THE CONTINUING CRISIS
Tyrrell, R. Emmett Jr.
August passed, but the Clintons' Chop Suey Connection returned! It was first identified in these pages back in 1995, when Mr. James Ring Adams apprehended Indonesian bankers of Chinese...
...They found it in a few feet of water...
...On the last day of the month, Mrs...
...According to a United Nations report, Afghanistan's opium crop has doubled in the past two years...
...Hsu was booked at the San Mateo Courthouse, it having been discovered that he has been on the lam for over a decade afterpleadingnocontesttograndtheftinCalifornia in the early 1990s...
...The enduring Connection had kept theClintons'chancesalivein1992whenrevelations of the Boy Governor's adultery with the delightful Miss Gennifer Flowers (she produced tapes...
...That is how, on June 11, he made the acquaintance of Sen...
...His name is Sgt...
...The Vanderbilt University Medical Center released a disturbing report that women having cosmetic breast implants are three times more likely to commit suicidethantheirunupholsteredsisters.Presumablythe suicide rate among men who undergo such surgery is even higher...
...Paul men's room...
...Paul International Airport's men'sroomdutifullyenduringthestenchandunharmonioussoundsofhischosenlavatorystall,allforthe commonweal.Withonlyanoccasionalbreakforfresh airandperhapsadrypairofsocks,hevigilantlyespies the shoes of neighbors on either side of his stall as they either innocently move their bowels or, as the case may be, attempt interpersonal communications ofahighlylibidinousandinappropriatenatureviaan intricate series of shoe taps and ankle caresses developed by non-verbal members of the homosexual community...
...Suddenly the Clintons have brought us all back to 1996, or to "old news," as they say--"old news," but new Asians...
...Yoshihiro Tanjo, has been arrested for giving the finger to Prime Minister Shinzo Abe...
...And Mr...
...Now as Sen...
...Possibly the installation of air fresheners might repress their libidinous seizures...
...Let us remember that there remain large numbers of Americans, probably even a majority, who enter the restroomsofourgreatcountryconcernedwithmatters other than romance...
...Larry Craig of Idaho, now characterized by the mainstream press as a major conservative statesman on the order of President Ronald Reagan or Sen...
...The Chop Suey Connection was visible again in the 1996 campaign with exotic donors such as Johnny Chung, John Huang, Pauline Kanchanalak,JamesRiady,CharlieTrie,andLt.Col...
...He is one of her most generous donors, having raised at least $100,000 for her and hundreds of thousands more through such amusing instrumentalities as the Paw family, a family of lower-middle-class Chinese Americans who could not possibly afford the large donations they have made--$200,000 since 2004 to Democrats, $55,000 to Sen...
...At this writing, the press still believes that Mr...
...Leaving the courtroom the 1 4 T H E A M E R I C A N S P E C T A T O R O C T O B E R 2 0 0 7 T H EC O N T I N U I N GC R I S I S R . E m m e t t T y r r e l l , J r . disgraced Atlanta Falcons quarterback claimed to have renewed his religious faith--Christianity, not Islamic fundamentalism--and he may even claim to havebecomeabirdwatcherandavegetarianbut allfornaught.Hehasbeensuspendedfromfootballandfacesaheftysentence...
...Hit him against the stall with his head, actually...
...and pot and protestinhiscollegeboydaysalmostsankhispresidential campaign...
...He is likely headed for retirement and, who knows, possibly a paid position at the Institute for Anal Understanding...
...LiuChaoyingofthePeoples'LiberationArmy--allof whom soon fled the country or spent a short time in custody...
...So where has the money come from...
...Attorney General Alberto Gonzales resigned, and Mr...
...Rumored to be a bit odd ever since he rode his unicycleintoWashington,SenatorCraigisapparentlya bathroom romantic, who explained to Sergeant Karsnia that once athwart the thunder mug he adopts a "wide stance" because "I am a fairly wide guy...
...James Ring Adams apprehended Indonesian bankers of Chinese ancestry funding the Clintons' political careers from the 1980s onward...
...On August 18, Russian President Vladimir V. Putin announced the resumption of regular strategic bomber flights from seven Russian airfields, a truculent announcement diluted somewhat by his inexplicable public appearance stripped to the waist flexing hispectoralmuscles,which,truthbeknown,appeared to be on the verge of lactation...
...Carlson chuckled on, "That's really common, and the gay rights groups ought to disavow that kind of crap"--not the best choice of words, Tucker...
...They are grateful to Sergeant Karsnia for freeing up the stalls for them, even if it means such a buffoon as Senator Craig will no longer remain in public life...
...Said Mr...
...At this writing none of his strategic aircraft has crashed, but it has not gone unnoticed in Europe that that mysterious plate-like objectthattwoSwissstudentswereusingasaFrisbee on a Danube River beach was actually a Soviet antitank mine...
...Barry Goldwater...
...Once the tapping begins, Sergeant Karsnia leaps into action...
...Finally, from Japan comes word that the leader of a right-wing political organization, Mr...
...Late in August it was revealed that Officer Karsnia sits for hours alone in the Minneapolis-St...
...Even at Washington's Union Station not far from his Capitol Hill office, the foul ambianceofthemen'sroomrousesuncontrollablepas-sionsinhimandhisfellowpubliclavatorians.Public health authorities remain uncertain as to how to deal with this sort of behavior and certainly none wants to offend the sensibilities of powerful interests groups whose recreational area is the men's room...
...Carlson in an imprudent autobiographical outburst, "I went back with someone I knew and grabbed the guy...
...Well possibly, but according to reports, the expansive Senator Craig has frequented numerous public lavatories and cannot even be trusted near a kitty litter tray...
...Norman Hsu...
...Hsu is a wealthy textile importer, though investigations by AmSpec reveal his companies were modest andmostly inert...
...Dave Karsnia and he serves the Minneapolis airport police's bathroom patrol...
...Michael Vick, the NFL superstar, enteredapleaofguiltyfordogfighting.Actuallyhedid not fight with the dogs himself but encouraged the dogs to fight one another...
...August witnessed the emergence of a new species of American Hero, a hitherto unrecognized First Responder now worthy of all America's heartfelt gratitude...
...draft dodging (there were documents...
...Carlson, the boyish television personality whose bowtie and chucklechuckle have enlivened late afternoon television, found himself accused of "gay bashing" after he volunteered during a heated colloquium on Senator Craig's indiscretion that he as an even younger man than he is today was accosted in a public bathroom byalavatorianandsubjectedtounwantedadvances...
...Hillary Clinton's campaign gorges at fundraisers in Hollywood and Southampton there appears another Asian donor who rose without a trace, Mr...
...The lavatory encounter went unreported until late August, when it was mentioned in the curiously namedWashington,D.C.newspaper,RollCall.Those unfamiliarwithRollCallmightfromitsnameassume that its focus is toilet products, but actually its content had been almost wholly political until Senator Craig availed himself to the hospitality of the Minneapolis-St...
...Hillary Clinton...
...Senator Craig's adventure did occasion yet another Tucker Carlson Moment...
...In fact, he cut his finger off and mailed it to Mr...
...Abe, an act members of our Angry Left might emulate if they really are all that angry.R .E M M E T TT Y R R E L L ,J R . O C T O B E R 2 0 0 7 T H E A M E R I C A N S P E C T A T O R 1 5 SenatorCraigisapparentlyabathroom romantic,whoexplainedtoSergeant Karsniathatonceathwartthethunder mugheadoptsa"widestance" because"Iamafairlywideguy...
...The month brought good news to Hollywood's younger generation of stars...
Vol. 40 • October 2007 • No. 8
