THE CONTINUING CRISIS
Tyrrell, R. Emmett Jr.
R . E m m e t t T y r r e l l , J r . t H e c o n t I n u I n g c R I s I s History interred the month of May, and May has interred Senator Barack H. Obama and Senator Hillary Rodham...
...In any sensible history of Campaign ’08, May will be known as the month that brought the Prophet Obama down to earth and former President Bill Clinton’s lovely wife, Bruno, to rehab...
...In Venice, Italy, police have yet to release the name A man was arrested in historic St...
...Clinton follows in the staggering footpaths of Britney and Paris to rehab...
...To block sweat,” he avers, “not only stops the elimination of toxins, but also a certain number of messages that are potentially very attractive to the opposite sex...
...To be sure, he seemed destined for an autumn match-up with Senator John McCain...
...Precisely “which way” those “one-way conversations” are going, the reporter did not make bold to ask...
...On Memorial Day weekend, he declaimed in one of those august orations of his that suggest an aide is burning incense offstage: “I had an uncle who was one of the, who was part of the first American troops to go into Auschwitz and liberate the concentration camps...
...By month’s end she had been photographed publicly boozing—drink in hand...
...There tens of thousands of camels competed in that country’s annual beauty contest...
...In the spring, many Mill Point residents go barefoot...
...Saldmann envisions the bodily eruptions as a manifestation of good health rather than Gallic self-satisfaction...
...Now she was apparently intent on cutting into Senator Obama’s vote in the nation’s frat houses and on Skid Row...
...In Islamic news, an amusing consequence of the Koran’s injunction to shroud the entire female anatomy in burlap or some other deceptive wrapper went on display in modern-day Abu Dhabi...
...a gallup poll conducted in mid-May found that President George W. Bush’s popularity had dropped to near record lows...
...Mark’s Square after police noticed that he was placing a lowslung shoulder bag near the hem of women’s skirts, never men’s skirts...
...He also opposes antiperspirants...
...At month’s end Dr...
...According to Mr...
...The Crisis sickens...
...Apparently Miss Golik passed away sometime in 1966 while watching Yugoslav state television, but police only thought to check her apartment this spring...
...It is at 18 percent, about the same percentage of the population that suffers from eating disorders...
...eyes unfocused!— more frequently than any presidential candidate in modern history...
...As the shapely ruminant mammals paraded before an audience of mostly male spectators, judges awarded cash money to the contestants in several age categories and competitions, though again this year there was no swimsuit event...
...Could the sobriquet stick...
...Mark’s Square after police noticed that he was placing a low-slung shoulder bag near the hem of women’s skirts, never men’s skirts...
...In Mill Point, West Virginia, where inbreeding among the locals has brought ruin to every pursuit of the fabled Sasquatch ever attempted, a four-day search for the creature ended abruptly after experts from a Big Foot Field Research Organization team concluded that the footprints that had instigated the search were not those of a Sasquatch...
...R . E m m e t t T y r r e l l , J r . t H e c o n t I n u I n g c R I s I s History interred the month of May, and May has interred Senator Barack H. Obama and Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton...
...She and her lovable lug of a husband had already locked up the white supremacist vote in South Carolina...
...He also informed the reporter that he is engaged in “one-way conversations” regarding potential jobs, possibly as a plumber...
...How long will it be before Mrs...
...Clinton’s drinking spree began in mid-April in Crown Point, Indiana, where the junior senator from New York was photographed downing a shot and a beer in a lowbrow watering hole...
...Fields...
...Venice is an unusual place...
...What ever the case, the photograph of a gently stewed Bruno (appearing in the left column) socializing on her campaign plane as she left Rapid City, South Dakota, is the most charming picture of her ever taken...
...The man was arrested in historic St...
...After being missing for 42 years, Mrs...
...Or perhaps she was just drowning her sorrows...
...Fund, in 2002 Mr...
...Only 29 percent approve of our debonair chief executive, though approval of Congress is even more exiguous...
...A British radio station is broadcasting nothing but birdsongs recorded in the garden of Mr...
...Yet the mellifluous greenhorn kept adding gaffes to his accumulating pile of bizarreries...
...Mrs...
...Venice is an unusual place...
...Hedviga Golik was discovered in the heart of the capital city of Zagreb, seated quietly in front of her black and white television, dead—in fact mummified...
...By the way, who is that fellow behind her, leering into her ear...
...Senator Larry Craig was again in the news...
...Actually, most civilized tourists visiting France report that the French have long done just that...
...Quentin Howard, an executive at the radio station and an avid birdwatcher...
...nor was May a much easier month for Senator Barack H. Obama...
...Frédéric Saldmann (pronounced, salad man...
...Carlson to mind...
...J u l y / a u g u s t 2 0 0 8 t H e a M e R I c a n s P e c t a t o R 1 1...
...If he were still alive, her most complementary running mate would be Mr...
...From Croatia comes evidence that the Com munist police state of yesteryear had its lapses...
...John Fund dug up in the Wall Street Journal...
...Saldmann had yet to issue any pronouncement on nose-picking...
...Facts are facts: in her five months of primary season she declined from the “inevitable” to the ineffable, and so far has spent about $200 million...
...It was another gaffe similar to the one that the indefatigable Mr...
...The Senate’s only admitted lavatorian announced plans to write a book, pre sumably on very thin paper...
...Also this Memorial weekend 1 0 t H e a M e R I c a n s P e c t a t o R J u l y / a u g u s t 2 0 0 8 R . e M M e t t t y R R e l l , J R . Senator Obama crooned, “On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes— and I see many of them in the audience here today…” By month’s end the glib and affable Senator Obama was becoming known less for his affability than for his gaffability, and ABC’s Mr...
...May brought no new Tucker Carlson stories, so effective has MSNBC been in banishing the young mini-con, but there was one story that did bring Mr...
...Yet Dr...
...Obama claimed that his grandfather actually knew some of the American troops who liberated Auschwitz and Treblinka—again, the camps were liberated by Russians...
...Jake Tapper was talking of him as “a one-man gaffe machine...
...There will be a bit of what’s happened in the last year,” the senator told a reporter for NewsChannel 7 in Boise, Idaho, pre sumably alluding to his restroom heroics of last summer...
...And that brings us to the campaign embarked upon by the futuristic French nutritionist, Dr...
...of a 38-year-old man who was arrested for surreptitiously photographing 3,000 women’s bottoms, possibly in the hope of attracting a Hollywood producer or beginning a prime-time television series to compete with American Idol...
...Saldmann in his new book, Le Grand Ménage, argues that the French would improve their health if after each meal they would loudly and exuberantly burp and break wind...
...Truth be told, the Russian army, not the American one, liberated Auschwitz, and the junior senator from Illinois has had no uncle...
Vol. 41 • July 2008 • No. 6
