BEN STEIN'S DIARY: The Making of an Economist
Stein, Benjamin J.
HATAHELLISHDAY.LastnightasIwascomingin from a lovely day in Malibu, I decided I was hungry.Ihadbeencravingacornedbeefsandwich and so I went to a little 24-hour deli in Santa Monica called...
...Plus,mywifewasoutoftowntakingoursontohis new home, Presbyterian College in Clinton, South Carolina, and I had released the maid to be with my wife'scrippledpoodle,Buddy,whomsheiscaringforat herhome.So,inotherwords,Iwasalone...
...I think that the single biggest mistake I havemadeinmylifewasnottogetmoreexercisewhen Iwasyounger.Learnfromme,youngpeople,andexer5 2 T H E A M E R I C A N S P E C T A T O R O C T O B E R 2 0 0 7 B E NS T E I N ' SD I A R Y The Making of an Economist by Benjamin J. Stein W E D N E S D A Y W cise as much as you can...
...I really did a poor job of following his examples whenitcomestomodestyandthriftandmaritaldiscipline, but otherwise, I do a halfway decent job...
...Professor Harriss also had endless kind words to say about my parents...
...Andnowbacktothemomentofglory:agreatdinnerwithagreatfriendatthebestplaceonearth--Hill's Resort...
...Italwayshelps...
...That was Robert Lekachman, a teacher of economic history at Barnard...
...I remember thinking...
...Plus the sandwich was ghastly, almost unbelievably terrible...
...I do many things that are wrong...
...This is for me...
...Perfect...
...But whatever few good qualities I have I got from myparentsandfrommywife,andofthosethathaveto dowithstayingcalm,Igotthemmostlyfrommyfather...
...But Professor Harriss's insight, that Wall Street's main role was to siphon off a small sliceofanenormoussumanddividethatamongthemselves, stayed with me for a very long time...
...IfeelasifI'mlosingatmygame,"Iwhined...
...Iwenthomeandswamforareally,reallylongtime...
...ButIamnotinmyhourofdarkness,Iaminmyhour ofglory...
...This is as good as it gets...
...B E NS T E I N ' SD I A R Y 5 4 T H E A M E R I C A N S P E C T A T O R O C T O B E R 2 0 0 7 mydearpal,PhilDeMuth.Weflewuphereyesterday,and nowwe'rehavingdinneratHill's.Spareribsinasaucethat ScottHillmakes.It'sonlythebestsauceintheworld.I'm looking out the picture windows at the woods and the beachandthemarinaandthelake,andIamHAPPY.The peoplearoundmearecooingovermeandmakingmefeel famousandIloveit.Iamamonsterforbeingrecognized...
...I was getting really angry...
...THURSDAY LET IT BE...
...However, I decided to swim anyway...
...It talked about ice packs and antibiotics, but notaboutimminentdeath...
...SoIswamhappilyandthenprayedforalongtime, asIdoeverynightandeveryday,foroursoldiersinIraq andAfghanistan--whohaverealworries,notparanoid delusions--and for their families, the very marrow in thespineofAmerica,andIfellasleep...
...He said there would always be a lot of jealous, vicious people out there trying to discredit me, and I should take it as part of daily life...
...I am not sure what to make of ID, but I do know it answers a lot ofquestionsDarwinismdoesnotanswer,sowhynotlet it be investigated and taught...
...Amongmymanyotherchores,andhighonmylist ofgreatpleasures,Iwriteacolumnformanylargepublications...
...Really, really bad...
...But once in the deli,Ifeltlightheaded,thenheadachy,thendizzy,then had muscle pains...
...He taught in a slow, deep voice with a Midwestern twang...
...Thepoolwaswarmandsoothing.Morethansoothing...
...I took two other courses from LowellHarriss,allabouteconomics.Itookafewother courses from economics teachers...
...ByJohnLennon,Ithink.OrmaybePaulMcCartney...
...Professor Harriss treated me with especial kindness-I always thought because of that connection, but maybehejusttreatedallofhisstudentswell.Itisamazing, but I do not recall his teaching me even one thing thatIdidn'tgrasp.Yet,yearslaterwhenItookacourse in advanced microeconomics at the University of Maryland,itwasallGreektome.Ihadtoreallystruggle to get it...
...I have anotherdoctornamedBillSkinnerandanothernamed PaulHyman...
...Icarrythatwithmedayandnight...
...Long may he keep sendingmehiscartoonsandhisinsights...
...But then the spiritofmyfathervisitedme.Hetoldmetocalmdown...
...But then I opened my e-mails and there were a numberofangrylettersfrompeopleaboutmyroleina soon-to-be-released movie about the sanctions beinglevied against scientists who think that there might have been intelligent design in the universe...
