The Continuing Crisis
The Continuing Crisis - The oppressed peoples of the Third World have valiant India to thank for thwarting America's latest sally into imperialism. For months the treacherous American government has tied emergency...
...Hugh Hefner's executive secretary exited for the heavenly mansion after downing a fatal blend of drugs, and in Manchester, Iowa two farmers are suing farmer Henry Bockenstedt, because of the amorous assaults committed by his young bull, Teddy...
...And from Salt Lake City comes news that when a grand jury indicted fifteen people for securities-law violations, and withheld their names until arrests were made, nine people turned themselves in—only one of whom was actually on the list of those indicted...
...Cortes Randell, Mr...
...Bella Abzug's inclusion as one of the worst dressed women of the year is, by hindsight, apt to be judged high tribute...
...The pay and the perquisites are now better than ever, and only one of their colleagues has actually been jailed this month...
...So blowsy a crowd is the new Congress that Rep...
...Meanwhile "Fass has, revealed that' "behavior modification techniques [are] being developed to turn Americans into living robots"—a muckraking revelation worthy of a Pulitzer Prize at least...
...And though it is still unclear exactly what the CIA has been doing this past quarter-century, President Gerald (Jerry) Ford appointed an eightmember panel to see to it that the" CIA does not do it again...
...Ford's glum diagnosis that "the state of the Union is not good" struck many listeners as unnecessarily pessimistic and certainly inappropriate to a political occasion...
...James Bauer of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, who has actually adopted a sixteen-day-old piglet...
...this time in the enlightened province of Colorado, where the environmentalist Governor-elect, Richard D. Lamm, climbed to the top of 14,110-foot Pikes Peak and composed his January 14th inaugural address, an incomprehensible manifesto of hodge and podge...
...At this writing the Communists have managed to pacify all of Phuoc Long province, in South Vietnam...
...This obvious reference to the paltry $41,350 he squeezed while helping the people at Florida Atlantic Airlines secure a route to the Bahamas, somehow failed to ingratiate the silver-tongued solon to the Court, and he will have to spend six months in the calaboose before further humanitarian undertakings...
...Wilson became abusive...
...Central City, Colorado's annual Spittin', Belchin', and Cussin' Contest adjourned early, possibly because Mr...
...Though only six months old, Teddy allegedly broke from his pasture and had sexual relations with forty-three purebred Holstein heifers in four hours and thirty-three Minutes, a feat 'unsurpassed even at the Playboy Mansion...
...But French veterinarians and humanitarians did vehemently condemn the fatal shooting of those four lions at the Frejus Zoo, who, in their innocence, ate the zoo director and his assistant...
...Obviously inflation is no longer public enemy number one...
...Wilson to ask him why the President had not sung his song during the State of the Union Message, the distraught Mr...
...According to Mr...
...The excitement in Washington grew unbearable...
...Well, in January, Indian principle overcame Yankee guile, and Washington will send New Delhi 300,000 tons of grain with no restrictions or other sly encumbrances on the sovereignty of that humane and entertaining democracy...
...Stanley Goldblum, and Mr...
...In Chicago, Mr...
...Herbert S. Denenberg, all the more significant...
...It was the first time an Armenian had been found guilty in Watergate-related charges, and for that matter it was the first time a lawyer had been acquitted...
...Bravo...
...And bravo, also, to Mrs...
...The Watergate jury convicted three assistant presidents and an Armenian on charges stemming from the Watergate coverup...
...Fred Harris, announced his Democratic candidacy for President...
...It has been yon generations since a President delivered a State of the Union Message adagio, and the colons made it clear by their restive silence and even some strategically intoned belches that, though they are progressive reformers of the purest breed, they still hanker for the traditional rococo sonorities and a splash of happy platitudes...
...Incidentally, included along with La Abzug on that list of ill-groomed beauties was the temptress, Miss Fanne Fox, and someone who calls herself Princess Elizabeth of Yugoslavia and who has been seen dunking maraschino cherries with the dyspeptic Welsh actor Mr...
