THE CONTINUING CRISIS
Tyrell, R. Emmett Jr.
THE CONTINUING CRISIS R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. March passed and with each day it became ever more apparent that friendship between President George W. Bush and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is...
...The male gondoliers were not stingy with their insults and disgusting gestures...
...Late in the month one of the Senator’s staffers, the stony-faced Mr...
...Finally an astounding discovery in Peterborough, England’s Cambridgeshire, that has caused environmentalists alarm has brought great cheer to epicureans everywhere...
...Crowed a beaming spokesman for the Ukrainian border patrol: “She told us that she had put the drugs in a vibrator because she thought no one would ever think of touching it, let alone looking inside it...
...Obviously, she was very disturbed,” said fraternity president Mr...
...Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, if only he would brush his teeth...
...Meanwhile, what if Mr...
...The couch is across from the house’s new flat-screen television, so social life will suffer...
...Milosevic does return from the dead...
...MAY 2007 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 11...
...Franco Martini, noted, “It was a matter of principle...
...After about half an hour someone did call the police, but by the time they arrived the young lady had vamoosed...
...Slobodan Milosevic, who is buried in the front garden of his former home in Pozarevac...
...At several venues protesters burned the American flag and engaged in substance abuse for peace...
...Drug Enforcement Administration stopped a ship carrying 20 tons of cocaine off the Panamanian coast...
...Then he left after delivering what appeared to be a smart salute...
...After undertaking a series of disgusting experiments, they and water in the area where Mr...
...His family has employed a security detail to guard the grave, so the Serbian vampire hunters will not get a second chance, unless perhaps a UN peace-keeping force can be dispatched...
...The epicureans hope it is...
...And in the Ukraine 26year-old Miss Svetlana Ivanyshka was arrested while passing through airport customs in Kiev with a bag of hashish in her vibrator’s battery compartment...
...All three American automobile producers reported extremely weak sales, and scientists at Germany’s University of Hohenheim have developed a pill that mitigates boMr...
...The environmentalists fear the deformity is caused by pollution...
...And still more pollution could conduce to six- and seven-legged frogs— perhaps frogs with the limbs of a centipede...
...A team of Panamanian police and agents from the U.S...
...As much as 4 percent of greenhouse gases are produced by inconsiderate cattle...
...Dan Nye, a sociology major...
...have devised a pill that breaks down the cattle’s undergo drug testing despite his condi-Diplomats from the European Union were tion...
...Miss Hai will ferry guests to three one-star hotels, assuming the guests do not object to going in circles...
...No, Mr...
...Now Milosevic’s family is suing the vampire hunters, and the whole thing could end up back in the European Court at the Hague...
...The procedure will be a big help in the emergency rooms of hospitals catering to sexual adventurists, particularly in San Francisco where gerbils have suffered a sad ending owing to the depraved sex acts of their fun-loving owners...
...But by the end of the month, it appeared that she might strike up a friendship with Syrian President Bashar Assad and perhaps even the Persian, Mr...
...Virginia’s newly elected Senator James Webb is in trouble again...
...Mexican police raided a house in Mexico City and retrieved $206 million from a meth syndicate...
...but apparently he had no intention of using it, even though he disagrees intensely with many members of the Senate, most members of the House, and all of his physicians...
...R. EMMETT TYRRELL, JR...
...Her employer, Mr...
...According to a highly placed vampire hunter, their intention was to “stop him [Milosevic] from returning from the dead...
...Phillip Thompson, was arrested at the Russell Senate office building for carrying a pistol, which turned out to be the property of Senator Webb...
...March passed and with each day it became ever more apparent that friendship between President George W. Bush and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is unlikely...
...Slobodan Milosevic, methane gases and actually allows cows to produce more milk...
...Now these German scientists have found an antidote...
...He added, “It is not how a normal person would respond to people,” though she did make several calls on her cell phone...
...In Brussels, diplomats from the European Union were dismayed to hear reports that “Serbian vampire hunters” failed on March 6 in their attempt to drive a three-foot stake through the heart of former Serb dictator Mr...
...Morales Toj, through the heart of former Serb dictator “We will burn incense, and place flowers President George W. Bush’s five-nation trip to Latin America proved controversial...
...Said Mr...
...The atmosphere remains tense on the campus of the University of Michigan after police failed to apprehend an unidentified coed who entered the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity house and proceeded to masturbate on a couch in the fraternity’s dining room while PKA members were eating breakfast and reading the Wall Street Journal...
...It is a five-legged frog...
...None of the fraternity members was hurt, though you can be sure all will be reluctant to sit on that couch and some will be in need of anger management counseling...
...Rodolfo Pocop, “you cannot trample and degrade the memory of our ancestors...
...There were also promising developments in the campaign against global warming...
...The Senate “Bad Boy” intimated that the gun was his...
...Bush’s appearances to drive out the vampire hunters” failed on March 6 in American president’s cooties with a time-their attempt to drive a three-foot stake tested tribal ritual...
...The only problem is that the pills are large, about the size of a bowling ball, so a little German discipline will be necessary in the barnyard...
...I have never carried a gun in the Capitol complex and I did not give the weapon to Phillip Thompson, and that’s all that I think I’ll say,” he told the press in his trademark vibrato...
...In medical news, Henry, a hamster trapped in a kitchen pipe in Tamworth, Staffordshire, UK, was retrieved safely after rescuers inserted the hose on a vacuum cleaner into the opening...
...One person’s pollution is another’s pièce de résistance...
...Venice is getting its first female gondolier since gondoliering began in 1094...
...A regional court granted Miss Alexandra Hai (no one knows what happened to the last syllables in her name), 35, the right to ferry guests through Venetian canals though she cannot sing and has failed her gondolier steering test thrice...
...It was a tough month for drug traffickers...
...In Guatemala, members of the intel-dismayed to hear reports that “Serbian ligentsia convened at the scene of one of Mr...
...None of the fraternity members could say how the female masturbator gained access to the house or even how she left, for the Journal was packed with information that day and anyway none of the fellows was really dressed appro 10 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR MAY 2007 priately to enter into conversation with another onanist...
...Bush,” said indigenous leader Mr...
...George Soros...
...Bush has walked to clean out the bad energy...
...THE CONTINUING CRISIS R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr...
...If the incense and flowers fail perhaps the chaps will resort to human sacrifice, or they can always call in Mr...
...European intellectuals were less upbeat...
...Venezuela’s chubby President Hugo Chávez auspicated his own “counter tour” of five countries, none of which asked him to vine flatulence...
Vol. 40 • May 2007 • No. 4