...My practice is to scratch the offending spot until it bleeds, then put alcohol on it to savor the sting of purification, then to put Caladryl on...
...That's what the movie is about:Freedomofspeechandofinquiry...
...That's less time than between now and the middle ofRonaldReagan'stermsaspresident...
...When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, Let It Be...
...They are usually about finance and economics.Theygetincrediblygoodresponsefrommyreaders, byandlarge,althoughsomepeoplecriticizeme.Thisis tobeexpected...
...IarrivedinhisclassatColumbiainthefallof1963 knowing next to nothing about economics...
...And for some reason, thinkingaboutthehappypeoplethereatHill'sandthe clear fact that it's a throwback to the 1950s and how greatlifeusedtobe,Iammovedtothinkofmyoldeconomicsprofessor,C.LowellHarriss...
...I started to drive home and almost at once had stomach pains and nausea...
...Wow,doImisshim...
...HowmyheartswellswhenIthinkofallthethings myfatherdidformeandgavetomeandexemplifiedfor me...
...One was almost as good as Harriss...
...You know more economics than 99 percent of the economists I have ever worked with,"hesaid,andIwashappy...
...Thereissomethinginmykarmathatjustdoes notmeshwithSantaMonica.I'mnotsayingit'sanyone's fault.Couldbemyfault.Butsomehow,Ifeltasif Iwere in a Twilight Zone episode as I cruised along the city's streets--desertedstreets--inmyhugecarbonfootprint car.Somethingwickedthiswaycomes.Thestreetswere terrifyinglydark...
...But he wasafineteacherandagreatwit...
...Not until I started to delve into the mysteries of "legal realism" at Yale did anythingstrikemewithsuchforceofdiscovery...
...I may say that they then made me a fried egg that was perfectlyfineandIwilldefinitelygobackthere...
...I feel my father's strength sustaining me in these moments...
...Thisisaweakness,butIhavealotofthem...
...I rushed over to my doctor, Paul Grodan...
...Anyway, today, I got an e-mail from my editor at a large entity saying that a reader had gotten queries aboutwhetherinfactIcouldreallybecalledan"economist"ifIdidnothaveaPh.D.ineconomics.(Myusual creditis"lawyer,economist,writer,andactor...
...I askedhim,showinghimtheswelling...
...Grodan, but I think this time he might have been a bit dismissive...
...Ben Steinisawriter,actor,economist,andlawyerliving inBeverlyHillsandMalibu...
...I said to myself, "What a paranoid maniac youare.Whenwasthelasttimeyouheardofsomeone dyinginhispoolfromaspider'sbite...
...I raced home like Juan Fangio but felt worse moment by moment...
...It's high flea season, and the fleas were all over me all night...
...I decided to swim...
...How incredibly lucky I wastohavehim...
...So a small slice of a huge river of investmentwouldgotoafewindividualswhowouldbe phenomenallywellpaid...
...Do I not show that I know basicandevensomeslightlybeyondbasicprinciplesof economics...
...It felt great...
...Of course, now Wall Street has infinitely more ways of making itself rich, but the ways it had in those days were still prettygood...
...This soundsgreat...
...They wouldraise,say,ahundredmillion--avastsuminthose days--forasteelmill,andtheywouldkeep2percentofit for their very own bad selves...
...It's hard to believe now, but when Professor Harriss was teaching us, the GreatDepressionhadendedonlyabout22yearsearlier...
...Iwasvirtuallyhysterical.Howcouldanyonequestion me about this issue...
...How fiscal policy worked to keep us from having another Great Depression...
...Backhometotakealongnap.Andthenawonderful visitation from my father, even though he "died" eightyearsago.Letmetellyouaboutit...
...Well, I like Dr...
...But I am still close with Professor Harriss.Icorrespondwithhimoften.Imentionhimin my New York Times columns frequently...
...Big mistake...
...But I must have done this ten times at least, so I awakened tired...
...Hesaidhethoughtitwasfoodpoisoning...
...By the way, I have said this before and I'll say it again:IamnotBillyGraham.IamnotFalwell.Iamnot a saint...
...Professor Harriss had been a graduate student atthe University of Chicago in economics along with my parentsinthemidtolate1930s.Theyhadothergeniuses with them such as Friedman, his lovely wife, Rose Director,hergeniusbrother,Aaron,andGeorgeStigler...
...But as I did the backstroke, I got water in my nose.WhatifthiscausedmynosetoclamupandIdied fromasphyxiation(again)?Thisthoughtactuallymade me laugh...
...No,Ithinkit'saningrownhairfollicle,"hesaid...
...God, he's so smart...
...I took aspirin.Ilaydown.Isatup.Igotinformationfromthe Internet...
...Not with Lowell Harriss, who made understandingeasyandnatural...
...You're winning at the game of life...