...Ford's complicated war on public enemy number one, inflation...
...Meredith Wilson is crestfallen...
...On January 11, a former Oklahoma Senator, Mr...
...Apparently Administration economists were impressed by Mr...
...Which makes the January declaration of consumer affairs advocate, Mr...
...Early in the month it was announced in the New York Times that this year's inexplicable infamy will be the Central Intelligence Agency's illegal domestic surveillance...
...Apparently it has been discovered that the CIA not only spied on Mr...
...PM (Catfish) Hunter became a Yankee...
...That fallen angel was the Rt...
...The gentle doves of peace are slowly but surely alighting in Indochina thanks to Congress' willingness to slash military appropriations to Cambodia and South Vietnam...
...Harold (I Live for Filth) Fielden failed to show up to defend his eructation title, but more likely because connoisseurs of the annual contest had been drawn to Washington by the promise of a gorgeous spectacle from the fabulous Ninety-fourth Congress...
...Harris, whose chairmanship of the Democratic Party ended in 1970 with the bankruptcy of the party and whose lavish 1971 candidacy lasted six weeks before it too landed in receivership, is running on an economic reform platform...
...After all, many were still in the flush of their first congressional triumphs...
...The Interior Department has placed the grizzly hear on the threatened species list, and in France the last male descendant in the de Portal line was mortally wounded when French paratroopers invaded his family's ancient lair and evicted him as a common scofflaw...
...When this journal telephoned Mr...
...Congressman Wilbur D. Mills announced in .a press release that he had become an alcoholic, and Mr...
...A fact redolent of Congress' general coarseness and low grade of intelligence is that no Congress in American history has been composed of so many freshman representatives, artless enough to claim their occupation as "politician...
...The Message represented an egregious breach with Washington propriety, which stunned the assembled legislators into almost total silence, a rare and notable occurrence in those garrulous purlieus...
...Two more chapters can be added to the Playboy philosophy...
...It was announced that the Gross National Product slumped 9.1% from October to the end of December, and Mr...
...Denenberg bankruptcy is a constitutional right, a cure for inflation, and a dignified option resorted to by any number of famous people, for instance Mr...
...It is as though members of the Sacred College of Cardinals were to claim to be magicians...
...In October high White House officials appointed him to undertake one of the most- sophisticated aspects of Mr...
...Even life-long residents of Washington seemed appalled...
...Wilson's oeuvre, for a White House spokesman solemnly insisted that "at the appropriate time" the song would be released...
...until, on January 15, the President delivered his State of the Union Message, and...no song...
...Man's assault on wildlife continues...
...Another hoary tradition has been given the boot...
...Working around the clock, he was to conjure up a powerful "anti-inflation song," and by the end of October he sent Washington a stirring march, replete with cymbals, shouts, and the historic title "WIN...
...Pentagon sources predict that Cambodia will exhaust its military supplies by the end of April...
...III The unemployment rate for December was up to 7. 1 %, counting the fifty-one legislators voted out of Congress in the 1974 primaries and general elections—which only proves that unemployment is not all bad and can even be salutary...
...Bertram L. Podell, who suavely besought a Federal District Court in New York to give him another opportunity "to continue doing what I've been doing for so many years—to help other people...
...Barry Goldwater, but it also spied on many leading American intellectuals such as Miss Eartha Kitt and Miss Joan Baez...
...Richard Burton...
...The Congress convened on January 13, and promptly unhorsed no fewer than four House committee chairmen, who will now scramble to regain their seats in what is bound to be a more vulgar show than anything Central City has seen in years...
...Tino DeAngelis, the Salad Oil King...
...For months the treacherous American government has tied emergency shipments of grain to the stipulation that India forbear from reselling that grain to a foreign country, specifically Russia...
Vol. 8 • March 1975 • No. 6
