The Continuing Crisis
DEPARTMENTS The Continuing Crisis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 Editorial: R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 ~'ne...
...And back in Chicago, Illinois, Ms...
...Swell dragged himself from a cylinder containing two acres of popcorn and cheerfully collected his one-hundred dollar bet...
...Executive Secretary: Sally A. Mulholland Associates: David Brudnoy [] Jameson G. Campaigne, Jr...
...Simonds, D.D...
...William Dobrovir, acbnitted to having played one of the Vv~hite House t a p e s - o n e that Nader had gotten by suhpoena--a~ a Georgetown cocktail par~,y...
...The Alternative February 1974 31...
...should be sent to The Alternative, c/o Th~ Establishment, R.R...
...But by the month's end, that crisis was mollified by the surprising news that the govermnent had exaggerated shortages and by the unsurprising news that the Arabs had forgotten that Hawaii was part of the United States and so had continued to ship oil to that astonishingly thirsty isle...
...Late in tile month as~or~ed sheiks and Abduls gathered to announce still more exorbitant prices for oil and the continuation of the oil boycott against the United States and others who do not share their foreign policy aspirations...
...Xerox UniverSity Microfilms, 300 Nort| Zeeb Road, Ann Arbor, Michigan 48106...
...Cooper D John R. Coyne, Jr...
...E d i t o r in Chief: R. Emmett Ts-:rell, Jr...
...Not only did they down prodigious quantities, but they outguzzled a large contingent from the Australian Army...
...Mordecai Swell survived an extended ordeal in one of the world's largest commercial popcorn poppers...
...Barry...
...Copyright The Alternative Magazine 1974...
...Increased fuel prices and lowered speed limits prompted unruly behavior from truckers across the nation, as the Administration suggested still more humorous nostrums for the energy crisis...
...Guru Maharaj Ji was charged with smuggling $46 worth of jewelry, watches, and currency into India, and...
...And speaking of Atustralia, sixteen strippers from Sydney's Kings Cross district have gone on strike and refuse to exuviate until work conditions are improved...
...Seko relieved international apprehensions in a clarifying statement, noting that by ~no more pygmies" he merely meant that the erstwhile pygmies are now to be called Batswanese...
...Kissinger...
...P~ease attach address label from the back cover of your Alternative in the space below...
...9 The extraordinary assembly abounded with solons, justices, famous faces from the media, and the President himself...
...authoress Xaviera Hollander, whose The Happy Hooker remains the most...
...B. BLL~" Senior Editors: TerTy Krieger [] William Kxistol Rev...
...9 In response to what he termed a '~national epidemic" of crank telephone calls, the noted publisher, Baron Von Kannon, announced plans to begin the nation's first professional crank answering service, centered in New York City...
...Bernice Flunton Bombfelter picketed the Marshall Field department store for having a male Santa Claus...
...Duggan [] David Friedman J e ~ Gerde [] John Kelley ~ W. Wesley McDonald Robert McTiernan [] Jeffrey M. Nelson [~ Gary North ~ Terry O'Rourke [] G.W...
...Even more suggestive news came from the Treasury Department which seized one million dollars of contraband bull semen from an American who had smuggled the hot stuff from Canada...
...James Grant Peter Hughes [] Joseph A. Morris ~j Roger D. Tyrrel] Contributors: Paul Bernstein [~ Frank W. Blatchford Ht Ron Docksai ~ J.P...
...was arrested for scuffling with police at National Airport...
...Ralph Nader's top lawyer, Mr...
...9 America's moral decline continues unabated...
...In Detroit Mr...
...George Natha~ Americana Editor...
...In Boston, Mr...
...Think of it...
...By the end of...
...Neff Howe Assistant Managing Editor...
...One year subscriptions (nine issues) cost $6.00, and alt correspondenc~ (manuscripts, sub6criptions, threatening letters, etc...
...9 Senator William Proxmire, Wisconsin's twice-mugged Senator, suffered disaster when he slipped on ice while jogging to work...
...Secretary of State Kissinger spent most of the month in the air and the rest dulcifying Arabs and Israelis...
...Still the mos~ dispiriting news of all came from Wm~.h - ing~on where Mr...
...But he did get them to their Geneva peace talks, and by the end of the month prospects for peace in the area were better...
...The Supreme Court decided that police can search those they arrest so long as the arrest is lawful and the suspect is ultimately booked...
...Congratulations Mr...
...Originally published on restroom walls, only sinct 1967 has i1 dome under purview of the Saturday Evening Club which publishes it monthly Octobeq through June...
...He was quick to state that none will be "obscene or sexy in any way," though he admitted "there will be a lot of heavy breathing and even more panting...
...Johnnie Lee Fegion, 100, is leaving her one-hundred-three-year-old husband because "he spends all his time and money on other women...
...9 Representative William Alexander (D(continued on page 31) 2 The Alternative February 1974 CONTINUING CRISIS (continued from page 2) Ark...