...I have used almost every kind of drugexceptthereallystrongones.Ifyouarelookingfor asaint,you'llhavetolookforWlady...
...And when I brushed my hair, I felt a distinct swelling just where my spine meets my skull, which is whereIimaginedthespiderhadbitme...
...Manyyearsago,whenIwroteforBarron's,wrotelong, long, long articles on financial fraud, some irate readers, possibly fans of Michael Milken, wrote saying I should not be called an "economist" because I don't haveaPh.D.ineconomics.Myfathercalmlysaidthatan economistwasapersonwhousedtheprinciplesofeconomicsinteaching,writing,orsomeotheroccupation...
...I swatted and swatted and finally got out of the web...
...But what if the spider toxin spreadandmythroatclosedandIdiedinthepoolfrom asphyxiation?TheInternetisoftenwrong.Thatwouldnot be good at all...
...I really missmyPop.Iwritehimlettersinmyheadnightafter nightwhenIamtryingtosleepinfarawayhotelrooms...
...But, of course, I sleep with my aged dogs, Brigid and Susie...
...The money they kept would not go to stockholders, because in those days, investment banks were owned by their partners,notbystockholders.(Iguesstheyreallystillare, now that I think of it...
...I emerged from his Money and Banking class knowing the basic principles that were to serve me so very well for the balance of my working life...
...Myfathersoontalkedmeoutofwantingtogointo investment banking...
...Anyway, I swam and swam under the sunlight and with the magnificent jacarandas reflecting the light on the waves and with the dogs runningallaroundandaroundthepool.HOWLUCKY CANONEGUYGET...
...I made myself a meager lunch and went off to see my shrink...
...Sometimes, even after a spider's bite, it's best to laughatyourself...
...I was lucky indeedtomeethim.Wehavebeenschmoozingfor agood27yearsnow.ButIfeelasifIlearnfromhim everysingletimeIseehim.ILOVEHIM.He'smysoulmateaswellasdoctor...
...I especially recall Professor Harriss saying how investment banks worked back in the old days...
...Butnothingintheacademicworldopenedmyeyes about how the world worked as well as Professor Harriss's Money and Banking...
...So what...
...Professor Harriss was movie star handsome with long (fairly long) straight hair, long eyelashes, deep set moviestarbluegrayeyes,andanimperiallyslimheight...
...Do you think this swelling is from food poisoning...
...How automatic stabilizers worked in the economy...
...He never raised his voice.Heexplainedwithcrystalclarity:Howthebanking system worked, how banks expanded the money supply, how the Federal Reserve controlled the banking system...
...HATAHELLISHDAY.LastnightasIwascomingin from a lovely day in Malibu, I decided I was hungry.Ihadbeencravingacornedbeefsandwich and so I went to a little 24-hour deli in Santa Monica called Izzie's...
...I often think that if I am an economist (I'm certainly not in the archaic sense of a man who is careful and prudent about money), it is mostly through osmosis from my parents,but--aclosesecond--fromProfessorHarriss.I really did not have any bad teachers at Columbia...
...he asked...
...So,Iwroteareasoned,calmlettertomyeditorand wentonwithmyday.(Justfortherecord,IstudiedeconomicsatColumbiaandYalegradschoolandbrieflyat the University of Maryland grad school and worked as an economist for the Department of Commerce and havewrittenmillionsofwordsaboutit...
...My mother told me the girls at the University of Chicago used to swoon over him...
...But Professor Harriss was the best teacher I ever had, and inaworldwhereteachingislearningandlearningisliving, he was a life force for me...
...As I got out of my car in the street next to Izzie's, I got enmeshed in an immense spider's web, and could feel a spider running across my head...
...So, apparently I would not die from this but I did notfeelwell.Iwasscared...
...I am a mad, insanedemonwithwomen.Iamawild,insanemaniac of spendthrift waste...
...AsIsaid,timepassed.IhavebeenoutofColumbia for 41 years now...
...Anyway, I suspect I will get a LOT more angry letters about that movie...
...IamupinPriestLake,Idaho,atHill'sResort,with B E N J A M I NJ .S T E I N O C T O B E R 2 0 0 7 T H E A M E R I C A N S P E C T A T O R 5 3 IamnotsurewhattomakeofID,butI doknowitanswersalotofquestions Darwinismdoesnotanswer...
...Time passed...
...This was real money...
...HowwellIrecalladaywhenIwasfeelingverybeat up on Win Ben Stein's Money and I was talking to my PoponthephoneasIdrovealongWilshireBoulevard...
...He was a heavy smoker and he's not with us any longer...
...And in my hour of darkness, there is still a light that shines for me, shine until the morrow,Letitbe...
...I felt deeplyathomeinhisclassroominHamiltonHall...
...However, as I said, I amaparanoidmaniac...
Vol. 40 • October 2007 • No. 8
