THE CONTINUINg CRISIS
Tyrrell, R. Emmett Jr.
THe conTInuIng crISIS R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. october gave way to novemberand the presidential polls were right! So was Mr. John Radima, the West Kenyan witchdoctor who on November 1...
...Because today I’m going to share with you a little-known, but vital source of the world’s most valuable commodity—useful information...
...Reagan merely conferred with an astrologer...
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...No one else comes up with the big stories, week after week...
...Special offer for you as a subscriber to The American Spectator Bob’s letter normally sells for $297 per year—and it’s worth every penny...
...Perhaps the stalwarts of TEAL will be released into the Blogosphere...
...Chris Matthews presumably spent the immediate post-election hours under the thumbs, fingers, and feet of his chiropractor in hopes of ameliorating Mr...
...This is going to be a truly weirdpresidency, made all the weirder by the presence of the gaffe-prone Senator Joe Biden but a heartbeat away from the Prophet Obama...
...And there is more news on the bird-watching front...
...The authoritative audit bureau of Circulations announced more glum news for the country’s major metropolitan dailies...
...on the cutting edge of jurisprudence, former District of Columbia administrative law judge Mr...
...Probably...
...lished in Proceedings B, an otherwise rather dispiriting publication of the Royal Society in England...
...Davey and his SUV will be kept away from the shelter’s aviary...
...On The Charlie Rose Show, the mesmerized likes of Messrs...
...During the six-month period ending in September circulation figures again dropped...
...After 30 years in the business, I’m proud of the sources of information I’ve developed...
...Steve Davey from the felicitously named Egg Harbor, New Jersey, during an August birding expedition apparently came too close to several baby ducks crossing a street and pancaked them all in his SUV...
...And at a significant saving, too...
...Unfortunately, their slogan merely proclaims, “There’s probably no God...
...Tom Brokaw and Evan Thomas murmured, “There is much about this man that we don’t know...
...I wouldn’t want to be without Bob’s keen observations...
...The insider’s Bible—the Evans-Novak Political Report So how do I (and how can you) capitalize on Bob’s inside knowledge...
...According to publisher Mr...
...Actually it was First Lady Mrs...
...And while on the subject of ourselves, the AmSpec editors have discovered a terrorist group that has our approval, the Typo Eradication Advancement League (TEAL...
...The British Humanist Association has decided to advertise for atheism on London buses...
...American health care providers may have found a new way to treat obesity in light of an October 22 report pub 8 THe amerIcan SPecTaTor December 2008/January 2009 r. emmeTT Tyrrell, Jr...
...From faraway Chennai, India, comes word that the circulation of the Musalman remains robust, thus suggesting a new business plan for such failing broadsheets as the New York Times...
...Bob has developed sources and reported on vital topics for more than 40 years...
...I’m going to tell you where true insiders turn when they need to understand what just happened in politics...
...The wretch suffered no bodily harm, but that picture of him betoileted on his back could become the most popular art in the Pompidou Museum...
...That level of understanding is possible only because of the behind-the-scenes conversations he has with officials at the highest levels of government and commerce...
...In Paris, there was sadness among postmodernists after it was reported that no photographers were present when a 26-year-old passenger was removed from France’s high-speed train after it arrived in Paris...
...Said Mr...
...What was there to scan...
...Well, my friend, then today is your lucky day...
...Chung’s lawyer, who asseverated under oath that “My clients have his [the Hon...
...An intense 20-year-old birder, Mr...
...Pearson’s anticipated $54 million payday was scotched by a D.C...
...Unsurprisingly, Mr...
...That was the work of the semi-literate Mary Elizabeth Jane Coulter, an architect who created many landmarks in the Grand Canyon in the 1930s before being sent to remedial education...
...Eleanor Roosevelt in the White House...
...Doubtless there will be updates as this case makes its way ever upward in the judicial system...
...You will be amazed at what you will learn in each and every issue...
...Yet Mr...
...it is his explaining what the news means that is so impressive...
...For more than 30 years, captains of industry, lobbyists, administration officials, and other journalists have devoured Bob’s letter...
...Think about how hard it would be to develop your own impeccable sources of useful information...
...In the president-elect’s first press conference he made vague stabs at humor, calling himself a “mutt” and joking that the frail 87-year-old Mrs...
...TEAL’s idealistic members spent last spring and much of this past summer, until being apprehended by the authorities, eliminating grammatical errors AmSpec editors have discovered a terrorist group that has our approval, the Typo Eradication Advancement League (TEAL...
...Roy L. Pearson continued to pursue a lower court’s award of $54 million to him for his lost pants...
...Had the critics not heard the airhead’s flumdiddle...
...The flight can take up to eight days, but when the birds arrive in New Zealand they are fit and ready to molt...
...In Kogelo, Kenya, home of Senator Obama’s father, the victory set off a vast slaughter of bulls, chickens, and goats...
...Matthews’s famously tingling leg...
...There is no word yet if Miss Michelle Allen of Middletown, Ohio, will again don her cow costume, complete with udders, and disport al fresco in the neighborhood to the delight of children and the annoyance of humorless property owners, some of whom objected to Miss Allen’s lifelike urination on their front porches...
...The only remaining question is, will he be as amusing...
...According to the surprisingly upbeat report, the bartailed godwit, a migratory bird heretofore of interest mainly to birdwatchers, loses as much as half its body weight during its autumnal flight from Alaska to New Zealand...
