The Continuing Crisis
The Continuing Crisis • • ^ Summertime, and as I sit by my window watching the days gambol past I thank the heavenly powers and principalities for diverting me from my philosophical lucubrations...
...Finally, the heartless deceptions practiced by the capitalists at Club magazine have won another acolyte to the consumerist movement...
...Many votaries of Midwestern high culture were in attendance, including one of Mr...
...The adven...
...Miss Andrews, in her innocence, donated her beloved pet rabbit to the Norfolk, Virginia zoo, only to discover—several hours after the fact—that such donations are fed to the zoo's 19-foot python, Barbara Walters...
...The Judge's cultural appraisals were contained in a handwritten letter sent to Hustler's editor apparently over the objections of Judge Galbreath's bartender and published in Hustler's July number...
...which means that, if Jeremy has been accurate in estimating the number of G-men shadowing him, he spent the day securely haranguing an audience of FBI and CIA agents...
...Senator Kennedy laid in a prodigious supply of the marvelous devices, and the Hon...
...Ned Sawyers of the Exchange Club that "a greased-pig contest is as American as apple pie," the Society's Mr...
...Liz Rosenholm acknowledged her brother-in-law Frank Cute's birthday by dumping copious quantities of horse manure on his driveway, the Secret Service has discovered counterfeit one-dollar bills with naughty pictures where George Washington's face would otherwise appear, and in an unsolicited testimonial Tennessee State Court of Appeals Judge Charles Galbreath announced that he has seen Deep Throat three times and finds Hustler magazine one of "the most refreshing publications to come out in the last few years...
...The recently deceased mafioso, Mr...
...REl 2 The Alternative: An American Spectator August/September 1976...
...A precise assessment of the academic standing of the University of New Mexico can be made, now that that colossal institution has appointed the Rt...
...Wayne Hays, the Hon...
...Miss Dania Bekesewscz is suing the magazine and 'the Woodley Herber Company for one million dollars in damages—puny compensation for the thumping inflicted on what must have been one of Hicksville's most extraordinary reputations...
...Kenneth Gray, the Hon...
...The Rhode Island Bicentennial Commission continues to stifle a local homosexual group from using the old statehouse for "a congress of gay [homosexual] concerns," and Miss Betty Andrews has learned a shocking lesson about what it means to live in a materialistic society...
...Allan Turner Howe, the Hon...
...Mike Gravel, and Madame Marie Leclerc of Dommartement, France, who was rushed to a hospital in that remote town, her tongue hopelessly entrapped by an electric egg beater...
...Touchi, touch67 And Mr...
...Mike Gravel, and countless others...
...Madison Fielding sent the brutes packing with an ironclad injunction and the devastating observation that "Talk like that got us into Vietnam...
...Such assertions totally ignore her remarkable intellect, an intellect so nimble in fact that she finished a scheduled 30-minute interview on British television in but a few minutes, and was replaced by Bugs Bunny cartoons...
...The Continuing Crisis • • ^ Summertime, and as I sit by my window watching the days gambol past I thank the heavenly powers and principalities for diverting me from my philosophical lucubrations with such masterpieces as the Hon...
...Gardner's automobile...
...Responding to protestations by Mr...
...Howe was jugged for allegedly "soliciting sex acts for hire," and a piquant transcript of the adventure is available upon request from the New York Times reference department...
...Wayne Hays' House Administration Committee and now calumniating some of the Republic's most devoted public servants...
...A spokesman for the zoo admitted the rabbit was very amiable but also "very large, and it costs a lot to feed a python...
...Sex seems to be the leitmotif of America's headlines...
...July 4, 1976, saw much jollification throughout the civilized world, jollification made all the more agreeable thanks to Mr...
...Promising to bring 250,000 apostles of the New Age to Washington to put a hex on American corporations this July 4, it had appeared that Mama and Papa Rifkin's precious might yet become a success in the modern American manner, which is to say, begin as a rabble-rouser full of moonshine, shout one's way into the Establishment's consciousness, marry a Hollywood intellectual or an enlightened heiress, and settle down to a life of jetting around remonstrating against the hellishness of affluence...
