THE CONTINUING CRISIS
Tyrrell, R.Emmett Jr.
R . E m m e t t T y r r e l l , J r . T H e c o n T I n u I n G c R I s I s january passed, and he whom Miss Toni Morrison called “America’s first black president” is no more. Throughout the...
...Now it can be said...
...On television his smiling demeanor betrayed a volatile character easily inflamed by wild passions...
...Carter is probably more civilized...
...john sununu’s standing among conservatives went into a tailspin early in January following published reports that he had interrupted a pleasant dinner at the Hanover Street Chophouse in Manchester, New Hampshire, to administer the Heimlich maneuver to the rebarbative Mr...
...Curtis Dewberry 35 is again in the public eye...
...Jimmy Carter...
...1 2 T H e a M e R I c a n s P e c T a T o R M a R c H 2 0 0 8 R . e M M e T T T y R R e l l , j R . now listed in the Guinness Book of Records as the world’s oldest non-human primate, though actually Mr...
...He is our second redneck president, making it to the White House only after the hayseed presidency of Mr...
...Reports from the Blogosphere that Mr...
...Jimmy Carter is nine years older...
...Blumenthal was dressed as a French maid when arrested have not been substantiated and are probably untrue...
...Full disclosure: back in our January 1995 issue, when Mr...
...According to police, they found enough undergarments in Mr...
...M a R c H 2 0 0 8 T H e a M e R I c a n s P e c T a T o R 1 3...
...Hunt was choking on an unfamiliar viand, a piece of chicken, and surely it was not Senator Sununu’s business to spoil the spectacle...
...According to news accounts, Cheeta has a literary agent and a ghost writer—much like talking head and bestselling memoirist Mr...
...After recovering, the silver-haired former CNN contro versialist toasted Senator Sununu, causing at least one very fat woman across the room to faint...
...Hunt was at the height of his fame, this column published his name in our obituary section, which was an unhappy error on our part.* That breach of contract suit that publisher Miss Judith Regan had filed against HarperCollins was settled, and already there is evidence that Miss Regan is back at work...
...Finally, light was shed on the behavior of our nation’s rising generation of femmes fatales, particularly Miss Britney Spears...
...The Clintons are worse than even AmSpec believed...
...But actually Mr...
...Mr...
...The American Spectator has since 1992 exposed the Clintons as morally impaired across a wide range of moral categories but never in the category of race...
...Throughout the month the former Boy President campaigned against Sen...
...a month has passed since christmas and still the carnage mounts...
...Barack Obama, revealing himself as no black politician at all but rather as the paradigmatic redneck...
...In the famed German town of Moenchengladbach (pronounced glen-bach), an enthusi astic Christmas reveler participating in the town’s tradition of throwing the season’s Christmas trees out the window accidentally threw himself out with it, falling three stories and badly injuring himself...
...In Montauk, New York, Mr...
...Next month another crisis will be upon us...
...In a related story from Colfax, Washington, local feminists were outraged when Mr...
...sen...
...It is admittedly a weird story...
...Hunt was known for a concise prose style owing in part to the limited vocabulary at his disposal and to his comprehension of but a very few ideas, all rather simple...
...Blumenthal would admit that...
...The bespectacled former journalist was arrested for aggravated drunken driving in New Hampshire the day before that state’s primary...
...Flaherty, who has no The number of young Americans interested in becoming astronauts plummeted after NASA officials announced that they could find no substantiation for earlier reports that astronauts have been flying while inebriated and even arriving drunk on launch day...
...We speculated that he had died while experiencing a violent seizure, perhaps caused by a passerby singing “The Star-Spangled Banner...
...Eventually she sold the horse to a gentleman who sought the animal for his grandchildren —or so he said...
...Sidney Blumenthal, the Clintons’ widely suspected factotum...
...Having overcome alcoholism and an addiction to cigars, the chimp is *Here is the premature obituary from our January 1995 issue: “And as we go to press it is reported that Mr...
...Late in January the anile scamp told the Wall Street Journal that “Obama’s campaign has been extraordinary and titillating for me and my family...
...Tim Russert—and the former Hollywood star’s autobiography is being boomed as “funny, moving and searingly honest,” qualities often associated with Miss Regan’s opuscules...
...Across the Internet he is being hailed as the “Che Guevara of Finance” and the “James Bond of Soc Gen” by France’s horizontally mobile youth...
...Al Hunt, former Washington bureau chief for the Wall Street Journal and a regular on the CNN talk show ‘Capital Gang,’ died peacefully in his country home...
...He only whipped up white racism in his campaigns for the governorship...
...The advertisement ended up under the rubric “Good Things To Eat,” and a goodly number of the calls Miss DeGroat received were interested in purchasing Foxy for horsemeat, perhaps to be used at a local McDonald’s...
...According to a paper presented at the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, dinosaurs reached sexual maturity before they were fully grown...
...Perhaps munching his trademark peanut butter and jelly sandwich and washing it down with a nice glass of buttermilk...
...Blumenthal was clocked going 70mph in a 30mph zone, which surprised many of his friends who recall that in presidential motorcades he was famous for getting nosebleeds when the cars went over 45mph...
...known relatives in the British royal family, stole the unmentionables from apartment-complex laundry rooms...
...He was arrested as he walked down Montauk Highway with a 14-foot Burmese python swaddling his body...
...Al Hunt...
...Clinton was invidiously comparing Senator Obama’s campaign to the Rev...
...He is M. Jérôme Kerviel, 31, the young trader who in one month lost his bank, Société Générale, $7.1 billion...
...The number of young americans interested in becoming astronauts plummeted after NASA officials announced that they could find no substantiation for earlier reports that astronauts have been flying while inebriated and even arriving drunk on launch day...
...Garth Flaherty, 24, was only sentenced to six weeks in the calaboose for stealing 93 pounds of women’s underclothing...
...Flaherty’s private quarters “to fill five garbage bags...
...Even Mr...
...Cheeta, the 75-year-old chimpanzee who co-starred in a dozen Tarzan films in the 1930s, has agreed to publish his memoirs...
...However, it was a different story with Mr...
...In akron, ohio, Akronites are still chortling over the aftermath of Miss Kristen DeGroat’s efforts to place a classified advertisement in the local newspaper for the sale of her 3-year-old horse, Foxy...
...Yet, if he had read The Starr Report as serious historians by now have, even Sidney might have to acknowledge that at the end of the 20th century America had a president quite capable of such procedures and perhaps even undertaking the procedure with a comely intern...
...He continues to amuse...
...Three days after his blunders were revealed, Google recorded half a million searches for him...
...There’s a TV advertisement showing people having fun throwing their old Christmas trees out the window,” explained a spokeswoman for the local police, “but you’re not supposed to jump with them...
...Senator Sununu’s effort would have been perfectly understandable and even commendable if Mr...
...Boy Clinton did it while campaigning for his wife in South Carolina...
...Jesse Jackson’s earlier racebased campaigns...
...R . E m m e t t T y r r e l l , J r . T H e c o n T I n u I n G c R I s I s january passed, and he whom Miss Toni Morrison called “America’s first black president” is no more...
...Carter...
...Jimmy, who once admitted to “committ[ing] adultery in my heart” actually said “titillating...
...Hunt, seated a couple of chairs away, had been dining comfortably...
...And that last line made local feminists even more indignant...
...Nor is he even America’s first redneck president...
...By the end of January, Mr...
...The 2007 Darwin Award went to an unnamed 58-year-old Texan who conked out after administering to himself a sherry enema...
...Yes, Mr...
...And what can be said of Mr...
...France has a new hero...
Vol. 41 • March 2008 • No. 2
