LAST CALL: O'Grady Lowers the Boom
Beston, Paul
L a s T c a L L O’Grady Lowers the Boom by Paul Beston of our newly purchased, 19th-century home for a few weeks before we called the service, which I’ll call O’Grady’s. “It can’t be...
...The big picture strategy,” he said, settling comfortably into an Egyptian semi-reclining posture on our kitchen floor, where he kept sketching, “is that we are going to put stress on the rats...
...Nice scent...
...Meaning...
...my wife asked, now a bit pale...
...It’s better than maggots,” she said, true to form...
...He was a big man, powerfully built, and his eyes twinkled with warmth and good humor...
...Don’t get me started on bedbugs...
...I read an article about bedbugs,” I said...
...I can see the burrows in the dirt...
...They drink your blood...
...Traps...
...Now this, my wife didn’t like...
...Her father liked to say that you should look at life as a glass half full instead of half empty...
...We sat in silence for a few moments...
...This house was theirs before it was yours,” he said...
...And he smiled, shaking his head as if he were talking about his crazy younger brother...
...It’s unlikely that you’ll see them up here...
...We live in the country...
...he said, bouncing into his truck...
...7 8 T H e a M e R I c a n s P e c T a T o R J u n e 2 0 0 8...
...I hate rats,” I said...
...This is a lovely house you have here, by the way...
...Beautiful house...
...A month later, though, there were no rats...
...There’s a fascinating film called Ratopolis that I really recommend...
...How can that be...
...Right now, they’re comfortable down there...
...We’ll put poison down...
...We’re going to take this house back from the rats...
...This house was a big mistake,” I said...
...With the poison and the traps...
...And he smiled broadly, as if he’d just handed me the keys to the place...
...It must be squirrels...
...We stared blankly...
...Yeah, it’s best to mix up our tactics...
...Down there, they have all kinds of things that can kill you...
...I asked...
...Rats are nothing...
...we both hollered back...
...He even drew a few rats, which I could have done without...
...We have deodorizers for it,” he said...
...Very nice, if you’re a rat—consistency and reliability...
...Don’t get me started on fire ants,” he said...
...Don’t we all want that...
...We live in the country...
...He seemed to want to start on fire ants, but we cut him off by talking about money...
...You don’t want those things in your lives...
...That’s what we’re going to take away from them...
...L a s T c a L L O’Grady Lowers the Boom by Paul Beston of our newly purchased, 19th-century home for a few weeks before we called the service, which I’ll call O’Grady’s...
...he said...
...Do you like wintergreen...
...How do we resolve this...
...But he was already down in the cellar, shining his flashlight into our earthen crawlspace...
...After two weeks, someone will come out and do another check up...
...Of course, they won’t like it much...
...Don’t worry about a thing...
...Or bedbugs,” O’Grady said...
...He walked down our front path toward the gate to let himself out, talking all the way...
...They may die in the walls, and then you’ll get a smell...
...You have rats,” he said...
...They’ve got dirt, water, and shelter...
...You see, rats are creatures of habit...
...You should be happy you have rats,” he said, hopping to his feet like a high school athlete, “and that you don’t live down South...
...He started knocking on the floor...
...And fire ants,” I said...
...What’s the big picture strategy...
...My wife didn’t seem bothered about the rats...
...It shows what happens in a rat community when some thing is altered—food source, physical conditions, or what have you...
...It can’t be rats,” she said...
...They’ve been here a long time...
...O’Grady’s mirth was deadly...
...Thank you...
...She said nothing...
...They never left...
...They’re coming back...
...We’ll take this house back, I promise you that...
...Snakes, scorpions, tarantulas, you name it...
...When I let O’Grady in, I walked him over to the My wife and i heard the burrowing in the walls kitchen to show him where we had heard the scurrying...
...Just check the traps every few days and empty ’em if you catch any...
...Rats were one thing, dead rats were another...
...As he spoke he was diagramming our cellar and drawing entry points at which the rats were coming in...
Vol. 41 • June 2008 • No. 5
