THE CONTINUING CRISIS
Tyrrell, R. Emmett Jr.
January witnessed still more evidence that the sad emotional decline of Mr. Tucker Carlson continues. Precisely when it began is unclear, though he has reportedly been increasingly edgy since the...
...Liu Ye, 39, married himself...
...Although by foot it'smore safe," Mr...
...Bill Richardson of New Mexico and Sen...
...Among the Democrats' leading admirers is President 1 0 T H E A M E R I C A N S P E C T A T O R M A R C H 2 0 0 7 T H EC O N T I N U I N GC R I S I S R . E m m e t t T y r r e l l , J r . Hugo Chavez of Venezuela, who has attested that the Democrats'majority"fillsuswithoptimism...
...In the quiet village of Prikraj, Croatia, Mr...
...Called "The Big Ballet," the ladies will perform The Nutcracker and Swan Lake, once British engineers have ensured that the stages on which they leap and pirouette have been sufficiently reinforced...
...Mr.SnoopDogg's"GinandJuice"!],butourreactions are part of what makes us human...
...Carlson to the Post, "I've had serious problems with stalkers twice...
...According to a report in the January 13 Washington Post, the 37-year-old TV controversialist blew his toupee in a Washington, D.C...
...By the end of the month Mr...
...Charles Williamson, 28, was ridiculing him on a blog where any social isolate could read the derision...
...Jean-Francois Kerry...
...Doubtless there will be more stalkers, if the irascible Mr.Carlsondoesnotgetcontrolofhimself,andthese stalkers will be bearing straitjackets...
...Wang informed the press, "I prefer to pull the car using a motorbike, which requires more skill...
...AndMr.Carlsonwasasgoodas his [expletive] word...
...Chavez laid plans to expropriate oil and electricity in his country, and of course he is hopeful that the Democrats will do the same in Washington...
...Perhaps he has visions of Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi veiled...
...Worse, she kept working her mouth as though she were chewing gum or smokeless tobacco...
...In China, Mr...
...But his bowtie is history, as is the skateboard that he used to park in his parking space at the MSNBC studio and the green beanie with the propellerthathewasspottedwearingontheDeltashuttle...
...He tearfully announced on the floor that he will not seek the presidency in 2008...
...It was not a happy month for those of us who so immenselyenjoyedthepresidentialcampaignofSen...
...Arnold Schwarzenegger sought federal aid after winter freezes destroyed nearly a billion dollars of citrus crops, including avocados and the fresh-cutflowersthatthegovernorlikestoputonhis secretary's desk...
...video shop after he discovered that one of the shop's clerks, Mr...
...Yet his influence is spreading...
...Ivo Jerbic, 55, became agitatedwhenhecouldnotfindacleanpairofunderpants, and burned his house down...
...It has sent to the UK a ballet troupe of Russian ballerinas with an average weight of 280 pounds...
...Finally President Vladimir Putin's Russia continues to boast of its amazing post-Communist prosperity...
...Truth be known, global warming may be our friend...
...InJanuary Mr...
...From a scientific perspective," Professor Cox elucidated, "we really don't understand why somesoundsaresohorrible[SenatorClinton'slaugh...
...Before 100 guests he exchanged vows with a life-sized reproduction of himself dressedasabride.Mr.LiutoldChina'sNewExpressthathe suffers no sexual irregularity, though admitted that he is "maybe a bit narcissistic...
...Itisperhapslesswelcomethanhad shesung,"I'mout,andI'mouttopout,"butyoucanbe sure she will display a lot of pouting in the forthcoming primaries...
...Plastic surgery takesitstoll,MadameSpeaker...
...Hillary Rodham Clinton joined with fans of rap music in collectively heaving a greatsighofreliefwhenaBritishprofessorofacoustic engineering released his study of the world's most repulsivesounds.AccordingtoProf.TrevorCox,"the worst noise in the world" is the sound of someone vomiting...
...Senator Obama is undoubtedly the most cosmopolitan of the Democratic contenders, with a mother from Kansas (white), a father from Africa (black), a stepfather from Indonesia (brown), and some sort of education in Muslim schools...
...Another of the Democrats' admirers is Iran's sartorially dependable President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who calls them "the wise people" of Washington...
...In California, Gov...
...As reported in the Beijing Evening News, a 36-year-old Chinaman, Mr...
...Now a news account from China may explain the ancestral provenance of his enormous ears...
...Carlson confronted Mr.Williamson in the cartoon section of the video store, shouting, "If you keep this [expletive] up, I will [expletive]destroyyou...
...By the end of January she already was facing the opposition of Gov...
...Barack Obama of Illinois...
...Social isolates comprise the core of Mr...
...Carlson's nerves...
...Wang Lianhai, pulled an automobile some 220 yards on a motorcycle with the vehicle strapped to his ears...
...R .E M M E T TT Y R R E L L ,J R . M A R C H 2 0 0 7 T H E A M E R I C A N S P E C T A T O R 1 1 AnotheroftheDemocrats'admirersis Iran'ssartoriallydependablePresident MahmoudAhmadinejad,whocallsthem "thewisepeople"ofWashington...
...Precisely when it began is unclear, though he has reportedly been increasingly edgy since the portly minicon was ordered by MSNBC to wear his trademarkbowtieonlyonAprilFools'Day.Apparentlyhe continues to wear garters, as they are easily observable when he wears Bermuda shorts on the croquet lawn...
...Explained Mr...
...Malibu, California, experienced its first snowfall in years...
...Fans of the oratory of Sen...
...It would have been a wisefashionchoiceforMadameSpeakeron the evening of January 23 when, seated behind our debonair president as he intonedhisStateoftheUnionmessage,she blinkedasfrequentlyas70timesaminute-20 blinks is about normal...
...On January 4, Democratic majorities took over both housesofCongress,tothegratefulapplauseofaworld laidlowbysixyearsofAmericanprosperity,adisturbingwaragainstterrorism,andthelibidinousrampancy of Republican congressman Mr...
...Mark Foley, who preyed on interns--not White House interns but congressional interns, or pages as they are called, male pages!EvenCongressmanBarneyFrankdisapproved...
...A series of blizzards struck Colorado, Kansas, Nebraska, and Oklahoma, making Frosty the Snowman a hated totem...
...In the last week of January, the United Nations' Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change seemed to be backpedaling on its earlier reports of impending chaos from global warming, which would only surprise the fearful Luddites huddled around Mr.AlGore.Globalwarmingmayactuallybeattracting advocates nationwide, if February is as arctic as the first month of 2007...
...Bring on the greenhouse gases, even the bovine flatulence...
...At any rate, no matterhowdreadfulshesoundsandnotwithstanding hermanyscrapeswiththelawinthe1990s,thejunior senator from New York officially announced her presidential candidacy with a catchy jingle: "I'm in, andI'mintowin...
...Carlson's tiny audience at MSNBC, and so Mr...
...PerhapshehasvisionsofSpeakerof theHouseNancyPelosiveiled...
...Heplanstopullashipnext,perhapsafterhehas taught his motorbike to swim...
...Williamson was indeed fired from his highly lucrative position...
...Alas, now the bowtie is gone, and so apparently are Mr...
Vol. 40 • March 2007 • No. 2
