilhelm Reich of Capitol Hill, a prophet without honor in your own time...
...Punishment is no deterrent...
...This constructive program would not cost taxpayers a nickel more, for the money would be available in abundance from the monies we now expend on our wildly expensive and unjust prison systems...
...Believe me, she loved it...
...Sex is a beautiful thing...
...The Hays staff got class...
...She even talked dirty to me, boy did she...
Vol. 9 • August 1976 • No. 10
