LAST CALL: The Big Chill
Mitchell, Amy K.
LAST CALL The Big Chill by Amy K. Mitchell Dearest Tip, July 1, 2026 Miss you terribly. I devoured yours of June 25. Your kind words warmed my heart and soul—especially since I am away...
...I need to examine it...
...The caption reads, “Two polar bears enjoying the ice floes of the Great Lakes...
...Our writing time is up...
...The assault on my reason continues...
...The scene gives me great pleasure—I mean, the bears on it do...
...I stated that I was only acting in the best interests of humanity, as I have throughout the course of my committed life...
...My theory proves that the vast amounts of seawater we are currently using will deplete the oceans...
...I patiently explained to him that while we may be experiencing a slight cooling of the Earth now, global warming is still a real danger to future generations...
...I blame W. I hope he’s freezing his ass off down there in Texas...
...Would you be able to bottle a bit and send it to me in your next care package...
...I think often of those last hot days we spent in Nantucket before my forced hibernation began...
...I also called for polar bear protection programs in the 50-odd countries affected...
...I’m recycling the tape you used to wrap my most recent birthday present...
...Please pass along my love to our children, our grandchildren, and great-grandchildren...
...I wish that I could be there with you all for our 25th annual family celebration...
...Must end now...
...I declared myself the patron saint of the white-haired, blackbodied bears...
...This weekend, during my allotted Internet time, I read an article in the Times Ultranet about my beloved polar bears that made my blood boil...
...Frye, of course, took me to task and scolded me for this civic action in our morning session...
...At times, they seem as confused as I am...
...My formula is rooted in thermal hydrodynamics, given that seawater is now the main source of energy for heating...
...I even took him into my confidence and showed him my latest formula to cure the woes of mankind when The Warming does resume...
...LAST CALL The Big Chill by Amy K. Mitchell Dearest Tip, July 1, 2026 Miss you terribly...
...xo etc.,Al 82 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR SEPTEMBER 2007...
...Your unending belief in me keeps me sane...
...Frye asked if I would rather freeze...
...I am still in disbelief at the amount of snow you write is “falling ” in Hawaii...
...Perhaps your next letter will be longer, though...
...The bears watch over me as I sleep and I dream of better days...
...But I did manage to cut out the little picture of the polar bears from the printout before it was taken from me...
...He said if I didn’t desist, he would revoke my special privileges...
...Convenient, wouldn’t you say...
...It still has enough adhesive to work...
...Seawater may be a renewable catalyst today, but it will spell our doom tomorrow...
...Here in our native Tennessee, most days it is too cold to venture out so I just sit there and watch the mourning doves flit about in the branches of the barren trees outside my window...
...My days pass without change...
...Are you sure that the snow is real...
...But they coo at me—they know who I am, I think...
...Naturally, I was quite heated by these claims and immediately faxed a scorching (but well-written) response to the editor denouncing the author’s facts...
...He “reminded me” it was against the Center’s policies to use the business center’s machines to communicate with the outside world (blah, blah, blah...
...Dr...
...Your kind words warmed my heart and soul—especially since I am away from you, love...
...Just because the PB’s are thriving today does not mean that global warming is not still on the horizon or that it won’t eventually bring about their extinction, as I predicted many books and documentaries ago...
...Polar bears are apparently thriving in this “cold climate cycle,” and now have become what the author deems a “pestilence” and “plague of Biblical proportions” on all peoples north of 40 degrees latitude...
...I retape the picture to my mirror each evening so no one else can see it...
Vol. 40 • September 2007 • No. 7
