BEN STEIN'S DIARY: Clinton Country
Stein, Benjamin J.
BEN STEIN’S DIARY Clinton Country by Benjamin J. Stein WEDNESDAY NIGHTMARE. WOW. WHAT AN AWFUL DAY. I went to LAX to get a plane to Charlotte. U.S. Air. The boarding area was...
...She was right in front of me...
...They totally broke my heart...
...Or can U.S...
...A small problem when I bring along my Planters sugarcoated cashews, nature’s most nearly perfect food that comes in a bag and keeps a long time...
...E-mails...
...God really made us humans as about the most vicious animal and the smartest...
...My wifey and dogs are waiting for me...
...By that time I had also discovered that the woman in front of me had a baby with a permanent wracking cough and that she herself had such a cough and that she wanted to recline her seat so that she and the baby in her lap were basically cough 58 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR MAY 2007 ing right up into my chin...
...The local fire chief came in, got an autograph, then heartily shook hands with my driver...
...Race relations are good in Blacksburg’s Waffle House...
...There are nowhere near enough chairs and waiting passengers are sitting on the floor...
...A stolid truck driver next to me at the counter had to explain to them how to make a waffle...
...He never answered, though, when I asked him about that BENJAMIN J. STEIN point blank...
...No matter where I am, I can find connection with the rest of the world on my little Dell Inspiron 700m...
...I am not in a concentration camp being gassed...
...I loved being there...
...When we got to Blacksburg, South Carolina, I SHOUTED at him to stop at the Waffle House...
...The town is adorable...
...I can just say, “paradise,” and you get the picture...
...The food was criminal, but that’s all airlines’ food these days...
...The college is beautiful...
...There’s trash all around...
...Fine...
...There is no other roadside place anywhere near as good as the Waffle House...
...Anyway, I gave my speech, got great response...
...The Hampton Inn was bright and decent, with a gas fireplace in my room...
...Really cute and thin, which is rare on today’s college campus...
...Ye are the salt of the earth,” I told them, “but if the salt lose its savor, wherewith shall it be salted...
...Both were kind encouragers of the young Ben Stein and wow, do I thank God for them...
...It was dogs, drugs, and rock and roll...
...The other customers were friendly...
...I love being in the South and I hate to leave, but I must...
...I was deeply, deeply touched...
...AD in its own way was like Gene...
...Anyway, how can anyone mistreat poor innocent animals who have at least as much feeling as we humans do...
...Basically, I told them modern TV and movies told kids it was uncool to study, to obey parents, to be grateful to America...
...I lowered my shaded window and looked out at the stars...
...Time to sleep and prepare for tomorrow at Presbyterian College...
...There was story after story about man’s cruelty to animals...
...It’s just plain murder...
...He has had some hard blows: a brother killed in a car accident...
...They taunt me,” he rather cleverly replies...
...I felt uncomfortable, but he did do me a huge favor...
...Because NO ONE brags about money, which is totally unheard of in California or New York...
...Cute co-eds...
...The animal does not have a chance...
...I gave a long speech I had written: a special, brand new speech for them about adolescents in popular culture...
...Then off to speak at Queens...
...I turned off the fireplace and went to my e-mails...
...What kind of sport is it when the animal is unarmed...
...Let us pray...
...But Gene was different, with more humanity...
...I noticed she had a first class boarding pass, so I assume she will be sitting next to me...
...Back in Charlotte...
...The man next to me was stoic about it...
...It is certainly not race...
...I love the Internet...
...But why, when it’s perfectly clear that airline deregulation is a disaster for the traveler, would there still be airline deregulation...
...There is a plump, scowling woman with a crying baby...
...They were shining over South Carolina...
...I really had to fight the tears back with both Gene and the AD brothers...
...Bad combination...
...The black man reminded me that he and I had demonstrated together against civil-rights abuses against blacks in Cambridge, Maryland, long, long ago...
...Then I went to lunch with some students and faculty...
...Tom drove something like 150 miles to see me...
...I spoke to another group of kids, including some very sharp ROTC students and a Major just back from Iraq...
...He can hear if I SHOUT right in his hearing aid...
...At THE WAFFLE HOUSE...
...SATURDAY NOWIAMBACK IN L.A...
...Or maybe it was sex, dogs, and rock and roll...
...But I could tell he was MAY 2007 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 59 BEN STEIN’S DIARY proud of his service...
