The Bootblack Stand: Letters to Plunkitt from Henry Kissinger and Edward Kennedy
The Bootblack Stand Dr. George Washington Plunkitt, our prize-winning political analyst, is celebrating the publication of his new book, which is now available at avant-garde bookstores throughout...
...Vut efer it is I sink I now understand vut bothers the vemens of vemens libur-rashen...
...Is it because of my enormous intellect...
...Incidentally, is it proper to vear knickers vithout knicker boots...
...Plunkitt: Vy iz it zet vemen adore me so...
...Regards, Edward Kennedy Dear Senator Kennedy: You are in a genuine pickle...
...It is the deepest attraction of all, far deeper than mere love and more searing than the pangs of lust...
...For the kind of help you need I think you should write Martin Bormann...
...All your braggadocio about Machiavelli and aphrodisiacs of power do nothing to dispel the image...
...There is not enuf of me to go around...
...George Washington Plunkitt, our prize-winning political analyst, is celebrating the publication of his new book, which is now available at avant-garde bookstores throughout New Jersey...
...When I arrived on the scene he scurried about trying to pull on a terry cloth robe and he knocked my animal crackers all over the floor...
...I have declined the investigation for personal reasons...
...What should I do...
...GWP Dear Mr...
...My Dear Mr...
...Incidentally, my wife tells me that the last time you visited our house, you left your rubber duck in the tub...
...You Henry are a sad sack...
...Henry Kissinger Dear Mr...
...Send the letter care of Howard Hughes...
...Plunkitt's book is about the importance of altruism in politics and it is titled What's in It for Me...
...Or is it my beauty...
...Kissinger: I shall tell you why women are attracted to you...
...My trim asletic figure, my natural grace, my "vith it" personality, my dexterity at the rumba, the cha cha, and the mombo...
...Furthermore, several weeks ago I found my wife at home allowing a famous Albanian painter to paint her in the nude...
...11, Box 360, Bloomington, Indiana 47401, Continental U.S.A...
...GWP...
...To begin with my youngest son is dating a bearded girl, and has refused to eat anything but prunes and jelly sandwiches until Mr.-Nixon ends his war on crime...
...Nothing has been more pathetic than seeing you flying forlornly off to one foreign city or another...
...Where can we send it...
...Women are attracted to you by the deepest feminine impulse of all - the impulse to pity...
...Plunkitt expects to earn ten million dollars from sales of his new book, he has agreed to continue to advise public figures through this column...
...Also Tom Wolfe is threatening to write a salacious novel about my Harvard years...
...And then your pathetic appearances before the sharks of the Washington press corps are the kind of thing that must bring water to the eyes of the faces on Mount Rushmore...
...Plunkitt: As you might know by now I have decided not to use my Senate subcommittee to investigate the Watergate Affair...
...Or my power in the verld...
...Although Dr...
...We have tried to establish dialogue with him but he refuses to come out of his nest...
...Address all correspondence to The Bootblack Stand, c/o The Establishment, R.R...
Vol. 6 • March 1973 • No. 6
