The Bootblack Stand
Plunkitt, George Washington
"The Bootblack Stand" Dr. George Washington Plunkitt, our prize-winning political analyst, is celebrating the publication of his new book, which is now available at avant-garde bookstores throughout New Jersey. Dr....
...Plunkitt: Both as a Congressperson and as a simple human being, I have been concerned by the recent outbreak of police harassment of nude sun-bathers...
...I trust the matter was resolved decorously...
...They are more creative and warmer persons...
...In my opinion this is going too far...
...You might even consider a constitutional amendment before this sunning issue tears our society apart...
...I suggest that you get together with some of your colleagues and go down to Fire Island or some other nice resort area and get the lowdown on nude sun-bathing for yourself...
...A spokesman for the State Department claims that the letter, which by law had to be handed over to the Secretary of State by the resigning Vice President, has disappeared...
...Plunkitt's book is about the importance of altruism in politics and it is titled What's in It for Me...
...Agnew never really resigned...
...GWP Dear Dr...
...Knowing your wonderful sense of humor, I am certain you will relish it...
...Fields...
...Agnew is not Vice President...
...Lamentably, he had about the same sense of geography as the editors of your paper, so he sent it to the Manchester Union Leader, which returned the letter, suspecting that the resignation was a hoax...
...Rest assured Mr...
...Bradlee: I have not heard from you since you wrote me concerning the miseries you were suffering at the hands of your sexually disturbed chiropractor...
...Before the archivist could send it to the Chicago Tribune one of my agents restrained him...
...He leapt from itspath in time to save himself, but it was too late to save his transistor radio and some rubber novelties...
...That is the Gospel truth, so help me...
...Further, this hysterical response is reminiscent of the know-nothingism of the 1950s...
...Plunkitt expects to earn ten million dollars from sales of his new book, he has agreed to continue to advise public figures through this column...
...It was then transferred to the National Archives, but there it fell into the hands of a reclusive archivist whose sole contact with the outside world is your newspaper...
...He is still the Vice President, and the rich and the powerful are still pulling the strings behind the scenes of American politics...
...Plunkitt: We have just received some very disturbing intelligence regarding Spiro Agnew'ssupposed letter of resignation...
...The letter will be returned to the archives shortly...
...A Harvard professor came to me recently in tears because no matter where he goes the authorities hassle him...
...Address all correspondence to The Bootblack Stand, c/o The Alternative, P.O...
...it is time to pass some legislation to safeguard the rights of nude sunbathers...
...Dear Dr...
...He was seized by the compulsion to steal it and leak it to a midwestern newspaper, so convinced was he that mid-westerners are being denied vital information regarding governmental perfidies...
...Box 877, Bloomington, Indiana 47401, Continental U.S.A...
...Many have done graduate work and some even have Ph.D.'s...
...This is a matter demanding research...
...Last month he escaped possible mutilation...
...GWP...
...Those who participate in it are more intelligent than the average American...
...The letter was written and sent to the Secretary of State in accordance with the very letter of the law...
...This is too crucial an issue for hastily conceived legislation...
...Cordially, Father Robert Drinan, M.C...
...If the Constitution means nothing else it means that people should be free to worship God in the Church of their choice...
...After lovingly preparing his body by basting it in a mixture of cocoa butter and powdered sugar, he lay down to sun in a remote corner of the city when he was startled to see a fast-moving Boston Sanitary Department street sweeper bearing down upon him mercilessly...
...Dear Congressman Drinan: Hold on, Congressman Drinan...
...Nude sun-bathing is a natural and essentially open mode of life-giving communication...
...I have looked into the disappearance of the Agnew letter, and it is really rather amusing...
...In fact, the next in line for the Presidency is the redoubtable Carl Albert, the House's equivalent to W.C...
...Cordially, Benjamin C. Bradlee Executive Editor Washington Post Dear Mr...
...This has led to much speculation in our offices and the consensus of opinion here is that Mr...
...Although Dr...
Vol. 8 • January 1975 • No. 4
