FROM THE GUT: Peace Signs
Gutfeld, Greg
OW CAN ANYONE BE AGAINST PEACE?Evenasajoke?" That pearl of wisdom traveled over the Internet and landed in the comment section of my Dailygut.com website--a response to something I wrote about...
...I started laughing at him and he started shaking his fists and screaming more expletives...
...My parental upbringing was A-OK...
...PEACE.THAT'STHETOPICFORTODAY,anditspringsto mind because I am writing this article on September 21, otherwise known as the International Day of Peace...
...That pearl of wisdom traveled over the Internet and landed in the comment section of my Dailygut.com website--a response to something I wrote about the destructive nature of pacifism...
...Typical Truther...
...Protest...
...They love war...
...When you read peace lingo, you realize that pacifists never actually read what they write, or they would choke to death from embarrassment...
...I had opened up the bag of ashes, to scatter them from the cliff...
...What is a culture of peace...
...In the end, not stopping them only means thatsoonerorlaterwealldieatthehandsofthosewho rule by ruthless force...
...As I have said before, in times of sobriety and drunkenness, pacifists don't really love peace...
...Why is it not surprising...
...Always messing up the facts...
...Or shot him...
...No one shows up to say, "Hey, peace sucks...
...Pacifists can only exist if there are people brave enough to find and defend their right to exist...
...Maybe we should have let them win...
...Thatgoesbacktotheinitialcommentabove.Ifyou claim you're for peace, it's the same thing as being for breathing.It'shardtofindsomeonewillingtodebateit...
...Well, generally pacifistshatetheirparents,sotheyhateminetoo.ButImustpointoutthatIhadagreatsetofparents,partly because they were both older than me when I was born,andactedthatway.Itmustbeterribletobeborn toparentswhoareactuallyyoungerthanyou--Ihave seen it many times, and it never ends pleasantly...
...See Britney...
...Although I can't remember everything I wrote, I believe I advocated the use of tasers on children of all ages--simplyforthereasonthatIfindsolaceinknowing that some children are terrified of adults...
...G R E GG U T F E L D Ifyouclaimyou'reforpeace,it'sthe samethingasbeingforbreathing.It's hardtofindsomeonewillingtodebateit...
...But on an empty stomach...
...And that's what has made pacifists so lazy in articulating anything beyond their initial proclamations...
...Crud...
...America has done a good job defeating people who wanted to rule the world, and if we had listened to the pacifists the world would be a different place...
...Mom is a lifelongDemocratwhovotesRepublican,andatage83can still drink a fair amount of vodka without falling over...
...And I like the sound of tasers...
...It would have been funny, if I hadn't caught myself at thatmoment.Ioptedinsteadforthrowinghimintothe ocean, where a strong gust of wind caught most of the ashes in mid-throw and sent them back onto my face andchest.Iendedupdunkingmyselfinthecoldocean, andfinallymydadwas"atpeace...
...Kids these days--if I could, I would have washed his mouth out with soap...
...An instantbeforedumpingoutthecontents,Ilookedover the cliff to realize there wasn't any water, but beach...
...They sound like bug lamps...
...Directlybelowwasafamily,onablanket,playingcards...
...Just the men, though...
...Especially when the first words that spilled from her fiendish fingers were, "I will safely assume you had a rotten childhood...
...I'mnotonetoadvocateviolence,butIalwaysthink every male pacifist deserves a good punch in the nose...
...Bug lamps for brats...
...She had written that after reading one of my opinions on kids--that sparing the rod spoils the rug rat...
...One messylooking man saw me staring at him from the glass door,andwalkedover.Becauseofthethickglassdoor and his rapid delivery, I couldn't make out what he wasyellingatme--butithadsomethingtodowithmy being "guilty" of "murder...
...Okay--back to the comment about my rotten childhood...
...Makes sense...
...THEN I WENT BACK IN AND DID THE SHOW.Twodays later, I picked up the New York Post and read about a protest in front of Fox, by the wackjobswhobelieve9/11wasaninsidejob.Thegroupdisrupted an outside taping of Geraldo...
