BEN STEIN'S DIARY: A Few of My Favorite Things
Stein, Benjamin J.
b e n s T e I n ’ s d I a R y A Few of My Favorite Things by Benjamin J. stein I feel clammy. But I am at my post, at my com- HsaTuRday a! i am at my Desk in our house in Beverly Hills...
...I think my father used to “declaim” that poem or oration when he was a youth and entered oratory contests to win money...
...As any reader knows, I love the South...
...Wow, does that explain a lot...
...The problem is that then they’ll be replaced by new ones...
...L.A...
...These are simply the single best food there is...
...Well, anyway, I am now going to start a brandnew feature...
...Now I am never without it...
...What can we do to thank the British for holding out against Hitler when everyone else had caved in...
...It has amazingly good, freshmade waffles, pancakes, bacon, and eggs...
...I truly felt I would never get a car I cared about ever again back in 2006, when I was suddenly awakened to the miracle of the STS-V by my dear, dear tall genius beautiful friend, Peggy...
...It goes on and on...
...It makes me into a god when I get into it...
...Apparently in addition to deadly fungus, Japanese snipers and mortars, hunger, illness, and terror, there were bats always flying around at night...
...And if Barack Obama becomes president, will he be Israel’s friend...
...I totally understand why people want to be buried in their Cadillacs, because they make me feel immortal...
...I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s...
...Another has a bad leg...
...I hope I am wrong, but one never knows...
...Now, I feel about as good as a body can feel when I get out of my skin and into the Caddy...
...The evangelical Christian at a megachurch in Atlanta has been far, far better to Israel than most Jews in America have been...
...I like San Antonio...
...Thank God for them...
...Waffle House...
...I am in a lavish suite watching an awful, just horrible movie about the CIA called The Good Shepherd...
...We just all have to be deeply bowed down, deeply borne up, by gratitude to the Lord God, Jehovah, for what he has done for us...
...number-one bon mot...
...Of course, Chris is Jewish himself...
...I awakened feeling amazingly good...
...But I am at my post, at my com- HsaTuRday a! i am at my Desk in our house in Beverly Hills and I am coming down with some dread disease...
...Even a Jewish anti-Semite can speak freely...
...I actually have four Caddies, but then who doesn’t...
...It is everything I am not: strong, alert, responsive, fast, and not fat...
...We old people get cruel heartburn and Mylanta saves our lives...
...The tragic truth is that the assembly, confinement, torment, and murder of so many Jews also tied down a lot of manpower and logistics that could have helped Hitler fight the war...
...I think first I will go swimming...
...Basically, the U.S...
...I am terribly worried about the whole future of the State of Israel...
...I think I am just weak...
...I hope I am wrong, but one never knows...
...I hate bats...
...I will hire a tough hardened lawyer to tell them all to go away...
...I flew home and was about to go to the hospital for extensive exams...
...I literally could not live without it...
...Ye call me chief and ye do well to call me chief...
...It is wrong that we don’t have Waffle House in Los Angeles, and I hope that gets fixed soon...
...Ye call me chief, and ye do well to call me chief.…” I like that a lot...
...Usually, the best food I get away from home is from McDonald’s...
...Your basic human is not such a hot item...
...When a salesman showed me an STS-V on a test drive and asked me to press the accelerator a little bit, I thought I would lose my mind...
...The one that really upset me was about the U.S...
...Everyone was polite and respectful and articulate...
...I just know I do not feel at all well...
...Maybe a stomach bug...
...These cost very little and make me feel as if I am cared for...
...I have to be up at 5:30 AM, 3:30 AM my time, to speak...
...This is almost as good...
...I fell in love with the Caddies there...
...This was on top of a fabulous lunch with my pal Anne Tramer and her Mom and Pop...
...The author suggests stunning incompetence and widespread cowardice leavened with breathtaking courage...
...I think I can say her L.A...
...Zantac...
...I have seen few signs of it...
...friend...
...My Caddy is rarely sick, rarely fearful (never, in fact...
...No one was drunk...
...Think of my fellow Jews...
...is filled with cunning beggars who latch onto some soft-hearted fellow like me and on my own family...
...This car has reawakened my love of driving and of cars generally...
...This in itself is a miracle...
...Never in the whole history of humankind have so many Christians been so good to M a y 2 0 0 8 T H e a M e R I c a n s P e c T a T o R 5 9 b e n s T e I n ’ s d I a R y us Jews as the Christians of America have been...
...One’s family was in the Holocaust...
...is Israel’s only friend...
...6 0 T H e a M e R I c a n s P e c T a T o R M a y 2 0 0 8 ben stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer in Beverly Hills and Malibu...
...Those of us who live luxuriously in the postwar world can never be grateful enough...
...Is this not amazing or what...
...My wonderful doctor told me it was heartburn, and to just take Mylanta...
...Basically, the U.S...
...I used to feel sad for him that he had to worry about money as a child...
...I am coming back to visit Brooke Army Medical Center in the fall and I will report more then...
...Luckily, we have a large guest house, where I am right now, and we keep the dogs separated from the cats here...
...It has been a true miracle of God’s Providence...