...Now, here’s a twist...
...mother laid low by Alzheimer’s...
...Because they are unfailingly courteous even when we coastal people get hysterical over trivia...
...He was a handsome devil...
...I have a close friend who hunts quail and I frequently admonish him to stop...
...How unforgiving...
...Still, there was much to be grateful for...
...If I have my facts right, his name is Alfred Kahn...
...They can make up for even the worst airline food...
...There are at least as many violent gang members who are white as there are who are black or Hispanic...
...Nice guy...
...Deaf...
...Then eating, dressing, and off to Presbyterian College with my deaf driver...
...Lovely campus...
...When I think we once had King as a national leader and now we have Sharpton, it blows my mind...
...I begged her to move her seat up a bit...
...THURSDAY YEAH...
...The ceiling is falling down...
...They got it and liked it...
...Tom, from a powerful GOP family in Ohio, now mostly does charitable work in North Carolina...
...Well, never mind...
...More prayer...
...I am in America...
...I tell you, I really like the South...
...That was wonderful...
...Roger is a high-placed accountant...
...But suppose he did not know how horrible airline travel would become...
...This Clinton is a small town but it’s a good town,” he said cheerily...
...Stately old buildings...
...I went to LAX to get a plane to Charlotte...
...60 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR MAY 2007...
...I turned on my iPod and listened to Martin Luther King Jr...
...Back in the car with my deaf driver...
...Long ago, in the hippie days...
...I wrote many essays for the Wall Street Journal about it...
...Plus, friendly male students...
...I felt awful...
...He deserves punishment...
...They made me go,” he said modestly when I praised him for fighting in Iraq...
...I was happy, happy, happy...
...That’s right...
...It was roasted by the liberals in Hollywood but got a ton of attention...
...This was long ago when I was young and foolish...
...I fell in love with many of them...
...Conscientious teachers...
...I was hungry...
...I think I caught that woman’s baby’s tuberculosis...
...He was a policeman on his way to a conference on crackdowns on gangs...
...Air to defend my suit when I sue them and making plans to murder the man who had proposed airline deregulation...
...I waited for a long time to use the bathroom in coach...
...He’s also the father-in-law of one of my closest friends...
...Suppose he made his suggestions innocently...
...Surprise, surprise, surprise, that woman with the shrieking baby was not sitting next to me...
...Next to me was a friendly African-American man...
...There is an Asian family with screaming children...
...He hinted that is was fear of the Ku Klux Klan...
...Wow, were they cute...
...Yet he has had the same wife for 40 years, the same home for 37 years...
...Anyway, last night I had dinner after my arrival with a man named Gene Daumit, who grew up across the street from me on Harvey Road in Silver Spring, Maryland...
...I was a presenter at the Genesis Awards for the Humane Society...
...Their wives were attractive, smart, and encouraging...
...Unfortunately when I turned it on, the whole room filled up with gas...
...So we went the long way...
...It is amazing how mean-spirited kids are to each other...
...No, I do recall...
...I have thanked God for him literally thousands of times in my prayers...
...Because they give you a full day’s work for a full day’s pay...
...I went to sleep vowing never to travel again...
...Otherwise, no...
...I think it’s a major factor explaining our dopey students in too many schools...
...We had a lengthy talk about the effects of desegregation and we both decided it had been a complete and total success...
...I taught it at American University in D.C., at UC Santa Cruz...
...Two stupendously fat white boys behind the counter went berserk with excitement because I was there...
...Blooming azaleas, fragrant dogwood, friendly kids, cheery faculty, kindly adults from the community...
...A deathtrap...
...Plus, he was a devil with women and I have to admire that, too...
...I consoled myself thinking how much it would cost U.S...
...What has the quail ever done to you...
...I can check my stocks, talk to old friends, see German Shorthaired Pointers...
...It was cheerful...
...Then I had to wait a long time to (1) have many coach passengers get their photos taken with me and (2) tarry while the beverage trolley slowly serviced the cabin...
...Yesterday night, I flew in on a fairly uneventful flight...
...One hour late, we boarded the plane...
...Because they have a subtle, non-hurtful sense of humor that enriches, and does not lacerate...
...I love Dr...
...Was he right...
...Two cute teenage girls came in to listen to the jukebox...
...Ben Steinis a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu...
...Those were fun times...
...He told me I should not stay at the Comfort Inn in Clinton, but only at the Hampton Inn...