...Publisher...
...Though he has been declared "harmless" and even mellow, there apparently is still enough interest in him for him to launch a college lecture tour sometime this spring...
...His surgically beautified face was bruised, and his esteem for physical fitness was so shaken he may take up needlepoint...
...9 Having spent nearly seventeen years defusing him, authorities finally released Mr...
...George Metesky, "the famed Mad Bomber," at an austere ceremony in Queens, New York...
...Baron Von Kannon of the Saturday Evening Club Circulation and Promotion: Ronald E. Burr Managing Editor...
...11, Box 360, Bloomington, Indiana 47401, Continenta{ U.SA Microfilm editions of The Affernaflve ar~ availab{e fron...
...Plunkitt Peter Rusthoven [~ C. Bascom Slemp [] Mark Souder David T~dor [] Wayne H. Vails Ul Richard Wheeler Timothy Wheeler Alien Contributors: Eric Brodin Z Carl Miller Judy T~Trell Art Director: Elliott Bar~%Id Art: Gustave Dor(~ ~ Eric Lohnaas The Alternative was founded in 1924 by George Nathan and Truman Newberry over a cheaj domestic beer in McSorley's Old Ale House...
...9 Patriots and votaries of high culture alike are still saluting the Cleveland Orchestra for breaking an airline beer-wineliquor consumption record on a flight from Honolulu to New Zealand...
...The flavor of the affair was embalmed for all history in the Vice President's stunning address which began, '~I am a Ford not a L i n c o l n . . . " and climbed anon to even more grandiose heights...
...Swell...
...9 Once again glad tidings arrive from Zaire where President Mobuto Sese Seko boosted that progressive republic's civil rights movement by decreeing that Batswa tribesmen (internationally known as Pygmies) are now free to serve in the armed forces...
...the month tensions were easing in the Middle East, though Mohammed Touni, that Libyan skyjacker who took a I~banese airliner to Israel in August '~to show that not all Arabs hate the Jews" was immured in a Tel Aviv mental hospital...
...Algene Choate is suing the school board for forcing his son "to eat a sandwich with an abnormally large amount of mustard on it...
...But as to who planned the gaudy Capitol Hill ceremony wherein he was anointed, no one is saying, though there were hints that an anonymous dignitary from one of the various central African democracies had a hand in it...
...D.W...
...Happy Days~ Gentlemen...
...Where will it all end...
...Nevertheless a mob of Swedish idealists protested the presentation of onehalf of the Nobel Peace PriT~ to Mr...
...Important: allow six weeks for address change...
...serious literary work to enter the Best Seller List in the 1970s, has been nabbed for shoplifting in Vancouver, British Columbia...
...In a December 14th press conference held at Manhattan's Three Dollars The Night Hotel, the innovative young publisher announced that all crank answers will be copyrighted and "refreshingly crazy," having been composed by "twenty-three certified lunatics...
...9 December, the month in which Christ's birth is commemorated, was also the month in which Representative Gerald R. Ford was raised to the vice-presidency, a position he actually seems to have yearned for...
...Their action has the support of the Statue Labor Council and the local progressive clergy...
...Always attach address iabet when writing to us about your sub = scription...
...Buttered and salted, Mr...
...As Zaire comprises most of what was once called the Belgian Congo, there was some alarm at the United Nations when ~Mr...
...Seko announced that "Foreigners should know that from today onward there are no more pygmies in Zaire . . . . " But Mr...
...Joyce Goldberg Production Editor...
...Print your new address and mail this form to The Alternative...
...Engines of free enterprise fired up in lovely Kuala Lumpur where a bounty was put on rats--local specialists in the healing professions had been mixing the critters into their valued elixirs...
...America burns and even Nader's Raiders go drinking...
...3 ~'ne Business of America: Lindley H. Clark J r . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 Contributors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 The Public Policy: Peter RusthoveI: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 The Nation's t~xlse: Baron Von Kannon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 Brudnoy's Film Index . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23 The Bootblack Stand . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24 The Talkies: Benjamin Stein . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25 I~tter from a Whig: C. Bascom Slemp . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 Special Editorial: Peter Hughes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27 Correspondence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28 Current Wisdom . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30 ARTICLES Nell Howe: Fitzgerald and the American Dream . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 Max Geltman: I Remember, I Remember--1929 . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 Henry Regnevy: ~ne Freedom to Read . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 Alan Reynolds: Ener~ Economics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12 James Dornan: Nixon's China Initiative . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13 REVIEWS Hugh Kenner on A Second Flowering . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17 George Nash on Obscenity and Public Morality . . . . . . . . . . . 20 Thomas Etzold on 7he Politics of Normalcy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22 John Chamberlain on The Young Mencken . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24 Published remarkably without regard to race, color, creed, or (r redundantly of all) national origin--and yes, sex, even sex...
Vol. 7 • February 1974 • No. 5
