Editorial
Tyrrell, R. Emmett Jr.
Editorial Hard Times for Endangered Species T ODAY AN URGENT missive bestirred the stillness of this distinguished editorial sanctum. It seems that one of those Pecksniffi~." cliques, which...
...From the literature received I gather that I am not the only American given to such divertissements Indeed most Americans living today are respor~ible for the hard times of endarngered species, and our only hope for exculpation lies in sending to this high-minded group of animal lovers our cash, checks or money orders...
...It vexes me not at all...
...Whatever the ease, DlYr probably does more good than harm...
...Now I am a bit suspicious of these furious allegatioos...
...They turn up at senate hearings, drag their baggage and their squaws uninvited onto army p o ~ , one ex-warrlor ires actually appeared buck naked in a women's nmg...
...So what...
...Obviously they are no lenger an endangered species...
...ugh they might have been in greater abundance than the North Amerk~m bison, their prospects were no brighter...
...Of course, there ~ e other protl~_ms with snatch~ endangered species from the abyss...
...The last time we endeavored to secure the blessings of liberty for ~liabitants of a foreign country we were denounced as interlopers, warmongers and desperadoes of the mest unglamorons sort...
...How often I have wondered why it is that the great Immging class, so confident of its proprietary interest in the nation, cannot stand itself...
...I have spread superhighways over our forest friends' most magnificent civilizations, sprayed DlYr on defenseless flora, flushed toilets with abandon, broken sound barriers, used soap extravagantly, and gone on numberless trigger4mppy treks through the vanishing wilds, wantonly blasting fauna and playing transistor radios to terrify those too small for my artillery...
...If yon will have a different address h the fall, please let us know by usiug the Change of Address form wbida is foaml on page two...
...What can we do for ltmm...
...Such a state of affairs is very serious, for people who act in this way are manifestly suicide prone...
...They fuss and fret more obstruperously than ~ Gay Liberation crowd, worried that their great-gramllmrents were bested in the real estate Eamp, hinting menacingly at racism wherever an athletic team has eponymically appropriated a fragment of their cultural memorabilia, and now comes word that one of their wily oM chefs has s~windled the redoubtable publishing works of McGraw-ltill...
...So we increased their stipends and secured for them vast preserves where they could wander about swilling hooch, chasing gophers and nmkmg blankets...
...But are they satisfied...
...Some years ago these noble bipeds were hanging on by a thread...
...Perhaps the birds have come under the spell of an arcane religion and are practicing abstinence or maybe, having been taken in by the charlatans of Women's Lib, the young female eagles are becoming career-minded and simply do not want young...
...R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr...
...This is a serious philneophical question, deserving the reflection of highly tuned philosophical minds...
...For one thing, it is with deep and inflexible dubiety that I observe the Pecksniffs' claim, that, for instance, DDT has driven the bald eagle to impotency, frigidity or worse...
...In fact Vietnam is still a sore subject with certain academics, and I suspect that more than a few of the militant ~nimal lovers burst capillaries when the issue is discussed...
...To Our Readers As mmal your June issue will be last issue of The Alternative September when all the jolly boys wll return from their summer inluruship at the Central Intelligence Kgeaey...
...I doubt it...
...Lodk what we have done for the American Indian...
...What do they know about the intimate affairs of these great birds...
...For instance, ninny species of whales dangle at the tender mercies of mterprisk~ l~,.~ia~ and Japanese...
...Seon they will be elbowhg into the spotl~ht of a Berustein cocktail party...
...According to a recent University of California study, over leo million species of animals have returned to the goo since the w~M began, and archaeologists estimate that endangered species have been exiiting terra at about the rate of fifty per century since this globe opened its doors to life...
...It is something, I assure you, this great journal of intellectual opinion intends to probe in the near future: Why are the promoters of gentleness so quick to ladle out blame...
...Lest you miss a .simgle issue this fall may we suggest yea renew your subseription now...
...Yet my guess is tha~ they would all be m~e sati~ fled today had our government not granted them a reprieve in the first place...
...Obviously it will be a perilous ex~-eise to engage American power on behalf of the whales or practically any other endangered species residing in foreign lands...
...cliques, which periodically gathers to do good at the expense of the less sensitive majority, has discovered that the white rhinoceros...
...For New Yorkers, congestion may be an annoyance, but for the whooping crane it has meant only disaster and loneliness, and according to the missive received today the blame rests squarely with you and me and the tragic course of Western CiviliT~tion...
...The very same population explosion that has mankind in a pother, has conduced to population implosion for the less intellectual of the earth's crew tures...
...The Peeksrdffian ultimatum that I received could not content itseff with outlining a melancholy developn~nt brought on by the exigencies of change or by human negligence...
...Indeed this whole question of endangered species appears at first glance to be laden with meretricious significance, for the passage of the spectacled bear is utterly unworthy of a serious person's low whistle or sigh...
...It had to search out an evil source and its author ends up not only hating his fellow citizens, his country and his civilization, but after reading him carefully we see that he has saved his most ardent hatred for himself...
...Furiously hurling massive thunderbolts of blame at a vast audience o f innocents, those curious persons who adore the orangutan often end up abomnmting their own cmmtry and civilization...
...If the country is under their stewardship as they assume that it is, their private affliction becomes public...
...Why do they hate their own...
...I shall he no more disconsolate when the last monkey-eating eagle assmmm room terr~erature than wh~ tbe last Austrizm Archduke Croaks...
...I doubt there is much we can do about it, and l am not persuaded that it tumid, he prudent or even b~nis to try...
...Today the country verily ~zmnds with noble red men...
...Guilt provides the fuel ~ ~ i r invidious ener~es...
...In warm weather I bastinado baby seals and when the elements turn against me I head south to molest the gentle sea cow...
...Still, five years ago we heard of them only rarely and no civilized man ever actually saw one in the flesh...
...According to the authors of this elegant, fully-illustrated mailing, I have known about the endangered species for years though my conscience has not given me the slightest pinch...
...Consider those beyond our sus~a~nty...
...Our Jume issue is but an appetizer for year's Imaquet...
...IneidentaHy our June issue might just he the tastiest ever, featuring artieles by William F. Bacldey, Jr., Bartley, Nathan Glazer and the usual gang d boo...
...Progress in the healing arts has been a blessing for the Homo sapiens but a cruel bane for the prairie chicken...
...But the stridency of those who lam~t its passage and the extravagrace of their charges is a more serious matter...
...The Alternative May 1972 3...
...Endangered species have been droppiug off since the Ice Ages and before...
...This unnalm'al passion for their furry friends seems to be preceded by an unnatural loathing for their own kind...
...the lowland gorilla, the snow leopard, the monkeyeating eagle, the spectacled bear, the coppery-tailed trogon, the Arabian oryx, the okapi, the orangutan and the Pere David deer all share a common predicament with Chiang Kai-shek and the Galapagos tortoise--their prospects are not encouraging...
Vol. 5 • May 1972 • No. 8