...But if I order fresh fries and a fresh cheeseburger at McDonald’s, it comes out perfect and deeply tasty...
...Anyway...
...I am on the road constantly...
...Before that I slept with my dog i h t m a s d n t h g i n st a m a w o d W ay , s. it ’s I e s aster , l for those o a f you I liv w ing by th s, e s Brigid and Cleo...
...Army on the Philippine island of Leyte...
...That’s it...
...The Evangelicals especially have been good to the Jews and to Eretz Israel...
...We had intense talks about finance, the campaign, McCain, Obama, Clinton...
...Pretentious, slow, horribly selfimportant...
...So the Jews, too, helped defeat the Nazis...
...Probably for me, too...
...And, hey, Happy Easter, for those of you living by the days...
...Why does anyone drive anything else...
...While I was on the plane I read half of the current issue of my favorite magazine besides TAS, namely World War II magazine...
...Our old dog, Susie, cutest mix of Dalmatian and whippet on the planet, died about a month ago of old age...
...take money from me under various pretexts...
...Thomas’ Cinnamon Raisin English Muffins...
...I think it’s because I have a plan to stop being victimized by various beggars...
...By coincidence, her parents had gone to high school with my cousin Jane in Shaker Heights, Ohio...
...No one was belittling anyone else...
...What can we ever do to thank the Russian people for their heroism and sacrifice beating the Nazis...
...More of The Best: My Sister...
...First is Mylanta...
...We do not know what to do...
...Or the Chinese who suffered so horribly from the atrocities of the Japanese...
...It goes on and on...
...If you take it before you sleep, you will never awaken with heartburn...
...It is hard for me to think right offhand of a more intelligent group that I have ever dined with...
...My Cadillac STS-V...
...I feel as if I spend more money supporting these various leeches than sunday Nmorning...
...b e n s T e I n ’ s d I a R y A Few of My Favorite Things by Benjamin J. stein I feel clammy...
...No one was bragging...
...McDonald’s...
...Now, our new rescue, Cleo, a German shorthaired pointer, is sweet, gorgeous, and chases cats...
...I will give you more of The Best later...
...My head is swimming and puter keyboard, overlooking the swimming pool, and I’m watching our new dog, Cleo, sleep...
...For a few cents, you save yourself agony...
...But that’s America...
...It’s called “The Best Things in the World...
...I wonder...
...I am not sure...
...I feel like a king in it...
...I could easily live the balance of my worthless life eating only English muffins, butter, and fresh orange juice...
...It would have been good for him...
...Their blood and suffering saved the whole world...
...That’s a quote from the singer-songwriter Leon Russell...
...Now, I envy his abilities...
...I have seen few signs of it...
...Portentous...
...I wonder...
...I thought I was dying...
...This has to stop, and I think I know how to do it...
...It has great articles on every page...
...It was better than food, better than sex, better than anything else on the planet except love of God and of my wife and dogs...
...Really, what can we ever do to thank these men...
...For now, to bed...
...It is the most miraculous drug I have ever encountered...
...The good times for Jews in America may be coming to an end...
...One of the best things about the South is the Waffle House...
...is filled with cunning beggars who latch on to some soft-hearted fellow like me and take money from me under various pretexts...
...And if Barack Obama becomes president, will he be Israel’s friend...
...Anyway, I flew today to San Antonio to give a speech on Tuesday...
...We were driving around the desert and stopped at Jessup Cadillac to just look around...
...Most of the food I get at expensive restaurants on the trail 5 8 T H e a M e R I c a n s P e c T a T o R M a y 2 0 0 8 b e n J a M I n J . s T e I n is pretentious garbage...
...I cannot really repeat her insights here because some of them are not PC . But, wow, is she clever...
...I especially like the fact that the cooks are so friendly and talkative...
...It worked in about one minute...
...Anyway, much love on Easter to my many Christian friends...
...Monday A ees of Trinity University had me as thei t s u r t d a l i c f o h g i ub l C y e t a r t ea h lly A W rg on l D e erful . H evening fi in a S s an n Antonio r - guest...
...About two years ago, I had crippling pain in my chest when I was in Chicago...
...I feel as if I spend more money supporting these various leeches than on my own family...
...The other day I heard Chris Hitchens talk mockingly about God and about his contempt for the Jews—“a little greedy tribe,” as he called them...
...It is as if I went from Ben Stein, puny old pundit, to Spartacus, fearless gladiator, in one fell swoop...
...Anyway, gratitude, gratitude...
...The good times for Jews in America may be coming to an end...
...We have six cats, so she is turning our home upside down...
...All for pennies a day in low-cost or no-cost GM financing...
...Not to mention that many of the top scientists who built the A-bomb were Jewish and that saved hundreds of thousands of American lives...
...is Israel’s only I am terribly worried about the whole future of the state of Israel...
...She was a sweet, harmless old thing and we rescued her about 16 years ago...
...She is so funny and insightful it’s almost terrifying...
...For a dog, she lived an amazingly long life, and we cried real tears when she died...
...The food was delicious, the service was perfect...
...Meanwhile, I have to go off to speak in San Antonio...
...I wish my son had been required to worry about money...
...Horrible...
Vol. 41 • May 2008 • No. 4