...I think women (being sexist, here, again) for the most part hate violence more than men--andtheonesthatdon't,I'djustassoonavoid.But male pacifists, in my mind, are as bad as traitors...
...On such a pleasant night, seeing a half dozen of these freaks screaming angrily at a big building seemed absolutely hysterical...
...Because, in order for pacifists to exist and have a purpose in life, war must exist...
...Me too, sister...
...For peace to work, both sides needtohaveit.Andwhentheotherguywantsdomination,andyouwantpeace,thereisonlyoneoption:War...
...I don't know--but I betitsmellslikerawsewage.Isaythatbecause thereisnoevidenceinthehistoryofmankind that any culture made of pacifists could have createdanythingclosetoindoorplumbing...
...God I hate that word...
...The event, established by a UnitedNationsresolutionin1981,wasdesignedtopromote "the ideals of peace and to giving positive eviF R O MT H EG U T 5 0 T H E A M E R I C A N S P E C T A T O R N O V E M B E R 2 0 0 7 Peace Signs by Greg Gutfeld H N O V E M B E R 2 0 0 7 T H E A M E R I C A N S P E C T A T O R 5 1 denceoftheircommitmenttopeaceinallviableways...
...If you go to the International Day of Peace website, you'll find phrases like "collective progress" and "planetary future"--words that sound hilarious comingfrompeacelovers,butmakeeveryoneelseviolent...
...So, why is it so easy initially to explain the joy of peace-and yet so difficult, when probed and prodded, to explain how to get it...
...Greg Gutfeld, former editor of Maxim (UK), Men's Health,and Stuff,ishostof RedEyeonFoxNews...
...But even funnier (at leasttome),ifwedidn'thavewarriorsamongus,then pacifists would be dead...
...Thedaywillalsoprovide"anopportunityforindividuals to create practical acts of peace," in order to build "cultures of peace for the children and future generations...
...I notice the IDP website includes a list of peace eventsallovertheworld.Atmostattendanceappears sparse.ANewYorkgatheringshowsonlytwoparticipants.Onmytelevisionshow,Iplantoannouncethat I would mark the day by setting fire to a yoga instructor, and I'm willing to bet there wouldn't be a single howl of protest...
...Because stopping them means war...
...No matter how evil an adversary is--Hitler, Tojo, or Saddam--peaceniks will vehemently come out against doing anything to stop them...
...First of all, all of the pacifists would be dead...
...In that sense these earnest plums aremorelikeparasites--livingoffahosttheydespise, but the first to die if the host surrenders...
...But pacifists aren't just lazy, they are also stupid: stupid to the ways ofhistory,andtothewaysofpeople.They'remoredangerousthanpitbullsandonlyslightlylessattractive...
...Mydadisdead--sohenolongerdrinksorfallsover.The last time I saw my father, Jack, was at Half Moon Bay, California, somewhere around 1984...
...It was only a week orsoago,asIwaswalkingdownahalltotheFoxNews studio,Ipeeredoutsidethroughadoorwindowtosee a scraggly and very small band of protesters outside theFoxbuilding.ItwasaFridaynight,perfectweather,andIcouldseefamiliesandtouristsontheirwaytodinner and a show...
...The person commenting (who I assume may be female--which is perhaps sexist, but pacifism always strikes me as an emasculating, effeminate enterprise)wentontoexplainthatshehas"attended all the peace rallies in NYC," and "believe me, I wish there was no need to for us to exist...
...If only they could channel their energy to something positive--like suicide...
...I've always said that people who plead for peace are often the meanest folks around, and so it was no surprise that a peacenik would come to a conclusion about my personal upbringing...
...I became confused, for I distinctly remember the protest I saw takingplaceonFriday,andthenitdawnedonme.The reason why the protest was so small, and why the guy was so angry--he had shown up on the wrong night...
Vol. 40 • November 2007 • No. 9