...They decided (1) not to mention anything about it, and (2) to take off anyway...
...How businessmen are treated...
...Air just torture us any way they wish...
...Because the lavatory in first class was broken...
...My deaf driver was standing by to take me to the Charlotte Airport...
...I want to explain here that gang violence is a totally non-racial phenomenon...
...How can they kill for sport...
...The boarding area was filthy...
...I think I’ll tell you Why I Love the South: • Because wifey, world’s finest human being, is from the South (family from Mississippi, Arkansas, and the southeastern corner of Oklahoma) . • Because the Southern girls are so pretty and fetching...
...Because no one brags at all about anything even though they have a lot to brag about in terms of looks, courage, and wit...
...How the military is treated in mass culture...
...I can’t recall...
...And also, does anyone at all monitor the conditions under which we sardines are made to travel...
...I was losing my mind...
...Actually, as I think about it, wifey and the dogs are a little bit of Dixie in my little home in Beverly Hills...
...Because the Waffle House is readily available...
...I ask him...
...Naturally it was a tiny Airbus A320, a tiny little craft way too small for a cross-country flight—but still it’s going to make a cross-country flight...
...King a lot...
...I AWAKENED and went through my morning routine...
...I am at a Hampton Inn where I have avoided narrowly being gassed...
...I am here to speak at a local fine university, Queens University...
...I wrote a book about it, The View From Sunset Boulevard...
...Well, anyway, I finally got to Charlotte...
...I only lost enough that day in the stock market to pay for four years of my son at college...
...The waffle was fabulous...
...My helper, Al, and I visited for about an hour as the staff readied the plane for us...
...I turned off the fireplace and went to my e-mails...
...The Hampton Inn was bright and decent, with a gas fireplace in my room...
...I only discovered that we had no bathroom in our section about two hours into the flight...
...He was kind to me and encouraged me to play softball by taking time for a private session of slowly tossing the ball to me when no one was looking at us to tease me for my poor skills...
...How can a man kill a tiger or an elephant with a high-powered rifle and scope...
...I could be happy here in Clinton...
...Custom made for me...
...My driver did not want to take it because he did not want to go through small towns at night...
...A deathtrap...
...Sex, drugs, and rock and roll...
...This is a well-worn area for me because I started out long ago as a commentator on the social messages of mass culture...
...The man in the seat ahead of me did not put his seat all the way back, so it was totally fine...
...I gave a little speech there, too...
...How can we do it...
...BEN STEIN’S DIARY Clinton Country by Benjamin J. Stein WEDNESDAY NIGHTMARE...
...Gene was a smart, good-natured boy...
...I love the South...
...They couldn’t fix it...
...say that America could not be a first-class nation if we had second-class citizens...
...Look, for about seven bucks, I got a waffle, three slices of bacon, grits, two eggs, toast, butter, and jelly...
...I wish it were a nationwide chain, but it’s not...
...My dog is waiting for me at home...
...Never mind...
...How come the people in Clinton, South Carolina, “get it” about what is owed to this country and people in Brentwood, California, don’t...
...He encouraged me so much I actually could hit the damned thing...
...But there are exceptions...
...Intense prayer...
...Home of Presbyterian College...
...She did, but meanwhile gave me a withering look and a veritable tsunami of coughs...
...My driver, a very large African-American man, is deaf...
...That means it’s not easy communicating with him...
...How quick to mock and belittle and criticize...
...Because they believe in God without shame or reservation...
...I hardly have seen him since probably 1961, but I feel very close to him...
...Their children are spectacularly successful...
...The plane had not taken off one hour after we finished boarding...
...He’s a scientist...
...father died of shock a month later...
...They wanted photos with me, but their accents were so thick I could not make out their names...
...Today, I had lunch with Tom Bolton and Roger Dickey, brothers at the Alpha Delta Phi house at Columbia, and their lovely wives, Betsy and Betty...
...That was by far the kindest gesture any of my fellow boys ever did for me when I was growing up...
...Unfortunately when I turned it on, the whole room filled up with gas...
...I had a route planned to take me to my destination, Clinton, South Carolina...
...He is a professor at Cornell and I think he is still alive, which means he can be kidnapped and made to spend the rest of his life flying commercial airplanes...
...FRIDAY HEY, IT’S TWO WEEKS LATER and guess where I am...
Vol. 40 • May 2007 • No. 4