...The election of this novice to the presidency will prove to be as reckless as the election in 1992 of a recognized draft-dodging, ithyphallic, perpetual adolescent...
...Superior Court judge who apparently found merit in the testimony of Mr...
...He was carried from the station on a stretcher with the toilet still fastened about his arm...
...Nancy Reagan held “séances” in the White House...
...british atheists are becoming at once more militant yet somehow tentative...
...Hillary Rodham Clinton who “channeled” Mrs...
...The Evans-Novak Political Report isn’t about political ideology, it’s about political reality...
...Unbeknownst to most people outside Washington, every 14 days Bob Novak quietly circulates a privately published letter called the Evans-Novak Political Report...
...And they’re not just earth-shattering, headlinegrabbing news stories that Bob unearths (although he’s had his fair share of those, too...
...During the election, Republicans objected when Senator Biden’s freshly released medical records contained no brain scans...
...Senator Obama’s election three days later was almost anticlimactic, at least in West Kenya and certainly in the newsrooms of America’s mainstream moron media...
...continued next page...
...From his early days covering Capitol Hill for the Wall Street Journal to the pinnacle of success he now enjoys, Bob has fostered inside sources in every government department, and office—from top politicians, to presidential advisors, to staff aides, to secretaries...
...Frankly, we were honored when Bob’s publisher agreed to make it available to you as a subscriber to The American Spectator...
...Though I am no West Kenyan witchdoctor, let me make a bone-free vaticination...
...In Hollywood and Manhattan, the celebrations were more restrained, though MSNBC’s Mr...
...Limited availability ENPR is perhaps the most insightful, hard-hitting and accurate newsletter in the country...
...December 2008/January 2009 THe amerIcan SPecTaTor 9 A SPECIAL INVITATION FOR AMERICAN SPECTATOR SUBSCRIBERS FROM THE DESK OF R. EMMETT TYRRELL Better than a White House Pass Want to know a secret...
...Jin Nam Chung, proprietor of the now-defunct Custom Cleaners...
...The 81-year-old Musalman is among the oldest Urdu newspapers in the world and it is handwritten...
...Precisely how many ducklings went down was impossible to ascertain, but in October the young enthusiast was fined $1,000, a levy that can be reduced pending his performance of community service at the local animal shelter...
...The unfortunate passenger’s arm had become stuck in a vacuum toilet after he attempted to retrieve his cell phone from its nether regions...
...The pants were lost by his dry cleaner, Mr...
...Imagine how many years—decades really—it would take to develop unshakeable trust with key contacts in the Defense Department, the White House, the Justice Department, on Wall Street and in State Houses across the country...
...Yet if you were to ask people in the know who has “the best” sources in Washington, 9 out of 10 would respond Bob Novak...
...Well it ain’t just by watching him on TV, that’s for sure...
...No bones, shells, or stones were used...
...Yet not all newspapers are in decline...
...When you think about it, don’t you deserve the same information that scores of Senators, members of Congress, bank presidents, influential editors, and even Bush’s top advisors see...
...Syed Arifullah, the Musalman’s 23,000 copies are greedily consumed by readers because “It is easier to read, and the lettering is more graceful...
...from public signs, particularly signs created by ignoramuses for our national parks...
...So perhaps the witchdoctor Radima will be transported to Manhattan to jiggle his bones, shells, and stones before the assembled and inform them of what the fabled junior senator from Illinois is like...
...TEAL’s idealistic members spent last spring and much of this past summer eliminating grammatical errors from public signs...
...John Radima, the West Kenyan witchdoctor who on November 1 scattered the prescribed number of bones, shells, and stones at his shoeless feet and pronounced Senator Barack H. Obama the likely winner of the 2008 presidential race in faraway America...
...With steely-eyed precision Bob reports, analyzes and predicts the most important stories affecting politics and business today...
...Presumably, Mr...
...Using markers and correction fluid they eliminated misplaced apostrophes, spelling mistakes, and other blunders, though at Grand Canyon National Park they left uncorrected “emense...
...THe conTInuIng crISIS R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr...
...Guy Ritchie, making love to her “was like cuddling a piece of gristle...
...But we asked for—and got—a terrific deal for American Spectator subscribers...
...According to her estranged husband, Mr...
...Yet you’ll never see it on newsstands, and it has seldom even been made available to the public...
...What mealy-mouthed dithering is that...
...Frankly, I wouldn’t be without it, and neither should you...
...The Mona Lisa could be forgotten, the Louvre dynamited...
...Abongo Malik Obama, the president-elect’s oldest half-brother, “We are Africans, so our plan is to slaughter a bull...
...Arifullah is an Obama man...
...You can have Bob’s bi-weekly letter sent directly to your home (and e-mail) for just $197—$100 off the regular price...
...As long suspected by AmSpec editors, the fitnessobsessed Madonna does not leave much to be desired—if you follow my drift...
...Perhaps more importantly, I’m going to tell you about my “crystal ball” for knowing what is about to happen...
...Period...
...Instead, the intrepid ex-judge Pearson has taken his case to the District of Columbia’s Court of Appeals, where he appeared in still another pair of pants to demand his $54 million...
...Miss Allen, an abuser of alcohol, was jugged for a month in September and upon her October release she was allowed to take her bovine couture with her...
...Think of the meaning French philosophers might divine from that...
...Pearson’s] pants, and they’re ready to be picked up...
Vol. 41 • January 2009 • No. 10