...Martin Heidegger passed on to his reward as did Pronto Don, one of history's most illustrious harness racing horses...
...Howe even bought several for himself—he being the ill-starred Utah Congressman who encountered two meretriciously attired Salt Lake City policewomen while struggling against the demonic power of a goatish impulse...
...111 The dark side of the American character again revealed itself when in Vineland, New Jersey, the Cumberland County Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals had to be called in to prevent the Vineland County Exchange Club from holding another greased-pig contest—a barbarous spectacle which features real pigs (Sus scrofa...
...Rifkin, the impresario of the People's Bicentennial Commission, has for months hornswoggled the media into treating him as though he were a force to be conjured with...
...Sam (Momo) Giancana had his fabulous collection of porcelain cuties auctioned off at Chicago Art Galleries, Inc., an occasion that quickly blossomed into the Windy City's cultural event of the decade...
...Before dawn on July 4, some one hundred Israeli commandos flew into Entebbe Airport, bringing 53 minutes of civilization to Field Marshal Amin's 91,134 square-mile concentration camp...
...Fred R. Harris, former Oklahoma Senator and two-time Democratic Presidential candidate, as "distinguished lecturer" in political science...
...The disastrous tale of Mme...
...These beautiful things will show you the very warm, beautiful, sensitive person that he is—that he was," said she, "poor Dad...
...Giancana's three legitimate daughters, the quotable Antoinette, who cleverly skewered her father's critics by pointing to the singular beauty of his collection...
...Leclerc's berserk egg beater created an enormous pother in Washington, filling many bureaucrats at the Consumer Product Safety Commission with a renewed sense of mission, and inspiring hundreds of Congressmen to purchase them as bicentennial gifts for lady staff members and acquaintances all over the nation...
...Miss Ray (pronounced rti) has claimed that she was hired merely for voluptuous purposes, and that she was so used by such worthies as the Hon...
...Only some five thousand persons attended the People's Bicentennial...
...ture ended with Uganda's crack troops blast, ing away at each other and His Excellency blubbering into a telephone to the Israeli daily Ma 'ariv about how he had been "mistreated.' His later threats of reprisals are judged as empty by Western observers, for in Uganda there just are not that many helpless citizens left to butcher...
...The Bicentennial birthday was indeed a grand day as hundreds of friendly gestures were tendered an astonished American populace, none being so notable as that sad letter of birthday greetings received from 14 prisoners of Russia's Gulag Archipelago, and the stirring military display arranged by the Israeli Defense Forces...
...Jeremy Rifkin, His Excellency Field Marshal Idi Amin Dada, and the Israeli Defense Forces...
...he worked so hard for all this...
...I can only comment on his humanistic side...
...Searches of the 43-year-old librarian's apartment revealed only a library of art magazines, but an assiduous cop found hundreds of pairs of hot lingerie in the trunk of Mr...
...Alas, such eminence was not to be, as Jeremy flopped badly when matched up against a three-day weekend abounding with the kind of recreations that corporate America provides so cheaply...
...A "legal" aphrodisiac advertised in Club turns out to have actually been marijuana, and a law-abiding 31-year-old school teacher, arrested while smoking the devilish substance at a Hicksville, Long Island lovers' lane, has had her spotless record indelibly stained...
...All this news came midst a flurry of interest in the nascent literary career of one Elizabeth Ray, an intellectual formerly advising Rep...
...Earl Romeo Gardner as he absconded from a neighbor's backyard wearing a feminine undergarment apparently pilfered from the clothes line...
...Only the United Nations takes such a lout seriously...
...Finally, Phoenix police crashed the largest lingerie-stealing ring in history when they arrested Mr...
...And there is an unusual twist to the story: all the lingerie had been dyed orange...
Vol. 9 • August 1976 • No. 10
