The Bootblack Stand: Letters to Plunkitt from Billy Joe Klegg, and Sargent Shriver
The Bootblack Stand Dr. (George Washington Plunkitt, our TM-ize-winning political analyst, is celebrating the publication of his new book, which is now available at avant-garde bookstores...
...Obviously my safety is in danger, yet Mr...
...His suits look like he got them at Walgreen's...
...party...
...Unfortunately, there are not any alibis left...
...Isn't that just like the Nixon Administration...
...Although Dr...
...His table manners are inhuman...
...First the Watergate Caper and now this...
...he wears clip on ties...
...But, if you find it any consolation, your association with him should not last beyond November 7. -GWP...
...He insists that I work mornings and has refused to let me go to the dog shows...
...I, "the poor boy with the spirit of Teddy Roosevelt," am called Billy the Kid, though it is only a nickname and my real name is Billy Joe Klegg...
...Patriotically, Billy Joe Klegg Dear Billy Joe : Drat...
...It was not long ago that Tom Eagleton was writing me about just this kind of thing...
...I have overcome great obstacles, for I am an anti-establishment candidate - a shaker-upper-of-the-system - who knows the Establishment is as red as Kosygin's long johns...
...Nixon has consistently refused to give me Secret Service protection...
...What can I do...
...It is not easy to run with a man like Senator McGovern, but then think of all those poor fellows who had to endure the late Bryan...
...George Washington Plunkitt, our TM-ize-winning political analyst, is celebrating the publication of his new book, which is now available at avant-garde bookstores throughout New Jersey...
...From the way his campaign is going, it doesn't really seem that he needs all that much protection...
...I suggest you ask George McGovern for one of his Secret Service agents...
...Now he wants to dine with me down at the Club...
...GWP Dear Mr...
...I believe that I shall be the next president of the United States, and I have travelled over fifty thousand miles to bring word of my candidacy to everyone...
...11, Box 360, Bloomington, Indiana 47401, Continental U.S.A...
...Dear Mr...
...Dear Mr...
...When I arrived with Auntie and Unkey-Pooh he met us in his swimming trunks, made a tasteless joke about belching and insisted we all sit around his television set and watch the Roller Derby while he soaked his teeth in a glass of something his wife brought up from the basement...
...Let me tell you the truth...
...His wife drinks Bourbon and Cola in public...
...What can I do...
...Plunkitt: I am in desperate need of assistance...
...Twice my official 1952 Chevrolet has busted a radiator and once one of Nixon's agents took polaroid pictures of me in front of the A&P delivering an address with my shirt off...
...This hurts my campaign because until I get more security, I must continue to keep my schedule confidential and how can I turn out the big crowds when no one knows I'm coming...
...Hippy dope freaks often harass me and one stuck pins in the head of my campaign teddy bear, while I took a breather at Country Slim's All Night Truck Stop in Ferret, Arkansas - my national headquarters...
...Cordially, Sargent Shriver, B.A...
...Plunkitt expects to earn ten million dollars from sales of his new book, he has agreed to continue to advise public figures through this column...
...Plunkitt: My name is Billy Joe Klegg and I am the presidential candidate for the Presidency of the United States of America on the Loyal U.S.A...
...Address all correspondence to The Bootblack Stand, c/o The Establishment, R.R...
...When he plays tennis he perspires repulsively, and I am heartbroken over the way he dresses...
...Plunkitt's book is about the importance of altruism in politics and it is titled What's in It for Me...
...Several days ago I arranged a big fund raising meeting at his quarters...
...I shall be mortified...
...Last week he tried to eat his vichyssoise with a knife and fork...
...Shriver: I am familiar with your predicament...
...I cannot stand my knob-headed running mate, George McGovern...
...You are going to have to go through with it...
Vol. 6 • November 1972 • No. 2
